Removing Obstacles to Our Goals, One Hurdle At A Time

Let's imagine our goal as the finish line of a race.  Each obstacle is a hurdle.  Instead of jumping over each hurdle and slowing down for each one, you have "special powers" to eliminate each hurdle.

In this analogy, our goal, the finish line, will be to take a much deserved vacation.  Together, we can do this!!  What obstacles come to mind?  If you are not on board with this, your first obstacle might be lack of faith, "oh come on, really, she thinks I'm gonna take a vacation??  She's certifiable!!"  

This is good stuff, identifying beliefs that hold us back.  I won't take it personally, OK?  Stay with me here.  Vacation consciousness can start with a long weekend.  Strengthening beliefs, one step at a time:  priceless!!

All new concepts can be overwhelming.  I am really good at taking inexpensive vacations because I lived it and breathed it until it I knew it, backwards and forwards.  It became a passion for me when we decided I would stay home with the kids and our income was cut in half.  

Timeshares, bought resale, were the answer for us.  When we started, we bought one in South Africa for $1000 and traded it to incredible 5 star resorts.  That no longer works, but there are always loopholes, secrets, and out-of-the-box ideas for any goal you have.  People are giving away timeshares under the "bargain basement" section of tug2.net.  (Although you might have to pay closing fees and if you default on yearly fees it hurts your credit.)  Reducing resistance and being open to new ideas is the key.

Common obtacles, or hurdles, to a vacation are:  I don't have the money; I don't know where to start; I can't afford to eat out; travel is stressful.......now we will break each one down further.  Obviously, money isn't an insignificant topic.  For purposes of moving forward, step by step, we will work on simple ideas.

I don't have the money:  flights are expensive; hotels are expensive, car rentals are expensive............

Let's start with flights, there are several ways to go here:  you can sign up for airfare deals or alerts to get you more comfortable with lower prices and to take your brain off believing that your goal is impossible.  Southwest has $59 fares, travel agents have email alerts (I am signed up for travelbyjen.com), an airline tracker called Kayak has email alerts you can sign up for, all of these cost nothing other than the time to sign up.  I receive a daily email from The Points Guy, thepointsguy.com, learning about how to accrue airline miles.

In addition to moving the needle in your mind off "impossible", Louise Hay has an affirmation, "I'm willing to release the need to (in this case, it could be) believe a vacation is impossible for me."  Then we can add a "secret sauce" for affirmations:  "releasing conflict from every cell in my body".  (The "secret sauce" can be much more elaborate, I will add to it but don't want to overwhelm you today.)  

Final thought for today, many people who don't take vacations believe on a deeper level that they aren't worthy or deserving of them.  "I'm willing to release the need to believe I don't deserve a vacation."  Releasing conflict from every cell of my body.

Our overall strategy is releasing resistance to new beliefs while taking baby steps toward our goals, to avoid feeling overwhelmed.  It won't work.  Why not?  Break it down, list your reasons.  It still won't work.  Why not?  Break it down further.  Sometimes I dig down 5-10 levels on why I'm stuck.

Attach joy and a sense of accomplishment to each small success, "yay, I signed up for email alerts today!!"  This is a multiple part topic.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am worthy of pleasure in my life.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Did You Know Money is an Emotional Issue For Most of Us?

Someone I know told me this story.  She went through a fast food drive-through and was short-changed by the cashier.  She had given her a $20 and the cashier said she gave her a $10.  She knew she was correct because she only had a $20 bill with her.  The manager said "I believe it was $10, would you like me to close the drawer and recount it?"  

There was a long line of cars behind her.  She was intimidated, took the change for the $10 and left.  What would you do?  It's one thing to stand up for yourself one on one. It's another thing to stand up for yourself in front of a crowd, making bystanders wait for 10 minutes.

I was in a retail store a few weeks ago and the man in front of me in line indicated his purchase was supposed to be 30% off.  The manager got involved and she mumbled something about a coworker applying the stickers making a mistake.  She said they could honor the discount but would have to start the entire sale over, making me wait.  I mentioned that was fine with me, I wasn't in a hurry, but the customer told them to forget about it and he left, paying the higher price.

In both instances, I believe the stores were incorrect in their handling of the situations.  There had to be an easier way to make things work.  Neither consumer was trying to take advantage.  

Money is an emotional issue.  Worthiness issues come out often when money is involved.  Sometimes I have valuable coupons I can't use and offer them to people in line.  Most of the time, they say "no".  Do you pass up free money?  Do you respect money?  Do you count your change and check receipts?

Sometimes it's a better choice to leave a situation, even knowing you were correct, based on the circumstances.  It is worthwhile to understand your personal money patterns.  If you have a situation that comes up over and over again for you, it helps to begin to pay attention to the patterns.

Money patterns are developed.  Your current standard of living doesn't always dictate how you react.  It is usually childhood conditioning, in addition to what you have in the bank now, that affects how we handle money today.  The underlying feelings about a situation give you the best information.  

Dr. Brad Klontz talks about money disorders in the article "Mind Over Money" in Psychology Today.  "Money Disorders are persistent patterns of self-destructive and self-limiting financial behaviors. They result from distorted beliefs about money we develop from our financial flashpoint experiences. Financial flashpoints are painful, distressing, and/or dramatic life events associated with money that are so emotionally powerful, they leave an imprint that lasts into adulthood. Financial flashpoints become the foundation of our financial struggles.

Whether it's a childhood of poverty or want, a message about money subconsciously internalized from a parent, a nest egg lost to an economic downturn later in life, or someone rushing in at the last moment to save the economic day, everyone has experienced a financial flashpoint in their lives. Recognizing them is the first step in stripping them of their power, and overcoming our money disorders. Then we can learn to identify our money beliefs, spot them when they are creeping into our minds, and revise them into healthier, more productive ones."

As Dr. Klontz states, awareness of our money triggers is the first step to breaking a cycle. Since most of us have had a negative experience with money, the experience starts a pattern of a negative outlook with money, if it's not processed in a healthy way when it originally happens.  If you don't have an emotional reaction to stressful money situations, consider yourself one of the lucky ones:)

Have a wonderful day!
Xo
Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to be aware of my emotional reaction to stressful money situations.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Can You Think of a Major Event in Your Life For Which You Can't Fully Forgive?

I have a few situations where I thought I had completely forgiven myself, I had been consistently releasing the guilt and shame over and over again. Since I have been focusing on positive changes, most of it is gone, but there are still lingering strands of unworthiness. I test where I am in my beliefs every day.  

If you have been conditioned to believe that you must hold onto the past, please remember forgiving doesn't mean forgetting or allowing yourself to be vulnerable to abuse. We learn from the past but we can do this without holding grudges. If I knew someone was abusive, I wouldn't allow myself to be open to more abuse from that person. If I was the abuser, I would ask for forgiveness and make amends.

Here is the good news: we can choose to forgive!! Yay! We can move forward with our lives. Regarding our mistakes, make amends and move forward; that's a good way to live. I commit to doing my best today, and that is good enough. Even if I make mistakes, my best will always be good enough. Also, I can choose to forgive others when I am ready; a bit at a time, if that's what works for you.

Some believe holding onto the negative emotions helps to keep you safe. That is untrue. You can keep yourself safe with the wisdom of past experiences without holding onto the negative emotions surrounding the experiences. Releasing guilt, blame, judgment and shame can take multiple attempts when the emotions are deeply embedded. The more traumatic a situation was, the deeper the feelings are rooted. Imagine the negative emotions in layers; our goal is to move forward, removing layer after layer.

When you are hard on yourself, the feelings become more difficult to release, but it's extremely worthwhile to do this, and continue doing it. Joesph Murphy says "Life holds no grudges against you." If life isn't holding a grudge, what's stopping you from forgiving yourself?  

We are hurting ourselves by living a smaller life if we can't forgive ourselves for making mistakes. Shame lessens your authentic power. If your goal is to be perfect, you are missing out on the growth you could have from new experiences. Giving yourself permission to fail is a significant way to embrace all of life's possibilities. In the end, you are holding yourself back when you are unable to forgive.

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni