This Does Not Compute...

We all filter information 24/7.  We try to stop our brains from being overwhelmed by deciding quickly whether or not a topic applies to us.  That is awesome, unless we are missing information we can use to lead a better life.

I receive an email about travel every day.  As I went through the summary this morning,  I started saying in my head, "doesn't apply to me; doesn't apply to me; doesn't apply to me".  One of the topics was "Elite Status" for one of the airlines.  Yes, I had to capitalize it because to me, it was like the "Holy Grail".  Why shouldn't I read about it?  I would love for it to apply to me but I quickly decided it had no use to me because I wasn't "Elite" yet.  I realized I wasn't "walking my walk".  Time to regroup over here...

Saying "this doesn't apply to me" is like saying, "nope, don't need any good things over here, give it to them, instead".  When you open up your mind to new possibilities, you are creating space for the possibilities to happen.  It doesn't have to be elite status on an airline, it can be as simple as hiring a chef for a gathering.  Your "chef" can be your sister-in-law and you can barter a service with her that she values.  If that doesn't ring your bell, we need to go back and list your special gifts and talents, because we all have them!

All together now, "Yes, please!  I am ready to bring more joy into my life by opening myself up to new possibilities.  I know I have unique gifts and talents to share with the world.  I am willing to be open to creative ways to receive goodness back into my life as I share my gifts and talents."

We have to crack the window, open the door or knock a hole in the wall for good things to get through. (Take the path of least resistance.)  If you are the one saying "nope", you have to break that pattern!  In the beginning, your negative "self-talk" will bring up all those reasons why good things (random or planned) don't happen to you.  Write them down, we will work on that later ;)  We all have equal access to random good things happening to us because they are random.  We all deserve to be rewarded for sharing our gifts with the world, too.

Create space for wonderful possibilities and open up your mind to seeing them.  That is when gratitude kicks in and we realize the world is a good place to live.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

"I Am Stronger Than You Know"

"You're saying I'm fragile I try not to be
I search only for something I can't see...

Sometimes I'm a strong man
Sometimes cold and scared
And sometimes I cry

But that time I saw you
I knew with you to light my nights
Somehow I'd get by"
Leather and Lace duet by Stevie Nicks and Don Henley

This could apply to any of us.  Yes, we take strength from others.  Our significant others, friends and family can lift us up.  We also need to work on ourselves internally, though, to live our best lives.

According to fleetwoodmac.net, "She (Stevie Nicks) wants him (Don Henley) to know that she does not need him to survive...she can take care of herself...Taking a little bit of one another will improve them as people.  A good pair should complement each other."

Regardless of whether or not a relationship is romantic, balanced relationships are a good goal.  If we are in an unbalanced relationship with someone, it's not healthy.  If someone always borrows your sugar or if you are always the sugar borrower, try to take a step back and see why it continues to happen.  Healthy relationships include (mostly) equal giving and taking.

My life is a work in progress and I have had some unbalanced relationships.  One question is "what are you getting out of it"?  There are always times in life when our needs are greater.  In times of crisis, it's normal to receive additional help from friends and family.

If we have a lot of trauma to deal with from our pasts, perhaps it makes sense to reach out to a professional, instead of using a friend to vent every time.  It's difficult to always be the giver or to always be the taker.  Now, I have a better awareness when a relationship is unbalanced.  It's worthwhile to have clarity and an understanding of why it happens.  We all need help.  It is about whether or not we are asking for help from the same person over and over again that matters.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

It's Not Really About the Cookie......

It's good to pay attention to deeper feelings....I had to pick up lunch on the run today.  I try to stay neutral with whether or not something is "good" or "bad" for me, barring illegal activities and substances.  Anyway, I decided to grab a cookie at the checkout counter.  A cookie is a "splurge" for me, so I asked if it had been baked today.  The checkout person said "yes" but when I got home I knew it wasn't true :(

Here's the thing.  It's not about the cookie, to me it was about the untruth told about the cookie.  I realized that I have a lot of negative energy surrounding lies.  I hate it when people lie to my face!

I am not perfect and I am sure I have lied before and will lie again.  But knowing this is an emotionally charged issue for me is a "red flag" to where I need to work through negative memories.  Whatever makes you more emotional than the "average Joe" is your stuff that you need to work through and process.

So I thought "aha", I do remember a situation where someone lied in my past and there was a great deal of emotional trauma involved.  I then worked through releasing that negative emotion attached to that memory.  Next time I know someone has lied to me I will be less "emotionally triggered" by it.  One down, 5,844 issues to go ;)

As I go through each day, I note what triggers me emotionally.  It really helps to see patterns.  So, I might not have bought the cookie if I had known it was a day old, but I might have bought it anyway.  Little things matter because if we don't work through them they turn into big things.

We all have issues as part of the fabric of our lives.  Releasing the "negative charge" to an issue helps us with overall peace.  Try to notice your patterns.  You will be positively impacting your life.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Let's Honor People We Know

I love honoring people I care about.  I make an effort to honor those who have positively affected my life.  Why do we make heroes out of people who are famous but not admirable?

What if we all had a "Meet Two of the Most Awesome People I Know Party" to honor and make heroes out of those who change lives for the better, every day?  Each person can bring his or her favorite people.  Why do we wait for someone's eulogy to honor him or her?  I am blessed because I know so many people that I would honor.  I would have to host 10 or 20 parties to get through my list ;)

It's always fun (and human) to admire people who are in the spotlight.  That's human nature.  No one is perfect and it's hard to live in the spotlight.  Sometimes people are admired for their actions (awesome) and sometimes people are admired solely for how much money they have in the bank...

Putting our attention on people we admire truly shifts our paradigm.  The world is a beautiful place with amazing opportunities.  When we take the time to see how many people are working toward making the world a better place to live, we can use those examples to motivate ourselves.  And some people who have a lot of money are the coolest, kindest people I have ever met.  Of course, we know money is a factor, but it isn't the most important factor for "awesomeness".  Remember to honor yourself!  If you don't think you are cool and awesome, it's difficult for others to believe it.  

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

Doing Good Things for the Wrong Reason

I go on a girls' weekend once a year.  I enjoy paying it off by myself.  This morning I was excited about using some money to put it toward the weekend.  By itself, it sounds like a great plan.  Yay me!  I am powerful and independent!!  Once I practiced awareness, I wondered why I was so excited about it.  "Things that make you go hmmm..."

When I "pride myself" on something, the opposite is I'm disappointed and/or ashamed of when I can't do the same thing.  It depends on if I feel compelled to do something versus just getting excited about it.  So if I needed to ask for help when I felt compelled to be independent, the disappointment or shame of that is like a little pebble in my shoe.  It's ok if I walk across the room with the pebble, but not so much if I have it in my shoe the rest of my life.  Those pebbles add up.  Don't you want to get the pebbles out of your shoes?  That is what energy work is about.  

Knowing I pride myself on doing good is about my ego.  Again, it's not illegal and it doesn't hurt me to be proud of a moment.  However if my obligations are attached to my self-esteem and I feel compelled to do some thing to prove I am "that person", it adds negative energy when I'm not "that person".  I no longer strive to be perfect.  That ship has sailed ;)

I heard an "energy guy" talk about people who get divorced and remarried without healing their old wounds.  He said it is like you are marrying the same person in a different set of clothes, sometimes over and over again.  In my analogy, it's like you are buying new shoes but dumping the pebbles into the new shoes before you wear them.  Why do we do that?

It becomes part of the fabric of our lives.  We do have the power to pull those negative threads.  Meditation, hypnosis, therapy and energy work all assist in this process, but awareness is always the first step.  So if you feel compelled to do something, if you almost can't help yourself, do yourself a favor and make note of it.  You will begin to see patterns and those patterns will help you heal.  

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

For Future Use.......

My first adult job was in corporate America.  We had shelves and shelves of manuals that we had to learn.  It would make me ponder and smile when a random chapter, i.e. "Tab 16", was labeled "for future use".  Obviously, something was being revised and no longer applied.  I wondered if "Tab 16" caused someone to resign or be fired.  If I was a cat, my curiosity would have killed me by now;)

From a personal growth standpoint, though, "for future use" gives us hope for a better tomorrow.  If you haven't bought an outfit to accept your Nobel Prize yet, maybe consider saving up for one.  Buying a dress that I could wear to accept my award gives me hope for the future.  If your mind is telling you it won't happen for you, begin to ask yourself "why" your dreams seem impossible.

Having dreams beyond where we currently are allows "space" for something good to happen.  If you are holding onto possessions you have outgrown mentally and physically, it's time to let them go!!  Why are you metaphorically and literally holding onto the past?  Just keep what you still love.

I paid my kids to clean the attic this summer.  We've lived in the same house for 20 years so the clothes I was keeping were definitely out-of-date.  I'm not even clear why I thought it was a good idea to keep them other than the fear of not having enough.  But if I lost everything, the clothes wouldn't have fit me anyway, nor would they have been in style.

It's nice to have the extra space in my closets, drawers and in my attic to keep "for future use" and it's fun to plan ahead for a brighter future.  Re-evaluating past choices give us a chance to see where we have changed.  We can change for the better with intention and by providing the mental "space" for it to happen.  It all happens one step at a time.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

"The Way We Do the Things We Do"

One of the most important questions we can ask ourselves as we choose to evolve and grow is "why".  The underlying answers, and they can be several levels deep, will give you the pathway to your own personalized map for healing.

When we say we "must do" something or we "have to" do something, that is a clue to when we have a strong belief system that is guiding us.  That can be good or that can be detrimental to our success.  It depends on the situation and the belief system behind it, but it needs further analysis to figure it out.

As I began my conscious journey of change, I paid closer attention to when I said "yes" to other people asking for my help.  I often heard them say, in response to my agreement, "thank you, you're a 'life-saver'", or "thanks again, I know I can always count on you".  That always made me feel so happy that I could help someone.  

Here's the catch, if I'm helping my closest friends and family out of a jam and I have the extra time, money or other resources to help them, that is all for the good of maintaining healthy relationships.  However, if I am helping every Tom, Dick and Harry who calls me to assist in their "time of need", it may be an unhealthy way to feel whatever I need to feel about myself.

I had a telemarketing job about 15 years ago.  I had to ask if people wanted to have an estimate done on their moving expenses.  I made the calls and hated doing it.  We called during dinner so the potential clients would be home.  I felt badly interrupting them and I had some success.  But often I heard people say "yes" to me because I sounded nice.  I had one lady tell me to keep calling back and she eventually told me she was on bed-rest and liked having someone call her.  They said "yes" to be nice.  I say "yes" to be nice.  

If you resent doing something, stop doing it.  Resentment leads to irritation which leads to anger.  There are definitely neutral situations.  It doesn't have to be overanalyzed.  If someone needs a quote and someone calls to ask if he or she needs a quote, perfect.  If not, one of you is getting the "short end of the stick".

If I have a few dollars, I love sharing it with anyone who asks for it, but if I'm running errands and there are five or 10 different charitable causes at the street-corners and outside of the stores, I need to find my boundary between wanting to help and resenting to help.

We can be "good" people while saying "no" to a girl scout.  We could have just murdered someone and say "yes" to a boy scout.  Our public actions do not define us.  It's about the "whys" behind the way we do the things we do that matters.  We have the answers within us.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni