"The Vault"

What if we each took one memory, the one where we made an epic mistake and it caused the most pain in our lives............what if we put the memory in "The Vault"?  "The Vault" makes it impossible for judgment to be attached to that memory.  If it comes to mind, we say:  "can't judge it, it's in the vault."  No exceptions or substitutions, please; move along, nothing to see here.........

It will only accept the mistake after we have asked for forgiveness and tried to make amends, of course.  That's a "given".  Those two actions need to be logical next steps for our mistakes because guilt and shame "swept under the rug" accumulate and take away our superpowers.  We need access to our full superpowers to lead our best lives.

"The Vault" neutralizes negative feelings, so we no longer have to go over and over what we could have done better in the situation: we get it, OK?  Now that you are onboard this train, let's take it another step and say we can add to "The Vault" whenever we feel the need.  If you limit your opportunities to release shame surrouding epic mistakes, you might want to dig a little deeper on that......

We are the culmination of the wisdom learned from our past experiences but we have to release the judgment in order to give the best of ourselves to the world.  Forgiveness is the key, always, after we clean up our messes.  Holding onto the guilt, blame, and shame of the past doesn't help anyone.  We have the ability to start with a clean slate every day:  "Hello, World, this is me!!  I can make you a better place, just watch me:)"

Knowing that you have the potential to change for the better leads to feelings of hope and peace.  It is a great thing that each day brings another opportunity to make positive changes.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am choosing to put my epic mistakes into "The Vault".

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

People Say Love Builds Bridges, I Believe Empathy Builds Stronger Bridges

You can love someone without feeling empathy for them.  That is called conditional love; that is when you feel like you can love them but draw the line at understanding or approving of them.  We can be harsh while telling someone that we love them.

Merriam-Webster.com defines empathy as:  :  "the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also :  the capacity for this".  

Empathy provides an attachment to someone, or a group of people because we are able to have a glimpse of what it might feel like to walk in their shoes.  The difference in situations that include empathy makes something that looked like a "yes" or "no" decision have a possibility of compromise and growth.

No matter what the final outcome of difficult situations might be, empathy brings special significance to the table because it allows compassion for other peoples' feelings to become part of the equation.  Have you ever heard someone say they understand what you are going through but you know it is untrue?  Some people have a harder time feeling compassion and empathy than others do.  People who have experienced emotional or physical abandonment during their formative years may be less able to feel empathy for others, and will also be hard on themselves.

When we focus on creating empathy, we are bringing something to the table that many people don't use, either by choice or by lack of awareness.  We offer to others the gift of taking judgment off the table, being able to see beyond whether or not something is a "good" or "bad" decision vs. knowing someone has done the best that he/she can do based on circumstances and where the person is in his or her life.

Harsh judgment of a situation, "I need to teach them a lesson" is less empathetic than giving someone the benefit of the doubt.  We all would do more for a personal friend than for a stranger.  What if we used that criteria for all people?

I have heard this example before, there is someone in front of you in traffic who didn't have split-second timing moving through a turn signal.  What if we honk our horn, basically saying "move it, you Bleep, Bleep Bleep" only to realize it's a close friend who had just brought you an amazing birthday present the week before?  Can we all take a moment to understand if we can more easily forgive someone we like, why is that different than forgiving someone we don't know?

Empathy is key to making an effort to understand people who are different than we are.  It is a wonderful basis of unconditional love.  If we had a judge and jury trying to decide what happens to us if we make a public mistake, wouldn't we prefer that the group has empathy for our situation?  It makes all of the difference in the world.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to use a filter of empathy when considering other peoples' actions.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Food Cowboy, Please Pass it Along

OK, all in favor of feeding the hungry without additional cost to you, raise your hands.  Have you heard of Food Cowboy?

From its website:  "Food Cowboy uses mobile technology to safely route surplus food from wholesalers and restaurants to food banks and soup kitchens instead of to landfills. It was started in 2012 by Roger Gordon, a lawyer and former caterer, his brother Richard, a long-haul truck driver specializing in hauling fresh produce, and Barbara Cohen, Ph.D., the author of the USDA’s Community Food Security Assessment Toolkit."

I always wondered why institutions threw out food.  The answer I received, when I asked the question, was that people didn't want to assume liability for food that they couldn't control once it left the premises.  From the website:  "What about liability?  The Good Samaritan Food Donation Act protects food donors from liability for damages caused by donations of apparently wholesome food that they donate in good faith."

Have you heard of dumpster diving for food?  Doesn't this seem easier?  Why doesn't everyone know about this?  Other questions I had were answered on their website, also.

Here's to Roger and Richard Gordon.  What wonderful world it would be if we all used our powers for good!!  I am in awe of creative solutions.  Creative and low-cost solutions are worth their weight in gold.  

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  Food Cowboy, please pass it on.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

What Inspires You??

Some friends and I were discussing how a piece of artwork can inspire someone. I started to think about the beauty and strength of the Olympic symbol, it has incredible power. (If that isn't considered artwork, it should be.)  I love the symbolism of a circle:  never-ending.

There is the circle of life. When we join this human existence, we have no idea of how it will be finalized for us. We know that we're on a continuous path as individuals, while also part of the whole.

We can think about ourselves individually as a person, as part of a state, as part of the nation, and as part of the world. When I look at the Olympic symbol, I see how we are all interconnected with our hopes and dreams. We all have goals of who we want to become.  Perseverance and the ability to push ourselves, mentally and physically, will lead us to the next level.  

The Olympics are inspiring but even the most conditioned Olympic athlete couldn't push himself every day of his life, he needs a rest period. Rest is the other side of the coin as we are moving toward our goals and hopes and dreams. We all can take opportunities to understand our difficulties and rise from the ashes, stronger and more powerful.

We are all individuals whose lives are intertwined. Barriers between groups can be considered optional because we cannot exist alone, and personal barriers of our belief systems need to be reconsidered so we can grow mentally. "Thank you" to my friends and to strangers who push me beyond my barriers. As I believe our ultimate job is to learn and grow, sometimes a push is what we need. 

According to Pagan Kennedy at NYtimes.com, "Baron Pierre de Coubertin, founder of the modern Olympics, was a French aristocrat with an enormous waxed mustache that hung on his face like a rogue accent mark. In 1914, the baron announced that he had designed a symbol for the 20th anniversary of the Games. 'This, truly, is an international emblem,' he wrote of the five rings, linked together to suggest the unity of humankind."

Unity of humankind, yes, please!!  If we set an intention, every day, to feel united, imagine what we could achieve. 

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra: I choose to feel united to mankind.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"Celebrate Good Times, Come On"

Have you gotten to the point during a holiday exchange where you are gifting and receiving and gifting and receiving?  Someone is bound to mention it would be easier if we all just bought exactly what we wanted to save the hassle, right?  If you said "yes", you would be wrong.....it was totally a trick question.

We all deserve to be celebrated!!  Part of being celebrated is celebrating ourselves with self-care.  It's also important to celebrate with groups.  Yes, it would be easier if we all just bought exactly what we wanted but it takes away the celebration.  Too much is not good, but just enough celebration is perfection.  We wouldn't want to have Christmas every day.  We wouldn't want to have a wedding to go to every weekend, but it is perfect to have fun things on our calendars to anticipate!!

We all have our own barometer for when "enough is enough", and that is good and valid.  Please, though, don't allow "zero fun, zero celebration" to become your baseline, because life without celebration is sad.  

This is totally a "first world" problem, isn't it?  We are very lucky.  Although, those Canadians and Europeans can celebrate with the best of them.  Don't get me started on how much vacation they have, I'm totally jealous!!!

Sometimes we make ourselves so efficient with our duties that we loose track of our plans for fun.  Let's schedule it in so we don't let the time pass without memorable events.  The story of our lives should be filled with enough celebration to balance the sadness that is inevitable.

So here's to the backyard summer BBQs, to fireworks, to ice cream socials, and shindigs; here's to the planners, the "back of the house" staff, and the clean up crew.  We value each and every person who has given us a reason and/or the time, money, and effort to celebrate!!  Making good memories is a wonderful habit.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  Celebrate good times and make plans to celebrate often!

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Moving Away From Powerlessness

Powerless is bad, we all know that.  Did you know that trying to move from powerlessness to irritation is healthy?  Let's say I'm being bullied at school, when I am beaten down, I might think and feel powerless, thinking "well, if everyone is picking on me, there might be a reason, they might think I'm (insert insult here), I might deserve it."  This in no way, in no way, justifies someone else's bad behavior, no, no, no.  I'm only saying how someone may feel after being abused over and over again.

One small step in a healthier direction could be allowing oneself to be irritated instead of feeling powerless.  In this instance, I could allow myself to think, "you know what, it really bugs me when he does that, not cool, dude.  I deserve better, just because I am a human being.  No one deserves to be abused."  Ok, we are getting somewhere.  Irritation is doable in taking steps away from powerlessness and we can rock this.

Let's pretend you have a forcefield, the forcefield is your belief that you are impenetrable from abuse.  Again, if there are 50 steps to growing our inner strength, this is "step 2"; but we are on our way.  We can do a two minute power pose, see post on Amy Cuddy's work........we can go in the bathroom before the period when we see the bully and do our pose while saying to ourselves, "not cool, dude, I deserve better."

Then there is rage, you've seen it, I've seen it.  Rage is a more powerful emotion, for sure, but it's not something to aspire to.  Chronic rage can be incredibly destructive.  It may seem better compared to powerlessness, and it is stronger, but it's not better.  We all have the capacity for rage, but there are healthier ways to get things accomplished on an ongoing basis in our lives.   

When I was working at my first real job, I worked with a client who was filled with rage. He would call up and yell and scream at most of us.  I still remember his name and the feeling of what it was like to be screamed at.  That was part of my background so I was used to it, I listened and listened.  Yup, if he is screaming, I must deserve it. 

My boss's boss pulled me aside one day and say, "you don't have to take it, you can tell him you are hanging up and are willing to talk when he can control himself."  I thought, "I can do that?"  Yeah, baby!!

In the journey of life, we all come into contact with abuse.  Sometimes, our challenges of protecting ourselves are greater.  Knowing that abuse is not deserved is our first step to change.  If you are dependent on someone who abuses you, there are important factors to consider when making changes and it is acknowledged that no one can understand your decisions unless they have walked in your shoes.

Just know that powerlessness is your worst enemy and finding a way to feel powerful is your friend.  We are all in this together.  You are not alone.

Have a great day.

Xo

Conni 

Today's Mantra:  I know with absolute certainty that abuse is undeserved.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Let's "Go There" For Deeper Changes

Are you blocked (trying to change without success)?  One reason you may be blocked is that you're not willing to "go there" in your mind.   There could be a teeny, weeny part of you that has a negative reaction to things you mostly feel good about. Sometimes I see other people who are trying to get over an issue that they don't like about themselves and the unresolved conflict becomes an obstacle to their desires.

When something comes up that bothers them (something about themselves that they don't like) instead of taking on that thought; they say "nope, nope, nope, nope, nope" I'm gonna stop this right now.  I'm not going to think about it.  I'm going to deny it; it's too ugly.  I'm going to push that thought back down to where it belongs.  Go away bad thoughts!!  

As a technique to break the cycle of bad thoughts, I use a red circle with an "x" in it, in my mind.  That is "Step 1" in our process, having our minds stop the negative self-talk that goes in punishing circles.  "Step 2" is to eliminate the residual thoughts that are still hanging out.

Denying that a bad thought exists pushes the thought deeper; eliminating the bad thought stops it from coming back.  Denial actually makes it worse; giving it strength, like the root of a weed when you cut off only the top. 

The fact that you have a whisper of something about yourself that you find distasteful means you know for sure that it's something that you really don't like. And the things that you don't like about yourself are the things that you must further evaluate.

Maybe you hear some great news about a family you know.  You are truly happy for them.  "Congrats, wonderful news, so exciting!!!"  You really are sincere about your joy.  But underneath that, your hidden thoughts might be, "What about me?  When is my turn?  I'm good enough, too!  Here I am, waiting patiently, people......"

Tapping into these deeper thoughts is golden.  It gives us the information we need to find and eliminate the thoughts that are creating conflict.  The initial thought could be that it is jealously, but we truly are happy for our friends' successes.  On the surface, we don't even realize we are partially sad.  

We are allowed to have our turn.  That's reasonable.  We all deserve good things to happen to us.  Underneath, we may be feeling that we are undeserving of happiness.  Feeling undeserving may get confused with feelings of jealously, so it can get complicated.

Being able to identify our underlying negative thoughts will help us unravel why we get stuck.  All information is good information, because once these hidden beliefs are identified, we can work toward change.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will be aware of negative self-talk that comes up underneath positive feelings.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"Oh the Places You'll Go"

"Congratulations!

Today is your day!

You're off to Great Places!

You're off and away......

.....You can steer yourself

any direction you choose...

....So be sure when you step.

Step with care and great tact.

And remember that Life's

A Great Balancing Act.

.....Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting

So.....get on your way."

One of my favorite authors, Dr. Seuss, (Theodor Seuss Geisel 1904-1991) was brilliant in his simplicity.  I left out the negative parts of the book:  self-doubt, wasting time, and indecision.  We all know that life can be sad, at times unforgiving.

My hope for you, is the same for me

That we are supported in low points

And we share times of glee.

We all hope for happiness, hope for no pain

But life is uncertain, some loss and some gain.

Good luck can win the race or the game, but the

Best luck is more friends that can be counted or named.

Be true to yourself and find balance each day

Our time here is short and we all slip away.

Friendships and family all add to our worth

With glimpses of Heaven from Angels on earth.

So be who you are and do what you do

Our best is our best and I'm rooting for you!!

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to win with determination, while appreciating my friends and family.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Help Me

Do you need someone to save you?  Or are you looking for someone to support you while you are saving yourself?  The difference is more important that you may believe.  

Truth be told, we don't have to do everything for ourselves  We don't have to be competent in every skill in the world.  There are entire industries of people willing to help us for a price.  

What is your "default" button as you go through the day?  Are you asking everyone their opinions about everything and trying to come up with a consensus?  Or are you looking for information to make the best decision on your own?  Some people look toward the most powerful person they know for the answer, which may be right or may be wrong.

If you always doubt yourself, before and after decision-making, that's a clue.  People with high self-esteem make a decision and "put it to bed".  If they find out later they had made a mistake, they accept the consequences and move on.

When our deepest fears are involved, we tend to get overwhelmed really quickly.  One of my deepest fears is about safety, so I raise my hand for help faster with safety than with other issues.  I am working on it, though.

If you are looking outward for help, always believing others are smarter, stronger, better and more deserving than you are; there is some powerlessness inside of you that is causing conflict.  When you know you are enough, as you are at this moment in time, that brings harmony and peace to your actions.

And just to keep you on your toes, you may be powerful in certain areas of your life and feel powerless in other areas.  I've been there, reaching out:  help me, please help me.  I will be there again, too.  It's all a process, so don't worry or think you are broken when you have those days of crisis and needing to be saved.  S'all good, I promise!!

I heard an interview between Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant where Iyanla was asked her best and favorite prayers.  She said one was "help me" and if that didn't work, the next one was, "help me, now".  If you are asking for help, you are not alone.

The difference may seem subtle but is very important distinction in our personal growth:  "help me" as I know I am innately adequate but this is a difficult or new area for me vs. "help me" because I can't trust myself to know if I am making the right decision.  If we are inexperienced at something, there is always a learning curve, but believing we have the ability to learn should be our underlying thought.

We will all need to be saved at times during our journey.  Building our self-esteem allows us to help ourselves, when possible, and ask for help when we are out of our depth.  Going inward to identify the intention is the take-away here.  If you feel like you have worked through your toolbox and need help, or are in a crisis or a state of emergency; reaching out is the next step.  If you are reaching out because you feel insecure, going inward to work on those beliefs is important for growth.

It's not wrong to ask for help, especially if you are making changes in your life.  It only means that one of your internal blocks is not believing in yourself in this new area.  When I feel inadequate about something, I ask a friend to "hold my hand" as I become comfortable with a new skill.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  When possible, I look internally at my intention before asking for help.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

My Answer, After Much Consideration, is World Peace

Of course, we all want world peace, an end to hunger, and putting a stop to those people who club baby seals.  That is the perfect answer for the judges, to the question "How would you change the world?"  As always, to clarify, it's not a good or bad answer, just more general than what we need for the purpose of change.  Do you know what you really want, after you've been crowned?  An answer given on television for the world to see may or may not be the whole truth.  So if you have a chance to ponder your answer, it will become more personal and therefore more useful to you.

What if the secret to changing the world was changing ourselves?  We have a greater opportunity to change the world when we live our best, most productive lives.  This is supposed to be the good life, your good life.  Do you secretly yearn for a garden while living in a high-rise in the city?  Your yearnings are speaking to you, trying to light your pathway to peace and happiness.

I love the water, but I am landlocked in the midwest.  The people who have had similar yearnings understand that about me, but people who love the "mountains to the prairies" don't "get" me.  That's ok, I just need to "get" myself, because I adore those "oceans, white with foam".  (I. Berlin)

So I head to the water as often as possible and that is where I am at my best.  Are you finding time in your schedule to match your passions to your time?  If not, why not?

"Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."  (Jill Jackson/Sy Miller)  Because a more peaceful "me" will make the world a better place and I will have more opportunities to help others when my ability to take care of myself remains a priority.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.