Are You An Innie or An Outie ;)

It’s always important to protect ourselves.  Telling everyone that you know your deepest darkest secrets can sometimes be detrimental.  At the same time, opening up to other people that care about us can be therapeutic.  How do we protect ourselves and make ourselves vulnerable at the same time?  We truly only need to open up our deepest secrets to ourselves, no need to ask for a public apology.

When I see other people lash out from emotional pain, protecting themselves from getting close to others with harsh words and deeds, I imagine them with hundreds of bungee cords wrapped around their bodies.  Keeping all of our emotions "locked up" makes it difficult to move forward.

I see people with internal strength as having super powers.  They know they have magical internal powers of strong self-esteem protecting them from harm.  "Yes," they say, "I will walk forward with my shoulders back, exposing my heart because I know my heart is protected internally."  People with emotional super powers know they are enough.  The harsh words and deeds of other humans affect them less.

People who have internal strength, the "innies", can withstand more eternal fluctuation.  The "outies" may seem strong and tough, but can fold under external pressure.  I think, in reality, we are all a mixture of both.  None of us has 100% internal confidence in every aspect of our lives.  

See if you can spot the people around you who are protecting themselves.  They can sound the harshest, but they may have internal wounds they aren't ready to work through.  Nobody goes through life without wounds.  As we strengthen our self-esteem, we lean toward being "innies", and that will make everything in our lives easier to deal with.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to protect myself internally by strengthening my self-esteem.

We All Know What The Big Bad Wolf Was Thinking...

We all know about strangers offering candy and the Big Bad Wolf.  Their "hidden agendas" to hurt us are obvious because we've learned about them.  Sometimes we hide our personal hidden agendas, even from ourselves.  Maybe you are blocking your own potential because you are afraid of getting hurt or afraid of being told you aren't good enough.

If you think about a goal you've had for a while that you have not accomplished, maybe you have even backpedalled, have you given thought to "why"? "First level excuses" might be hiding deeper reasons.  For example, why haven't you (please fill in the blank here)?

Our "first level excuses" might be:  I'm too busy; not enough time in the day; the kids; the job; the state of the economy, etc.  Perhaps underneath those excuses are the deeper, hidden agendas.  Maybe you don't (fill in the blank) because you feel like you've done enough.  You might be feeling unworthy, undervalued or undeserving.  Maybe it's because you feel like life is too overwhelming and there's no point.  "Why bother" has negative emotions attached to it.  Only you know your personal answer to the question of why you haven't taken steps toward your goals.

Perhaps you are afraid that someone will make fun of your attempts to do better.  Don't tell them about it, if you feel the need to protect yourself!  Please don't allow fear to stop your possibilities for greatness.

If you take one step a day toward your dreams, you are well on your way to your personal destiny.  With each step, notice if your body is giving you feedback.  Where do you hold stress in your body?  If something "flares up", try to note what is going on in your life emotionally at that time.

I believe in the mind-body connection.  The more I pause and take note of how my body reacts to situations, the better I can figure out any hidden agendas I might have.  We all need to become the experts of ourselves.  Listening to our inner voices is really important for brighter futures.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Can I Choose Anything?

I was reading about someone planning their wedding shower.  Their funds were unlimited so they started off with that frame of mind...

The bride said, "I would love to have those specialty cakes for the shower, and those petit sandwiches and the beautifully designed favors and those flowers, but they might be out of season, that's OK, right?"  It made my head spin.  Whatever your negative thoughts are to that scenario, those are some of your blocks to more money.

Why can't we "order from the catalog of life"?  Who told you that you couldn't?  Part of the equation is moving too far from your current state of money consciousness.  Jumping "into the deep end" without knowing how to swim works sometimes, like that "Hail Mary Pass" in football.  The more probable way to increasing our "abundance consciousness", though, it to take it a step at a time.

Our comfort level is on a spectrum.  Some people get stuck on, "really, she needs a 'specialty' cake??  OMG!" and other people are OK with that but we lose them at the "beautifully designed favors".  A few of us are fine with it all.  Why not?  You only live once, right?  That's great if you have the bank accounts to back it up.

Our "conditioning" about money comes from our childhood, our personal life experiences, our peer group and maybe a few other factors.  It's a lot to de-code but it starts with awareness.  Just write down your true feelings about extravagance and also have an awareness of what you consider extravagant.  It starts with information for the greater good of you.

We all deserve to have "Champagne Tastes and Caviar Dreams".  The work is partially mental and it is done a step at a time.  If you resent other people with more money, that is a block in itself; because if you don't think "they" deserve it, part of you doesn't believe "you" deserve it.

Growing up, we allotted little to no money for decorating for holidays.  Today, I still struggle with buying a pumpkin because it goes against my "conditioning".  I will do it, I just don't go out of my way to do it.  It doesn't make me a better person to have no decorations.  It makes me uncomfortable to splurge on those items, but I'm working on why that is.  (I splurge in other areas, though.)

We all have our money idiosyncrasies.  It is personal and emotional.  Working through them will allow more into our lives.  Our brains and bodies want us to be comfortable with our decisions.  We can alter where we are on the spectrum of money, so we become comfortable with more.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

"Today I don't feel like doing anything"

My highest potential is different that anyone else's because we all have different gifts and talents.  Are you making the most of what you have been given?  I used to tell my kids "everyone is good at something, no one is good at everything".  Some talents are more popular in kids than others.  If you have a less-popular talent, it can blossom as an adult.

It's a delicate balance between knowing we are doing enough versus making the most of each possibility.  If you aren't ready, you aren't ready.  If saying "no" to something on your "bucket list" is the best you can do that day, it's healthy to listen to your own intuition.

It's too much pressure to have to make sure each breath is "well-used".  Balance is key.  Interestingly, though, taking the pressure off can make us more productive!  My inner voice used to be so harsh I could become paralyzed by fear.

If you have a day where you "just want to lay in your bed", try to enjoy the sunshine through the window or enjoy your pillow, blanket and mattress.  That's making the most of your day, too.

Loving ourselves, being true to ourselves and being OK with our decisions are more important than what other people think about us.  If you love yourself, you will shine in front of a crowd!

Of course, we all need to socialize and be comfortable in society, that's not what I'm talking about.  I'm guessing Ferris Bueller had a more successful life than his buttoned-up sister.  (P.S. I was the buttoned-up one in high school.)

Know what you know, do what you do and be proud of your best each day, even if you were really good at communing with your mattress ;)  Releasing our expectations will give us the freedom to see possibilities we might not have seen otherwise.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Just My Two Cents.....

So I was thinking....if I was out and about and someone asked me for a few pennies, I can't imagine saying "no" to them.  When we talk about "saving a few cents out of every dollar for a rainy day", it can become overwhelming.  However, taking any big issue and "chunking it down" into smaller pieces makes it easier. When I think about pennies, I'm like, yeah, no prob, Bob.  But if I think in terms of yearly totals of 37 cents multiplied by 365 days in a year, my mind says "Stop, are you crazy?  I could use that money now for more groceries!"

That is what we call (in the business) "resistance".  "Resistance" makes us resistant to change.  So we need to trick our minds into reducing that resistance so change is easier.  If you have a savings plan at work that your company matches, please use it.  If you have a bank that offers you the ability to "round up" every dollar and save the pennies, you won't miss the short-term pennies.  

Bank of America has a "Keep the Change" program...
"How Keep the Change works
Enroll in our Keep the Change savings program and when you make everyday purchases with your Bank of America debit card, we'll:
Round up your purchase to the nearest dollar amount
Transfer the difference from your checking account to your savings account
Track your savings in Online Banking"  (there is some fine print to read...)

If you remember Christmas Clubs at the bank, they offered a way to save a few dollars every week to have enough for presents in December (after Santa's presents, of course).  Many other people have thought of clever ways to save a bit at a time adding up to a lot later.  

If it's not a new concept, why don't we have 100% participation yet?  You have your own answers to that question if you are a non-participant.  The saddest answer is some people believe they won't live until retirement so it doesn't matter.  Not cool, dude!  We are all worthy and deserving of saving for a better future.

Saving can be doable and easy-peasy.  We just have to reduce "resistance" to change.  If you know what's holding you back, do your best to try to release those reasons.  It's easy to say, "of course I have an extra 37 cents", but the long-term outcome of what you do with it can become either overwhelming or exciting, based on your point of view.  Realizing it adds up will work in our favor after we reduce resistance to change.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

What Do You Think About That?

Getting clear and grounded before asking other people their opinions about important decisions are key factors in living your best life.  Because we know everyone has an opinion and some people have very strong opinions about everything.

When I am making an important decision, I test my answer by saying it to myself to see how it feels in my body.  I hold stress in my stomach so if I get a stomach ache, I know that's fear.  That doesn't determine the answer, though, because my fears could be unrealistic or exaggerated.

If it's important to you, it's important.  I'm not sure there are as many "no-brainer" decisions as people think there are.  If someone says "that's a no-brainer" and I think "it is?"  I am feeling that his or her answer is better than mine, not true!!  As we learn more about our internal selves, we realize understanding whether or not our fears are an over-reaction is a skill we can develop.

Here is an example.  Several years ago, we realized we had 100,000 miles on an old SUV.  I started to worry about it breaking down so we decided to buy a mildly-used car from a relative.  Then, we decided to keep the SUV because we needed to tow heavy things.  Aarghhh.....my fear led us to making a decision that wasn't worthwhile.  Come to find out, the used car we bought wasn't good in the snow and we live in the Midwest.  I would have chosen differently now.  I try to move past the initial fear of "I now have to take action because this criteria has been met and it is the smartest decision according to them".

How do we get clear?  Try to think about the possible outcomes on the "pro" and "con" sides of the decision.  Then, ask yourself if other people's judgment of you is a factor.  Also, find a quiet place to think, without distractions.  How do we get grounded?  Breathing.  Walking or working in nature helps.  I personally believe many of us are dehydrated without knowing it.  If you are not sure if you drink enough water, you probably don't.

There is no perfect decision-maker, no perfect parent, no perfect employee, no perfect life.  But it's good to stretch our personal comfort level of what gives us anxiety if it makes sense to do so.  Do you know what makes you uncomfortable?  Most of us want to get through that feeling as quickly as possible so we purposefully don't dwell on it.  That can be limiting, because our "knee-jerk" reactions can be false.

So next time someone asks me, "What do you think about that?"  I hope to say to them, "Have you gotten clear and grounded?  How do you feel internally about it?"  Can we get that on a t-shirt, please?

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Meditation Can Help Tame The Inner Beast (Roar)

You know those Super Bowl commercials where someone turns into a beast because he is hungry?  I love the Brady Bunch one!  Many of us feel like we want to rip someone's head off when we are at our worst.

My Inner Beast makes several appearances during the days when I haven't had enough sleep.  Many people tame their inner beasts with food.  There are definitely unhealthy ways to repress the parts of ourselves that would scare our friends, family and co-workers.  We have other options, though.  If you haven't tried meditation, would you consider trying a guided meditation?  It's a gentle way to start tuning into the underlying reasons we get cranky.

With my phone off, I agree to give myself this time.  I lay down in a comfortable place.  I put one hand on my heart and one on my stomach.  I use headphones so I can hear myself breathing, yoga breathing, when the speaker has a period of silence.  If you have 5-10 minutes before bed or as you are waking up in the morning, that is the perfect time to start because the logical part of your brain becomes less busy, less resistant.

The goal is giving ourselves peace.  It's not about doing it "right".  We aspire to accepting ourselves, every single part of us.  Any time we do yoga breathing, we are allowing our body to begin to relax.  It is healthy for our bodies, minds and spirits.

We all get stressed, right?  Counting to 10 doesn't work for me.  When I'm at my worst, yoga breathing does help me calm down.  Whether your inner beast appears weekly, daily or several times a day, don't push it down, choose for it to reduce its power over you.  We can have better control over our emotions.  Our friends, family and co-workers will thank us for making the effort.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni