Help Me

Do you need someone to save you?  Or are you looking for someone to support you while you are saving yourself?  The difference is more important that you may believe.  

Truth be told, we don't have to do everything for ourselves  We don't have to be competent in every skill in the world.  There are entire industries of people willing to help us for a price.  

What is your "default" button as you go through the day?  Are you asking everyone their opinions about everything and trying to come up with a consensus?  Or are you looking for information to make the best decision on your own?  Some people look toward the most powerful person they know for the answer, which may be right or may be wrong.

If you always doubt yourself, before and after decision-making, that's a clue.  People with high self-esteem make a decision and "put it to bed".  If they find out later they had made a mistake, they accept the consequences and move on.

When our deepest fears are involved, we tend to get overwhelmed really quickly.  One of my deepest fears is about safety, so I raise my hand for help faster with safety than with other issues.  I am working on it, though.

If you are looking outward for help, always believing others are smarter, stronger, better and more deserving than you are; there is some powerlessness inside of you that is causing conflict.  When you know you are enough, as you are at this moment in time, that brings harmony and peace to your actions.

And just to keep you on your toes, you may be powerful in certain areas of your life and feel powerless in other areas.  I've been there, reaching out:  help me, please help me.  I will be there again, too.  It's all a process, so don't worry or think you are broken when you have those days of crisis and needing to be saved.  S'all good, I promise!!

I heard an interview between Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant where Iyanla was asked her best and favorite prayers.  She said one was "help me" and if that didn't work, the next one was, "help me, now".  If you are asking for help, you are not alone.

The difference may seem subtle but is very important distinction in our personal growth:  "help me" as I know I am innately adequate but this is a difficult or new area for me vs. "help me" because I can't trust myself to know if I am making the right decision.  If we are inexperienced at something, there is always a learning curve, but believing we have the ability to learn should be our underlying thought.

We will all need to be saved at times during our journey.  Building our self-esteem allows us to help ourselves, when possible, and ask for help when we are out of our depth.  Going inward to identify the intention is the take-away here.  If you feel like you have worked through your toolbox and need help, or are in a crisis or a state of emergency; reaching out is the next step.  If you are reaching out because you feel insecure, going inward to work on those beliefs is important for growth.

It's not wrong to ask for help, especially if you are making changes in your life.  It only means that one of your internal blocks is not believing in yourself in this new area.  When I feel inadequate about something, I ask a friend to "hold my hand" as I become comfortable with a new skill.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  When possible, I look internally at my intention before asking for help.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

White Knuckle Living, is Your Path Lit by Fear or Hope?

Have you ever been in a traffic jam in construction, surrounded by semi-trucks, on a dark highway that's twisting and turning, on an unfamiliar road?  We call that white-knuckle driving.  Your mind is on alert, trying to find your way and hoping to get to a safe place where you can relax.  

I have seen people living their lives that way, we call it "white-knuckle living".  (Source unknown). That's where that cortisol hormone builds up, the one that is secreted when your fear overrides your normal brain processes.  It's so hard to live your life in fear.  

According to livestrong.com, "Chronic or long-term stress increases levels of cortisol, which plays a role in several hormonal and metabolic reactions that lead to weight gain. It increases your appetite and your cravings for unhealthy foods. Cortisol also reduces testosterone in men and women, which leads to muscle loss. Muscle burns more calories than body fat. When you lose muscle, your body burns calories less efficiently. Also, cortisol increases fatigue, which makes it more likely that you won't exercise to burn off excess calories."

Ok, we don't want that.  How do we stop white-knuckle living?  There is strategy involved.  Start by thinking about the category that gives you the most stress, take action, and let it go, as much as you can each day.  

It starts with an intention:  "I am perfect health".  Once you have made that intention, take action so your mind and body are in alignment with it.  Use quick, easy, enjoyable actions: take a short walk, eat a vegetable, meditate.  I hate running but love the trampoline.  I dislike vegetables but love my chocolate veggie powder.  I love guided mediatations.  Be proud of every small success; adjust and release failures in the moment.  We are all human and we are all allowed to forgive ourselves for our mistakes.  We want to create positive patterns.

If your intention is "I am prosperity", perhaps, clean a closet and give a bag to charity, change your mortgage payment to automatically prepay an extra $20 a month to principle, and spend a few dollars doing something unscheduled and fun (maybe ice cream or a matinee).  Prove, in a small way, that you are prosperous at this moment in time.  

The goal is taking action to change fear to hope and "priming the pump" for good things to be recognized, while rewarding yourself for your efforts.  Congrats!!  Each and every small action you take to improve yourself should be celebrated.   Sometimes, I literally pat myself on the back, haha.  

This is a great start to reducing fear.  Once you are comfortable with that, it's time to get to subconscious beliefs, discussed further in the cognitive dissonance blog.  It's all about hope for the future and taking accountability to make your own building blocks for success. You can do it!!  I have faith in you!

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra: I choose to identify my greatest stress and plan small actions to reduce it.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Beating Yourself Up Doesn't Help

No matter what your vice, beating yourself up over your mistakes will only make it worse.

Candace Pert is quoted as saying "forgiving yourself and others for errors of the past will allow you to heal". This is so very true. Each day, we need to start with a clean slate. Before we do that, we can forgive ourselves for whatever mistakes are made after we forgive ourselves and make amends, we must move on and let it go. 

Continuing to beat yourself up over prior mistakes is a vicious cycle. The more you beat yourself up, the more likely you are to make more mistakes. So, creating a fresh start every day is imperative to continuing your pathway to success. The more you're able to let go of your mistakes each day, the more likely you are to create more success.

Start with an intention to do better than before. That is enough.  Baby steps are the way to go. No one is able to create massive change overnight. We all have to take a step at a time and to create lasting change. The way we do this is to continue to do our best and forgive ourselves each and every time we make a mistake.

I believe the greatest disservice the people we idolize can do is to pretend that change was easy for them.  Sound bites do not really show the depth of commitment it takes to create lasting change.  

The good news is that change doesn't have to be hard, just continuous.  Staying positive doesn't mean you are perfect, it means to become aware, make amends, release, and let go.  

Stay positive in your hope that the future is better and know you always have the right to forgive yourself.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni  

Today's Mantra:  I intend to do better today than yesterday and I forgive myself for my mistakes.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.