Knowing Who to Trust, Hoping for Non-Judgmental, Unconditional Love

We all talk about bonding with others over similar experiences.  Some have the intuition of knowing who to trust and who not to trust when first meeting people.  Others hold back on committing to relationships until they feel more secure.

Regardless of how long it takes, there should be a point when you feel safe enough to bond with others and begin to trust and share personal experiences.  We all need to feel like we have friends and/or family who love us unconditionally and in a non-judgmental way.  

If we jump into relationships too quickly, we are becoming vulnerable with someone who might hurt us.  If we can't find someone to trust, we are holding in feelings that could become damaging if suppressed.  Human beings need to bond, to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance, in order to live our best lives.

I've been burned before, trusting someone who hurt me.  I'm sure I've hurt others, too.  If you have a pattern of trusting the wrong people (trust issues), there is internal work that needs to be done.  Whenever we realize we have negative patterns in our lives, the first step is awareness of when and why it is happening.  Journals are easy ways to keep track of your thoughts if this is an area you need to work on.

If you don't have friends that you can trust, you can regroup and rebuild.  In the meantime, try to find a professional to talk to about your feelings.  In addition, there are many low-cost options like support groups where you can vent in a confidential way.  It's never too late to start surrounding yourself with people who you can trust.  Building and maintaining healthy friendships is priceless!

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to maintain healthy friendships with those I can trust.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

My Apologies........

If you were to respond to someone's request by saying, "My apologies, I don't mean to sound rude or abrupt but I have other priorities right now and I can't help you" would you be OK with that?  If not, why not?  What does that bring up for you internally?  Most of us have clear boundaries for strangers, but it becomes more difficult to have clear boundaries with people closest to us.  Of course, spending a portion of our time assisting others is important.  The key is balance and knowing when to say "no".

Boundaries are so important in our lives today.  If that makes you angry or uncomfortable, there are internal beliefs involved that are limiting your ability to take care of yourself and your needs.  These beliefs may be ways that you define yourself as a person.  For instance, you might believe "a good person/friend/mother/father would do this", even if you don't have the time or resources to do it.

When people talk about creating your own life, this is an example of how it can play out in a positive or negative way.  If you feel compelled to do something because you believe it is important to how you define yourself, just take a moment to make sure you are doing it for reasons that are important to you.  Choosing to help everyone who asks for assistance doesn't leave a lot of time and resources to help ourselves.

Nobody can do everything, it's unrealistic.  Going internally to make decisions without decisions being dependent on how others judge us will lead us to the right choices.  If you haven't had the time yet to write down a personal and/or family mission statement, using your core values and priorities, it is totally worth the effort.

Saying "yes" to every opportunity to help gives you warm and fuzzy emotions but it can lead to overwhelm, overcommitment and putting your personal priorities lower on your list than you intend.  In turn, that could lead to resentment.  So having healthy boundaries keeps you on your personal path to happiness.

If it's uncomfortable to say "no" to friends, extended family or strangers, write a script of how you would like to respond, using words that are kind but firm, and practice it.   Personal growth can be uncomfortable, but as we move forward, our lives get better and better because we are giving ourselves more time to do what we value.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am willing to say "no" to others asking for help when I might resent helping them.


Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

When Moving Onward, It Helps to Know Your Worst Fears

Do you know your deepest and darkest fears?  That is a very important step in feeling centered and calm.  If our deepest, darkest fears have not been processed (acknowledged, worked through and released), they will control our abilities to feel connected to the greater good in the world.

Why is this important?  Our deepest fears have power over us if we don't make the effort to acknowledge and process them.  Having the awareness of what they are is the first step.  Think about your heart's desires, then think about what is holding you back from them.  Everyone is afraid of something.  If they don't admit it, they have denied it or they are ignoring it.  Our strength comes from conquering our fears.

One of my deepest fears was being afraid of making a mistake.  Phobias, like fear of heights or snakes can be avoided but avoiding them makes you avoid situations you may enjoy.  If you are always in your head with "what ifs" when making decisions because you are afraid of making mistakes, it can change the course of your life in a big way.  Fear limits our possibilities.

After awareness, we need to process and move past fears or at least live with them without letting them rule your decisions.  There are therapies, support groups of people with similar issues, energy modalities, and many other options for change.  Pick one you feel comfortable with.  When I started to purposefully change my life, I used a process called EFT, in which you tap on acupressure points around the body to begin to release tension.  Now, I use EFT and other powerful methods to reduce fears quickly.

Making the decision to identify your fears and work through them will allow more peace into your day-to-day life and will assist with working toward your heart's desires.  Part of the process is to remind ourselves that our best in every moment is good enough, we are good enough exactly as we are in this moment.  You can't climb your mountains if you are afraid of heights and you can't give the graduation speech to your alma mater if you are afraid to speak publicly.  It takes effort to change, but we are all worth it!!

Have a great day!!

xo
Conni


Today's Mantra:  I will take the time to bring awareness to my deepest fears.


Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

The Key to Being Grateful is Knowing There is Enough Without Fear

In order to be grateful, we need to appreciate without fear.  One of the keys to aligning to our best selves is to be grateful, but if we try to appreciate our blessings while fearing they will be taken away, the fear overrides the gratitude.  "Everything is fine in this moment of time" is a great mantra. The trick is believing it.  Our belief system creates our internal decision-making process about how we should feel about a situation.  Feeling lucky or unlucky is different based on each person's belief system.  Finding a quarter on the ground can be lucky if you are a child and want to use it in a gum ball machine or not lucky enough if you don't have a job and need to buy dinner.

The breakthrough happens when we are able to "chunk down" overwhelming circumstances and start a positive pattern of believing that we are lucky.  "Chunking" is a term used in education to break something down into small enough parts to be able to figure it out in small steps.  Yes, we need to consider long-term financial security, but if our immediate problem is finding money for food, a quarter is a good start and the quarter does help in the moment.  We could live in a constant state of worry about the world and its problems, but breaking our individual issues down to manageable "chunks" is the key to personal solutions without overwhelm.  

Another part of gratitude is being appreciative as you connect to something that you truly appreciate.  Think about the same circumstances but use a different filter in your perception.  Saying, "I didn't get that promotion but at least I have a house" is a different feeling or perception than saying "I love my house, I love sitting in my favorite chair with a cup of my favorite coffee on a Saturday morning and enjoying the peace it gives me".  Being grateful for not having worse circumstances isn't helpful.  It's the perception of knowing everything will be OK that makes the difference.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  Everything is fine in this moment of time.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Powerlessness in Relationships Leads to Resentment

Relationships can be complicated.  In certain relationships we might be passive, other times we are aggressive.  Being true to ourselves doesn't mean we have to be abrasive.  Having mostly passive relationships causes conflict in the mind-body because it leads to resentment.  It is better to have an awareness of why we make certain choices.

In some circumstances, you may suppress your personal truth and hold back on declaring healthy boundaries.  It happens to all of us.  Authority figures can bring us to our knees and most of us resent feeling powerless.  The IRS and law enforcement have power because they have the ability to take away our freedom.  Other than those groups, if you are giving your power away, you might want to ask yourself "why".

When you're in a relationship with someone and it feels like the power is more balanced, there is a lot of room for healthy boundaries. We share, we acknowledge, we grow.  We might take turns leading the way.  We can speak our truth without anxiety because we feel like it will be received without the fear of being shunned.

With other relationships, we take on the role of being passive.  No judgment when we accept what it is.  It's about having an awareness and making a conscious choice.  I have seen some passive-aggressive followers.  They usually internally resent not taking a lead role.  Resentment really does a number on us if it's not processed.  Those who don't process these feelings might take out their aggression on others.

In a perfect world we would all respect people and their boundaries equally, but most of us treat others differently based on their status, power and title.  Most of us wouldn't tell POTUS we didn't like the menu for the Inaugural Ball.  We would roll with it because we are glad to be there.

When we have similar or equal status, we may push for what we want.  It's good to have healthy boundaries when it's comfortable, and we can be assertive without being combative or angry.  Being aware of what you are choosing and why you are making the choice will help to release the tension of not using your power.  

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to be aware of when I do and don't use healthy boundaries.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Hello Beautiful:)

 If your first reaction was to look over your shoulder to see who I was speaking to, or to think, "who, me.......not in this lifetime, honey, have you seen my thighs??"......there is something you need to work on internally.

We are ALL innately beautiful, inside and out!!  Our feelings about ourselves reflect to the outside world, meaning if you don't think you are beautiful, it's harder for anyone else to think that about you.  You know how predators can sense weakness in their prey, right?  It's the same idea here.  Others can feel what you feel about yourself, some feel more than others, though.

If you have access to a computer and/or an office supply store, we are in business.  Labels would be best, but if not, use computer paper and scotch tape to print out as many labels as possible saying "Hello Beautiful!!!"  Next, tape them to your fridge, your bathroom mirror, your desk, your washer and dryer; pin them to your bulletin board and on your pintrest wall.  We can get creative, too........buy some magnet strips if you have fancy, schmancy appliances and you don't want to use scotch tape.

Building strength of knowing that you are beautiful is a skill.  Skills becomes stronger with dedication and practice.  There are underlying factors that can make you unable to fully strengthen the knowingness that you are beautiful.  If you have been in an abusive situation or have trauma and shame in your past, there is more work to do.  No worries, though, there is hope for each and every one of us!!

Do you feel you dress your truth?  I have started buying brighter colors for myself.  Some people look great in black, I am not one of them.  When you receive a compliment, take note of what you are wearing and buy it in multiples;)

Yes, we are who we are and if being true to yourself is dressing down every day, more power to you!!  But if you are dressing down because you feel like you are too old, fat, ugly, or you are having a bad year or decade, rethink that habit, k?   YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL it brings tears to my eyes.  I'm serious, I literally have tears in my eyes!!  If you can't make these changes without assistance, please find someone to help you.

Have a wonderful day!
xo
Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am beautiful!

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

When Was the Last Time You Felt Magic in Your Life?

We went to a birthday celebration and it was magical!!  Can you guess why?  Nope, not because of the presents or the entertainment or the food.  Although the food was amazing and the entertainment made a few of us cry with joy, the magic happened because of why we were there.

My husband's aunt turned 90 and she is in great health, physically and mentally.  There were guests from around the country and she even had some international guests.  (Canada counts as international, right?)  Of course, there were incredible invitations and photo albums that told stories, beautiful flowers, cakes to die for, a bit of dancing, music and toasts to the guest of honor.  But there was an alchemy that happened because no one was there for the food, dessert or entertainment, we were there for her.  She appreciated it and we knew how much she appreciated it and we appreciated that she appreciated it.

It's really exciting to be part of something bigger than yourself.  We looked forward to it months in advance and we will cherish the memories of it forever.  There was no way we weren't going to be a part of it. Attendance was "a given" for us so we made it happen.  Frequent flyer miles and hotel points were used with smiles on our faces:)  We lucked out because the kids had off school.

The definition of alchemy, "a seemingly magical power", brings an outcome greater that the sum of its parts.  It's not ever about striving for perfection, there were a few mishaps included in our gathering.  It's more about letting go of the need for perfection to find tremendous joy and happiness in the midst of the imperfection of life.

I would guess that some of the guests didn't feel it, not everyone takes the time to notice it.  It might come later in the retelling of an emotional moment, or the heartfelt details noticed in looking at the pictures.  It might not come to everyone.  If you have a moment of alchemy, try to cherish it.  We are all pieces of a larger puzzle, but sometimes we have an understanding of knowing some moments are more magical than others.  It happens as pieces fit together with perfect harmony.

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni 

Today's Mantra:  I intend to notice magical moments in my life.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.