Love Goggles vs Rose-Colored Glasses

When I used to hear mockery about viewing the world through rose-colored glasses, I didn't get why it was a bad thing to be optimistic.  I totally believe in peace on earth and the concept that "what the world needs now is love, sweet love".  Granted, it makes for a good fortune cookie and a great platform if you want to be elected to the position of "Mother Earth".  On the other hand, who wants war, mayhem and escalating hatred?

To me, using a filter of seeing the world through loving eyes is different than putting on "rose-colored glasses".  If you've never heard of Debbie Ford's book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, the concept is that we all have to embrace the negative parts of ourselves on the road to self-acceptance.

If we can't love ourselves, how can we love other people?  I can't pretend bad things don't happen in this world.  We are all involved in how we treat our fellow-man.  If we don't "own" our parts in it, we can't be open to changing things for the better.  I have to "own" my darkness to become lighter.  It's about acknowledging an issue before it can be processed and changed.

"Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?  Conni stole the cookie from the cookie jar.  Who me?  Yes you.  Couldn't be.  Then who?"  There is always a cookie missing.  So one of us is culpable...or maybe all of us...does it matter who stole it if we all had a bite?  I don't think we should go to prison or be stoned to death for stealing a cookie, but I do believe we have to "own" it and make appropriate amends.

That is one of the most difficult steps, although it seems easy.  Our best is good enough, and our best doesn't have to be perfection.  But we all need to accept the unacceptable parts of ourselves in order to accept the unacceptable parts of the rest of the human beings in the world.  That is tolerance, and tolerance leads to greater peace.

I don't believe in public humiliation, wearing a Scarlet Letter or needing to shout our mistakes from the rooftops.  I think we all have a chance to forgive ourselves in private.  Your darkness is not my business and my darkness is not your business; unless we have broken laws, of course.

The more I accept myself, the more often I can use my "love goggles" to see other people.  It doesn't mean I think I am perfect or that they are perfect.  It means we can love each other, or be more tolerant of each other, in spite of our imperfections and differences.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Do You Have "Fun-Envy"?

How do you react to someone else's good news or to your personal not-so-good news?  Becoming aware of these reactions can lead to emotional growth and healing.  We don't have to pretend it's a "silver lining" to take a vacation to Peoria when the rest of the gang is in Cabo.  Though we can acknowledge the fact that our resentments and beliefs about why we aren't in Cabo will give us a list of how we are feeling internally.

If you have "fun-envy" towards another person's activities, ask yourself "why".  Then, you can work on your thoughts about how comparing yourself to another person makes you react.  Here's the catch, the more important healing is truly about those deeper thoughts rather than whether or not you are a sore loser.  Although, being a sore loser (or a sore winner) is a "red flag" that there is additional work to be done to live your best life.

An example might be when you find out someone else got that promotion you wanted.  It is necessary and appropriate for the good of your career to say "congrats" to the winner.  After that, though, when you've made it home, if you take out your frustration/anger/rage on a loved one or badmouth the winner, that is an indication you believe you will not get your turn to win.  People who need to "twist the knife" with malicious intent have emotional deficits.  Not that anyone should condone bullies...but awareness helps us understand "why" bullies act out.

Alignment (with our best selves) is always about accepting "what is" in the moment and having hope and knowing that possibilities are limitless.  If that is not happening for you, the metaphysical theory is that there are negative memories and/or beliefs that have to be processed to get you back in that hopeful groove.

None of us has worked through all of our issues.  There is always more to be done.  However, each layer we "process" brings more peace and less stress to our lives.  That is the way forward.  My personal goal is to keep moving forward, knowing that I will be triggered by issues that have not yet been healed, and using those instances to target new areas of where I need to heal.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Letting Go On the Left, Brings Flow to the Right (Brain)

If you have ever taken an interest in how our left and right brains work together (or not), you may have gotten as far as taking a quiz on which part of your brain is dominant.  Here's my take on the situation, IMHO...

Left-brained dominant folks love to complete tasks.  Right-brain dominant folks love to create and feel from the heart.  Personally, I have always tested as about 50-50 left vs. right brain, so I am not dominant, but an equal combination of both (we can call it "brain ambidexterity").

I had an epiphany yesterday, after someone had told me to stop over-analyzing and start allowing the creation of what I desire.  (Drum roll...) I love completing tasks to constantly feed positive feelings into my personal fan club of one.  When I complete a task, I can be proud of myself.  It validates my self-worth.  "Wow, I really accomplished a lot today, YAY!"  That need, however, can become detrimental to right-brained creation.

It's not about completing tasks, each of us has to "wake up, you need to make money".  It is always about the personal motivation of doing what we do.  The emotion connected to my motivation was that whenever I thought I had done enough, there was a subconscious voice saying "really, Conni, you can't push through and do more?"  Which is fine, unless you do that all day, every day.

Our brains need time and space to "let go and create".  Our imagination, intuition and creative abilities need a window of opportunity to function.  If there is no space, that part of the brain can't do it's job.  Admittedly, there is controversy in this genre of brain dominance.  We can call it "theory", that's fine.

When I am actually able to "let go", I have some really cool ideas.  To me, that is the proof I need to believe in it.  After my epiphany, in my emotional healing mode, I released my obligation to complete tasks for the sake of completing tasks.  I felt an internal shift, which is the sign we look for when we are working on emotional healing.  Now, my fan club of one is less emotionally needy.  That's how we start to flow.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

The Presumptuousness of Joy

The world is an interesting place.  With a 24-hour news cycle, we can learn about terrible events as often as we desire.  It makes some people feel more in control to have all the facts imaginable at their "beck and call".  However, focusing on the negative truly takes away from the time we have to focus on the positive.

Merriam-Webster defines presumptuous as:  "overstepping due bounds (as of propriety or courtesy) :  taking liberties".  In my opinion, we all should strive to be presumptuous about our personal joy.  I believe it's our duty to be joyful, because joy is the basis of powerful, life-affirming creations.

The paradigm shift is that we are not taking away from anyone else by being joyful.  We must find joy in the present moment and choose to create joyful experiences to lead our best lives.  I am at my best when I am near a large body of water.  If that is impossible in my current circumstances, I can imagine it or find it via media outlets to begin the creation of joy when I am upset.  Then, I add my fav music and dance :)

What brings you joy?  It is important to have an awareness that unfulfilled wishes and dreams can change us if we don't process the sadness.  Disappointment can stifle our hopefulness for a better future.  Doesn't it make sense that to covet and purposefully seek out joy is part of the answer to a better future?

When the fear of lack and evil overtakes the pursuit of joy and happiness, we need to regroup.  In a perfect world, shouldn't creativity be rewarded?  Do you believe a $5 baseball bat can bring a player the same joy as a $500 baseball bat?  What about a keyboard vs a piano or a dollar store tiara vs the Queen's tiara?  Our brains allow us to imagine our inexpensive props are the real deal.

Perhaps once we treasure ourselves on the inside, we care less about showing others we treasure ourselves through our possessions.  Life is supposed to be fun and joyful and hopeful.  Yes, we need to keep up with current events, but we don't need to obsess about them.  We have "people" to do that for us. 

Yes, we need to protect ourselves, but after we take action, holding onto the fear and worry of what could happen sucks the joy out of the present moment.  Building a foundation of knowing we can all find happiness in our lives is one of the keys to reaching our highest, best possibilities and potential.  We all deserve that, but we have to understand it first.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

What Holistic Means to Me

I was recently asked my definition of "holistic".  I had not given the answer the respect it deserved at the time I was asked the question.  To me, being holistic begins with working on our personal wholeness as a priority.  Each of us in the holistic community strives to become whole as a person, while in some way making the world a better place.  

Living authentically with congruence between our work and personal lives allows us to move toward wholeness as a person.  Being authentic, to me, is about embracing the truth of how our gifts and talents can best serve the world.  Having an awareness of when our egos come into play creates an atmosphere of knowing that we have opportunities to heal ourselves.

We were all conceived in wholeness.  Those of us who choose to have purposeful intentions of moving toward wholeness again know that we can do so.  Processing deep and painful negative emotions is not for the faint-hearted.  You must trust the person you choose to work with as you are guided to heal.

We can be vulnerable when we choose to surround ourselves with those who allow themselves to be vulnerable in their own journeys of personal growth.  It's important to have a level of trust as we work on our deepest issues.  It's not that we are looking for perfection, rather that we search for other people who try their best to have pure intentions.

I believe we all have access to Universal Wholeness.  I also believe that Universal Wholeness is available to us at all times.  "Ask and Receive", to me, is about knowing we are worthy and deserving of connecting a power greater than ourselves.  Of course, we all need to be accountable, ask forgiveness and make amends for our mistakes.  

No one is perfect.  We all make mistakes, and our best is based on where we are in the moment of time we are taking action.  As we learn and grow, striving toward personal wholeness while connecting to Universal Wholeness allows us to resonate with our highest possibilities.  That is a life worth living!

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Real Issues Teach Us Where We Resist and React

I recently had a conversation with someone about a "hot-button" issue.  I didn't even realize it was a hot-button to me until the other person pointed it out.  And....it surprised me because I have been working on my own emotional memories for a while now.

So, I was in the moment, explaining my position, and I realized I must have had a similar experience with negative emotions attached to the issue.  If that ever happens to you, it's time to take a step back and find a way to process your hidden emotional trauma because it will come again until it is neutralized or reduced.  Some people can do the processing themselves, other people need a friend, a practitioner or a health care professional to assist them.

When I got off the phone, I sat down and thought "where in my life did I have a similar experience regarding this issue that ended badly for me?".  Then, a memory came up and I emotionally worked through it.  Now, the next time a similar issue comes up, I will react less or not react at all.

When we become aware of when we react, we know our egos are involved.  Our egos are trying to defend us and keep us safe.  I was defending myself when I reacted harshly to the topic involved.  My emotional processing took my emotive response down several notches.

It can be painful to revisit past events, but the memories are already in you with negative energy attached to them.  Emotional healing helps our bodies feel better.  We reduce the stress of holding unpleasant memories inside of us.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Finding Your Zen: Are You Having Fun Yet?

The belief that we can change the effect a negative memory, to allow more fun now, is powerful and exciting.  My first impression of "zen" is thinking about (hungry) monks meditating on mountaintops.  Hey, whatever floats your boat but that is not for me.  When I used to imagine hypnosis, I thought about someone humiliating me onstage if I volunteered to be a participant:  not for me, either.

The truth is, becoming more conscious of how I can control my reactions to situations has made me happier, more joyful, more productive: all without using illegal drugs ;)  It is fun to wake up each morning knowing I have access to peace through meditation.  I have become happier inside and out.

If you have had abuse or trauma in your past, you may have misunderstood an oversimplified version of mindfulness and being "in the moment".  It doesn't mean we forget what has happened in the past; nor do we leave ourselves unprotected from bad people, places or things.

It does mean we get to a place within ourselves to ACCEPT the fact that events which happened in the past cannot be changed by holding onto feelings of anger, resentfulness or bitterness.  Those feelings block our happiness in the moment of NOW.

Acceptance does not mean we allow ourselves to be hurt again, nor does it mean we let our abusers "off the hook" of being accountable.  However, we do need to process and release the pain of reliving bad memories over and over again; as we find ways to keep ourselves safe from further abuse.  Then, we can regroup and find more authentic happiness.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni