A Recipe for Success

When a dish tastes better than the sum of its parts, that's a version of "alchemy".  Merriam-Webster defines alchemy as:  "2:  a power or process of transforming something common into something special".  We all wonder why food made for us by friends tastes better than if we made it ourselves.  It could be that special ingredient of "friendship" they add to the dish, maybe they are thinking of giving us the gift of food and fellowship as they are cooking.  

That "alchemy" we taste and feel in a great meal is a concept we can also apply to our lives.  Life is what we make of it, so some people can have the exact same circumstances in life and feel blessed while other people feel resentful and bitter.

Part of the secret is healing the "wounds" of our past.  Forgiving ourselves and others for mistakes gives us the possibility of moving past the hurt.  The other part of the secret is being grateful for what we do have in our lives.  Ironically, when it's the hardest to feel grateful, it's the most important time to shower ourselves in gratitude.

When we are in the crossroads of pain and grief, we sometimes turn to "comfort foods".  We do this because we remember times of joy in the past while breaking bread.  Eventually, we are supposed to get to a place where we can fill ourselves up with emotional goodness instead of baked goodness.  I'm doing better, but I'm still working on that one.  

I didn't get a good night's sleep last night.  When I woke up, I felt angry and resentful, because it was an old "pattern" of mine.  Often after lack of sleep, I turn to sugar to wake myself up.  Today, instead, I did a guided meditation.  It felt really great!  It was calming and beautiful.  Yes, life is what we make it, but we have to add positive emotions into our lives to make it better than the sum of its parts.  

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

The Power of Team Effort: Human Form Not Required to Play

Do you say "thank you" to Siri?  Do you talk back to robo-callers?  I was on hold the other day and the computer voice truly sounded like a friend, they are making those voices very realistic these days.  And they respond to a question and they "direct my call"......I like it!!  I don't want the world to be run by robots, but I am happy for all the help I can get in life.

In terms of thinking about things as real, I remember reading a passage where an author said to "bless your bills".  I have thought about that off and on and could never wrap my head around it.  "Thank you, Mr. Bill for landing in my mailbox today" just felt off to me; because I wasn't really thankful about it.  We check our credit cards online so we aren't surprised by the monthly total, but I still don't enjoy seeing the bill "in person" ;)

I had an epiphany today about it, though.  I looked at my bank balance online and I decided to "thank" it for serving me.  "Thank you, money that I have in this moment for serving me."  For whatever reason, that resonates with me.  Then, I decided to "thank" the air for serving me, to "thank" the road I traveled today for serving me and to "thank" the sun for serving me.  Creating that positive connection with non-human pieces of my life makes me smile.  

By the way, I didn't hear them say "you are welcome, Conni", they didn't talk back to me.....but it makes me feel like we are a team, instead of rivals.  When it rains, I can feel "authentic" thanking the rain for serving the earth even if I'm getting wet.  

I had done a gratitude journal when Oprah started that craze.  It is always great to be grateful, but it didn't create "something greater than its parts" for me.  My new idea, "thanking my gifts for serving me", does feel uplifting and expansive.  And that is when I know I'm on the right path :)

When I was driving yesterday, I have a traffic app that said "there is an object on the side of the road up ahead".  I said "thank you" to her (or it).  My friend and I decided to name her "Donna".  

I believe we all have equal access to the ability of our gifts and talents to serve us.  Of course, we all have access to the sun, the air and nature.  I think the key is acknowledging and embracing the gift of life in this moment.  I don't understand why bad things happen to good people and I don't understand evil.  But I do know that opening myself up to joy allows more joy into my life.

I still feel a tiny bit guilty when I hang up before I complete a customer service survey.  Yes, I know I'm not hurting anyone's feelings by hanging up on a robot.  I am even more grateful to humans who assist me in my journey!!  We are all in this together:  humans, androids and inanimate objects, too.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

"If I Had A Million Dollars...."

"If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a house
I would buy you a house

And if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
I'd buy you furniture for your house
Maybe a nice Chesterfield or an ottoman

And if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a K-Car
A nice Reliant automobile
And if I had a million dollars, I'd buy your love"
ED ROBERTSON;STEVEN PAGE

I often read tug2.net where the following articles were discussed recently.  In a Forbes article from May 28, 2013, The Windfall Effect:  What To Do With Surprise Cash, Tom Anderson writes “ 'A lot of emotions can be attached to this sudden wealth depending on where their money comes from,' says Robert Pagliarini, a CFP® and president of Pacifica Wealth Advisors in Mission Viejo, Calif. About 70% of his practice is focused on clients who have been surprise recipients of large amounts of money. 'You need to address the emotions first. Otherwise, you are going to make very bad financial decisions.' "

A September 6, 2015 Forbes article by Neale Godfrey, How Stupid Can You Be With Money?  Ask Lottery Winners, "Your first stop has to be to sit down with a financial planner.  If you need to go to see two, do it. The plan should be conservative and be something that will last a lifetime.  Whatever the net proceeds are, they need to be spaced out throughout your life. The winner should only have access to the monthly allotment, that’s it. Ask the financial advisor to put you on a monthly allowance...I do not feel that playing the lottery is the best financial planning tool; however, the lessons learned are universal."

So if you can imagine winning a million dollars (or more), try to imagine what your biggest fears would be and "reverse engineer" your resistance to big money.  My mom used to say she didn't want to have a bigger house because she didn't want to clean it.  Well......if she won the lottery she could have hired someone to clean it.  I've heard people say they don't want to be rich because they wouldn't know who their friends were....I think it's fairly easy to figure that out.

If you are afraid of saying "no" to your third cousin's request to buy a private island, practice healthy boundaries now.  If you are worried about getting seasick on your yacht, maybe start with a sailboat.  I promise we can work through your money fears, but it always begins with awareness of those fears.

More than once, I was at the store and I had a substantial coupon that I couldn't use.  When I offered it to the person next to me, I am often turned down.  Do you turn down "free" money?  Yes, we need to be aware of scammers, but that shouldn't be our only decision-making factor.  Have you refinanced your mortgage, called for a lower credit card rate, shopped for a lower phone plan or less expensive insurance?  So many people are "leaving money on the table".  If that is you, ask yourself "why" and go back and pick it up!!

It's overwhelming to try to do everything at once.  One step at a time, Baby!!  You deserve to have less financial pressure in your life.  Help yourself work through your emotions before you win the lottery then, make sure you find a financial planner after you win ;)

Have a great day!!

xo
Conni

Perspective and Awareness Leads me to Better Choices :)

We didn't have a dollar to spare growing up.  Once in a blue moon, when we were able to splurge on fast food, we had a very small range of what we could order and we always split the fries.  There was definitely a feeling of "lack" in regards to money to splurge on eating out.  Now, fast food isn't a splurge for me.  I used to love it, now not so much.  I used to crave it, now not so much.  The added pleasure of having something rare made me want it more....

Whether it's a special meal or a special piece of art, most of us want to prove to ourselves and others that we are special.  It gives us a talisman, something to hang onto allowing us to feel powerful.  As an adult who was ready to change, I decided to rethink some choices and tried to think about why I was in negative patterns in some areas of my life.

It's my theory that if we all made an effort to immerse ourselves in beauty, 24/7, our triggers for making less than perfect decisions would be minimized.  Feeling special through eating and drinking "forbidden" foods or drinks can lead to negative health consequences.  Surrounding ourselves by visual beauty is good for our health.  Some hospitals have rooms dedicated to visual beauty leading to faster healing.

My point of view or perspective of one way to feel special growing up was getting that rare fast food meal.  My perspective now is that a home-cooked meal makes me feel nurtured and special.  I am also on a learning curve about keeping my home organized and beautiful.  We are still making an effort to decorate for holidays.  That is one of the areas where I need great improvement.  

Everything starts with awareness.  Did you know slow cooker meals can cost less than fast food and can be healthy?  I just bought new throw pillows for my 15-year-old couch and it makes me so happy to see them every morning!

Every new skill has a learning curve and I choose to be proud of my small successes instead of beating myself up for mistakes.  When you are ready for change, take baby steps and remember to "pat yourself on the back"!!  Everyone has a "naysayer" in their lives, don't listen to that person when you are trying to make healthy changes.  Be proud of yourself as you move forward!  You are worth it.

Have a great day!!

xo
Conni

Who Am I (When I'm not trying to be Toby Keith?)

"I want to talk about me
Want to talk about I
Want to talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, you usually, but occasionally
I want to talk about me
I want to talk about me"
Bobby Braddock

But seriously, Folks..........it's easy to get caught up in who we think we should be based on what other people find interesting.  If you don't take the time to make sure you find yourself interesting,  you are missing the point of this beautiful, wonderful life!

I am not my awards and what other people think of me.  I am not my grades and what other people see listed beside my name in my high school yearbook and graduation program.  I am not my job title or how much money I get direct deposited into my bank account.  If I believe that is who I am, I am heading down the wrong Yellow Brick Road.  

Internal approval is so much more powerful than external approval because when we love ourselves internally first, the world becomes a mirror of that.  Friends drawn to our status won't be there if our status is gone.  Being true to ourselves first allows us the internal knowing that we are enough, no matter what we wear, drive or what device we use to phone home...(I think I had one of the last flip phones in the United States of America).

We all seek other peoples' approval, it's human nature.  We can all be humiliated if the world is against us.  "Hater's gonna hate" and it's unrealistic to say we wouldn't be bothered by it, but we become LESS bothered by it when we love ourselves for who we are on the inside.  When we accept all parts of us, good and bad, for the undeniable truth that we all have shades of "not good" in us, that is the road we need to be on to live our best lives!!

Here's the caveat....if we are especially proud of shunning public opinion, i.e., if I attach my self-esteem to being proud of having a flip phone, it backfires.  If I purposefully choose to be the opposite of the mainstream to show everyone I don't need to fit in, I am not helping myself.  Anything we need to PROVE to others, making an effort to be popular or making an effort to be an outsider, is energy we are wasting on external needs.  When we focus first on our internal "me, me, me" and get comfortable with what makes us uncomfortable, we are reducing stress in our bodies.  It's a very subtle but extremely important concept.

And I know it's not the intention of Toby Keith's song, I just think the song is funny!!  In quite moments, first thing in the morning or last think at night, give an extra thought to if there is anything you put effort into based strictly on status.  If there is, perhaps consider what you need out of that activity.  Give yourself the gift of knowing you are enough, no matter what the world thinks of you.  No, I don't mean I have to run to the store in my oldest clothes without combing my hair.  I mean I am OK with the person I am on the inside, in my best clothes, waving to my fans ;)

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

It Is Easier to Uncover Personal Truth in a Private, Quiet Setting

What if there was a show of true confessions?  Regardless of what we show the world, no one is in our heads 24/7, except for us....and that is a good, good thing.  Yes, it is important, in some situations, to publicly acknowledge our weaknesses.  However, the inner work I have done, my deepest, darkest fears, are the ones that have been life-changing when I have processed them.

I have become more introspective with the questions of why I believe what I believe and why I fear what I fear.  As a result, my life has become more open to my highest potential and possibilities.  When we are stuck in our heads, we need to create the space to realize the meaning behind each fear.

A few years ago, someone told me I needed to have an internet presence for my work.  At that time, I wasn't even on Facebook.  My internal work begins with the question "why not?".  Those answers were strongly rooted in my subconscious.  It takes time and a quiet space to find the reasons.  The reasons are private and I won't go into them here, but just know I was able to work through them and release the fear attached to my resistance.

When we stop and "get quiet", we find a deeper understanding of beliefs we hold onto that may not be true.  When our conscious and subconscious beliefs match, we are in alignment.  That is when good things begin to happen for us.

No one needs to know every one of your fears.  In fact, as you begin to uncover your inner feelings, it can be detrimental to ask others for their opinions.  The work is between you and you.  No one is perfect on Earth.  The good new is our deepest work brings our deepest results.

It can be emotionally painful but it is truly worth it, when you are ready to change.  Some may not ever be ready to change.  That is fine, too.

Just know that not being congruent with our inner and outer beliefs can cause stress, which begins to hurt the physical body.  Try to forgive yourself for any mistakes you are holding onto, because we all make mistakes and we all deserve forgiveness, after we have made amends.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

And the Gold Star for Pessimism Goes To......

Unless you are a "Risk Manager" and it is your job to find risks, pessimism isn't as rewarding as it's cracked up to be.  If you are someone who loves to share what could go wrong with a situation, maybe dial it back unless you are paid to play "Devil's Advocate".

We are taught to list pros and cons for serious, important decisions.  But after we make that list, we need to make a decision and release the worries, fears, and "what ifs"; because those will weigh us down as we move forward in life.  Anyone who makes an extra effort showing you why you made the wrong decision isn't helping you.

Our brains want us to be correct. If my brain can prove it is correct, it tends to do a "happy dance" and wants to prove it with compelling accuracy.  That's great if it's proving a good scenario and not so great if it's proving why we are idiots for making a decision.

The scope of declaring a decision "good" or "bad" is subjective.  Here's an example:  let's talk about whether or not it's worthwhile to go to college.  On the surface, most of us would encourage a young adult to go to college.  However, if someone goes to college and ends up with a creative rather than professional career, one might argue college (and the money, time and effort spent) was wasteful.  What if he or she went to college and then decided on career where college was unnecessary?

Decisions often have underlying fears attached to regret.  Perhaps college wasn't wasteful because it taught the student how to learn, how to problem-solve and how to develop deep, long-lasting bonds with other students. The person paying the bill may feel like his or her financial future would have been more secure without the cost of college.  Maybe there were scholarships or other financial aid options that weren't found until it was too late to apply.  Maybe a community college could have been an option for part of the time.

Regret is counterproductive after we learn from experiences.  With major life decisions, we can't learn without the experience of doing.  We cannot be "experts" without walking the walk.  Information can be too overwhelming for our brains to understand as we learn and grow.  We only know what we know, so we have to cut ourselves some slack and release tension and worry after the decision has been made.

When is the best time to buy a house?  When should we have kids?  Do we have enough money to replace our furniture?  Should we switch jobs?  There is no "perfect" life and learning from our experiences is what life is all about.  Pessimists can drive themselves and others crazy with the downsides.  So we need to complete our "due diligence", make a decision, and promise ourselves to let go of regrets. 

If we make a decision then need to reassess, regroup and change direction, no problem!  Please, please note: due diligence is KEY to major decisions.  It is defined by Merriam-Webster as - "2  :  research and analysis of a company or organization done in preparation for a business transaction (as a corporate merger or purchase of securities)".

We deserve to live a life without fear, but fear can accompany new experiences and new experiences are part of what makes life joyful and worth living.  Are you ready to order from the catalog of new experiences today??  "Yes, I'll take a large, joyful life-changing activity, please.  Oh, and hold the worry and regret.  I'm cutting back on those."

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

P.S.  If you are the pessimist and can't figure out how to distance yourself from fear....there are ways to feel better about life.  If you are depressed, please reach out for professional assistance today :)