"The New Job's A Hassle and the Kids Have the Flu"

Sometimes making time for the people we love can be inconvenient.  Most of us lead busy lives.  Do you make time for everyone?  Do you make time for no one?  Is family at the top of your list, or have you made your friends into your honorary family?

The song "The Cat's in the Cradle" compels me to ponder those questions.  (http://www.songlyrics.com/cat-stevens/cat-s-in-the-cradle-lyrics/)   When we have kids, it adds another dimension of "busy" into our lives.  There is always a list of activities that enrich our children's lives.  The soccer games and  band concerts add to the list of why it's difficult to spend quality time with the people we wish to honor.

Add those responsibilities to wanting to send our kids to college and hoping to retire someday and it's a miracle that we aren't all tearing our hair out!!  We are sending "Happy New Year" cards this year instead of Christmas cards.  The "old" me would have felt a lot of guilt around not meeting my own expectations but the "new" me is less judgmental and is going with the phrase "it's all good". 

I'm taking the time to be thankful that we have so many wonderful holiday parties to attend, we are also looking forward to family staying with us and we are grateful that we have money to buy presents for our friends and family.  We are lucky and we know it.  In addition, I know that even though fitting everything in may be difficult, we are creating traditions of honoring the people that are important to us, making plans and putting them on our calendars instead of saying "we'll get together then (when things slow down)".  Because by the time things slow down, it could be too late.

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to make time for the people that are important in my life.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Don't Take It Personally.......

Taking things personally could lead to lower self-worth, if we are seeking self-worth externally.  Do you put more faith into the words of authority figures or celebrities?  It's not good or bad, but it's important to have an awareness of knowing that we could be valuing opinions that may or may not be true.  

Do you know any "haters"?  People who are unkind to us are most likely unkind to everyone.  People who are kind to us are most likely kind to everyone.  The most important relationship we need to have is with ourselves, and we can take all of the other relationships in our lives with a "grain of salt" or the layer of knowing that other people give their opinions based on what they believe and feel.

It (hopefully) goes without saying that we all have the professional or "best behavior" mask that we use for job interviews or lunch with Oprah or the President.  But when we are comfortable around groups, with people where we can let our guards down (take off our masks), uncensored comments are more likely to come up in conversation.  Uncensored words can be harmful, try not to allow it to get you down.

Have you ever seen the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding"?  Julia Roberts is chasing after Dermot Mulroney who is chasing after Cameron Diaz.  Julia calls Rupert Everett who points out that no one is chasing after Julia; this could make her feel unwanted.  My advice to Julia's character would have been to not take it personally.  Just because Dermot's character doesn't love you doesn't mean you are unlovable.

Loving ourselves unconditionally will give us the self-esteem to know that our words are just as important as Oprah's, the President's, or the person who is conducting the job interview.  If we take other people's comments or actions and send them through the filter of self-love, we know that we all have good days and bad days.  Our best is good enough.

Have a great day!!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I chose to love myself unconditionally.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Are You Living A Full Life?

Have you taken the time to write down what your best life looks like?  Does it include time with friends, time with family, downtime?  Living your best life is different for all of us but takes some consideration to make it happen.

This is what setting intentions is all about.  If you currently don't live the life you aspire to live, now is the time to think about what you see others having that you don't have.  No one has a perfect life 24/7.  With practice, however, the people who set intentions and "clean up" their subconscious negative thinking are able to recover from the low points faster than those who do not consciously intend to make changes.

With the start of a new year comes a great time to regroup.  A good tip is to regroup without overwhelming yourself.  Can you focus on a few small changes and a few bigger goals?  How about walking more, "leaning into" healthier eating and making a long-range goal of doing something on your bucket list.  When you wake up each morning, commit to those goals and move forward, allowing forgiveness when things don't go as planned.  

Forgiveness of ourselves and others is one of the main factors in bringing more joy into our lives.  When we "clean up" the space in our hearts and minds that currently hold anger, resentment and the need to beat ourselves up, we are taking away from our own ability to recreate our lives.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to make healthy eating choices and have a long-range goal to do something on my bucket list.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

What's Your Take On Robin Hood?

Robin Hood and his band of thieves stole from the rich and gave to the poor.  Is that a good thing or a bad thing?  Would you want him to be sent to prison if you were on his jury?  

Moral judgments can be tricky.  There used to be a show called "Ethics In America" where a panel of educated, repected men and women were given scenarios to discuss.  One I remember is whether or not they would give a homeless person money.  Some said yes, some said no, all had their reasons.

What about ethics based on cultural difference.  Being sly and clever might be wrong in certain countries and something to be proud of in others.  Conditioning plays a factor, as does whether or not ethics have been discussed and if authority figures "walk the walk" as well as "talk the talk".  

If I was a mother who couldn't feed her children, my answer to whether or not I think it's OK to steal is different than if I'm living the high life.  The show "Survivor" has many ethical dilemmas but because everyone on the show does "whatever it takes" to win, they know the rules of a civilized society don't count while the competition is in play.

Some would consider every day of our lives competition and therefore feel like the rules don't apply to them.  Have you ever been called by that society that has a name similar to a law enforcement agency asking for a donation?  Have you ever been manipulated into doing something you don't want to do?  Is it wrong to "make a sale" when you know it's not in someone's best interest to buy?

I don't have the answers, today I am providing "food for thought".  I think it all comes down to being able to live with our decisions and trying to do the best we can do each day, understanding, as Oprah says, that we do better when we know better.

Life might seem black and white to some people, but I see lots of gray areas of justice and I hope I will always have compassion for those who are making tough choices because those are the only choices they have.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to have compassion for others, because I have not walked in their shoes.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"I've Got a Feeling........"

Do you look forward to each day?  Do you have an awareness of what you are projecting?  If you "have a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night", there is a great chance your belief will come true for you.

Each day can begin with a clean slate if we allow it to happen.  It becomes a conscious choice to start each day with a plan to be happy.  If you haven't yet taken the time to write down what is important to you, what makes you feel tremendous joy, please try to do that exercise.

I start my day with the intention to have a wonderful day.  Sometimes, it's easier said than done to maintain optimism.  Making a statement of intent allows us to focus on positive events, remember to be grateful, and to get back on track if we fall offtrack.

Beginning with simple pleasures, I love to be warm so I enjoy the luxury of setting my heat at 72 degrees.  I love coffee all day so I have a combination 12-cup and single cup brewer.  Have you made your list of simple pleasures yet?

Other desires have also been given appropriate thought and consideration.  I love feeling like I can plan for vacations so I am signed up for daily email specials for travel.  It's wonderful to have warm weather to look forward to when we have snow on the ground where we live.  

Perhaps you believe you are unworthy, undeserving or unlikely to have your simple pleasures and/or long-term desires met.  If you don't have the feeling that "tonight's gonna be a good night"; deeper contemplation of why it isn't possible is needed.  You are worthy and deserving of the best life has to offer!!

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to have a wonderful day today.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Releasing Resentment for the People Who Have Let Us Down........"Why You Gotta Be So Mean?"

Resentment is an insidious negative feeling.  Whatever we allow to expand becomes stronger, so having an awareness of our personal resentments is important.

A different and more healthy way to look at an event if someone let us down, is to believe that he or she missed out on the good things that happened in our lives.  This "spin" on the way we think through our past will allow room for empathy towards people we previously resented.

When we open our hearts and share love with those who love us back, love returns to us stronger and solidified.  If there are hurtful people on the outer circles of our lives that don't have pure intentions and perhaps do not have our best interests at heart, releasing resentment for them while protecting ourselves from further pain gives us the benefits of forgiveness.

Sometimes, people who have been hurt can become bitter.  Others may be in denial of how destructive it can be when people let us down and we don't process those emotions in a healthy way.  Neither of those options will allow us to live our best, most productive lives.  Bitterness or denying the past are unhealthy choices.

It is a gift to ourselves to process and work through old thoughts and events that do not serve us now. When you are able to release and resolve old resentments, you will have more room for positive emotions.

So if, as Taylor Swift says, "Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city and all you're ever gonna be is mean"; we can have the awareness of who those people are in our lives, protect ourselves, and enjoy our lives in the big ole city by releasing resentment toward our offenders.

Have a wonderful day!!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am willing to release resentment towards others who have hurt me in the past.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Labels, Intentions and Obligations Can Limit Us

As we internally increase our self-esteem, the attachment to things we needed to boost our self-esteem externally become less critical.  For example:  do you know anyone who has a lot of credit card debt from buying designer clothes when they can't afford them?  Or do you know people who have luxury cars but have a hard time meeting their monthly payments? 

Taking action because it feeds our ego is different that taking action to do the "right thing".  Are you giving away more (time, money, effort) than you should because you are feeding the part of you that needs to be seen as a "rescuer"?  It comes back to healthy boundaries and pure intentions.  Taking the time to think through our actions makes the difference in understanding our truth.

Do you consider yourself a "rescuer"?  We all want to give back and help out.  That is normal.  But if your pattern is to rescue and rescue often, you may want to look into the reasons why it's important to you.  

Have you ever heard of someone saying it's bad to have an ego?  I think this is a misunderstood concept which can be detrimental if used incorrectly.  Whenever we have a label (i.e. "I'm a fashionista") that meets an obligation ("I have to buy the lastest designer bag even though I can't afford it because I'm a fashionista"), that is when our egos can become detrimental to our highest potential in life.  Having the obligation (to ourselves and others) to do something because it's "who we are" is the part of the ego that could take us off our most efficient pathway to success.

This is not the same as blocking our "NESS".  Did you see the movie with Owen Wilson "You, Me and Dupree"?  Our "NESS" is what makes us special and unique.  It comes from the inside first, though.  Our uniqueness that comes internally before externally is what we are striving for in life.

There are many variables that make the difference between whether or not it passes the test as to if it's an unhealthy aspect of the ego.  Whether it's a must vs. a choice; whether you would give up something else you need to have what you want; whether you feel authentic without having it; whether your self-esteem comes from having it; it's a deep and complicated subject when we start to have an awareness of what we are attached to.  Being attached isn't wrong, but it has to be further evaluated to discover our reasoning underneath it.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying our world.  Material possessions and our beautiful surroundings are part of what makes life worth living.  When you have the chance to think about who you are, try to discover what you are doing to enhance your "NESS" vs. what you are doing to show other people that you are "someone special" through your actions and possessions.  

When we are able to care more about how we feel internally about ourselves than what we show the world, we are reducing our attachment to the unhealthy part of our egos.  We are all evolving, we all have areas where we could change, and I am the first to say I am far from perfect.  But when I heard that I wasn't supposed to have an ego, I misunderstood that it's bad to have self-esteem, and that's the opposite of what it really means.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will become aware of how I identify myself.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

This Isn't Working For Me

When you come to a crossroads, is it difficult for you to make a decision that goes against the crowd?  If I admire people, sometimes the "old me" would bend over backwards to take their opinions as "gospel".  It's an amazing shift when we understand that the answers can be different for each of us, and it's actually a good thing.

Conflict provides clarity, what you want to do vs. what you don't want to do.  If you are having conflict with someone in your life who is or was an authority figure and you disagree with him, it can be difficult to take a different path without considering his feelings.

Our pathway to our best lives includes shifts along the road that can potentially surprise others if they are used to us being less vocal or less decisive, but it's all good!!  Once we make the decision to change, each new direction doesn't have to become a screaming match, we can silently disagree with someone's perspective.  We can quietly become stronger.

Change doesn't have to be "shouted from the rooftops".  Even though it might feel more powerful to get nose to nose with the person you disagree with, it is not necessary.  Change does not become deeper from the level of our voices as we break away from our previous beliefs.  In fact, if it's easier to make silent changes, this is an area where the path of least resistance is a great choice.

Our private, sacred moments of clarity provide the best potential for changes.  Once we can envision what our next step is to create new possibilities, we will be able to expand on our decision and allow it to strengthen before we have to come into contact with someone who may not accept our decisions easily.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to quietly become stronger.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Perhaps Rethink Making That List of Naughty vs. Nice

If you are "making a list and checking it twice" to see if you deserve to be rewarded, it is a bad idea.  Once we ask forgiveness and make amends, we need to let go of our need to beat ourselves up.  I used to be an epic worrier, I can almost claim the distinction of being the biggest worrier known to man (and what a prize that would be).  When our children were little, we went to a water park with another family.  My son was eight years old and he was a good swimmer.  The adults watched along side a wave pool as the kids were having fun.  My son was the youngest of the group.  

Unbeknownst to me, the wave pool had the options of going side to side or back and forth; although my son was totally safe when it went back and forth, he lost his balance because he was surprised when it changed direction to go side to side.  I saw it, the lifeguard saw it, and the wave pool was stopped immediately.  Everything was fine, but my "woulda, shoulda, coulda" personality kicked into full gear.  

My son wasn't even afraid, until he saw my reaction and felt my fear.  As I thought about the opportunity for disaster, I was paralyzed by what might have happened.  When disaster strikes or almost strikes, sometimes we use it to expand on why we should be more careful; more diligent; more structured.  

It is difficult to enjoy the freedom of living our best lives if we are restricting our every move.  Learning our lessons means that we use the filter of wisdom as we move outward and forward on our paths.  If you have the tendency to beat yourself up, please understand that a negative self-talk does not serve the world and it does not serve you in any way, after you have asked forgiveness and made amends.

When we talk about the power of staying in the moment, part of that means if our energy is fractured with worry about the past and the future, we cannot use our full power now.  So we do our best, forgive while remembering the wisdom of each lesson, and take steps for a better future while allowing our full energy to stay in the present.  Life should not be a constant tally of what we could have done better or how we can do better in the future, because if we do that, we are missing the point of now.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to learn my lessons and move forward without attachment to past mistakes.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

If You Need Perspective, Use A Fresh Set of Eyes

Have you ever been blinded by familiarity?  Have you seen something over and over again to the point that you take it for granted?  This is when it helps to revisit with a fresh set of eyes.

It's easy to take things for granted, the things we have become accustomed to.  If you've never been hungry, you may take food for granted.  If you've never been homeless, you may take your home for granted.

We all should have the chance to visit a third world country.  It gives fresh perspective to what we have.  Familiarity could breed contempt, but if we continually live through a filter of gratitude, what we see everyday can be seen as wonderful and amazing, as if seeing it for the first time.  

One important point is that guilt and shame for what we have does not enhance gratitude.  We are allowed, worthy and deserving of having our basic needs met and having dreams and hope for a better future.  Gratitude, by its nature, brings expansive possibilities that assist us in having the energy to take our circumstances to make the world a better place.  Happiness is a higher energy, allowing more potential than feelings of unworthiness, which have a lower energy.

To me, never losing childlike innocence means finding a way to remind myself not to take anything for granted.  Embracing the wonders of each day as if it was through the eyes of a child is positive energy worth the mental effort to cultivate.  With that energy, we can change the world, one step at a time.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to see the world through the eyes of an innocent child.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

The Gift of The Freedom of Choice

Sometimes, when I think about controversial subjects, it can be a good idea to take blame out of the equation.  I put it in a sealed box in my mind so it doesn't cloud the issue.  If you could do the same, it would be helpful.  Ok, great.  Because most of us have the freedom of choice as adults, do you know why people stay in jobs they don't like?

I'm not talking about being irresponsible or going "on the dole" just for fun.  But if you know someone who is in an abusive situation at work, do you know why they wouldn't be open to a better position?  My belief is that it stems from feelings of unworthiness.  If you believe you deserve to be treated badly, you accept it instead of knowing it's wrong and unhealthy.  

When we know we have the power of choice, the decision becomes whether something is worthy of our time and effort, as opposed to feeling like we have to stay in an abusive situation.  If someone doesn't feel worthy, it needs to be changed on a subconscious level to get the most bang for their buck.  

What you believe is true becomes your truth, until you change it.  Let's say you worked your full day, did your best, and even put in three extra hours.  Then, your boss comes up to you and says, "Did you send out the XYZ123 report?"  And you say, "No, sorry, there was a crisis on that other project and it took me all day to work it out."  

If your boss feels like what you did wasn't good enough (perhaps yells and screams) your reaction to her (did you think I was going to say "him"?)  will give you an opportunity to understand what you believe about yourself subconsciously.  If you think, "I'm comfortable with my work today, I did my best and I'm good at what I do", your self-esteem is strong.  If you think "I guess I could have skipped that trip to the bathroom and taken less time to drink that water", then that is a good indication that you believe you deserve to stay in an unhealthy situation.  

If we have an awareness that a situation is unhealthy but we choose to stay because of other factors, at least we understand we have the power of choice.  However, if we feel that we have to stay in a situation because we aren't good enough for anything better, that is when we can work to strengthen self-esteem.  Remember, it really doesn't matter about the boss.  She is in the "neutral, sealed box" because if we blame her, we are missing the intention of this exercise.  It has to come back to us to learn from the situation.

Of course, hopefully it goes without saying that in a perfect world, there would be no abusers, no victims, and peace would reign supreme.  In our non-perfect world, the victim never deserves blame for being a victim.  That is not the intent here.  My point is that if we believe we deserve to be treated badly, we are more susceptible to being treated badly.  And if we have strong self-esteem and we find out our boss is a nightmare, we will leave that situation more quickly than if our self-esteem is lower, when we have the freedom of choice.  

Our goal is to learn and grow each day.  Congrats for doing your best today!!  You deserve to be treated well.

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to be aware of how I am being treated.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"Short People Got No Reason........"

Have you heard that song?

"Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
To live............

Well, I don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
Don't want no short people

Round here"

One discussion of the lyrics says it is political satire by songwriter Randy Newman talking about "short-sighted" politicians.  I don't know the truth of his intentions, nor is my intention to judge it, but we all live with labels.  Some labels refer to physical attributes, others are about what we believe.  No matter who you are and what you believe, some people enjoy teasing others.

Some of us decide the way to avoid backlash is to hide.  Although that option is safer, it doesn't seem to be the best way to learn and grow.  Can we hide our true selves and be the best we can be?  I believe we cannot live our best lives unless we are authentic.

Whether the issue is that we believe we are too short, too tall, too wide, too narrow, too old or too young, we need to understand that the perfect person has yet to be born; so we are all in this together.

It's easy to find a reason to pick on someone, yet it's just as easy to find a way to praise someone.

The balance of power shifts as we move from each stage of our lives, the people who are revered and celebrated for high school attributes might become famous or might end up living on the poverty line.  Neither distinguishes the character of a person, nor does popularity.  Groups are fun and exclusivity makes us feel special.  The most important thing, however, is to know internally that we are all special.  Because no matter who you are, labels can be hurtful when they are used to hurt someone.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to be careful about labeling others.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

  

What's Your Mantra?

Using the second definition from Merriam-Webster, a mantra is:  "a word or phrase that is repeated often or that expresses someone's basic beliefs".  My favorite mantra to my kids is that I love them just because they were born.  In reference to the post "More on Praise", it is neither effort nor accomplishment (well, we could argue leaving the womb takes a bit of both); but to be loved innately is one of the secrets to allowing a person's inner strength to blossom.  

Have you taken the time to discover what you say to yourself and/or your family over and over during the day?  If it's negative, for instance, "of course that happened to me, I have really bad luck", you may be creating a mood of negativity.  What you perceive and repeat over and over becomes what you believe is your reality.  If you believe you are unlucky, each negative occurrence will be felt more deeply than if you believe you are lucky!!

These are the filters in which our brain takes a set of circumstances and puts it into a category, confirming what we already think is true for us.  The same event can be perceived differently by two people, but the way your brain filters it makes a difference in your mood.  It resonates based on whether you confirm an incident as good or bad, or let it go as an anomaly.  Our first reaction does not include objectivity as we decide how to perceive a situation, unless we purposefully do so.  We usually take each situation and put into a category already labeled by our brains.

If you think, "that person is always happy, he must have really good luck", or the opposite "she is always a 'Debbie Downer', she must have had a horrible life", both people could have had the exact  same events happen to them.  I just won $15!!  We could say "that is awesome" or "that won't help me pay the mortgage".  The person who thinks it's awesome will walk around with a smile on her face.  Full disclosure:  I did win $15 last night and I do think it's awesome.

How your brain filters information affects your mood; if it turns into stress, that can affect your health.  If you think your future's so bright you've gotta wear shades, we'll be standing back watching you change the world!!  How you act and react in public is part of the equation but what you are saying to yourself, in the darkness of night, is much more important.  If you make the effort to discover your self-talk, you have made a great discovery!!

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will take the time to understand my mantras.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

You Don't Have to Win Big to Feel Like a Big Winner

What's the difference between winning and winning big?  When making a better life for yourself, it's the feeling that counts.  At first glance, we might assume the dollar amount matters most, but what about the intrinsic value of being a part of something bigger than ourselves?  When we win as part of a bigger group, the feelings are deeper and resonate more fully with us.........a big "YAY".

The psychology of fantasy football is interesting.  The people I know that enjoy it feel like they have paid the salaries of the players, coached them, and they get insulted when the plays don't result in a touchdown.  They have passion, dedication, and are committed to the necessary effort it takes to be involved in putting the best team together for the chance to win.  

What about playing the lottery as part of a group?  Whether it's a win of a few dollars or a few hundred dollars, sharing the "love" makes it feel bigger.  The goal is to expand your "winning consciousness", are you willing to give it a try?  Let's find a way to expand our feelings of fun, prosperity, and knowing what it's like to anticipate winning.  It should feel easy and effortless, that's when you know your practice has paid off.

Online gaming commonly has no benefit other than bragging rights.  Why would people who win consistently online sometimes have low self-esteem offline?  Acknowledgment and validation of our efforts must be part of the equation.  We all crave those "payoffs", too.

Winning doesn't have to be about money at all.  If you haven't won the Power Ball lottery yet, have you won the "family lottery", the "friends lottery", or the "gifted with amazing talent and/or intelligence" lottery?  It's all about feeling like a "winner", and once you know how that feels, trying to strengthen those feelings.  When you do, the world begins to open up for you.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Matra:  I choose to expand my winning consciousness.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"We Are Never, Ever, Ever.........."

Never can be harsh.  It also limits potential.  If you break up with a boyfriend and decide to "never, ever get back together", that's cool and perhaps a healthy decision.  If you say "never" to choices before you explore them, you are limiting possibilities.  

"I'm never going to be able to make this work."

"I will never have enough money to go there/buy that."

"I can never imagine being that lucky."

If it's hard to imagine good things happening to you, or hard to imagine keeping the good around you, there are ways to start changing those beliefs.   Knowing the possibility exists for your luck to change is the first step.  Hope is essential to changing beliefs.

(The hopeless and helpless men, women, and children in our society have a much harder time with change.  It makes sense, when someone continues to be surrounded by the circumstances that led them to feel that way.  My intention is not to discount groups of people who do not feel safe in their homes and/or cannot put food on the table.  That is not within the scope of this discussion.)

If you have the basics in life but wish for more, that is when the leaders of positive change might start talking about "vision boards", to make your dreams visible.  My thought process lines up with those who agree we need to incorporate what we desire in our daily lives in as many ways as we can.

If your wish is for a house by the beach, use things scented like the beach around your house now.  I used to have a small zen garden with sand and stones and a miniature rake to play with during the day.  Can you incorporate more fun in your daily life that adds substance to your dreams?  Keep positive thoughts in your conscious mind during each day.  Breathe it, feel it, see it, and taste it.  What will you be eating at your beach house?  Allow it to feel natural now, in any way you can creatively make it routine.

There are many, many small and inexpensive ways to move forward on your pathway to tremendous joy.  Is there a perfume that smells like Coppertone?  That would be fun, right?  Have you taken the time to write down what your future looks like when you are "livin' the life"?

Those who appreciate today while aiming for a better future are on the pathway to making it happen.  Gratitude and hope, plus a dash of luck, makes change possible.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  Never say "never" unless you are in a dangerous situation, of course.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Seeing Potential in Ourselves and Others

It can sometimes be difficult to see potential, most of us don't take the time to look beyond what people show us.  We all get distracted by shiny, pretty things, the latest, greatest gadgets, the daily grind, and what's for dinner.

Taking time to look internally for answers is important.  Do you know your own potential?  More often than not, adults get into patterns that can limit creativity.  We stick with our routines because we are creatures of habit and routines bring comfort.  Unless we actively pursue a higher level of greatness, we most likely will be so caught up in day-to-day living that time passes without purposeful intentions.

In preparing for a job interview or pondering New Year's Resolutions, we may project our long-term goals.  Goals are great, if we understand how to remain flexible when we are offered multiple possibilities.  A perfect life might involve using our talents to serve the world, while making enough money to fulfill our needs and wants, with a balance of work and family time.

A good analogy for flexible yet strong personal growth is the same used in the book "Kids Are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso for parenting.  When we can emulate a backbone, strong but flexible; we have the ability to withstand pressure while being able to make necessary changes when given new information.  

Once we figure out who we are and who we want to become, possibilities and potential begin to emerge into the open.  Embracing our unique strengths, gifts, and talents is necessary to progress.  If you are new to personal growth, you may not know that it is suggested to remember what you loved to do as a child, before the age of 10, when trying to figure out your passions and potential.  That is the time when judgment was not an overwhelming factor in our decisions and we lived to play.

None of us have reached our full potential.  We are all works in progress, and our indivual circumstances may or may not allow us time for personal growth at this moment.  When you are ready, just know that you have the ability to change, to begin to create wonderful new possibilities for yourself.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to consider new possibilities and potential.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Overcoming The Fear of Public Speaking

Jerry Seinfeld is well-known for saying:  "According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy."  Are you afraid of public speaking?  If you are, that fear may be holding you back from your greatness.

Excerpts from a 11/7/11 articles written by Nick Morgan for Forbes include these tips:

"1.  Redefine the fear as adrenaline, and therefore a good thing. 

 2.  Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse.  Rehearse a lot. 

 3.  Breathe deeply, from the belly.  Breathe slowly, and often. Breathing is good for you, your voice, and your composure.

 4.  Focus on the audience, not on yourself. 

 5.  Focus on an emotion that you want to convey to the audience. "

Breathing keeps you in the moment, a key factor in being your best self.  Focusing on the audience allows us to connect with what we can do to serve them, which takes us out of the place where we are ruled by our egos.  In terms of the emotion you want to convey, he suggests if it's anger, to revisit and allow your body to feel anger (or any other emotion) from a memory.

When I had a corporate job, I offered to speak any time they needed a volunteer.  I became the "go to" person for public speaking in my department.  I loved training and it became part of my job description.    Becoming comfortable with positive skills that currently make you uncomfortable can help you live your best life.

If possible, you might wish to introduce yourself to a few members of the audience.  Then, if you feel like you are being overcome by fear, you can look to them for encouragement.  Bringing your authentic self to the public speaking engagement is a must.  If the audience feels your sincerity, they will enjoy being part of hearing you speak your truth.  I always like to engage the audience, when possible, it's nice to have others involved in "taking the pulse" of what people are thinking.  

We all have our perfect moments, we all have our epic failures.  Knowing that it's OK to fail gives us the potential of learning new skills without paralyzingly fear.  Working through our fears gives us a better chance at success.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to work through my fears to give myself the best chance at success.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

 

What Are You Waiting For?

The time is now.  Are you ready to move forward with your life?  Some people are unknowingly waiting for permission from someone before they can create their own futures, including their visions of what their best futures could be.  Is that you?

Permission is an interesting topic.  We are praised as small children for asking for permission to do anything and everything.  It is ingrained in being a "good boy or girl", a "good student", a "good friend".  Congrats for asking permission before taking action and for considering other peoples' opinions in your decisions.  That shows empathy and kindness.  What brings praise for children may not get us to where we need to go as adults.

As adults, we are expected to be self-starters, take initiative, to be leaders and to make our mark on the world.  Part of our school district's mission statement is to be self-directed learners.  That is very thoughtful.  Of course, for children in pre-school and lower grades of elementary school, no one could fulfill his or her teaching requirements if students didn't ask for permission to leave the classroom.

Once we are adults, though, we need to ask ourselves what's holding us back.  The first answer that comes to mind may or may not be the ultimate truth, this is a big issue for many people and it's worth the effort to spend some quiet, alone time with it (kind of like a voluntary "time-out").  Maybe light some candles, take a bath, and sit with in for a while, as you focus your energy in between your eyes (your third eye).

Why now?  How about why not now??  Whatever feels like an obstacle can open up a doorway of possibilities after it has been removed.  Do you know what your obstacles are?  

Try this, "I cannot move forward with my life until.......... because...........".  Make a list of the reasons that come up for you.  This is the beginning of your awareness to your obstacles of your best life.  Great work today!!  Please pat yourself on the back for your efforts!

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am willing to think about what is holding me back from my best life.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Would You Call Yourself A Survivor?

Do you know people who have become bitter?  We all have struggles in our life, although some seem to have more than others.  What is the difference between those who get back up to fight another day and those who give up hope for the future?  Bitterness, to me, includes having a negative outlook but also holding onto events in your life that you have the choice to release.

I'm a survivor!!  That's a good mantra to have.  If you are not a survivor, you can begin to become one.  Do you feel like you are allowed, worthy, and deserving of hope for the future?  Merriam-Webster defines a survivor as someone who is able  "to remain alive or in existence; to live on; or to continue to function or prosper."

Would you rather be the survivor who exists or the one who prospers?  As we identify our deeper thoughts, we are able to understand what we have been hoping for, and if existence is your goal, let's take it up a notch!!

Yes, there are times in our lives where we are overwhelmed and existing in that state is a good goal to have.  If you are in a constant state of overwhelm, you need to decide if you can regroup, delegate, or find a support group to assist you.  When we are overwhelmed, going back to basic human needs and what can be put aside for now is important to reducing stress.  If you are not in a state of overwhelm, perhaps you can take some time, in nature, to connect to how you define what it would take to prosper in your life.  

When I discover an attribute that I don't want to be, I always look at the opposite to understand how I do want to resonate.  The opposite of being bitter is being caring, forgiving, and sympathetic.  If I can't fully relate to what it feels like to fully forgive in this moment, perhaps I can forgive someone or something by a small percentage.  If you are in a place where you are unable to forgive, it is harming you internally.  Maybe you can choose to forgive the person or people who have wronged you at least 1%.  Try it, if you can.

Reducing bitterness, reducing overwhelm, and deciding that you wish to prosper in this lifetime are all great goals on your pathway to success.  If you are ready to change your life, congrats for taking that first step!!

Have a great day!!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to be a survivor who prospers.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

More On Praise...........

A paper written by Claudia Mueller and Carol Dweck (web.stanford.edu) analyzing six different studies suggests that efforts should be praised above ability.  

"Praise for ability is commonly considered to have beneficial effects on motivation. Contrary to this popular belief, six studies demonstrated that praise for intelligence had more negative consequences for students' achievement motivation than praise for effort. Fifth graders praised for intelligence were found to care more about performance goals relative to learning goals than children praised for effort. After failure, they also displayed less task persistence, less task enjoyment, more low- ability attributions, and worse task performance than children praised for effort. Finally, children praised for intelligence described it as a fixed trait more than children praised for hard work, who believed it to be subject to improvement."

So instead of saying, "you are so smart", we could say, "I am so proud of how much you studied for that test".  Instead of saying, "that was an awesome concert", we could say, "I really am happy that you have been able to spend so much time practicing those songs."  For science projects, "wow, I can tell you worked really hard on that!"

I have to practice this one myself.  Part of the issue is that I don't want my kids to be left out so if all of the other moms are saying, "you are brilliant", I don't want my kids to only hear "great effort".  Maybe we can combine the two, with a higher percentage of praise for efforts?

"Overall, our studies illustrate the important, and often unsuspected, role that praise after success can play in children's later achievement motivation. Well-meant praise for intelligence, which is intended to boost children's enjoyment, persistence, and performance during achievement, does not prepare them for coping with setbacks. In fact, we have demonstrated that this type of ability feedback can undermine children's motivation when they are later confronted with challenge. Indeed, researchers, educators, and parents alike might be well advised to borrow a guideline from the literature on criticism when they decide to praise children. That is, as with criticism, it is better to separate 'the deed from the doer' by applying praise to children's strategies and work habits rather than to any particular trait. Because children cannot be insulated from failure throughout their lives, great care should be taken to send them motivationally beneficial messages after success."

If we parent consciously, we are truly ahead of the game.  It makes a difference when we search out ways to further develop character in our children.  I believe the more we take the time to understand each child's individual needs and work toward enhancing his or her personal strengths, the better off we will all be.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will make an effort to praise my childrens' efforts;)

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

I'd Like to Make a Toast........

When we are all home for a family dinner, or if we are "out on the town", we often make toasts for all kinds of things, big or small, it doesn't matter.  "Raising our glasses" brings the addition of positive validation and joy to any event.

Are you proud of your friends and family?  Do you let them know?  Bringing attention to efforts and accomplishments allows others to know that we are proud of them and they can be proud of themselves, too.

We can be proud of effort, even when it did not equate to a good grade or a touchdown.  We can also acknowledge others just for being their best selves.  Why do people feel uncomfortable "sharing the love", or the praise?  If the worry is that kids might become spoiled, I just haven't seen that to be the case with children in my circle of friends.  If you know kids that you consider to be bad-mannered, there could be a lot more going on than what meets the eye in those situations.

"Cheers" to you, for doing your best today, even if it wasn't perfect, even if you made mistakes.  Our best is good enough.  Acknowledgment that doing our best is enough adds more peace to our lives.  I'll take a second helping of that, please, and could you refill my glass?  I'd like to make another toast.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to praise others, knowing we all need praise.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"Joy to the Fishes in the Deep Blue Sea"

Joy can make the difference between living and thriving.   Wouldn't we all prefer to thrive?  It takes intention and effort but each of us has the potential to thrive.  We can do this!!  Have you heard of the book, "The Wish List" by Barbara Ann Kipfer?  It gives great ideas of what might make you happy and joyful. If you're unsure of what might make you happy, this is a great place to start exploring.

Then there's tremendous joy, how about endless joy?  Are you ok with some good things happening for you but not ok with unlimited good things happening for you?  If you had your own personalized list of what you needed to have in your life to thrive, do you know what those items would be? 

Joy and bliss are some of the highest emotions to attain.  We need to combine the items on our wish lists with the way we personally need to accept and feel loved (see entry "Five Love Languages" dated 8/7/14), then add the results of our passion tests and we will be ready to rock and roll!!

Awareness is first:  gathering information about ourselves.  Many people don't even do that in this lifetime.  When you are ready to do it, you are ahead of the game.  Next comes finding easy, effortless ways to incorporate changes into our lives.  

To provide easy access, I have listed some previous entries that might assist with those changes:

4/15/14   Don't Get Stuck in Fear

4/18/14   Jump Off Everyone Else's Bandwagon

4/20/14   Accessing Our "Spidey" Senses

8/7/14     Do You Have An Awareness of Your Life Purpose?

8/7/14     Cognitive Dissonance

8/7/14     What is Resistance

8/28/14   Being Passionate

10/6/14   Easy Powerful Tools

It's easier to "lean into" the changes, taking baby steps each day to move forward.  You can do it!!  I have faith in you!!  So if you were the king of the world, can you tell me what you would do?  If you have the answer ready, you are setting intentions.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

P.S.  According to songfacts.com, the words "Jerimiah was a bullfrog" were "meaningless", "temporary", placeholder lyrics.  After it was recorded, D.J. Larry Bergman put it onto the radio  "My job was to select odd cuts from albums by popular artists, not necessarily their hits, and record them on tape for on-air use. I remember I needed to find one more song to fill a tape I was producing and came across Joy To The World. It was on the second side, last cut on their Naturally album. I put it on the tape and played it on the air. Within the hour the KJR DJ (Gary Shannon) came running over from the AM side and asked where I got that song. 'People were calling,'he said. I told him and he had me record it on to another tape for him. He took it and played it on KJR and within a few weeks it went to #1 in Seattle. It wasn't long after that the song reached #1 on Billboard."  

Today's Mantra:  I choose to pursue joyful activities.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Have You Heard of Laughter Yoga?

From laughteryoga.org: 

"Laughter Yoga For Health & Happiness

In today’s world, people want to be healthy, they want to be happy, but instead they are getting stressed out , depressed, getting less sleep, more negative thoughts and feeling isolated.

Laughter Yoga is a unique concept where any one can laugh as a form of exercise in a group. Which soon turns into real & spontaneous laughter. Find out more about benefits of Laughter Yoga on your body & mind."

A friend of mine tried it recently and she said although she was skeptical at first, the class was filled with spontaneous laughter.  It must be contagious!!  She said she couldn't look at her friend during the instructional portion of the class because she was worried about laughing at an inappropriate time.  That sounds like a good problem to have, right?

Wikihow.com gives a tutorial with pictures.  It looks like a lot of fun!!  There is a facebook group and a youtube video with John Cleese involved; can't get better than that..........

We can all use more laughter in our lives.  It is a really great way to be healthier at the same time.  If you think feeling better has to be hard work, think again, my friend!!  If we all made the effort to laugh more, exercise more, and even combine the two, the world could be a more peaceful place!!  Whenever we can find easy ways to boost our happiness quotient, we are on the right path.  If you say "why?", I say "why not?"

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am willing to be open to less traditional approaches to exercise and boosting my happiness.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"Because I Knew You, I Have Been Changed For Good"

We all know special human beings who leave a "handprint" on our hearts as they walk their pathways in life.  A few people come to mind for me, ones who make the world a better place for those of us who interact with them.

Do you know anyone like that?  Our community just lost one of the "good guys".  I don't want to violate the family's privacy, but we were lucky enough to consider him a friend; and he left this earth way before his time. 

It's interesting, I thought I knew him well but in reality, I only knew a small portion of how he made the world a better place.  Would you make different choices if you knew time was limited?  Don't we all already know that time is limited?

Staying in the moment allows us to treat every occasion like it is meant to matter.  That is not possible all of the time; we all have our breakdowns that we hope are not captured on video, of course.  This is a place where intentions are powerful.  When you wake up every morning intending to have a wonderful day, it changes the way you react with people.

"It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me 
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend..."

Sometimes it's good to take a breath and focus on people that have enriched our lives in small and large ways.  Having friends with whom we can share a laugh, a drink, or a celebration is one of the best parts of this lifetime.  If you are lucky enough to have great friends, you are lucky enough.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am lucky enough to have great friendships and I honor the great men and women that were taken from this earth before their time.  

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.