Do You Know the Legend Of King Arthur's Sword?

Wikipedia's explanation is "Arthur obtained the throne by pulling a sword from a stone. In this account, the act could not be performed except by 'the true king,' meaning the divinely appointed king or true heir."  I believe the story is a great metaphor for life. Most of us listen to advice from outward sources.  The truth is that when we let go of our resistance and listen to ourselves, we can reach our goals more easily and effortlessly that when we fight for everything.

You are the "ruler" of your own life, once you are an adult.  On the journey to becoming an adult, your job is to learn your personal preferences of what you really, truly, sincerely love to do and who you really, truly, sincerely want to be.  We all make so many missteps at finding ourselves but that is what is supposed to happen as humans.  The kids, young adults, and adults that aren't making mistakes aren't learning and growing.  

In King Arthur's story, many tried to pull the sword from the stone with brute strength, but none were successful.  When you are "trying too hard" to do or be something without pure intentions, life is a struggle.  When you are able to let go of the struggle, everything begins to make sense.  I remember even Oprah giving advice saying she struggled at the beginning of her career, when she was trying her best to be an imitation of Barbara Walters instead of trying to be the best Oprah Winfrey she could be, and that's advice we can all take to the bank!!

My goal is to be the "perfect me".  I don't like weapons of destruction so I wouldn't have even tried to pull the sword from the stone.  And it takes too much energy for me to pretend to enjoy things I don't like. 

Please do your very best to get to know what the "perfect you" looks like, in every category.  What is your perfect job, relationship, circle of friends; what do you wear, what do you eat, do you sing karaoke or sing in the shower?  Then try to find your resistance between you and the "perfect you".  You are the "true heir" to your own greatness.  Releasing resistance around trying to become someone you are not is the pathway to getting you there.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to spend time understanding my hearts' desires.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"The Definition of Insanity"

If you are beating your head against the wall to try and make something happen, that should be a red flag to you that you need some sort of shift. A shift can be in the form of what you do, how you do it, who you do it with, where you do it, there are an incredible amount of possibilities. 

You could be doing the wrong thing, you could be doing the right thing the wrong way, it could be the wrong time, it could be the wrong group of people, it could be the wrong town, it could be the wrong set of circumstances in so many combinations.  If you are feeling frustrated, it's because you are in your own way.  

Just the knowledge that you have to pull back and create space in a frustrating situation will give you an automatic sense of relief.  First of all, why are you trying so hard to make something happen?  Digging on that question will lead you to the answer that is most likely fear based.  "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."  Albert Einstein.

This has to happen now exactly in this way because..........(fill in this blank, please).  Why is it so urgent?  (Because if I don't do this, then that will happen)  If that happens, what's your biggest fear?  And again??  The deepest issues here could be feeling unlovable, unworthy, undeserving.  Then, ask yourself "why" you would feel that way.  Those answers are extremely important.

The root of an issue can be complicated.  You are the only expert of your personal beliefs; these answers are within you.  Families have certain patterns and being involved in different groups creates its own cultural patterns.  Combining those variables with your personal circumstances makes you totally unique.

What are you afraid of if you don't get something done now?  And more importantly, how does that situation make you uncomfortable with the person you believe that you are??  Because the uncomfortable part of you will act out and make bad choices in times of overwhelm and frustration.  So understanding yourself is the first step to releasing the disappointment and devastation of failure.

For the purposes of this discussion, this is about personal choices, not whether or not you will take care of your mandatory responsibilities: going to work; feeding the kids; paying taxes.  Relief on the personal level does, however, make your entire life less stressful.  

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni 

Today's Mantra:  I choose to realize when I am doing something repeatedly without positive results.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

I Think of Alignment Like Mastering a Combination Lock

I think of finding alignment like an old-fashioned combination lock, sometimes you move to the left, sometimes to the the right.  If it's not correct, you can spin the dial and start over.  Each time you make the right move, you are getting closer to your personal definition of success, aligning with your truth.  Once the correct move clicks into place, you have an inner knowing that you are moving toward to where you should be.  We are all unique with our own personal definitions of bliss, so the combination is different for each of us.

The game of life, to me, is a way for each of us to have the opportunity to learn and grow.  We are given the "gift" of making mistakes in order to learn from them and move forward, toward our hearts' desires. Our mistakes give us clarity.  As we continually evolve, our desires are changing along with us.  

In the beginning, negative patterns repeat in our lives; why do some people marry multiple times without finding happiness, why do some constantly make the same mistakes?  We are all searching in our own way for our own bliss.  Becoming aware of your patterns is really important.  Being honest about them is also key.  A confession to the world isn't necessary, but you need to be honest with yourself.

As we become aware, we look into what is causing us to do the things we do, and as we change negative patterns through meditation and other modalities, we get closer to aligning with our truth.  Things start to feel better.  We change when we are ready and in the meantime, we own who we are, releasing judgment, knowing we are doing the best we can do.

I no longer need to be perfect, which gives me more energy to put towards following my dreams.  I start to know myself enough to feel the difference between good and bad choices before I make them.  I can make choices with confidence and without fear because I know there are unlimited chances to get closer to alignment.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I know I have unlimited chances for alignment.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

  

Can You Relate to the Whack-A-Mole Game?

Have you ever felt like the mole in the whack-a-mole game?  Do you understand when people say what you are looking for from others is a reflection of the changes you have to make for yourself?

I need someone to believe in me.   (Translation)      I need to believe in myself.

I need someone to love me.           (Translation)      I need to love myself.

I need someone to nurture me.      (Translation)      I need to nurture myself.

Byron Katie uses a technique called "The Work" where she expounds on my examples 1000 different ways.  If you don't feel you are worthy enough to be nurtured, no one else will think you are worthy enough, either.  You have to work through your own issues to attract people who believe in you.  It sounds backwards, right??  That is one of the most important realizations you have to make in order to understand how to break through barriers.

When I first began, many years ago, it was like the whack-a-mole game at Chuck E Cheese sticking my head out and pulling it back, over and over again. 

"I need help. I need help."

"I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy". 

"Yes I am. Yes I am"

"They don't think so. They don't think so"

"Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter"

And so on, and so on, and so on.

I kept looking outward wondering how can I be deserving if they don't think I'm deserving.  I tried to prove myself to people who would never believe I was deserving, regardless of what I did.  I fought for things with the outer me believing I deserved them; but the inner me (subconscious), not so much.  The external image of people who consider themselves undeserving can totally mask the inner demons in the short term; however the inner demons will create self-sabotage and you start "getting in your own way" in the long term.

Now my self talk is.........Why am I worthy?  Because I was born.  Why am I deserving?  Because I was born.  Why am I enough?  Because I was born.........most of the time, anyway.  You get the idea.

Ahhhh, when the whack-a-mole is conquered, there is so much relief and our energy becomes focused on positive solutions.  Knowing that you are "enough" changes your entire life.   When you get past the public persona of anyone, that is where the truth begins.  The end game is to reflect positive beliefs back to yourself.  Put down the mallet and stop beating yourself up.  We want to nurture the mole, not whack it!!  Coming soon to a Chuck E Cheese near you;)

Have a wonderful day!!

Xoxo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to be nurturing and loving, releasing the need to hurt myself.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Beginning to Move Forward After Trauma

(Serious subject matter, no humor today)

Each of us have had our turn to be a victim.  Some for an instant, others in recurring situations, and more people that we can imagine are victims in both single incidents and chronic situations.  Trauma doesn't discriminate.  My intention with this blog is to lead you to a place where you can begin to feel safe and hopeful.  Counseling is a wonderful choice, but until you are ready, just know there is hope. 

We can become victims through a series of random events or victims because of our daily circumstances.  The difference between moving on from being a victim or not moving on, depends (in part) on the ability to feel safe.  Obviously, there are both physical and mental components to safety.  Feeling safe comes from within, in combination with inner strength from self-worth and self-esteem, after you have made outward changes.  

Those who advise to "get over it" without assistance, perhaps do not realize that no one consciously wants to live in fear.  "Getting over it" is a process, and we are all doing the best we can at any given point in time. We strive to do better, but we have to have hope in a better future and be ready to change.  We also need to change the self-talk that we are unsafe, undesirable, and unloved.  Change is possible for each of us.

There will always be memories of trauma, but the severity of negative emotions connected to the memory is open to change.  Even if things are so horrific that you can never recover completely, the knowledge that some relief is possible can bring hope to your life.

How can you make yourself feel safe after trauma occurs?  That is so very important.  If you can change your physical situation to make yourself feel safer, do it; but not to the point of closing yourself off from life.  

Feeling safe was extremely difficult for me.  I have bars installed on my basement windows, I have the best dead bolts, I have good locks on my other windows and two dogs.  I remind myself that statistics are in my favor for random trauma not happening to me.  Focus on what you can change, take action, release; "set it and forget it", as they say.

If your self-esteem is low, the humiliation and shame of being a victim is magnified.  Some people feel stuck in this place because they may believe the circumstances were their fault.  If your childhood wasn't ideal, maybe you had a home that didn't feel nurturing, safe, or loving; then you may believe that you don't deserve more.  I can tell you with absolute certainty that you are worthy and deserving of all life has to offer.

Move forward, one small step at a time.  Whatever your circumstances are or were, please know and understand that the past doesn't define your future.  You deserve to be healthy, safe, and happy.  If you believe you are at fault (even in the smallest way), find ways to release the negative emotions of guilt, blame, judgment, shame, pain, sadness, fear.  When you are ready, find someone who can help you.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xoxo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I allow myself to have hope in a better future.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

A Friend in Need.........

Let's say you have a situation and you need a lifeline.  You choose "phone a friend" please, Regis.  When you pull up your mental Rolodex, you might shift through your friend options based on each ones's normal "go to" assistance method.  

Some friends are listeners, some are fixers, some are validators. Wouldn't it be nice if you could order from a menu of what you needed and sent the completed order form to the friend pre-discussion?  Or would it? 

Perhaps you are given what you really need without even asking for it.  When people say you should see things that go wrong as blessings, my take on that is not to enjoy the bad days, but realize they are a reflection of what you truly believe about yourself, creating your personal road map to what needs to be changed in your life.

Some friends hit all the boxes and are able to listen, validate and offer advice.  When I've had a bad day, sometimes I think I just need to vent but then a friend makes a suggestion that blows me away.  When I call someone with older kids, her take on whether or not I'm overreacting is the perfect advice, because at some point, every mom thinks the mistakes we make will land our kids in juvie.  And after sharing the advice, she listens to my overreactions until I'm done (five hours later).

Good friends are the blessings in life that most of us could not live without, I am saying that with complete sincerity.  I love my listener friends, my fixer friends, my GNO friends, and my friends who would help me hide the body, if needed.  I love that I have so many friends that are willing to give me the honest truth, even when it hurts to hear it.  I know to reflect on that information when I'm ready.  On my worst days and with my closest friends, I can say that I just need to be validated, it's ok to know when I am overwhelmed and don't have the energy to learn and grow.

If I could, I would ask Regis to conference call in all of my friends, because each one has wonderful gifts and talents to share with me.  Be still my heart, I am lucky:)

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am thankful for my friends.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

For the Love of the Game

Why do you play?  For the love of the game??  It's not wrong to want more: fame; fortune; a Super Bowl ring; but pure intentions begin with love.  

What's the difference between two players who have the same innate skill level?  If you acquired your skill through the love of the game, it's stronger than if you are playing only to make it to "the show", as they say in Bull Durham.  You can't hide your intentions from yourself.

I love the story of the Mannings.  Archie and Olivia rock!  Rory Karpf who directed the ESPN documentary about them, was quoted in the New York Post saying,"You realize that Archie didn’t put pressure on his kids. I think as parents sometimes, whether we mean to or not, we do put pressure. He just gave his kids unconditional support and love.”  That says a lot, right??

Your game doesn't have to be sports, it can be the game of life.  We all need to start from a place of love.  Do you love the person that you are, if not, why not?  I love myself.  I also love my friends and family, my home, my routines.  When I'm aligned, it's a love fest for me.  Love doesn't translate to believing I'm perfect.  In fact, it's the opposite.  I love myself unconditionally: today only, imperfections are included at no additional charge.

If you haven't been supportive of yourself lately, get back in the game.  And if you don't know how to be loved unconditionally, ask the Archie and Olivia if they are open to adopting;)  Cooper, Peyton, Eli, and (your name here), that sounds like a nice Christmas card!!

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to choose activities for the love of doing them.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Are You Keeping Score?

If you do a favor for someone, and they say "thank you", is that good enough for you?  Or do you sometimes resent others because you feel like you get the short end of the stick?  Resentment keeps you stuck, meaning your brain believes that you are being taken advantage of and you are allowing yourself to accept less than you deserve.

The facts are neutral when it comes to resentment, if you are on a strict budget and willing to give someone your last dollar and you don't resent it, go for it.  If you are a millionaire and you chose not to share other than what's required by law and your conscious is clear, no problem.  It's all a comparison of your actions vs your personal belief system.

Yes, there are groups of people to whom this doesn't apply.  If you know any narcissics, sociopaths, people that are disconnected from empathy, those groups are above my pay grade.  I'm talking about most of us, the ones who want to leave the earth better for our existence, the ones who make an effort to learn and grow.

Within your personal belief system, there is a level of elasticity before a bounce back happens, meaning whatever your boundaries are, you will only allow a certain amount of "stretch" before you snap.  Knowing your limits is the key.  

So while being generous and keeping score isn't good if the result is resentment; the opposite end of the spectrum, being a doormat without keeping score, isn't any better.  A balance of helping in areas that interest you where you believe you have excess (without keeping score), is the ultimate goal to lowering resentment. If you have extra time, donate time.  If you have extra clothes, donate clothes.

The highest goal, though, is expanding your limits where you believe in lack (I can't give this freely because there isn't enough), where you believe there aren't unlimited opportunities for change and growth. The usual techniques help when you are trying to expand your limits: meditation, energy work, etc.  You can also help yourself by having an awareness of your boundaries and what issues bring up resentment for you.  Awareness is always the first step to change.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to be aware of any resentment I am holding in my life.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Supply and Demand, Why are Rare things Most Precious?

A warm day, after a long, cold, and record-setting winter, is precious in The Midwest.  By the end of the summer, some of us will be wishing for snow again.  

Childlike innocence brings joy to things that are plentiful, we might see a lawn full of weeds but toddlers love to blow the seeds off a dandelion, catch fireflies, and enjoy looking at the stars.  Does familiarity lessen your joy?

Why do we love diamonds more than glass?  Who decides which brand should cost more and be more exclusive?  It's partly ingredients and materials, when it comes to products; but it's also the majic of connecting our emotions to the item.

I can only control my own reactions.  My intention is to be grateful for things that are ordinary and plentiful:  my family and friends; a dependable car; a succulent piece of fruit on a warm day; my dogs; my bike; breakfast; lunch; dinner. 

We have all heard of gratitude journals.  They are simple but effective if done in the spirit in which they are intended.  When you use a gratitude journal, the part that most don't realize is that you have to connect the positive feeling to what you are grateful for; you must savor the memory.  Really, (this part is drumroll worthy) take the time to savor the ordinary.  That is the pathway to happiness.

When we bring childlike innocence and wonder to ordinary, plentiful things, our brains create pathways to joy that can be reinforced easily.  We want to make it easy to reinforce joy in our lives, because what we focus on multiplies.  

Can you fake happiness?  Maybe you can trick others but not yourself.  However, you can start over, look around and see things through a new set of eyes.  If you don't have kids, borrow your niece or nephew for a day.  Things look better and brighter after realizing again, for the first time, how wonderful it is to run through a sprinkler on a hot summer day (actually that would make me cry because I dislike being cold but you can insert your own simple pleasure here).

The best part about life, for me, is that every day is a "do over": a clean slate, the ability to start from scratch, a Mulligan.  The "new me" has the wisdom from the "old me", I only erase the parts I wish to modify.  As I practice making conscious choices,  I enjoy each experience as if it was new, precious, and rare.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to find miracles in every day life.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

When Taking a Leap of Faith, Make Sure You Can Make it to the Other Side

The risk-takers love to take the leap, the conservative folks like to test the wind, obsess about the conditions and usually take a pass while explaining the foolhardiness of the risk takers' actions.  Where are you in the spectrum of leaping?  We are all confident in some areas of our life, less confident in others.

Have you heard the phrase "the earth will rise up to meet you"?  That's only true if the chasm isn't too wide, meaning your brain can only believe in a reality that's not too far from the immediate truth; and more importantly you must have faith that is strong enough to hold you up when all that's under you is air. (online dictionaries state the obvious, all faith is blind)

We all take a leap of faith going to bed at night believing we will wake up in the morning; the "if I die before I wake" prayer covers the bases in case of emergency.   But if we really believed we had less than a 50% chance of not waking up, we wouldn't sleep very soundly, would we??

Do you wish you were more of a risk taker?  Do you wish someone in your life was less of one?  When we are expanding our limits, a step at a time is a proven strategy for success.

Like gymnasts and trapeze artists, we can practice with a safety net, that way our belief in success becomes strong enough to hold us even when the safety net is gone.  Although if your life is heading in the wrong direction or you are in a deep rut, a jarring leap may be called for to shake things up.

What's holding you back from taking the leap?  It's rewarding and beneficial to find a balance between routine and daring.  Do you expect failure or success?  There is no giant scoreboard showing everyone your mistakes, you have the freedom to become the person you have the potential to be, with the safety net of your own confidence and perseverance keeping you from disaster.

The truth is that in every breath we take, we have blind faith that we will be able to take another.  Is there a part of your life where you would like to be more adventurous?  Why not see where life can take you when you leap, (with caution, if necessary)?  

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to take a leap of faith in an area of my life where I desire growth.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Can You Access Your Spidey Senses?

If you watch NCIS, you know Gibbs solves a lot of cases by trusting his gut.  Hipsters call it using their "spidey senses".  We were all born with intuition but I wasn't able to access mine until I learned how to purposefully connect to it.

I do this by getting quiet, in a meditative state and asking questions to understand how I feel and what I really know about a situation.  If you were in a dysfunctional situation growing up, your intuition could be hidden beneath fear. 

People who are good at using their intuition recommend focusing on your third eye, imagining the flame of a candle there, watching it flicker.  Deep breathing, four counts in and four counts out, in a relaxed manner, also helps.  Andrew Weil has wonderful breathing techniques available.

Yes, a lot of people are able to feel their gut, or have an intuitive "hit", but if that wasn't reinforced for you as a child, it is a skill you can learn.  Perhaps you could never do anything right as a kid, were always corrected, no matter what choice you made.  That makes someone question and second-guess himself or herself.  Another issue could be families that have lots of secrets and they are being told to hide the truth.

I was having a session with someone recently, where my client wasn't sure what to do in a complicated situation.  We went to a meditative place, literally and figuratively, we discussed her values, her truth, we detached (discussed and decided to negate) information from someone who was trying to pressure and manipulate her, this allowed her to make choices based on her values and internal guidance without outside influences.

Just begin the process of knowing yourself.  That is the perfect first step.  Who you are, who you admire, who you want to become is all good information to understanding yourself.  Everyone has distractions but if you can make an intention to find some quiet time each day to connect with yourself, that is a wonderful way to find and develop your intuition.  

So when someone says his instincts are telling him to go with an idea, make a change, get out of Dodge, or how to know whether any decision is right or wrong, have faith in that; and know that you have the same special powers within you, you just have to find access, practice, and make sure you aren't allowing fear to lead you in the wrong direction.  You don't even have to have radioactive blood or be able to do whatever a spider can;)

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to connect to my intuition.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Is It Ugly to be Pretty?

A while ago, I heard a mom reprimanding her daughter by saying not to be ugly, meaning don't do ugly things.  That made me reflect on the different sides of the fence where people stand on beauty, which technically is supposed to be in the eye of the beholder, right? 

Aging women worry about being attractive enough to land a job; keep a man; like themselves; and be of value in a world where "pretty" has a high price tag.  Then there are those women who take pride in not taking care for themselves, proud of not getting caught up in the hoopla.  Is that better?

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine."  The internal light that is in each of us has the ability to shine brighter that we allow it to.  Most of us can see it in other peoples eyes, when it's authentic.  

That is how I see beauty. Am I letting my light shine, or hiding it to make other people feel more comfortable around me?  Being proud of who you are and what you look like is a good thing, when it's about living your truth.  

So the litmus test for all things related to our egos is:  do I feel compelled to do these things because I need other peoples' acceptance to be liked and loved?  In other words, am I doing it for myself or for other peoples' approval?  Do I care about other peoples' approval more than I care about what I think of myself?  We all need our groups, our tribes, our cliques.  Does my tribe still like me when I look my worst?  

We always have the ability to strengthen our internal lights.  But we have to feed the flames with the belief that beauty is innate; we have the right to love and accept ourselves just because we were born. It's not ugly to be pretty, nor is it prettier to be ugly.  Either way, if you are making choices only to feel superior to others, it is a losing battle; because as you age, your self-esteem will be lost when you are not the prettiest girl in the room anymore.

We are at our most beautiful when we are true to ourselves.  Louise Hay is a major advocate of mirror work, saying "I love and accept myself exactly as I am".  She suggests saying it three to four hundred times a day in front of a mirror.  That is the biggest gift you can give to yourself.  It sounds simple but so many people I have talked to don't really love themselves fully and completely.  If you are uncomfortable doing it, that's an indication that you should do it.

Through thick and thin, you are the constant in your own life.  Let's enjoy taking care of our outer beauty while we are working on increasing the core of our inner beauty, self-worth, self-esteem.  That inner strength will enable us to live our best lives and feel beautiful at any age and in any set of circumstances.

Have a wonderful day.

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I love myself, fully and completely, as I am at this moment in time.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Horseback Riding as a Metaphor for Life

I've never enjoyed horseback riding. I have had numerous opportunities to ride the trail with groups of tourists and it never felt instinctive or right. Back in the day, I even rode the mechanical bull at one of those bars; while I stayed on, it wasn't pretty and it wasn't fun for me..........but I was proud of being the only one of my friends that wasn't thrown off the bull;)

I read a book about someone who loved horses and wanted to share that love with his friend.  He set the intention that the person he was with, who was afraid of horses, would learn how to ride a horse with gradual and consistent exposure to it. There were no time constraints, there was no money involved, it was going to happen.  The friend agreed with it but had no confidence about the outcome.  

So I started thinking about the difference between my experiences and this one, my experiences were where you paid a price and a group of us got onto the horses with some instruction and off we went, 30-45 minutes later, we all had our expectations met and on to the next group.  I personally didn't even realize what else was possible or how it could have been a  better experience.

Then, I remembered our family went horseback riding in Mexico when I was a teenager (my dad worked there for a year) with really old horses on a dangerous, steep trail and I think a few of us thought we weren't going to finish the ride without disaster striking.  Even though I had forgotten about what happened that day, the fear carried through to every other experience I had with horses, regardless of whether or not it was safe.

Fast forward to the book I was reading............. the horse owner fully believed that his friend was going to learn and understand how to be in tune with the horse, they were going to continue with each small step until it became routine and instinctive. The novice was led through the instructions, in a slow-paced, non-confrontational manner until the skills were learned and developed.  There was strength and perseverance from the owner, which was felt by his friend.  The process became enjoyable as the tension of learning a new skill was released.

To me, that is part of unconditional love. I will support you, with patience.  I will be there to assist you in overcoming your fear and lack of skills, I will not degrade you or demean you in any manner. Together, we will walk this path and you will be a better person for your efforts. Yes, please. I wanna be a cowgirl!!

What a difference it makes to be supported without judgment and ridicule. To me, that's the difference between just living and soaring, being supported as we learn how to fly, or ride, or attempt any new skill.  As an adult, I sometimes hesitate to try new things because I don't want to be embarrassed. What a world it would be if we could all be fearless when it comes to new skills and adventures. 

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra: I intend to be supportive of others who are choosing to learn new skills.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

You Snooze, You Lose, or Do You??

I usually hate to shop, when I see ads for Black Friday, it makes me feel overwhelmed.  Is there only one chance to get a good deal on that toaster?  Ha ha, that was in jest..........I completely understand there is a culture for Black Friday shoppers and the fact that it's not only about the purchases, of course I get it, I am an American.   But what about the special gift with purchase at the make up counter or the items we buy from 3am infomercials?  Is a movie really better on opening day?  Are we creating an unnecessary sense of urgency in our lives?

I am not immune to feeling a sense of urgency but most of the time I do have the awareness of it enough to make something a choice instead of feeling compelled to do it.  I believe there are unlimited opportunities for making good things happen in your life and that belief brings me more peace and contentment.  

If we bring it down to only competing with ourselves, we know that there isn't just one job, not just one dream home, nor just one best option for most of the choices we make.  With that knowledge comes relief and with relief comes a sense of self and an ability to do our best in potentially stressful situations.  

The newest research says that some stress is good for us, but we all should know that staying in a hyper-vigilant state where we force ourselves to keep up with the latest and greatest, and then we second guess our decisions isn't good for us.  

So if you like to snooze, then you should.  If you like to be an early bird, have fun with that.  But know that your best efforts come from being true to yourself, allowing yourself the gift of peace from the knowledge that you know what's best for you, and you will know when the timing is right for you.  And, hey, if you're going to the sale anyway, can you pick me up a toaster if it's a good deal;)

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to release the belief that I only have one chance to fulfill my dreams.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

It's Not Always About Me............Part 2

When I was growing up, hot lunch at school was a luxury for my family. I did the walk of shame past the cafeteria and set my brown bag down feeling unworthy of whatever was being served each day. When my kids went to school, everyone brown bagged their lunches except hot lunch was optional once a week.  That was my favorite day of the week!!

The fact that some kids might not be able to afford hot lunch weighed heavily on my conscious.  I remember calling the vice principal at the elementary school to offer money anonymously to kids that couldn't afford the weekly hot lunch.  I believe at the time she told me it was taken care of by some sort of home and school program, I don't remember the details but it didn't work out that I was able to do that.

Our elementary school transitioned into having the option of hot lunch every day. I remember getting so excited and saying to myself "as God is my witness I will sacrifice what ever it takes to give my kids the money for hot lunch".  That's a wee bit more exaggerated than what really happened, but you get the idea.

My son can be a hard nut to crack.  Fast forward about two years later after hot lunch came to our elementary school and come to find out my son hated buying hot lunch. "What?" I exclaimed.  He thought I was angry but in reality I was incredulous!  How could anyone not like hot lunch? 

It was my brass ring, my utopia!! I couldn't imagine anything better. I think it one time I saw unicorn behind the counter of my grade school cafeteria as I walked by!!  

There's a moral to my story. Sometimes the homemade sandwich is better than the thrill of buying hot lunch.  My thrill is not everyone else's thrill. If your voice is stronger than someone else's, because you have a strong personality or because the other person is younger than you or dependent on you, make sure you understand his or her opinion before a reward turns into a punishment.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo
Conni

Today's Mantra:  Everyone is different and I choose to honor other people's choices.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

No Thank You, but I Love You

My extended family loves to make fun of me for this one, but that hasn't stopped me yet, ha ha. They even made it into a song.  Saying "no thank you, but I love you" means I don't agree with what you're asking, but you are not being rejected by me when I am saying no to your request.

If you take it personally when someone says "no" to you (and most of us do), that means that you have a negative charge on that issue. Saying "no thank you, but I love you" takes away the sting, takes away the rejection of saying no to somebody. 

Again it's about healthy boundaries based on your personal values, beliefs, and circumstances. Sometimes it is so much easier to say yes, to friends, to coworkers, to kids, to random people who call you on the phone and ask you to donate a kidney.  (I actually am a registered bone marrow donor, btw.)  But if you say yes and resent it, it actually works against you in the long run.

"Mom, may I go to this party........order the large milkshake........hang out downtown all night?"

"No, thank you, but I love you."

"But Mom, everyone else gets to go........have that.........do that."

Everyone has different rules and that's totally fair.   Each family's set of rules aren't good or bad, they are just different from ours.  I am comfortable with my decision of saying no. And I do love you unconditionally.

Every request isn't a no for us, we all try to give our kids, friends, coworkers most or all of what they need and some of what they want.  It's always good to have clear intentions, and it's fair to take steps to change boundaries when you have decided they should be changed.  Baby steps are best when changing the status quo.  

Hey, if you have time, can you bring dinner to my family tonight??  I'll be out of commission for a few days because I am donating bone marrow to a stranger. (JK)

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I have clear boundaries and I say "no" with ease and grace.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

When Digging Deep, Don't Get Stuck in Fear

When people tell you to dig deep, you need to go through a layer or multiple layers of fear before you can find your truth. Digging deep and questioning your personal truth is a learned skill, a muscle that you have to flex and build. 

At first, it is incredibly time-consuming to rethink all of your thought processes. However, if you're able to realize things that are truth versus things that are judgments, you're able to pick up on judgments being held through a filter of faulty perception. This can sometimes be fear and we have to realize that fear is the place where we need to question our belief systems.

Yes, the truth will set you free, as the saying goes, but first you might go down a few blind alleys before you get to the actual truth. Here's an example, I tried to use the filter of what is considered "the right thing to do" before I make decisions. Now that I've gotten used to understanding filters and which ones are based on fear, I realize that what's considered the right thing to do is different for each person.  

I know for me the right thing to do is to supplement my currently limited income. I started looking at job websites, and I was considering jobs that I knew I would've hated, jobs that would've pulled me down into the place where I was completely and totally unhappy. I was talking myself into why I could put up with things that would be bad for me.

Once I started realizing that the right thing to do is to understand the truth of what I love and didn't love, releasing fear, I realized that doing a job I hated was not adhering to my personal truth. In fact, I was using a filter of fear based on trying to gain other people's approval and the filter led me to consider positions that were completely and totally wrong for me. 

Obviously things are different if you're in a situation where minimum-wage makes or breaks your family's ability to pay for a roof over their heads. That's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about finding your personal truth in a situation that isn't a crisis. In this situation, you need to release the filters of fear and find your own personal truth finding a job or making any decision that would enhance rather than detract from your life. The truth will set you free. But it's the fearless truth that is your ultimate goal.

Have a wonderful day.

Xo
Conni

Mantra: I intend to know what my personal truth is and take action to follow it.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Guilt is a Wasted Emotion after You Have Done Your Best

I just met a friend of mine while I was taking a walk. She was telling me she travels back-and-forth to a different state to take care of her mother who has dementia. Her mother is in a home and my friend was racked with guilt because she couldn't be there full-time since her family lives here. 

"I feel so guilty", she said. "Why?" I questioned. Guilt is a wasted emotion after you've done your best. She's been back-and-forth and back-and-forth being with her mom as much as she possibly can.

Her family is here and she has commitments here and she can't move there full-time and she can't be there full-time.

She has so many reasons why she can't be there, but she still feels the guilt. We can let go of guilt if it's not serving us for a higher purpose. There's absolutely no reason to feel guilty if you've done your best and you can't do anymore. 

Your best is what's best for you based on your own values and judgments. You should let go of anyone else's values and judgments - each and every single person has their own set. All you have to worry about is your relationship with yourself and any higher power that you believe in. 

Other than that, no one is perfect. The old saying that people in glass houses shouldn't throwstones is extremely appropriate. Each of us lives in our own glass house. No one is perfect - we are all doing the best we can.  Allowing yourself to release guilt actually gives you more energy to do the things that you need to do in your life. Guilt is a wasted emotion. Once you've done the best you can, let it go.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo
Conni

Today's mantra:  I choose to release guilt when I have done my best.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

 

Beating Yourself Up Doesn't Help

No matter what your vice, beating yourself up over your mistakes will only make it worse.

Candace Pert is quoted as saying "forgiving yourself and others for errors of the past will allow you to heal". This is so very true. Each day, we need to start with a clean slate. Before we do that, we can forgive ourselves for whatever mistakes are made after we forgive ourselves and make amends, we must move on and let it go. 

Continuing to beat yourself up over prior mistakes is a vicious cycle. The more you beat yourself up, the more likely you are to make more mistakes. So, creating a fresh start every day is imperative to continuing your pathway to success. The more you're able to let go of your mistakes each day, the more likely you are to create more success.

Start with an intention to do better than before. That is enough.  Baby steps are the way to go. No one is able to create massive change overnight. We all have to take a step at a time and to create lasting change. The way we do this is to continue to do our best and forgive ourselves each and every time we make a mistake.

I believe the greatest disservice the people we idolize can do is to pretend that change was easy for them.  Sound bites do not really show the depth of commitment it takes to create lasting change.  

The good news is that change doesn't have to be hard, just continuous.  Staying positive doesn't mean you are perfect, it means to become aware, make amends, release, and let go.  

Stay positive in your hope that the future is better and know you always have the right to forgive yourself.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni  

Today's Mantra:  I intend to do better today than yesterday and I forgive myself for my mistakes.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.