Moving Away From Powerlessness

Powerless is bad, we all know that.  Did you know that trying to move from powerlessness to irritation is healthy?  Let's say I'm being bullied at school, when I am beaten down, I might think and feel powerless, thinking "well, if everyone is picking on me, there might be a reason, they might think I'm (insert insult here), I might deserve it."  This in no way, in no way, justifies someone else's bad behavior, no, no, no.  I'm only saying how someone may feel after being abused over and over again.

One small step in a healthier direction could be allowing oneself to be irritated instead of feeling powerless.  In this instance, I could allow myself to think, "you know what, it really bugs me when he does that, not cool, dude.  I deserve better, just because I am a human being.  No one deserves to be abused."  Ok, we are getting somewhere.  Irritation is doable in taking steps away from powerlessness and we can rock this.

Let's pretend you have a forcefield, the forcefield is your belief that you are impenetrable from abuse.  Again, if there are 50 steps to growing our inner strength, this is "step 2"; but we are on our way.  We can do a two minute power pose, see post on Amy Cuddy's work........we can go in the bathroom before the period when we see the bully and do our pose while saying to ourselves, "not cool, dude, I deserve better."

Then there is rage, you've seen it, I've seen it.  Rage is a more powerful emotion, for sure, but it's not something to aspire to.  Chronic rage can be incredibly destructive.  It may seem better compared to powerlessness, and it is stronger, but it's not better.  We all have the capacity for rage, but there are healthier ways to get things accomplished on an ongoing basis in our lives.   

When I was working at my first real job, I worked with a client who was filled with rage. He would call up and yell and scream at most of us.  I still remember his name and the feeling of what it was like to be screamed at.  That was part of my background so I was used to it, I listened and listened.  Yup, if he is screaming, I must deserve it. 

My boss's boss pulled me aside one day and say, "you don't have to take it, you can tell him you are hanging up and are willing to talk when he can control himself."  I thought, "I can do that?"  Yeah, baby!!

In the journey of life, we all come into contact with abuse.  Sometimes, our challenges of protecting ourselves are greater.  Knowing that abuse is not deserved is our first step to change.  If you are dependent on someone who abuses you, there are important factors to consider when making changes and it is acknowledged that no one can understand your decisions unless they have walked in your shoes.

Just know that powerlessness is your worst enemy and finding a way to feel powerful is your friend.  We are all in this together.  You are not alone.

Have a great day.

Xo

Conni 

Today's Mantra:  I know with absolute certainty that abuse is undeserved.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.