We All Have Personal History: Why Reactions are Human

Our personal beliefs show up as we react to other people in each and every situation. Since we are human, we all have resistance. Knowing when resistance holds us back gives us the gift of understanding what processing needs to be done before lasting change occurs.

I disliked history class in high school. Now I know that I can learn facts about what happened in the world if I choose to do that. When someone who is good at history lists facts and figures, I used to believe I wasn't interested; then I realized I wasn't interested because I believed I wasn't "good at it". That's resistance.

I can defend myself, just sayin'...nobody knows everything. I can either think, "she's right, I am not good at history", or "I am sure I can learn more about history if I choose to do so." My reaction depends on what I believe about myself.

If someone asked me about Ancient Rome and I don't know when the colosseum was built...if they muttered, "really, you don't know THAT??", the internal "me" would have judged myself. That limits my future possibilities and potential.

The processing of negative beliefs takes away the emotional charge that has built up around it. We want the original memory to be available to us without a negative charge, we want it to be neutral. I wasn't the best at history then, but I was good at other subjects. We all need to know how great we are in our own ways, then we can use our gifts and talents to make the world better. 

Be powerful. Know you are enough. If someone makes a comment and you react, use that information to process negative beliefs about yourself. You are worth it!

Xo

Conni

My Resistance to Exercise: Does it Have to be Painful to be Gainful?

Several months ago, I mentioned to someone that I hated to lift weights. I know that weight lifting is important for women as they age (umm, I do know that)...I was on board with the concept that this was a healthy practice. For whatever reason, I hated to do it, with a passion ;)

I was blocked, I was in my own way. 

When anyone tried to lecture me about why I just needed to "do it", it shut me down instead of creating change. Having the awareness of why to do something is important but when awareness isn't enough to make a change, there is usually emotional work to do on the issue.

Once I created a space (made a conscious effort to sit with the issue in a quiet way) to figure out why I hated it, I was able to have an awareness of my obstacles and overcome them, one by one. The cool thing was that as I passed the awareness phase, the obstacles almost overcame themselves. 

One thing I disliked was changing the weight levels during a work out. It was cumbersome and I was unskilled at it. I was out of my comfort zone, yuck. We can't learn a new skill without practice.

About that time, we found the bow-flex system where you can change the weight level by turning a wheel. I found it at a great price and had it delivered, problem solved. When you find something in your life that makes you shut down, you know to dig deeper.

Another issue was that I disliked working out alone. Almost effortlessly, my friend and I decided to schedule twice weekly work out/girl talk sessions, problem solved. We consciously made an effort to understand each other's needs and limitations. 

When you come to an issue in your life where you shut down instead of trying to solve the problem, there are usually multiple strands of resistance that need to be unraveled before you can make progress. Once the layers are separated, the solutions become easier. If kids, friends or clients can't find a solution, I usually ask them why it's not possible; because the answers are the key to finding their point of overwhelm and breaking it up into manageable pieces. 

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Edited and reposted: my relationship with exercise continues to have its ups and downs. I have much less resistance now, though. It's always a balance of living our best lives without beating ourselves up when we are not perfect.

I now have new and different obstacles to overcome but that is normal and OK. Step by step is the pathway to success.

If Your Emotional "Baggage" is Bigger than a Carry-On...

One of the differences between the people that have success and those who do not is that we all start at different points in the game of life. Some people start their journeys with less traumatic or less chronic challenges; or they have figured out how to process the negative energy to allow their lives to flow.

On the spectrum of trauma, it makes sense that people who had trauma at a younger age and/or repetitive trauma will have more to overcome than those who had less trauma. If you grew up with daily challenges, it affects you more than if you had a normal childhood with a few challenging days. Please understand my intention:  neither chronic nor one-time abuse is what we would wish on anyone, it hurts me to see anyone or anything suffer...but there is more processing to do if your challenges are more intense or have become patterns.

My paradigm shift, after years of research, is that feelings of abundance and safety have to be internal and must be so strongly believed that the fear of bad things happening again does not have an emotional hold on you. We have to believe, with every fiber of our beings, that we have the possibilities and potential for a better future.

Subconscious beliefs are stronger than conscious beliefs. If you are recovering from being in the middle of a war zone, most people need to do more than meditate about it. There is a large amount of free information on how to do this. Gary Craig offers the Emotional Freedom Technique information for free at emofree.com about how to remove blocks. Andrew Weil has wonderful complimentary information about breathing exercises. Please note...significant trauma should be processed with a professional.

If you were taught that you were not worthy and deserving, it takes work to allow the seeds of worthiness and feeling deserving to grow. It's a process, one step at a time, leading to a more peaceful life. Maybe someone else's grass seems greener, but who knows if they started with greener grass or if they have weeds ready to pop through the ground into the open...

xo
Conni

Is Floating A Struggle? Just Hold On...

I had a vision during my morning meditation. The human race is floating in an ocean. The water is our energy and our abundance. We are all holding hands, inner-connected. Our breath is unconditional love. It is necessary to survive.

If we disconnect, it's over for us. One disconnected person takes us out of balance. If we break apart, separate groups are never as strong as the whole. It's not about our potential at this point, it's about survival. We have to be connected first, before we have a chance for anything more than that.

Yes, we all have potential greater than we know. But unless we realize we are all one and must stay connected to survive, the rest of it just doesn't matter. Our gifts and talents don't matter if we can't stay afloat.

Some of us can't swim as well as others, but we can all float. Floating together is stronger than floating on our own or in groups. When we need to hold on to each other to survive, it is an equal obligation to reach out and to hold on. Both are necessary.

Breathe in, breathe out. Float first, knowing each inner-connected breath is necessary to existing. That is our foundation. That is staying in the moment. Our strength comes from knowing that. Of course, the rest of it does matter. There is always someone explaining to us how to improve our circumstances and it is good to evolve. 

Third-world countries have less food, luxury and technology but that forces them to be more aware that life is precarious. When did we lose touch with that? If we acknowledge that everyone has hardship, does it take away from someone else's? No, we all need to be validated. Basic human needs discuss connectedness. It should be highlighted that connectedness must extend to each human being on this earth. 

If it was only about floating in the ocean, it is harder if you don't know how to swim. We don't have to listen experts, though. If someone says it's easier to float over there, we can stay over here and that's OK, too. Experts are not super-human, they might have more knowledge in one area but no one person can see the total picture, every moment. Maybe they over think things and they are wrong. We all have different skills, all skills are needed.

When we float, we don't see each other's differences, we are just holding on each other's hands. We are looking at the bigger picture, the sky. When we get comfortable with that, we can go internally to know how to best present our gifts and talents in the world. We learn and grow individually but we cannot forget to stay connected, that is our foundation.

If we wake up each morning, knowing we need to stay connected, we treat each other differently. We begin with knowing we are stronger together. We look at each other through a filter of love. When we begin with connection, then listen to our own wisdom of how to evolve as individuals, we are all on a better path to peace.

Yes, there are bad seeds. But a bad seed is an individual seed, not a group of seeds. We are always stronger when we highlight our commonalities. We are all in this together, let's make the intention to work together to stay afloat.

xo

Conni

Just Back The Armored Truck into my Garage to Unload the Money ;)

Here's a fun exercise.  Do you know your limitations to receiving?  If we pretend we have won the lottery, we can all say "Thank you so much!!  Just back the armored car up into my garage and I'll have it unloaded lickety split".  Ok that's an easy one, because the money is not from a personal source.

Most of us, though, do limit our abilities to receive.  If someone says, "here take this, it's a gift" our feelings about receiving are based on several variables: can the giver afford it; are we keeping score; what does it say about me to accept it; is it too much?  It's kind of like a Jenga puzzle or the game Clue.  If Oprah is in her studio offering me a new car and everyone else accepted one we are not keeping score. If she thinks I deserve it then heck, yeah, where are my keys?

If my neighbor offers to walk my child to school every day because she is going anyway, but I don't have younger kids at home, I  may feel the need to reciprocate.  Why, if we are grateful, should we feel guilty about receiving?  When we are truly doing what we want to do, giving what we want to give, sharing what we want to share and being who we want to be, there isn't any hidden score-keeping or resentment.  Many of us don't live our lives that way, though.

When we take action based on guilt instead of based on truly wanting to do something with no strings attached, we may be outwardly helping but inwardly hindering our abilities to be our best.  Heartfelt gifts should have no strings attached.  Repayment is unnecessary.  Underneath that, though, is the cognitive dissonance where there is only so much resistance we can tolerate when it's a personal relationship.  That's human nature.

Receiving is a skill that can be developed.  When we are able to receive more, we are more likely to be tolerant of other people's actions, also.  It sounds disconnected, but people who can't receive need life to be fair.  When we think others are getting more than they should, we have less tolerance for them.  "Yeah, that is sad news but at least that family has............."  Charities need to use a personal story, we want to help the people who are down on their luck.  

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could all be more tolerant and giving, without going through the thought process of whether or not someone is deserving?  Not giving until it hurts, but sharing whatever we have in surplus.  We are all deserving and we all have more to share than we realize.  A friend of mine shares her dessert with me when she bakes for her family.  It's the best feeling in the world to be the recipient of unexpected baked goods!!  

What do you have to share and what have you been pushing away that people want to give you?  Most of us have an overabundance of something (time, clothes, or we made too much lasagna).  The more we are able to receive, the more we have and want to share.  

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

(edited and republished)

Raising the Vibration of Love

Can you feel love, hear it in the tone of voice, know it's there as someone speaks to another......can you spot a fraud.......someone who speaks loving words in a tone that doesn't match?  Words are magical and can be affirming, but when they are connected with the intention and vibration of love, an alchemy happens that is hard to match.

I am more able to have a vibration of love when I make an intentional choice to breathe deeply and just "be"; the art of staying in the moment, relaxed, knowing everything is ok in this moment, purely because I am alive.  I am more able to love myself and others when I feel acknowledged and appreciated.  

If, for whatever reason, you realize that you are spending most of your day in an unloving environment, it can be difficult to connect to love.  Do you have time at night to reconnect to it? When I was in a place where love was harder to capture,  I listened to Ray Charles on YouTube, sing "What a Wonderful World".  Sometimes I listened 15 times a day, whatever it takes!

If you immerse your senses in things that remind you of love, your love vibration will rise.  Find a way to get to a relaxed state, as discussed, deep breathing: four counts in, feeling love; four counts out, releasing tension.  As we are waking in the morning and as we are becoming drowsy at night, we are more able to access our deeper states of consciousness.  Those are great times of day to work on change.  

Do you feel like you are worthy and deserving of love?  Can you take some time to think about that?  If you don't believe you are worthy and deserving, don't worry, we can work toward that together.  You (yes, you!!) are innately worthy and deserving of unconditional love.

When our kids were really small, my sister-in-law and I got them involved in making a list of what they needed to feel physically and mentally nurtured.  Together, we came up with at least 20 things:  a warm washcloth on their foreheads, a warm bath, a Popsicle, a nice note, chicken noodle soup, a blanket and pillow, holding a hand on their arm, soothing words.  If you weren't nurtured as a child, being a nurturing person is a skill that can be developed.  There are lots of ideas online about how to nurture and be nurtured.

Feeling loved, lovable, and deserving of love are all necessary to become your best self.  

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to raise my vibration of love with intention and purpose.

(edited and republished)

525,600 Minutes

If you haven't seen the play (turned into a movie) "Rent", you may not realize immediately that 535,600 is the number of minutes in a year.  As the song so eloquently states, "how do you measure a year?  In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee?"  If you look it up on YouTube, you will enjoy any of the groups' performances, they are awesome!!

When you are able to reflect, have you been able to spend the last year in ways that you have planned to enjoy, or are your moments spent being reactive?  Of course, if you are living in crisis, as too many people are because of their health, or being a caregiver, or so many other reasons, you should congratulate yourself for making it through each day!!

But if you have the freedom to plan your time, are you making intentional choices?  There are some years that go by in the blink of an eye:  a new job, a new baby, a new significant other makes time fly.  Sometimes, you have to wing it, and that's exhilarating.

Other than those times, though, we can make a difference in our own lives by using intentions.  At the beginning of each day (mostly), I make an intention to enjoy myself and have fun where I am in life.  I intend to have a wonderful day.  It really, truly makes a difference.

The interesting part is, with the blessing of technology, we can make special moments happen without a large monetary outlay.  Do you miss your long-distance friends?  Use Skype.  Do you need a spa day?  There are so many at home options, now.  Do you miss the sunshine? There's a lamp for that.

When I have breakfast with a group of girlfriends every 4-6 weeks, we tentatively plan our next occasion while we are there.  Do you have a friend who is a great planner??  Make sure she knows you appreciate her efforts!!  Of course there is social media, that's the surface layer.  My best, most memorable moments are usually deeper than what is offered there.

"Measure in love", that's the ending of the song, and of life.  We will measure financial success, as we are prone to do, but love makes everything else worthwhile.  You deserve the best life has to offer!!  "How do you measure a year in the life??"

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Reposted with edits.