This Isn't Working For Me

When you come to a crossroads, is it difficult for you to make a decision that goes against the crowd?  If I admire people, sometimes the "old me" would bend over backwards to take their opinions as "gospel".  It's an amazing shift when we understand that the answers can be different for each of us, and it's actually a good thing.

Conflict provides clarity, what you want to do vs. what you don't want to do.  If you are having conflict with someone in your life who is or was an authority figure and you disagree with him, it can be difficult to take a different path without considering his feelings.

Our pathway to our best lives includes shifts along the road that can potentially surprise others if they are used to us being less vocal or less decisive, but it's all good!!  Once we make the decision to change, each new direction doesn't have to become a screaming match, we can silently disagree with someone's perspective.  We can quietly become stronger.

Change doesn't have to be "shouted from the rooftops".  Even though it might feel more powerful to get nose to nose with the person you disagree with, it is not necessary.  Change does not become deeper from the level of our voices as we break away from our previous beliefs.  In fact, if it's easier to make silent changes, this is an area where the path of least resistance is a great choice.

Our private, sacred moments of clarity provide the best potential for changes.  Once we can envision what our next step is to create new possibilities, we will be able to expand on our decision and allow it to strengthen before we have to come into contact with someone who may not accept our decisions easily.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to quietly become stronger.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Perhaps Rethink Making That List of Naughty vs. Nice

If you are "making a list and checking it twice" to see if you deserve to be rewarded, it is a bad idea.  Once we ask forgiveness and make amends, we need to let go of our need to beat ourselves up.  I used to be an epic worrier, I can almost claim the distinction of being the biggest worrier known to man (and what a prize that would be).  When our children were little, we went to a water park with another family.  My son was eight years old and he was a good swimmer.  The adults watched along side a wave pool as the kids were having fun.  My son was the youngest of the group.  

Unbeknownst to me, the wave pool had the options of going side to side or back and forth; although my son was totally safe when it went back and forth, he lost his balance because he was surprised when it changed direction to go side to side.  I saw it, the lifeguard saw it, and the wave pool was stopped immediately.  Everything was fine, but my "woulda, shoulda, coulda" personality kicked into full gear.  

My son wasn't even afraid, until he saw my reaction and felt my fear.  As I thought about the opportunity for disaster, I was paralyzed by what might have happened.  When disaster strikes or almost strikes, sometimes we use it to expand on why we should be more careful; more diligent; more structured.  

It is difficult to enjoy the freedom of living our best lives if we are restricting our every move.  Learning our lessons means that we use the filter of wisdom as we move outward and forward on our paths.  If you have the tendency to beat yourself up, please understand that a negative self-talk does not serve the world and it does not serve you in any way, after you have asked forgiveness and made amends.

When we talk about the power of staying in the moment, part of that means if our energy is fractured with worry about the past and the future, we cannot use our full power now.  So we do our best, forgive while remembering the wisdom of each lesson, and take steps for a better future while allowing our full energy to stay in the present.  Life should not be a constant tally of what we could have done better or how we can do better in the future, because if we do that, we are missing the point of now.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to learn my lessons and move forward without attachment to past mistakes.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

If You Need Perspective, Use A Fresh Set of Eyes

Have you ever been blinded by familiarity?  Have you seen something over and over again to the point that you take it for granted?  This is when it helps to revisit with a fresh set of eyes.

It's easy to take things for granted, the things we have become accustomed to.  If you've never been hungry, you may take food for granted.  If you've never been homeless, you may take your home for granted.

We all should have the chance to visit a third world country.  It gives fresh perspective to what we have.  Familiarity could breed contempt, but if we continually live through a filter of gratitude, what we see everyday can be seen as wonderful and amazing, as if seeing it for the first time.  

One important point is that guilt and shame for what we have does not enhance gratitude.  We are allowed, worthy and deserving of having our basic needs met and having dreams and hope for a better future.  Gratitude, by its nature, brings expansive possibilities that assist us in having the energy to take our circumstances to make the world a better place.  Happiness is a higher energy, allowing more potential than feelings of unworthiness, which have a lower energy.

To me, never losing childlike innocence means finding a way to remind myself not to take anything for granted.  Embracing the wonders of each day as if it was through the eyes of a child is positive energy worth the mental effort to cultivate.  With that energy, we can change the world, one step at a time.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to see the world through the eyes of an innocent child.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

The Gift of The Freedom of Choice

Sometimes, when I think about controversial subjects, it can be a good idea to take blame out of the equation.  I put it in a sealed box in my mind so it doesn't cloud the issue.  If you could do the same, it would be helpful.  Ok, great.  Because most of us have the freedom of choice as adults, do you know why people stay in jobs they don't like?

I'm not talking about being irresponsible or going "on the dole" just for fun.  But if you know someone who is in an abusive situation at work, do you know why they wouldn't be open to a better position?  My belief is that it stems from feelings of unworthiness.  If you believe you deserve to be treated badly, you accept it instead of knowing it's wrong and unhealthy.  

When we know we have the power of choice, the decision becomes whether something is worthy of our time and effort, as opposed to feeling like we have to stay in an abusive situation.  If someone doesn't feel worthy, it needs to be changed on a subconscious level to get the most bang for their buck.  

What you believe is true becomes your truth, until you change it.  Let's say you worked your full day, did your best, and even put in three extra hours.  Then, your boss comes up to you and says, "Did you send out the XYZ123 report?"  And you say, "No, sorry, there was a crisis on that other project and it took me all day to work it out."  

If your boss feels like what you did wasn't good enough (perhaps yells and screams) your reaction to her (did you think I was going to say "him"?)  will give you an opportunity to understand what you believe about yourself subconsciously.  If you think, "I'm comfortable with my work today, I did my best and I'm good at what I do", your self-esteem is strong.  If you think "I guess I could have skipped that trip to the bathroom and taken less time to drink that water", then that is a good indication that you believe you deserve to stay in an unhealthy situation.  

If we have an awareness that a situation is unhealthy but we choose to stay because of other factors, at least we understand we have the power of choice.  However, if we feel that we have to stay in a situation because we aren't good enough for anything better, that is when we can work to strengthen self-esteem.  Remember, it really doesn't matter about the boss.  She is in the "neutral, sealed box" because if we blame her, we are missing the intention of this exercise.  It has to come back to us to learn from the situation.

Of course, hopefully it goes without saying that in a perfect world, there would be no abusers, no victims, and peace would reign supreme.  In our non-perfect world, the victim never deserves blame for being a victim.  That is not the intent here.  My point is that if we believe we deserve to be treated badly, we are more susceptible to being treated badly.  And if we have strong self-esteem and we find out our boss is a nightmare, we will leave that situation more quickly than if our self-esteem is lower, when we have the freedom of choice.  

Our goal is to learn and grow each day.  Congrats for doing your best today!!  You deserve to be treated well.

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to be aware of how I am being treated.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"Short People Got No Reason........"

Have you heard that song?

"Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
To live............

Well, I don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
Don't want no short people

Round here"

One discussion of the lyrics says it is political satire by songwriter Randy Newman talking about "short-sighted" politicians.  I don't know the truth of his intentions, nor is my intention to judge it, but we all live with labels.  Some labels refer to physical attributes, others are about what we believe.  No matter who you are and what you believe, some people enjoy teasing others.

Some of us decide the way to avoid backlash is to hide.  Although that option is safer, it doesn't seem to be the best way to learn and grow.  Can we hide our true selves and be the best we can be?  I believe we cannot live our best lives unless we are authentic.

Whether the issue is that we believe we are too short, too tall, too wide, too narrow, too old or too young, we need to understand that the perfect person has yet to be born; so we are all in this together.

It's easy to find a reason to pick on someone, yet it's just as easy to find a way to praise someone.

The balance of power shifts as we move from each stage of our lives, the people who are revered and celebrated for high school attributes might become famous or might end up living on the poverty line.  Neither distinguishes the character of a person, nor does popularity.  Groups are fun and exclusivity makes us feel special.  The most important thing, however, is to know internally that we are all special.  Because no matter who you are, labels can be hurtful when they are used to hurt someone.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to be careful about labeling others.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

  

What's Your Mantra?

Using the second definition from Merriam-Webster, a mantra is:  "a word or phrase that is repeated often or that expresses someone's basic beliefs".  My favorite mantra to my kids is that I love them just because they were born.  In reference to the post "More on Praise", it is neither effort nor accomplishment (well, we could argue leaving the womb takes a bit of both); but to be loved innately is one of the secrets to allowing a person's inner strength to blossom.  

Have you taken the time to discover what you say to yourself and/or your family over and over during the day?  If it's negative, for instance, "of course that happened to me, I have really bad luck", you may be creating a mood of negativity.  What you perceive and repeat over and over becomes what you believe is your reality.  If you believe you are unlucky, each negative occurrence will be felt more deeply than if you believe you are lucky!!

These are the filters in which our brain takes a set of circumstances and puts it into a category, confirming what we already think is true for us.  The same event can be perceived differently by two people, but the way your brain filters it makes a difference in your mood.  It resonates based on whether you confirm an incident as good or bad, or let it go as an anomaly.  Our first reaction does not include objectivity as we decide how to perceive a situation, unless we purposefully do so.  We usually take each situation and put into a category already labeled by our brains.

If you think, "that person is always happy, he must have really good luck", or the opposite "she is always a 'Debbie Downer', she must have had a horrible life", both people could have had the exact  same events happen to them.  I just won $15!!  We could say "that is awesome" or "that won't help me pay the mortgage".  The person who thinks it's awesome will walk around with a smile on her face.  Full disclosure:  I did win $15 last night and I do think it's awesome.

How your brain filters information affects your mood; if it turns into stress, that can affect your health.  If you think your future's so bright you've gotta wear shades, we'll be standing back watching you change the world!!  How you act and react in public is part of the equation but what you are saying to yourself, in the darkness of night, is much more important.  If you make the effort to discover your self-talk, you have made a great discovery!!

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will take the time to understand my mantras.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

You Don't Have to Win Big to Feel Like a Big Winner

What's the difference between winning and winning big?  When making a better life for yourself, it's the feeling that counts.  At first glance, we might assume the dollar amount matters most, but what about the intrinsic value of being a part of something bigger than ourselves?  When we win as part of a bigger group, the feelings are deeper and resonate more fully with us.........a big "YAY".

The psychology of fantasy football is interesting.  The people I know that enjoy it feel like they have paid the salaries of the players, coached them, and they get insulted when the plays don't result in a touchdown.  They have passion, dedication, and are committed to the necessary effort it takes to be involved in putting the best team together for the chance to win.  

What about playing the lottery as part of a group?  Whether it's a win of a few dollars or a few hundred dollars, sharing the "love" makes it feel bigger.  The goal is to expand your "winning consciousness", are you willing to give it a try?  Let's find a way to expand our feelings of fun, prosperity, and knowing what it's like to anticipate winning.  It should feel easy and effortless, that's when you know your practice has paid off.

Online gaming commonly has no benefit other than bragging rights.  Why would people who win consistently online sometimes have low self-esteem offline?  Acknowledgment and validation of our efforts must be part of the equation.  We all crave those "payoffs", too.

Winning doesn't have to be about money at all.  If you haven't won the Power Ball lottery yet, have you won the "family lottery", the "friends lottery", or the "gifted with amazing talent and/or intelligence" lottery?  It's all about feeling like a "winner", and once you know how that feels, trying to strengthen those feelings.  When you do, the world begins to open up for you.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Matra:  I choose to expand my winning consciousness.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.