"What Would You Think If I Sang Out Of Tune?"*

Do you have friends that would help you move; or friends that would help you move the body? Hopefully, we all have friends that would help us cover up a felony murder charge.  That's what life is all about, right?

On your best day, for instance, when you are accepting the Academy Award for Awesomeness, you have all of the friends in the world.  "Hey, remember me?  I loaned you a piece of gum in third grade and I didn't even make you pay it back.  Can I be your 'Plus One' for the after parties?"

Do you have friends you can call when the chips are down?  My wish for you is that you not only have them, but that you have a special ringtone for them when they call!!  Friendships deserve to be nurtured.  

Cognitive dissonance comes into play here, with your mind only allowing a certain amount of variance before it's too much.  It's valid and healthy to tell someone, "look, I want to be your friend, but instead of give and take this friendship feels one-sided, with my side giving the most".  In a perfect world, friendship has equal give and take.  You help them move (bodies), they help you move (bodies); and so on; and so on; and so on.

But what if you were having a bad day, a "Defcon One Meltdown" kind of day?  Would they stand up and walk out on you?  Most of us have friends, good friends, and great friends.  Hopefully our great friends would listen to us, cheer for us, create a "sky-full of lighters" requesting an encore, even if we were singing out of tune.

If we feel like we are taking more than we give, we can sometimes vent to ourselves (use a mirror or the video option on your phone) and save our friends from the details of what happened when that mean girl was nasty.  We can write letters to vent, with no intention of sending them to the person who deserves the lambasting.  Just don't throw them away without shredding them.........recycling on the curb is public property, I learned that from a crime show.

Friendship is a gift and it's always good to appreciate the gifts in our lives.   Appreciation leads to more care given.  When we feel like something is precious, we treat it differently than when we take it for granted.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to nurture my friendships.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

*This blog has been edited and reposted.

Cognitive Dissonance and How it Affects Your Daily Actions

The theory of cognitive dissonance, which was developed by Leon Festinger in the field of social psychology, is defined by dictionary.com as "anxiety that results from simultaneously holding contradictory or otherwise incompatible attitudes, beliefs, or the like, as when one likes a person but disapproves strongly of one of his or her habits."  Your mind will only allow a certain amount of variance before it's too much for it to handle.

If you believe you are a "good person" and you do something a "good person" wouldn't do, there could be an internal consequence to that behavior.  Here's an important distinction: a situation can be upsetting to one person and not to another person based on each person's internal value system.  We all have certain beliefs in common but our values are influenced by other factors including where we live, how we are raised, our lineage, our peer groups, religious beliefs, and the culmination of all of our personal circumstances.  

When an adult lives in a way that is significantly different from his value system, he may use unhealthy coping mechanisms to drown out his internal voice that is making him aware of his conflicting internal state.  People whose negative coping mechanisms have become habits often join others with the same habits, creating their own peer groups with new and accepting values.  However, the original value systems are still inside of the person, continuing to cause mental conflict.  

Celebrity Rehab, hosted by Dr. Drew Pinsky, fascinated me when I watched it.  The deep emotions that come out of people with addictions are always surrounded by unworthiness and pain, showing the chasm between who they have become vs. who they would like to be.  

No one is perfect.  We all make "bad" choices.  As patterns emerge with adults making "good" or "bad" choices, being able to forgive yourself for "bad" choices can make a difference in how often cognitive dissonance plays a part in your daily life.  Shame is incredibly debilitating to humans.  If you have shame in your life, it's an area that must be addressed in order to begin to love and accept yourself.  The more we love ourselves, the more possible it is to be tolerant of our mistakes.  Forgive yourself, make amends, and move forward.

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to be tolerant of mistakes in myself and others.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.