People Say Love Builds Bridges, I Believe Empathy Builds Stronger Bridges

You can love someone without feeling empathy for them.  That is called conditional love; that is when you feel like you can love them but draw the line at understanding or approving of them.  We can be harsh while telling someone that we love them.

Merriam-Webster.com defines empathy as:  :  "the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also :  the capacity for this".  

Empathy provides an attachment to someone, or a group of people because we are able to have a glimpse of what it might feel like to walk in their shoes.  The difference in situations that include empathy makes something that looked like a "yes" or "no" decision have a possibility of compromise and growth.

No matter what the final outcome of difficult situations might be, empathy brings special significance to the table because it allows compassion for other peoples' feelings to become part of the equation.  Have you ever heard someone say they understand what you are going through but you know it is untrue?  Some people have a harder time feeling compassion and empathy than others do.  People who have experienced emotional or physical abandonment during their formative years may be less able to feel empathy for others, and will also be hard on themselves.

When we focus on creating empathy, we are bringing something to the table that many people don't use, either by choice or by lack of awareness.  We offer to others the gift of taking judgment off the table, being able to see beyond whether or not something is a "good" or "bad" decision vs. knowing someone has done the best that he/she can do based on circumstances and where the person is in his or her life.

Harsh judgment of a situation, "I need to teach them a lesson" is less empathetic than giving someone the benefit of the doubt.  We all would do more for a personal friend than for a stranger.  What if we used that criteria for all people?

I have heard this example before, there is someone in front of you in traffic who didn't have split-second timing moving through a turn signal.  What if we honk our horn, basically saying "move it, you Bleep, Bleep Bleep" only to realize it's a close friend who had just brought you an amazing birthday present the week before?  Can we all take a moment to understand if we can more easily forgive someone we like, why is that different than forgiving someone we don't know?

Empathy is key to making an effort to understand people who are different than we are.  It is a wonderful basis of unconditional love.  If we had a judge and jury trying to decide what happens to us if we make a public mistake, wouldn't we prefer that the group has empathy for our situation?  It makes all of the difference in the world.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to use a filter of empathy when considering other peoples' actions.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

We Speak Your Name

I started this blog topic before Maya Angelou's passing.  She continues to bless us with her inspirational words and deeds.  Ms. Angelou was celebrated at "The Legends Ball".

Oprah had a celebration for amazing African American women several years ago called "The Legends Ball". What I remember from the footage was that for each person nominated, she acknowledged each woman and said, "We speak your name".  To me, this encapsulates what it means to be acknowledged as being worthy.

Words can uplift and words can hurt.  No one Is perfect and we are all judged, good or bad, not by our Iives in totality (until our death, perhaps) but as we are seen by our fellow man and how we are seen by the world.  We are the only ones that know the whole truth about ourselves:  our secrets, our past, our dreams for the future.  Are you judging yourself harshly?  In order to live our best lives, we need to be able to consider ourselves worthy, be able to know that we are worthy of existing and worthy of being forgiven for our past mistakes.

"Conni Halffield, I speak your name."  That is a treasure to me, knowing that I am able to be proud of myself in totality.  Loving yourself is the greatest gift of all.  The secret is to know that we are innately good enough, including our mistakes.  We don't have to broadcast our mistakes, just release our internal judgments, knowing we have done the best we can at the time of our actions.

In all circumstances, we are accountable for our actions.  We must make amends, if amends are warranted.  Then, be willing to forgive ourselves and ask for forgiveness from others, if appropriate.

"We speak your name", because you are magnificent!!  Thank you for being born.  We are proud of your accomplishments!!  Thank you for making the world a better place.

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  We speak your name.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Thank You, Mothers, For Providing Unconditional Love

People who grew up with it assume everyone did.  People who didn't grow up with it have no understanding of what it's like.  It costs nothing but it is the key ingredient for a person to live at her or his highest potential with ease and grace.

The most fortunate received it from both predominant caregivers.  The unlucky children didn't have it from either predominant caregiver.  It's a safety net for life.  It's creates the ability for someone to know that when all else fails, she is valuable because she is loved.  Sometimes, even though both caregivers were able to provide unconditional love, there is something inside of lost souls that can't accept it.  

I weep for the lost souls that have gone before us without fully understanding or embracing the concept of unconditional love.  Whitney Houston comes to mind, Cory Monteith (from "Glee") seemed to be another.  Ironically, they both sang of the concept of love and acceptance to help others. Cory's version of "I'll Stand by You" is on YouTube.  I was moved by it a few years before his premature death.  

Whitney Houston sings of the greatest love of all.  Love has to start within ourselves.  You have to love yourself before you can give someone else unconditional love.  If you didn't receive it as a child, know that the potential is part of us when we are born, we just have to remove the obstacles in our way.  We all deserve to be loved unconditionally.  It's our truth, we have to believe it.

Happy Mother's Day!!  Thank you to all of the moms that have giving their kids the luxury of unconditional love.  It is the greatest gift of all.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am grateful to the people who love me unconditionally.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Learning From My Dogs

I sometimes think about how my dogs live in the moment and don't have the long-term worries that we have as humans.  Since I believe I am here to learn and grow, I wouldn't choose their way of life over mine, but the ability to live in the moment is demonstrated by them every day and it is an interesting concept to ponder........................

Optimism:  they always think my main purpose in life is to take care of them and give them belly rubs.

Faith:  that I will fill their food and water bowls when they are empty; that they have unlimited supply. 

Forgiveness:  I know that they are doing their best and they do not have a hidden agenda.  I forgive them easily.  They forgive me easily.

Unconditional Love:  they are so excited to see me, even when I have let them down in the past; they are happy just because I am here.

Hope:  they expect a treat when they come in from outside; they always expect belly rubs.

Joy:  they find happiness in the simple things: running through the yard, sitting next to me, listening when I praise them.

Protection:  they believe it is their job to protect me from squirrels and bunnies.  They do it without hesitation and without questioning their own safety.

I have become the dog owner they expect me to be.  Their eyes let me know whether I have lived up to their expectations, but when I don't, they don't hold a grudge.  It's a wonderful, stress-free relationship.  I feel blessed to have them in my life.  

So how does this relate to the rest of my life?  I believe close, dependent relationships are better when we have clear expectations, boundaries, and consequences (most of the time).  It takes away the judgment and surprises which can lead to misunderstandings.  Understandably, though, as humans we are all doing the best we can and evolving at our our pace.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to enjoy stress-free relationships as much as possible.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.