Do You Know How to Breathe Underwater?

Do you know how to breathe underwater? I don't. What if we were told that it was possible? Are you a believer or a skeptic? Can you hope and dream of more than you have in this moment?

If you are a logical, left-brain dominant "thinker", learning a process for something esoteric, like meditation, is difficult. We get caught up in trying to understand it. What if the need to understand something is an obstacle to personal peace and freedom?

Imaging being in a pool at the base of a raging mountainous river. The river is our resistance, the pool of water is our Personal Peace. If we fully accept that, we can imagine slowly sinking under the water to begin to connect with the inner peace that allows us to "breathe" (snorkels optional).

If we try to block the river with a dam, some day it will probably break through causing destruction. If we worry about the river's forceful entrance to the pool, we add stress to our lives. The more we are able to release our fears, the larger the pool of water (our personal peace) grows.

Thanks to scuba diving and snorkeling gear, it's easier to imagine personal peace more than ever. When I have snorkeled, I could only hear my breath and I appreciate remembering those moments as I meditate. It should be only that...Breathe in, Breathe out. Breath is crucial; we must know it is unlimited for us.

My goal for meditation is to reduce my logical, left brain from chiming in with thoughts. Concentrating on breathing gives me that space. With space comes creation. If I worry about not having air available to me, I start to panic...which is the opposite of peace.

That's what stillness and mindfulness are all about. As we are able to reduce distractions and judgment of ourselves and others, we accept ourselves in the moment. Stillness and acceptance create space. It's a skill, we can all build up to it. Let go and believe, one breath at a time.

xo
Conni

Imagine Emotional Free Radicals...Why Neutralizing is Important

My understanding of free radicals is that they are a by-product that can cause cell damage in increased and long-lasting amounts. An imbalance of free radicals (too many) and antioxidants (not enough) leads to oxidative stress, which can lead to disease.

I believe the same thing happens when we have too much emotional stress in our bodies. An imbalance of emotional stress (too much) and peace (not enough) leads to a host of negative effects. Everything we react to leaves an by-product that can build up unless it is neutralized. 

Is road rage really about the car cutting someone off in the moment or is it a build up of what has been happening and has been stifled emotionally? There is a difference between being angry in the moment and being filled with anger. There is a difference between being afraid in the moment and living with perpetual fear. 

We are a nation of producers. We are praised for accomplishments and production. Great work, good job, hip hip hooray...What if the internal work is as important as external accomplishments? How about an emotional processing report card? What if we praised empathy, kindness and self-reflection as much as we praised good test scores and athletic abilities?

I see emotional work as something similar to solving puzzles or equations. I enjoy solving problems. Emotional work can be done the same way. 

• I feel ___ because when this happened to me it reminded me of _____ . 
• If this makes me feel ____ , the next time it happens I should remember to ____ . 
• I always get anxious when I anticipate this situation ___ , I choose to know everything will be OK.

What if each day we exercised, ate well, increased our antioxidants and processed our emotions? It seems like a good plan to me. 

xo
Conni

Can You Imagine Bringing Home the Gold?

Have you heard the examples of how we can now accomplish things we previously believed were impossible?  On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister set the world record for breaking the four minute mile (3 minutes, 59.4 seconds). It was incredible at the time. The Olympics make us all ponder striving for greatness. However, our minds have to accept new concepts before they can become reality.

The dreamers and creative people of the world help us embrace new ideas. Do you enjoy the concept cars at the auto show or the work of students trying to predict new generations of products? Some people follow the premise "seeing is believing", but we have to conceive it in a non-tangible form first.

There are always risk-takers who are willing and able to expand the limits of what we used to believe was possible.  When our patterns are set by repetition, it can become harder to think differently. People who are "stuck in their heads" may have a difficult time visualizing new concepts. Visualizing is a skill that can be developed. This is when it's important to let go and have no expectations other than taking some time to dream.

As you get older and your responsibilities increase, do you give up on your dreams? We all need to have new hopes and dreams to help us feel vibrant and alive. The key is to be content with our current situation while hoping for more. 

Xo

Conni

Away We Go...Finding Your Flow

We are conditioned to believe our beliefs. Each of us has a unique set of circumstances that have gotten us to where we are today. Nature / Nurture / Experiences / Sensitivities...factors beyond our understanding are contributing to our "set point" in our personal Law of Attraction magnetic force.

The most optimistic person born into this world will become fearful after living in real or imagined fear. We are who we are. The piece that many people don't fully understand is that we can change our personal happiness formula by digging deep.

When we have a reaction to something, the first thing we should do is ask ourselves "why?". Why does this bother me? If you do this for a few weeks, you can probably figure out which situations cause a major reaction. Those are what we focus on first.

Personal freedom includes becoming emotionally free. The more we know about ourselves, the more we flow. Flow is what we strive for. Internal flow is living without emotional resistance.

Misunderstanding comes into the mix when people think they are "letting go" but in reality are pushing away those feelings. When we think we are "letting go" but are not processing, those feelings can turn into hidden anger and resentment, causing internal stress.

We strive for flow. We want to acknowledge and accept emotions as they occur. That allows our bodies to reduce stress...and away we go!

xo
Conni

Secondary Emotions: What are we hiding?

In the course of what I do, I often ask the question, "if you had an emotion hiding underneath your first reaction to a situation, what would that emotion be?" For me, understanding that there is often more depth to our emotional stories led me to great personal revelations.

Secondary emotions, as discussed by Neel Burton M.D. in Psychology Today, involves feelings we are hiding, "Our emotions not only reflect and reveal our values, but also enable us to refine them. It is possible to have an emotion about an emotion, such as guilt or shame about envy, and to revise the primary emotion according to the secondary emotion or emotions.

Moreover, some of our emotions can feel clear or transparent, while others are more hazy or equivocal. For instance, our love for truth or justice is experienced as profound and authentic, whereas our resentment or disdain for a person of higher virtue or accomplishment lacks resonance and leaves us uneasy."

I personally found out I was hiding emotions. I believed I was being authentic. Upon further evaluation, I realized my less attractive emotions were immediately avoided by me as "unacceptable".

Ask yourself, "if I had an emotion hiding underneath my first reaction, what would that be?". This can lead you to amazing personal growth. I had been covering up my deeper emotions with what I considered more acceptable emotions. I didn't even realize I was doing it. I thought I was letting events "roll off my back", even when something bothered me.

We all have events that trigger us. Those events are our "red flags" to understand what we need to deal with at a deeper level. Leading an authentic life takes time and reflection. When we chose to dig deeper, new information becomes available to us.

xo
Conni

Do you ever feel "slightly damaged"?

Remember those bins in stores of "slightly damaged" merchandise, discounted because the items aren't perfect? One of the keys to success in the holistic world is to understand we are imperfect but whole at the same time.

As humans, of course we make mistakes and have bad things happen to us or someone we know. When we dwell on the slightly damaged parts of ourselves, however, we are not able to be at our best to serve the world. Believing we are whole gives us the ability to reach for higher possibilities, instead of limiting our potential by current circumstances.

It's similar to believing the world is your oyster. If you cannot imagine more, feelings of hopelessness can make our lives become drudgery. It makes me think of the old commercial "Time to make the donuts". If that's how you have been feeling about your life, it's not the way to live.

The cost of being hopeful is nothing. The cost of being hopeless is everything. Do you know what inspires you? When you are not working, do you jump out of bed for certain reasons? All of us have been through damaging situations. It's now that matters. If you need to process your damage, it's important to do that.

Thinking about the past should be a neutral or happy feeling. If it doesn't seem that way to you, there is work to be done. We can all move forward, fix our damage and be hopeful of a better tomorrow.

xo
Conni

Choosing Silence Benefits My Being

If you don't know what else you can do to improve a situation, sometimes, you just need to BE.

When you spend time with yourself, your power comes from making decisions out of truth instead of fear. I used to believe living your truth meant being perfect.  Staying in the moment, living your truth is about accepting ourselves and others without judgment. As we do this, the world opens up to new possibilities and we are able to enjoy our lives more fully.

It's not my business what other adults' personal choices are, it's only about me deciding what is best for me. Once the filter of judgment is lifted, choices become easier to make. Of course, it makes sense that we want to lead by example, modeling to others what we consider better choices. It is all good to gently offer up alternatives when we see people struggling. Power comes from living your truth and the people that are ready for change will be drawn to you. I can't change others, I can only change myself.

Spending time alone with your own thoughts is the way to your personal truth. I found the easiest way to begin was as I wake up in the morning. I put one hand on my heart and the other hand resting in my stomach, then I breathe and relax, finding peace, releasing fears, knowing that everything in the moment is OK.  

Some people find their silence in a peaceful walk, others find their zone in extreme sports. It is all good and beneficial. Releasing judgment, finding your own personal pathway to peace, acceptance, and joy, is why we are here. You are amazing.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xoxo

Conni

We All Have Personal History: Why Reactions are Human

Our personal beliefs show up as we react to other people in each and every situation. Since we are human, we all have resistance. Knowing when resistance holds us back gives us the gift of understanding what processing needs to be done before lasting change occurs.

I disliked history class in high school. Now I know that I can learn facts about what happened in the world if I choose to do that. When someone who is good at history lists facts and figures, I used to believe I wasn't interested; then I realized I wasn't interested because I believed I wasn't "good at it". That's resistance.

I can defend myself, just sayin'...nobody knows everything. I can either think, "she's right, I am not good at history", or "I am sure I can learn more about history if I choose to do so." My reaction depends on what I believe about myself.

If someone asked me about Ancient Rome and I don't know when the colosseum was built...if they muttered, "really, you don't know THAT??", the internal "me" would have judged myself. That limits my future possibilities and potential.

The processing of negative beliefs takes away the emotional charge that has built up around it. We want the original memory to be available to us without a negative charge, we want it to be neutral. I wasn't the best at history then, but I was good at other subjects. We all need to know how great we are in our own ways, then we can use our gifts and talents to make the world better. 

Be powerful. Know you are enough. If someone makes a comment and you react, use that information to process negative beliefs about yourself. You are worth it!

Xo

Conni

My Resistance to Exercise: Does it Have to be Painful to be Gainful?

Several months ago, I mentioned to someone that I hated to lift weights. I know that weight lifting is important for women as they age (umm, I do know that)...I was on board with the concept that this was a healthy practice. For whatever reason, I hated to do it, with a passion ;)

I was blocked, I was in my own way. 

When anyone tried to lecture me about why I just needed to "do it", it shut me down instead of creating change. Having the awareness of why to do something is important but when awareness isn't enough to make a change, there is usually emotional work to do on the issue.

Once I created a space (made a conscious effort to sit with the issue in a quiet way) to figure out why I hated it, I was able to have an awareness of my obstacles and overcome them, one by one. The cool thing was that as I passed the awareness phase, the obstacles almost overcame themselves. 

One thing I disliked was changing the weight levels during a work out. It was cumbersome and I was unskilled at it. I was out of my comfort zone, yuck. We can't learn a new skill without practice.

About that time, we found the bow-flex system where you can change the weight level by turning a wheel. I found it at a great price and had it delivered, problem solved. When you find something in your life that makes you shut down, you know to dig deeper.

Another issue was that I disliked working out alone. Almost effortlessly, my friend and I decided to schedule twice weekly work out/girl talk sessions, problem solved. We consciously made an effort to understand each other's needs and limitations. 

When you come to an issue in your life where you shut down instead of trying to solve the problem, there are usually multiple strands of resistance that need to be unraveled before you can make progress. Once the layers are separated, the solutions become easier. If kids, friends or clients can't find a solution, I usually ask them why it's not possible; because the answers are the key to finding their point of overwhelm and breaking it up into manageable pieces. 

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Edited and reposted: my relationship with exercise continues to have its ups and downs. I have much less resistance now, though. It's always a balance of living our best lives without beating ourselves up when we are not perfect.

I now have new and different obstacles to overcome but that is normal and OK. Step by step is the pathway to success.

If Your Emotional "Baggage" is Bigger than a Carry-On...

One of the differences between the people that have success and those who do not is that we all start at different points in the game of life. Some people start their journeys with less traumatic or less chronic challenges; or they have figured out how to process the negative energy to allow their lives to flow.

On the spectrum of trauma, it makes sense that people who had trauma at a younger age and/or repetitive trauma will have more to overcome than those who had less trauma. If you grew up with daily challenges, it affects you more than if you had a normal childhood with a few challenging days. Please understand my intention:  neither chronic nor one-time abuse is what we would wish on anyone, it hurts me to see anyone or anything suffer...but there is more processing to do if your challenges are more intense or have become patterns.

My paradigm shift, after years of research, is that feelings of abundance and safety have to be internal and must be so strongly believed that the fear of bad things happening again does not have an emotional hold on you. We have to believe, with every fiber of our beings, that we have the possibilities and potential for a better future.

Subconscious beliefs are stronger than conscious beliefs. If you are recovering from being in the middle of a war zone, most people need to do more than meditate about it. There is a large amount of free information on how to do this. Gary Craig offers the Emotional Freedom Technique information for free at emofree.com about how to remove blocks. Andrew Weil has wonderful complimentary information about breathing exercises. Please note...significant trauma should be processed with a professional.

If you were taught that you were not worthy and deserving, it takes work to allow the seeds of worthiness and feeling deserving to grow. It's a process, one step at a time, leading to a more peaceful life. Maybe someone else's grass seems greener, but who knows if they started with greener grass or if they have weeds ready to pop through the ground into the open...

xo
Conni

Is Floating A Struggle? Just Hold On...

I had a vision during my morning meditation. The human race is floating in an ocean. The water is our energy and our abundance. We are all holding hands, inner-connected. Our breath is unconditional love. It is necessary to survive.

If we disconnect, it's over for us. One disconnected person takes us out of balance. If we break apart, separate groups are never as strong as the whole. It's not about our potential at this point, it's about survival. We have to be connected first, before we have a chance for anything more than that.

Yes, we all have potential greater than we know. But unless we realize we are all one and must stay connected to survive, the rest of it just doesn't matter. Our gifts and talents don't matter if we can't stay afloat.

Some of us can't swim as well as others, but we can all float. Floating together is stronger than floating on our own or in groups. When we need to hold on to each other to survive, it is an equal obligation to reach out and to hold on. Both are necessary.

Breathe in, breathe out. Float first, knowing each inner-connected breath is necessary to existing. That is our foundation. That is staying in the moment. Our strength comes from knowing that. Of course, the rest of it does matter. There is always someone explaining to us how to improve our circumstances and it is good to evolve. 

Third-world countries have less food, luxury and technology but that forces them to be more aware that life is precarious. When did we lose touch with that? If we acknowledge that everyone has hardship, does it take away from someone else's? No, we all need to be validated. Basic human needs discuss connectedness. It should be highlighted that connectedness must extend to each human being on this earth. 

If it was only about floating in the ocean, it is harder if you don't know how to swim. We don't have to listen experts, though. If someone says it's easier to float over there, we can stay over here and that's OK, too. Experts are not super-human, they might have more knowledge in one area but no one person can see the total picture, every moment. Maybe they over think things and they are wrong. We all have different skills, all skills are needed.

When we float, we don't see each other's differences, we are just holding on each other's hands. We are looking at the bigger picture, the sky. When we get comfortable with that, we can go internally to know how to best present our gifts and talents in the world. We learn and grow individually but we cannot forget to stay connected, that is our foundation.

If we wake up each morning, knowing we need to stay connected, we treat each other differently. We begin with knowing we are stronger together. We look at each other through a filter of love. When we begin with connection, then listen to our own wisdom of how to evolve as individuals, we are all on a better path to peace.

Yes, there are bad seeds. But a bad seed is an individual seed, not a group of seeds. We are always stronger when we highlight our commonalities. We are all in this together, let's make the intention to work together to stay afloat.

xo

Conni

Just Back The Armored Truck into my Garage to Unload the Money ;)

Here's a fun exercise.  Do you know your limitations to receiving?  If we pretend we have won the lottery, we can all say "Thank you so much!!  Just back the armored car up into my garage and I'll have it unloaded lickety split".  Ok that's an easy one, because the money is not from a personal source.

Most of us, though, do limit our abilities to receive.  If someone says, "here take this, it's a gift" our feelings about receiving are based on several variables: can the giver afford it; are we keeping score; what does it say about me to accept it; is it too much?  It's kind of like a Jenga puzzle or the game Clue.  If Oprah is in her studio offering me a new car and everyone else accepted one we are not keeping score. If she thinks I deserve it then heck, yeah, where are my keys?

If my neighbor offers to walk my child to school every day because she is going anyway, but I don't have younger kids at home, I  may feel the need to reciprocate.  Why, if we are grateful, should we feel guilty about receiving?  When we are truly doing what we want to do, giving what we want to give, sharing what we want to share and being who we want to be, there isn't any hidden score-keeping or resentment.  Many of us don't live our lives that way, though.

When we take action based on guilt instead of based on truly wanting to do something with no strings attached, we may be outwardly helping but inwardly hindering our abilities to be our best.  Heartfelt gifts should have no strings attached.  Repayment is unnecessary.  Underneath that, though, is the cognitive dissonance where there is only so much resistance we can tolerate when it's a personal relationship.  That's human nature.

Receiving is a skill that can be developed.  When we are able to receive more, we are more likely to be tolerant of other people's actions, also.  It sounds disconnected, but people who can't receive need life to be fair.  When we think others are getting more than they should, we have less tolerance for them.  "Yeah, that is sad news but at least that family has............."  Charities need to use a personal story, we want to help the people who are down on their luck.  

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could all be more tolerant and giving, without going through the thought process of whether or not someone is deserving?  Not giving until it hurts, but sharing whatever we have in surplus.  We are all deserving and we all have more to share than we realize.  A friend of mine shares her dessert with me when she bakes for her family.  It's the best feeling in the world to be the recipient of unexpected baked goods!!  

What do you have to share and what have you been pushing away that people want to give you?  Most of us have an overabundance of something (time, clothes, or we made too much lasagna).  The more we are able to receive, the more we have and want to share.  

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

(edited and republished)

Raising the Vibration of Love

Can you feel love, hear it in the tone of voice, know it's there as someone speaks to another......can you spot a fraud.......someone who speaks loving words in a tone that doesn't match?  Words are magical and can be affirming, but when they are connected with the intention and vibration of love, an alchemy happens that is hard to match.

I am more able to have a vibration of love when I make an intentional choice to breathe deeply and just "be"; the art of staying in the moment, relaxed, knowing everything is ok in this moment, purely because I am alive.  I am more able to love myself and others when I feel acknowledged and appreciated.  

If, for whatever reason, you realize that you are spending most of your day in an unloving environment, it can be difficult to connect to love.  Do you have time at night to reconnect to it? When I was in a place where love was harder to capture,  I listened to Ray Charles on YouTube, sing "What a Wonderful World".  Sometimes I listened 15 times a day, whatever it takes!

If you immerse your senses in things that remind you of love, your love vibration will rise.  Find a way to get to a relaxed state, as discussed, deep breathing: four counts in, feeling love; four counts out, releasing tension.  As we are waking in the morning and as we are becoming drowsy at night, we are more able to access our deeper states of consciousness.  Those are great times of day to work on change.  

Do you feel like you are worthy and deserving of love?  Can you take some time to think about that?  If you don't believe you are worthy and deserving, don't worry, we can work toward that together.  You (yes, you!!) are innately worthy and deserving of unconditional love.

When our kids were really small, my sister-in-law and I got them involved in making a list of what they needed to feel physically and mentally nurtured.  Together, we came up with at least 20 things:  a warm washcloth on their foreheads, a warm bath, a Popsicle, a nice note, chicken noodle soup, a blanket and pillow, holding a hand on their arm, soothing words.  If you weren't nurtured as a child, being a nurturing person is a skill that can be developed.  There are lots of ideas online about how to nurture and be nurtured.

Feeling loved, lovable, and deserving of love are all necessary to become your best self.  

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to raise my vibration of love with intention and purpose.

(edited and republished)

525,600 Minutes

If you haven't seen the play (turned into a movie) "Rent", you may not realize immediately that 535,600 is the number of minutes in a year.  As the song so eloquently states, "how do you measure a year?  In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee?"  If you look it up on YouTube, you will enjoy any of the groups' performances, they are awesome!!

When you are able to reflect, have you been able to spend the last year in ways that you have planned to enjoy, or are your moments spent being reactive?  Of course, if you are living in crisis, as too many people are because of their health, or being a caregiver, or so many other reasons, you should congratulate yourself for making it through each day!!

But if you have the freedom to plan your time, are you making intentional choices?  There are some years that go by in the blink of an eye:  a new job, a new baby, a new significant other makes time fly.  Sometimes, you have to wing it, and that's exhilarating.

Other than those times, though, we can make a difference in our own lives by using intentions.  At the beginning of each day (mostly), I make an intention to enjoy myself and have fun where I am in life.  I intend to have a wonderful day.  It really, truly makes a difference.

The interesting part is, with the blessing of technology, we can make special moments happen without a large monetary outlay.  Do you miss your long-distance friends?  Use Skype.  Do you need a spa day?  There are so many at home options, now.  Do you miss the sunshine? There's a lamp for that.

When I have breakfast with a group of girlfriends every 4-6 weeks, we tentatively plan our next occasion while we are there.  Do you have a friend who is a great planner??  Make sure she knows you appreciate her efforts!!  Of course there is social media, that's the surface layer.  My best, most memorable moments are usually deeper than what is offered there.

"Measure in love", that's the ending of the song, and of life.  We will measure financial success, as we are prone to do, but love makes everything else worthwhile.  You deserve the best life has to offer!!  "How do you measure a year in the life??"

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Reposted with edits.

I Want to Win, But if Not...

We were watching a sports tournament yesterday.  Our team won some and lost some.  When our team wasn't playing, we were cheering for another team that had players from our school.

When neither of those teams were playing, we were cheering for the next town over.  Then, we were cheering for our state, then we were cheering for our region.  We want to be able to relate to the winners.

We all want to be connected and we all need a sense of belonging.  Conversely, we all want to compete and win.  Neither are wrong, but there is conflict.  We can be sitting next to a boisterous fan for the other team and feel angry that he or she laughed at a missed play on our team.  Then, that person will be friendly in the line for concessions and perhaps hold the door on the way out of the venue.

Sometimes, thinking of a situation backwards gives me perspective.  If I met the same family in a foreign country, we would probably spend a while chatting about all of our similarities if we lived in close proximity to them.  "Don't you LOVE that new grocery store and have you tried this AMAZING hole-in-the-wall diner?"  We build relationships by acknowledging we have things in common.

When we are in close competition with them for a prize, no matter the prize's worth, we can all act like mortal enemies.  Everybody wins some things; nobody wins everything.  Winning and losing both teach us about ourselves and others.

I hope that I am teaching my kids that competition is healthy and important.  Beyond that, I hope they know we are all human beings who make mistakes and no one likes to be humiliated for messing up. To me, that is equally as important as winning.  In the heat of the moment, we all make mistakes.  Hopefully, we can step back and realize we can overcome a bad call on the court or a missed opportunity for a point.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Love, Intention and Peace, A Poem

Why do intentions of love turn to hate

It starts with conflict, not feeling so great

If we process our conflict when it is still small

It won’t build inside us, so big that we fall

The way our world is supposed to be

Is a heart connection between you and me

Not romantic, gushy love

But recognizing we’re all born as enough

When we know we’re enough, in this moment today

We begin to see and feel them the same way

As we gather in love the power is great

Love begets love, makes smaller the hate

Here’s the odd thing, there are people who fight

About what is wrong, about what is right

Fighting because we don’t feel enough

Need to prove we’re better by being so tough

What if we all made a choice to choose love

Love over hate, every day just because

Emotions are good, don’t get me wrong

If you process your feelings, your hate won’t grow strong

Process emotions, process each day

Over and over, clearing the way

Resentments don’t build, hate doesn’t grow

Our path to peace: love ourselves and it shows

"New" Ideas are Really "Old School"

If a new idea isn't in our current paradigm, it takes several attempts to comprehend it.  The term "mind-body" can cover a lot of ground.  My version is whatever we do on the inside affects our external self, and whatever we do on the outside affects our internal self.

More importantly, though, is the understanding that what we believe subconsciously can be more powerful than what we say and do when there is conflict between the two.  That is when it is critically important to have an awareness of what you believe deep down.

Some people think emotional healing techniques are new.  Actually, they are thousands of years old but with a modern twist.  Our "new" techniques are based on "old school" beliefs.  People who are searching for more are striving to connect to inner peace.  That's a timeless concept.  

Here is one example...If you know anyone who was unwanted as a child, that individual most likely has long-reaching issues with self-worth, unless he or she has already gotten help to process that pain.  If your parents told you that you were unplanned or that they wanted the opposite sex (boy vs. girl), even in jest, those statements could make you feel less worthy and deserving that other kids who grew up knowing they were wanted and unconditionally loved.

Why does that matter?  Well, it matters because if we have an underlying belief we aren't worthy of more, we settle for less.  None of us should be willing to settle for less.  We all need a purpose and hope for a better tomorrow to make getting up everyday worthwhile.

It's not that people who feel unworthy can't function, hold down jobs or keep a smile on their faces. Part of it is about what happens when the chips are down.  That is when our inner demons come to play.  The power of those demons can be lessened and that is what changes how we resist and react to negative stress.

Using our "old school" techniques of meditation, releasing stress with breathing or acupressure-related techniques or connecting to a higher power through nature, will bring us to a better place.  That is mind-body.  It is knowing we have to internally change to make lasting external changes.  It's the "old school" way to find peace and happiness.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

As Our World Brings Awareness to Tragedies...

Remember to differentiate between not being a victim and being a survivor who has processed the negative events that have happened to you.  If you have had trauma in your past and you have not processed it, it affects the way you react.

The empowerment of not considering yourself a victim is a great choice.  However, if the trauma has been suppressed, without being healed, you will react negatively to the next similar situation. That is regardless of if it happens to you or someone else.

Saying the words "I choose not to be a victim" has power in itself.  But if that is the only thing you are doing to get over a traumatic situation, it's like putting a band-aid over an infected body part.  It festers.

There is trauma in each of our lives, but the scope and depth of trauma differs.  We need to understand that before we can make changes in our society.  Don't listen to someone who tells you to "get over it" if they have not had similar circumstances.

Feeling badly about ourselves for not being able to just "get over" something is extremely detrimental to mental health.  It becomes a cycle that is hard to get out of by ourselves.

Know this:  there is always help available when you are ready.  It may not be perfect, but with perseverance and hope, it is possible to move forward in our lives.

xo
Conni

Just Like in PreSchool, Details Matter

Remember learning about why we need decimal points? The dot seems so insignificant but it changes everything.  That's the truth for emotional clearing, too.

Global affirmations are good, but specific and personal emotional clearing based on our exact circumstances is better.  The power is in our personal details and why we resist and react to each one.

Here's an example:  I have a fear of heights.  It has gotten better, but there is still a smidge of work to do.  I have done plenty of emotional healing work on the global fear of heights, but a more powerful option is to work specifically on what happened to me that created the fear.  I don't have that memory as of now.  When I do, it will be a good opportunity to clear out the negative effects of that memory.

If you are in emotional pain, the painful memories matter.  Start by making a list of them, then prioritize them in terms of what is the most hurtful.  It's really hard to walk through life carrying the baggage of our past.  We now have the tools to reduce that suffering.

Change is necessary and we all have a new opportunity to change each and every day.  The more you practice, the better you get, just like in school.  This is better, though, because you will never be graded and each step forward leads to more peace and happiness.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Love Goggles vs Rose-Colored Glasses

When I used to hear mockery about viewing the world through rose-colored glasses, I didn't get why it was a bad thing to be optimistic.  I totally believe in peace on earth and the concept that "what the world needs now is love, sweet love".  Granted, it makes for a good fortune cookie and a great platform if you want to be elected to the position of "Mother Earth".  On the other hand, who wants war, mayhem and escalating hatred?

To me, using a filter of seeing the world through loving eyes is different than putting on "rose-colored glasses".  If you've never heard of Debbie Ford's book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, the concept is that we all have to embrace the negative parts of ourselves on the road to self-acceptance.

If we can't love ourselves, how can we love other people?  I can't pretend bad things don't happen in this world.  We are all involved in how we treat our fellow-man.  If we don't "own" our parts in it, we can't be open to changing things for the better.  I have to "own" my darkness to become lighter.  It's about acknowledging an issue before it can be processed and changed.

"Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?  Conni stole the cookie from the cookie jar.  Who me?  Yes you.  Couldn't be.  Then who?"  There is always a cookie missing.  So one of us is culpable...or maybe all of us...does it matter who stole it if we all had a bite?  I don't think we should go to prison or be stoned to death for stealing a cookie, but I do believe we have to "own" it and make appropriate amends.

That is one of the most difficult steps, although it seems easy.  Our best is good enough, and our best doesn't have to be perfection.  But we all need to accept the unacceptable parts of ourselves in order to accept the unacceptable parts of the rest of the human beings in the world.  That is tolerance, and tolerance leads to greater peace.

I don't believe in public humiliation, wearing a Scarlet Letter or needing to shout our mistakes from the rooftops.  I think we all have a chance to forgive ourselves in private.  Your darkness is not my business and my darkness is not your business; unless we have broken laws, of course.

The more I accept myself, the more often I can use my "love goggles" to see other people.  It doesn't mean I think I am perfect or that they are perfect.  It means we can love each other, or be more tolerant of each other, in spite of our imperfections and differences.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni