The "Ins" and "Outs" of Self-Worth (inferiority, inadequacy, outcasts and feeling left out)

Inferiority and inadequacy can make it difficult to find joy in life.  I used to believe when I found a subject I wasn't good at, I needed to master it.  Wow, that's a lot of pressure.  I'm not a domestic goddess and I don't know how to change a tire, but I'm good at lots of other things, and that is something to be proud of.  What are you proud of?

Being true to ourselves means owning who we are and what we excel at, whether it's mainstream or obscure.  It's much more difficult to fit in at a younger age if you hate the activites that most love or if you love the activities that most dislike.  As we get older, it's easier to find groups of people who share similar interests.

Being an outcast or feeling left out makes us feel isolated.  We all have the basic human need of belonging.  If you aren't good at sports at a high school where sports are revered, just know that as you get older, your brilliance can be explored in non-athletic ways.  Knowing we are "enough" just the way we were born, is one of the most important concepts in having self-worth.

Once you figure out that one of the keys to happiness is to celebrate your uniqueness, life gets exponentially better.  In the meantime, if you are in a place where you are feeling alone, try reaching out to build friendships and partnerships with others who share your passions.  You are worth it!!

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to be proud of my unique gifts and talents.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Do You Withhold Judgment?

"I can't believe he hasn't gotten back to me yet", I heard someone say today.  I'm not sure who "he" is but it doesn't matter.  When someone in my childhood hadn't heard back from someone, she thought they were dead.  That's not a good leap, but thinking someone is incompetent for not responding might not be an accurate leap, either.

In the land of perfect communication, it would be great if the recipient responded with information even if he or she couldn't yet give the information we were asking for.  "Thanks for your inquiry, I have requested an update from my counterpart in charge of the project but he is out of the office today so there will be a delay to your answer."

With this age of constant communication, it's overwhelming and difficult to keep up with all of the information being requested.  My intention is to discuss the judgment factor and give someone the benefit of the doubt, if possible.

When running a business, it's not fair to anyone to keep employees who don't do their jobs.  We all know that to be true.  In a capitalist society, it's unrealistic to be charitable to someone who displays an ongoing disregard for the requirements of a job.  Thoughtlessness and carelessness are more difficult to understand that a set of unforeseen or undesirable circumstances (health issues, an accident).  

I have been responsible for large groups of employees.  In retrospect, I've made good and bad decisions reacting to someone's lack of response to an issue.  As I learn and grow, my personal goal is to try, when possible, to gather and consider the relevant facts in a situation before making a judgment about competency.  We all hope to be given leniency for our mistakes, including lack of communication.  Taking a moment before reacting can allow us to make better choices when deciding someone's fate.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will make an effort to gather facts before judging someone.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Is Focus Bad?

Sometimes, using laser-sharp focus on an issue can create tunnel vision.  Laser-sharp focus sounds like the best choice as we use our knowledge and skills to solve problems.  The truth is, when we focus on trying to find a solution, we could lose creativity that may have provided an easier, better solution.

When people talk about being open to new possibilities, this is what it means.  If you have done something the same way, over and over again, you may be missing out on new possibilities that have become available.  With easy decisions, it might not be an important distinction.  For example, if you walk the same path every day, you might be missing out on new, beautiful surroundings if you adjusted your path a few steps in a different direction.

For more complex decisions, like how to pay for college, searching for scholarships may not allow you to realize that certain state schools in surrounding states are little or no cost to someone with a good GPA, unless you know how to look for that information.  Especially for large decisions, information is overwhelming.  When you input search criteria into your search engine, the results that come back might not offer you broader options than what you requested.

The metaphors used are just examples of any small or large decision in life, but the thought process holds true for the possibility of missing out when restrictions are based on old thinking.  Being open to regrouping will allow different answers to unfold for the questions being asked.  Knowing how to open our minds to better solutions that what we believe currently exists can become priceless.

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to open my mind to new possibilities.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"You're Worth More Than Gold"

Here are part of the lyrics to another of my favorite songs, written by Britt Nicole.

"You're one in a million, this, this is for all the girls

Boys all over the world

Whatever you been told

You're worth more than gold

So hold your head up high

It's your time to shine

From the inside out it shows

You're worth more than gold.........

All the rain in the sky

Cant put out your fire

Of all the stars out tonight

You shine brighter..........

So don't let anybody tell you that you're not loved

And don't let anybody tell you that you're not enough

Yeah, there are days when we all feel like we're messed up

But that truth is that we're all diamonds in the rough..........

So don't be ashamed to wear you're crown

You're a king, you're a queen inside and out

You glow like the moon, you shine like the sun

This goes to you, wherever you are.........

So hold your head up high

It's your time to shine"

If those words make you feel uncomfortable, maybe dig a bit deeper as to why you can't give yourself permission to shine and shine brightly.  We all take compliments and criticism differently for many reasons, our environments as we grew up are a factor. 

We all have had negative things happen to us, that is another factor.  If you can't accept the belief that you are worth the best life has to offer you, it will diminish your ability to break through self-imposed barriers, or self-sabatoge.  

Each day is a new opportunity to shine.  Do you wake up excited about the day ahead or do you wake up dreading each day?  In the spectrum of happiness, the hopeless and helpless have more to work through than adjusting attitudes.  But for most of us, we can begin to change our perspectives with tools that move us toward our goals.  

We are all lovable.  We are all worthy and deserving of great things.  You have it believe it on the inside.  "You're a queen inside and out."

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  "You're worth more than gold."

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"This is Gonna Be the Best Day of My Life"

If you aren't in the habit of setting intentions, it's a great habit to start.  First thing in the morning, if you can carve out five minutes, setting intentions will bring an awareness to moments of your day and how you react to good or bad situations. 

We all have minor daily irritations.  Everything from bad traffic to forgetting to defrost something for dinner can throw us off our games.  Setting an intention, "this is gonna be the best day of my life" can help us to find ways to take focus off the bad and maximize the good.  The goal is releasing the effects of minor irritations as quickly as possible.

It takes practice and commitment but it's worth its weight in gold (or Bitcoin).  When we come across a minor daily irritation, concentrating on our breath begins the process of staying in the moment.  Some issues that bother us become chronic.  It's possible to have some control over those items.

I've mentioned before, someone suggested writing down your top irritations and working through the ones you can control.  My husband just replaced the pads on the bottom of our kitchen chairs, a few were worn out.  I bought new cookie sheets over the holidays, my old ones bothered me whenever I used them.  Can you set aside a few hours to lower your ongoing irritation level?  Making a list is a great step.  Sometimes we don't even realize the little things that really bother us.

Other irritations can't be controlled, that is when we have to remind ourselves nothing is perfect in this world.  If you can't let stress roll off your back, yoga and other mind-body activities work well for letting go.  

It's always one step at a time.  Hopefully, we are heading in the right direction as we take each step.  

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I chose to minimize the effects of daily minor irritations.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Do You Take Care of Yourself in Mind, Body and Soul?

I started doing yoga.  I have been taking care of my mind for many years, processing negative memories that needed to be acknowledged and released.  I have become a more healthy eater, taking care to choose better ingredients, when possible.  I did other forms of exercise, but yoga is bringing it all together for me.

Vinyasa is a form of yoga where you go through poses as a flow and the room temperature is 88 degrees.  Some teachers push it up a few more degrees, I definitely notice the difference.  Before I started practicing Vinyasa, I knew, on some level, that I wasn't as hydrated as I could be.  My first yoga session, my body made sure to give me signs that this was true.  

I felt like I was getting a bit lightheaded and the aftermath was somewhat painful, mentally and physically.  In this case my body was telling me to take my self-care up a notch.  Drinking water when I happened to think about it has since then transformed into a conscious dedicated intention to hydrate.

The mindfulness of deep breathing is a great tool, and with yoga, it becomes a constant reminder to quiet my thoughts and stay in the moment.  Sweating out toxins is an added benefit.  I didn't know I could sweat that much!!

The instructors have been extremely kind and gentle.  It's really testing myself without worrying what others are doing, which is truly the best way to live our lives in total.  Hard to do, but having an awareness of it is the first step.

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to take of myself in mind, body and soul.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

What's Your Life's Work and Will it Stand the Test of Time?

We all have our jobs.  We all have our responsibilities.  Is your current work your "life's work"?  Do you work to live or live to work?  If your current job was your legacy, would it make you proud?

Some are workaholics.  It's not good or bad, although employers most likely prefer workaholics.  Some are slackers, trying to get by, get away doing less than is expected.  Some are life-balancers, who choose to "have it all", maybe not all at once, constantly juggling commitments and priorities.

Do you know who you are?  More importantly, do you know who you wish to become?  Setting intentions adds positive energy to your thoughts.  

The "brass ring" is to do what you love and be paid generously for doing it.  We all deserve to be paid for doing work.  Hopefully, we can be paid well for doing a job that is mentally fulfilling to us.  The beauty of it is that we all have different expectations of what it takes to make us happy, so we won't all be competing for the same jobs:)

If you aren't in a position to change jobs, maybe you can find a way to make your current job more fulfilling.  You deserve to spend your time away from home in a way that enriches your life.  You deserve the best life has to offer!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to match my passions to my job.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Enough Already!

Are you enough?  We have to be enough for ourselves before we can be enough for others.  I used to mold myself into the the person someone wanted me to be to get his or her approval.  Trying to be enough for someone else can be a road leading to unhappiness.

Self-esteem and self-worth is about being enough for yourself first.  Being the perfect "me" doesn't have to be perfect.  Being my perfect self means accepting who I am right now to be good enough.

If that's hard for you, begin to list the reasons why you can't do it.  With each reason, think to yourself "I was doing the best I could do at that time in my life.  I forgive myself for errors of the past.  My best is good enough."

The more you cut yourself a break, the less energy you give to beating yourself up.  You can use that space to create positive changes in your life.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am enough.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Just for the Halibut;)

Have you taken the time to consider why you do the things you do?  Are you a risk-taker or are you methodical and careful?  Most children are fearless.  Did you add caution to your life as you got older? Being wiser doesn't have to mean you give up all risks.

Some people take actions to prove they are risk-takers.  Others do the opposite.  In my opinion, it's good to take risks, but we can mitigate the risks and still enjoy the thrills that come along with going beyond our comfort zones.

If you like to drive fast, there are simulators and closed racetracks to fill that need.  If you want to be a rock star, you could start with the feel of a standing ovation at Karaoke Night.  There are countless ways to take the risk of moving toward your dreams.  

Certain personality types want to do activities just to prove they can.  That's my definition of "just for the halibut;)".  Without labeling them or trying to define why people do the things they do, the need to test limits is universal, with some needing it more than others.

Yes, life is precarious and yes, we need to plan for the future.  But sometimes it's good to test our limits.  Because we won't know what we are capable of unless we try.  And oddly enough, the people trying the halibut are getting a healthy source of protein as a bonus;)

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to be aware of my personal limitations and test them when it feels right.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Can I Ask a Favor?

Why do we feel most comfortable with an even exchange?  When someone begins a sentence with the question "can I ask a favor", our senses heighten to be aware of what is coming next.  That is when our personal boundaries come into play.

We all have boundaries.  Part of having healthy boundaries includes an awareness of who we want to be.  We also need to maintain healthy boundaries by using our voices to be consistent with our personal limits.  We all have some leeway, however.  When boundaries are crossed, there is a certain amount of allowance for deviation.  

So when someone asks a favor, a healthy response might be "can I think about it for a minute" instead of saying "yes" without thought or consideration.  Saying "yes" right away may make it feel like we are being selfless.  But selflessness, in the long run, may be unhealthy.  

There is not one choice that makes us unhealthy, we need to look at patterns of behavior to understand ourselves.  Do you have an awareness of your patterns?  Awareness is the first step to change.  

Can I ask a favor?  It would be a great favor to me if you put more thought into how you react when someone needs something from you.  Your personal goal of how you wish to lead your life should be complimentary to your actions, most of the time.

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to give thought to my decision before committing to a response.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.