This Does Not Compute...

We all filter information 24/7.  We try to stop our brains from being overwhelmed by deciding quickly whether or not a topic applies to us.  That is awesome, unless we are missing information we can use to lead a better life.

I receive an email about travel every day.  As I went through the summary this morning,  I started saying in my head, "doesn't apply to me; doesn't apply to me; doesn't apply to me".  One of the topics was "Elite Status" for one of the airlines.  Yes, I had to capitalize it because to me, it was like the "Holy Grail".  Why shouldn't I read about it?  I would love for it to apply to me but I quickly decided it had no use to me because I wasn't "Elite" yet.  I realized I wasn't "walking my walk".  Time to regroup over here...

Saying "this doesn't apply to me" is like saying, "nope, don't need any good things over here, give it to them, instead".  When you open up your mind to new possibilities, you are creating space for the possibilities to happen.  It doesn't have to be elite status on an airline, it can be as simple as hiring a chef for a gathering.  Your "chef" can be your sister-in-law and you can barter a service with her that she values.  If that doesn't ring your bell, we need to go back and list your special gifts and talents, because we all have them!

All together now, "Yes, please!  I am ready to bring more joy into my life by opening myself up to new possibilities.  I know I have unique gifts and talents to share with the world.  I am willing to be open to creative ways to receive goodness back into my life as I share my gifts and talents."

We have to crack the window, open the door or knock a hole in the wall for good things to get through. (Take the path of least resistance.)  If you are the one saying "nope", you have to break that pattern!  In the beginning, your negative "self-talk" will bring up all those reasons why good things (random or planned) don't happen to you.  Write them down, we will work on that later ;)  We all have equal access to random good things happening to us because they are random.  We all deserve to be rewarded for sharing our gifts with the world, too.

Create space for wonderful possibilities and open up your mind to seeing them.  That is when gratitude kicks in and we realize the world is a good place to live.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

"I Am Stronger Than You Know"

"You're saying I'm fragile I try not to be
I search only for something I can't see...

Sometimes I'm a strong man
Sometimes cold and scared
And sometimes I cry

But that time I saw you
I knew with you to light my nights
Somehow I'd get by"
Leather and Lace duet by Stevie Nicks and Don Henley

This could apply to any of us.  Yes, we take strength from others.  Our significant others, friends and family can lift us up.  We also need to work on ourselves internally, though, to live our best lives.

According to fleetwoodmac.net, "She (Stevie Nicks) wants him (Don Henley) to know that she does not need him to survive...she can take care of herself...Taking a little bit of one another will improve them as people.  A good pair should complement each other."

Regardless of whether or not a relationship is romantic, balanced relationships are a good goal.  If we are in an unbalanced relationship with someone, it's not healthy.  If someone always borrows your sugar or if you are always the sugar borrower, try to take a step back and see why it continues to happen.  Healthy relationships include (mostly) equal giving and taking.

My life is a work in progress and I have had some unbalanced relationships.  One question is "what are you getting out of it"?  There are always times in life when our needs are greater.  In times of crisis, it's normal to receive additional help from friends and family.

If we have a lot of trauma to deal with from our pasts, perhaps it makes sense to reach out to a professional, instead of using a friend to vent every time.  It's difficult to always be the giver or to always be the taker.  Now, I have a better awareness when a relationship is unbalanced.  It's worthwhile to have clarity and an understanding of why it happens.  We all need help.  It is about whether or not we are asking for help from the same person over and over again that matters.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

It's Not Really About the Cookie......

It's good to pay attention to deeper feelings....I had to pick up lunch on the run today.  I try to stay neutral with whether or not something is "good" or "bad" for me, barring illegal activities and substances.  Anyway, I decided to grab a cookie at the checkout counter.  A cookie is a "splurge" for me, so I asked if it had been baked today.  The checkout person said "yes" but when I got home I knew it wasn't true :(

Here's the thing.  It's not about the cookie, to me it was about the untruth told about the cookie.  I realized that I have a lot of negative energy surrounding lies.  I hate it when people lie to my face!

I am not perfect and I am sure I have lied before and will lie again.  But knowing this is an emotionally charged issue for me is a "red flag" to where I need to work through negative memories.  Whatever makes you more emotional than the "average Joe" is your stuff that you need to work through and process.

So I thought "aha", I do remember a situation where someone lied in my past and there was a great deal of emotional trauma involved.  I then worked through releasing that negative emotion attached to that memory.  Next time I know someone has lied to me I will be less "emotionally triggered" by it.  One down, 5,844 issues to go ;)

As I go through each day, I note what triggers me emotionally.  It really helps to see patterns.  So, I might not have bought the cookie if I had known it was a day old, but I might have bought it anyway.  Little things matter because if we don't work through them they turn into big things.

We all have issues as part of the fabric of our lives.  Releasing the "negative charge" to an issue helps us with overall peace.  Try to notice your patterns.  You will be positively impacting your life.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Let's Honor People We Know

I love honoring people I care about.  I make an effort to honor those who have positively affected my life.  Why do we make heroes out of people who are famous but not admirable?

What if we all had a "Meet Two of the Most Awesome People I Know Party" to honor and make heroes out of those who change lives for the better, every day?  Each person can bring his or her favorite people.  Why do we wait for someone's eulogy to honor him or her?  I am blessed because I know so many people that I would honor.  I would have to host 10 or 20 parties to get through my list ;)

It's always fun (and human) to admire people who are in the spotlight.  That's human nature.  No one is perfect and it's hard to live in the spotlight.  Sometimes people are admired for their actions (awesome) and sometimes people are admired solely for how much money they have in the bank...

Putting our attention on people we admire truly shifts our paradigm.  The world is a beautiful place with amazing opportunities.  When we take the time to see how many people are working toward making the world a better place to live, we can use those examples to motivate ourselves.  And some people who have a lot of money are the coolest, kindest people I have ever met.  Of course, we know money is a factor, but it isn't the most important factor for "awesomeness".  Remember to honor yourself!  If you don't think you are cool and awesome, it's difficult for others to believe it.  

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

Doing Good Things for the Wrong Reason

I go on a girls' weekend once a year.  I enjoy paying it off by myself.  This morning I was excited about using some money to put it toward the weekend.  By itself, it sounds like a great plan.  Yay me!  I am powerful and independent!!  Once I practiced awareness, I wondered why I was so excited about it.  "Things that make you go hmmm..."

When I "pride myself" on something, the opposite is I'm disappointed and/or ashamed of when I can't do the same thing.  It depends on if I feel compelled to do something versus just getting excited about it.  So if I needed to ask for help when I felt compelled to be independent, the disappointment or shame of that is like a little pebble in my shoe.  It's ok if I walk across the room with the pebble, but not so much if I have it in my shoe the rest of my life.  Those pebbles add up.  Don't you want to get the pebbles out of your shoes?  That is what energy work is about.  

Knowing I pride myself on doing good is about my ego.  Again, it's not illegal and it doesn't hurt me to be proud of a moment.  However if my obligations are attached to my self-esteem and I feel compelled to do some thing to prove I am "that person", it adds negative energy when I'm not "that person".  I no longer strive to be perfect.  That ship has sailed ;)

I heard an "energy guy" talk about people who get divorced and remarried without healing their old wounds.  He said it is like you are marrying the same person in a different set of clothes, sometimes over and over again.  In my analogy, it's like you are buying new shoes but dumping the pebbles into the new shoes before you wear them.  Why do we do that?

It becomes part of the fabric of our lives.  We do have the power to pull those negative threads.  Meditation, hypnosis, therapy and energy work all assist in this process, but awareness is always the first step.  So if you feel compelled to do something, if you almost can't help yourself, do yourself a favor and make note of it.  You will begin to see patterns and those patterns will help you heal.  

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

For Future Use.......

My first adult job was in corporate America.  We had shelves and shelves of manuals that we had to learn.  It would make me ponder and smile when a random chapter, i.e. "Tab 16", was labeled "for future use".  Obviously, something was being revised and no longer applied.  I wondered if "Tab 16" caused someone to resign or be fired.  If I was a cat, my curiosity would have killed me by now;)

From a personal growth standpoint, though, "for future use" gives us hope for a better tomorrow.  If you haven't bought an outfit to accept your Nobel Prize yet, maybe consider saving up for one.  Buying a dress that I could wear to accept my award gives me hope for the future.  If your mind is telling you it won't happen for you, begin to ask yourself "why" your dreams seem impossible.

Having dreams beyond where we currently are allows "space" for something good to happen.  If you are holding onto possessions you have outgrown mentally and physically, it's time to let them go!!  Why are you metaphorically and literally holding onto the past?  Just keep what you still love.

I paid my kids to clean the attic this summer.  We've lived in the same house for 20 years so the clothes I was keeping were definitely out-of-date.  I'm not even clear why I thought it was a good idea to keep them other than the fear of not having enough.  But if I lost everything, the clothes wouldn't have fit me anyway, nor would they have been in style.

It's nice to have the extra space in my closets, drawers and in my attic to keep "for future use" and it's fun to plan ahead for a brighter future.  Re-evaluating past choices give us a chance to see where we have changed.  We can change for the better with intention and by providing the mental "space" for it to happen.  It all happens one step at a time.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

"The Way We Do the Things We Do"

One of the most important questions we can ask ourselves as we choose to evolve and grow is "why".  The underlying answers, and they can be several levels deep, will give you the pathway to your own personalized map for healing.

When we say we "must do" something or we "have to" do something, that is a clue to when we have a strong belief system that is guiding us.  That can be good or that can be detrimental to our success.  It depends on the situation and the belief system behind it, but it needs further analysis to figure it out.

As I began my conscious journey of change, I paid closer attention to when I said "yes" to other people asking for my help.  I often heard them say, in response to my agreement, "thank you, you're a 'life-saver'", or "thanks again, I know I can always count on you".  That always made me feel so happy that I could help someone.  

Here's the catch, if I'm helping my closest friends and family out of a jam and I have the extra time, money or other resources to help them, that is all for the good of maintaining healthy relationships.  However, if I am helping every Tom, Dick and Harry who calls me to assist in their "time of need", it may be an unhealthy way to feel whatever I need to feel about myself.

I had a telemarketing job about 15 years ago.  I had to ask if people wanted to have an estimate done on their moving expenses.  I made the calls and hated doing it.  We called during dinner so the potential clients would be home.  I felt badly interrupting them and I had some success.  But often I heard people say "yes" to me because I sounded nice.  I had one lady tell me to keep calling back and she eventually told me she was on bed-rest and liked having someone call her.  They said "yes" to be nice.  I say "yes" to be nice.  

If you resent doing something, stop doing it.  Resentment leads to irritation which leads to anger.  There are definitely neutral situations.  It doesn't have to be overanalyzed.  If someone needs a quote and someone calls to ask if he or she needs a quote, perfect.  If not, one of you is getting the "short end of the stick".

If I have a few dollars, I love sharing it with anyone who asks for it, but if I'm running errands and there are five or 10 different charitable causes at the street-corners and outside of the stores, I need to find my boundary between wanting to help and resenting to help.

We can be "good" people while saying "no" to a girl scout.  We could have just murdered someone and say "yes" to a boy scout.  Our public actions do not define us.  It's about the "whys" behind the way we do the things we do that matters.  We have the answers within us.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Displaying An Authentic Me

Last night was supposed to be our "catch up on sleep night", but our dogs didn't get the memo.  It was a horrible, thunderstormy night and our dogs didn't enjoy the ambiance.  We are all lacking in our REM sleep cycles today.

What to do?  When I greet people, the people who know me on a "more than acquaintance but less than a BFF" level believe I am happy 24/7.  That is my default, out in public personality.  My closest friends and family know to keep their distance when I've been sleep deprived for a several nights in a row. I can smile and want to yell at somebody at the same time...

Our best intentions didn't help us last night.  That is where the "ommmm" mentality helps me get through the day.  Being authentic doesn't mean we have to cut ourselves open for the world to see our innermost thoughts.  We all have negative thoughts, we are human.  I don't have to tell the customer service rep I talked to this morning that I wanted to yell at the guy who designed their stupid website.

Being authentic means being true to ourselves while remembering we are part of this amazing global community.  Even though I was irritated at the people who made an inefficient website, I still told the customer service rep she was awesome, because she was.  We are all everything.  I can be happy while being irritated that my dogs kept me up.  We are layered and complicated.  Accepting all of those layers without beating myself up is helpful to personal growth.

My wish is that if someone reads a blog post and it makes them angry, they don't feel the need to take it out on me.  When we are at our worst, and we all are sometimes, it helps no one to berate strangers and/or friends and family.  That is when it's good to have healthy coping skills.  I used to tell my kids to punch a pillow or throw ice cubes at the cement.  Exercise helps, a warm bath helps, watching a movie can help.  With deeper, chronic issues, we need to reach out for assistance.

We can choose to find our "ommmm" instead of choosing to take our bad moods out on other people.  The world and everyone we meet will thank us.  It creates a cycle of goodness.  Because we all know the energy we give out affects the people we come into contact with each day.  Fingers crossed the dogs get the memo tonight ;)

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

The Game of Life and Our Blocks

Making clear, conscious choices is creating intention.  Intention is the way to move toward where we want to be in this life.  The twists and turns in the game of life seem to be predetermined, but we can forge our own personal pathways if we choose to do so.

Setting intentions is great, but if you have had trauma in your past, the trauma has to be dealt with before you can reach your highest potential.  Forgiveness is the same as getting an extra turn in the game of life.  Forgiving ourselves and others releases some of the darkness of the past.

Healing negative emotional attachment to a memory is like using a bulldozer to create a new road in the forest.  It is AWESOME!!  If you get into a quiet state of mind and think of something in the past that bothers you, you know that is an area that can use some work.

We all have them, but the negative memories are put together differently for each of us.  If someone is crazy successful at something, it doesn't mean the rest of his or her life is perfect, it means they don't have as many powerful "blocks" in that area of his or her life.  There are also obstacles in our game of life including, but not limited to our DNA, conditioning and life events up to this point.

It can get really confusing if people only hear a soundbite about how it's supposed to work.  We can only "Just Do It" if we are ready for that opportunity at that point in our lives.  We are all so unique that it isn't fair to judge those who are not "just doing it".

No one knows everything we have gone through except for us.  Most don't walk around with our deepest secrets highlighted for all to see.  It's personalized work, that we have to do for ourselves (with the assistance of a professional, when needed).  If you aren't honest with anyone else, at least try to be honest with yourself.

Have a great day!!

xo
Conni

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

"If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry On
May your past be the sound
Of your feel upon the ground and
Carry On"
Nate Ruess, Andrew Dost, Jack Antonoff, Jeff Bhasker

Yup, it happens.  We get in a situation that feels hopeless and we feel helpless.  That is when we need to just hang on to what we know is real.  It's real that we are here.  It's real that we are breathing and our hearts are beating.  If that's all we've got in the moment, we just need to know that things will get better.

Sometimes it can feel like we are in the ocean without a life preserver.  I get that.  The secret is that you already have a life preserver.  You might have forgotten about it because you have had it so long that you don't think about it anymore.

Also, we don't always understand what our life preserver looks like until we acknowledge that it's there.  Then, it becomes visible and viable.  If you think I'm talking in code, let me rephrase.  "You've always had the power, my dear" said Glinda the Good Witch. "You've had it all along."  Our hope can come from a person, place or thing.  It can come from an animal, vegetable, mineral.  It can be a song, a poem, a book or a movie.  There is always inspiration in our world.  Our first step is awareness.

We can find hope when we are hopeless and find help when we are helpless.  We just have to realize we can do it.  It's always better to reach out sooner rather than later, too.  Our best is enough.  We are enough.  "Carry on."

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

We Can Choose Our Reactions (With Practice)

I was in stopped traffic on the highway on my way home a few days ago, getting irritated that it took longer than normal.  I looked around to see all of the vehicles filled with people going somewhere.  What if that moment was about releasing control?  If nothing else, it lowered my stress level to know my irritation wouldn't get me home faster.

What if we were in line for groceries and there was a person counting out change in front of us?  The situation gives us the choice to get angry with him or her for our inconvenience, have empathy for him or her, or give the person a few dollars to help a stranger out without the need for a reward or recognition...

Road rage and the inability to control one's temper is a whole other issue, of course.  And we can't help someone with a donation when we don't have enough for ourselves.  Regardless of our choices, knowing we are in a place where we have a dependable car to make it through the traffic jam is a blessing.  Knowing we have enough money not to panic about the total at the check out is a blessing.

I don't believe life is supposed to be filled with difficult lessons to make us better people or to build character.  However, I do believe we can look for a reason to bring tolerance and empathy to almost any situation.  Having tolerance for a stranger is one of the most positive gifts we can bring to the world.  Releasing the internal struggle for control in moments where we don't have control gives us a chance to find peace.

When I was a little girl, I believed adults were perfect humans who didn't make mistakes.  We all know that isn't true.  I am not perfect, he is not perfect, she is not perfect, and that's the way it is supposed to be in our Earth School.  We are all learning and growing, hopefully for the better.  We all react in ways we later regret, but hopefully learn from those events.  Learn, grow, make amends and move forward.

Being perfect isn't my goal, but doing my best, learning from my mistakes and having empathy for others doing their best is one of my goals.  We are all in this together.  If you have trouble keeping your cool in stressful situations, there are breathing techniques that can help with that.  Check out Dr. Andrew Weil's work for more info.....http://tinyurl.com/nj7genb

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Let's Take a Day to Press "Pause" on Judgment......

We are all imperfect humans who make mistakes.  I can list my top 10, 20 or 30 lifetime mistakes in my head but I'm hoping no one else is keeping a list of my mistakes (and/or checking it twice).

Whether or not someone else does "this or that" or doesn't do "this or that" shouldn't make him or her a "good" or "bad" person.  If you are making choices and taking action mostly to avoid the judgment of others, that is not a pure intention.

Of course, we all want to fit into society so we sometimes attend meetings and events to feel like we are doing the right thing, to check that internal box of what we believe it means to be a "good" human being.  Having a sense of community, a sense of belonging, is a human need we share.

When it comes to us deciding if others made the correct choice, "I can't believe they weren't there", no good can come if it.  It's not my business.  Living for others' approval takes us down a meandering road, away from our personal truth.  A better goal is to have our own approval, regardless of what "they" think about us.  That means we have to accept our imperfect selves exactly as we are in this moment.

I've seen the leader of the Girl Scout troop screaming at her daughter in the parking lot on the way into the meeting to talk about kindness.  I've seen religious leaders in my community fall from grace.  Our egos need us to believe it is ok to "talk the talk" without "walking the walk" as long as no one finds out.  I think it's much easier to live in my body when I know I cannot "walk my walk" every moment of the day.  It's impossible to be perfect.

Yes, we all want to learn from mistakes, but beating ourselves up is detrimental to our self-esteem and personal growth.  If you are constantly in the mode of saying "I could have done better", that is not accepting yourself.  Instead, the belief that our best in the moment is enough will move us toward better confidence and self-worth.  

Taking away the pressure of being perfect allows us to relax into our authentic selves.  Who knows what it feels like to be in someone else's shoes?  I have judged before and I'm sure I will judge again.  Awareness always brings a choice, and the less I judge others, the less I judge myself.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

A Recipe for Success

When a dish tastes better than the sum of its parts, that's a version of "alchemy".  Merriam-Webster defines alchemy as:  "2:  a power or process of transforming something common into something special".  We all wonder why food made for us by friends tastes better than if we made it ourselves.  It could be that special ingredient of "friendship" they add to the dish, maybe they are thinking of giving us the gift of food and fellowship as they are cooking.  

That "alchemy" we taste and feel in a great meal is a concept we can also apply to our lives.  Life is what we make of it, so some people can have the exact same circumstances in life and feel blessed while other people feel resentful and bitter.

Part of the secret is healing the "wounds" of our past.  Forgiving ourselves and others for mistakes gives us the possibility of moving past the hurt.  The other part of the secret is being grateful for what we do have in our lives.  Ironically, when it's the hardest to feel grateful, it's the most important time to shower ourselves in gratitude.

When we are in the crossroads of pain and grief, we sometimes turn to "comfort foods".  We do this because we remember times of joy in the past while breaking bread.  Eventually, we are supposed to get to a place where we can fill ourselves up with emotional goodness instead of baked goodness.  I'm doing better, but I'm still working on that one.  

I didn't get a good night's sleep last night.  When I woke up, I felt angry and resentful, because it was an old "pattern" of mine.  Often after lack of sleep, I turn to sugar to wake myself up.  Today, instead, I did a guided meditation.  It felt really great!  It was calming and beautiful.  Yes, life is what we make it, but we have to add positive emotions into our lives to make it better than the sum of its parts.  

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

The Power of Team Effort: Human Form Not Required to Play

Do you say "thank you" to Siri?  Do you talk back to robo-callers?  I was on hold the other day and the computer voice truly sounded like a friend, they are making those voices very realistic these days.  And they respond to a question and they "direct my call"......I like it!!  I don't want the world to be run by robots, but I am happy for all the help I can get in life.

In terms of thinking about things as real, I remember reading a passage where an author said to "bless your bills".  I have thought about that off and on and could never wrap my head around it.  "Thank you, Mr. Bill for landing in my mailbox today" just felt off to me; because I wasn't really thankful about it.  We check our credit cards online so we aren't surprised by the monthly total, but I still don't enjoy seeing the bill "in person" ;)

I had an epiphany today about it, though.  I looked at my bank balance online and I decided to "thank" it for serving me.  "Thank you, money that I have in this moment for serving me."  For whatever reason, that resonates with me.  Then, I decided to "thank" the air for serving me, to "thank" the road I traveled today for serving me and to "thank" the sun for serving me.  Creating that positive connection with non-human pieces of my life makes me smile.  

By the way, I didn't hear them say "you are welcome, Conni", they didn't talk back to me.....but it makes me feel like we are a team, instead of rivals.  When it rains, I can feel "authentic" thanking the rain for serving the earth even if I'm getting wet.  

I had done a gratitude journal when Oprah started that craze.  It is always great to be grateful, but it didn't create "something greater than its parts" for me.  My new idea, "thanking my gifts for serving me", does feel uplifting and expansive.  And that is when I know I'm on the right path :)

When I was driving yesterday, I have a traffic app that said "there is an object on the side of the road up ahead".  I said "thank you" to her (or it).  My friend and I decided to name her "Donna".  

I believe we all have equal access to the ability of our gifts and talents to serve us.  Of course, we all have access to the sun, the air and nature.  I think the key is acknowledging and embracing the gift of life in this moment.  I don't understand why bad things happen to good people and I don't understand evil.  But I do know that opening myself up to joy allows more joy into my life.

I still feel a tiny bit guilty when I hang up before I complete a customer service survey.  Yes, I know I'm not hurting anyone's feelings by hanging up on a robot.  I am even more grateful to humans who assist me in my journey!!  We are all in this together:  humans, androids and inanimate objects, too.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

"If I Had A Million Dollars...."

"If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a house
I would buy you a house

And if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
I'd buy you furniture for your house
Maybe a nice Chesterfield or an ottoman

And if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a K-Car
A nice Reliant automobile
And if I had a million dollars, I'd buy your love"
ED ROBERTSON;STEVEN PAGE

I often read tug2.net where the following articles were discussed recently.  In a Forbes article from May 28, 2013, The Windfall Effect:  What To Do With Surprise Cash, Tom Anderson writes “ 'A lot of emotions can be attached to this sudden wealth depending on where their money comes from,' says Robert Pagliarini, a CFP® and president of Pacifica Wealth Advisors in Mission Viejo, Calif. About 70% of his practice is focused on clients who have been surprise recipients of large amounts of money. 'You need to address the emotions first. Otherwise, you are going to make very bad financial decisions.' "

A September 6, 2015 Forbes article by Neale Godfrey, How Stupid Can You Be With Money?  Ask Lottery Winners, "Your first stop has to be to sit down with a financial planner.  If you need to go to see two, do it. The plan should be conservative and be something that will last a lifetime.  Whatever the net proceeds are, they need to be spaced out throughout your life. The winner should only have access to the monthly allotment, that’s it. Ask the financial advisor to put you on a monthly allowance...I do not feel that playing the lottery is the best financial planning tool; however, the lessons learned are universal."

So if you can imagine winning a million dollars (or more), try to imagine what your biggest fears would be and "reverse engineer" your resistance to big money.  My mom used to say she didn't want to have a bigger house because she didn't want to clean it.  Well......if she won the lottery she could have hired someone to clean it.  I've heard people say they don't want to be rich because they wouldn't know who their friends were....I think it's fairly easy to figure that out.

If you are afraid of saying "no" to your third cousin's request to buy a private island, practice healthy boundaries now.  If you are worried about getting seasick on your yacht, maybe start with a sailboat.  I promise we can work through your money fears, but it always begins with awareness of those fears.

More than once, I was at the store and I had a substantial coupon that I couldn't use.  When I offered it to the person next to me, I am often turned down.  Do you turn down "free" money?  Yes, we need to be aware of scammers, but that shouldn't be our only decision-making factor.  Have you refinanced your mortgage, called for a lower credit card rate, shopped for a lower phone plan or less expensive insurance?  So many people are "leaving money on the table".  If that is you, ask yourself "why" and go back and pick it up!!

It's overwhelming to try to do everything at once.  One step at a time, Baby!!  You deserve to have less financial pressure in your life.  Help yourself work through your emotions before you win the lottery then, make sure you find a financial planner after you win ;)

Have a great day!!

xo
Conni

Perspective and Awareness Leads me to Better Choices :)

We didn't have a dollar to spare growing up.  Once in a blue moon, when we were able to splurge on fast food, we had a very small range of what we could order and we always split the fries.  There was definitely a feeling of "lack" in regards to money to splurge on eating out.  Now, fast food isn't a splurge for me.  I used to love it, now not so much.  I used to crave it, now not so much.  The added pleasure of having something rare made me want it more....

Whether it's a special meal or a special piece of art, most of us want to prove to ourselves and others that we are special.  It gives us a talisman, something to hang onto allowing us to feel powerful.  As an adult who was ready to change, I decided to rethink some choices and tried to think about why I was in negative patterns in some areas of my life.

It's my theory that if we all made an effort to immerse ourselves in beauty, 24/7, our triggers for making less than perfect decisions would be minimized.  Feeling special through eating and drinking "forbidden" foods or drinks can lead to negative health consequences.  Surrounding ourselves by visual beauty is good for our health.  Some hospitals have rooms dedicated to visual beauty leading to faster healing.

My point of view or perspective of one way to feel special growing up was getting that rare fast food meal.  My perspective now is that a home-cooked meal makes me feel nurtured and special.  I am also on a learning curve about keeping my home organized and beautiful.  We are still making an effort to decorate for holidays.  That is one of the areas where I need great improvement.  

Everything starts with awareness.  Did you know slow cooker meals can cost less than fast food and can be healthy?  I just bought new throw pillows for my 15-year-old couch and it makes me so happy to see them every morning!

Every new skill has a learning curve and I choose to be proud of my small successes instead of beating myself up for mistakes.  When you are ready for change, take baby steps and remember to "pat yourself on the back"!!  Everyone has a "naysayer" in their lives, don't listen to that person when you are trying to make healthy changes.  Be proud of yourself as you move forward!  You are worth it.

Have a great day!!

xo
Conni

Who Am I (When I'm not trying to be Toby Keith?)

"I want to talk about me
Want to talk about I
Want to talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, you usually, but occasionally
I want to talk about me
I want to talk about me"
Bobby Braddock

But seriously, Folks..........it's easy to get caught up in who we think we should be based on what other people find interesting.  If you don't take the time to make sure you find yourself interesting,  you are missing the point of this beautiful, wonderful life!

I am not my awards and what other people think of me.  I am not my grades and what other people see listed beside my name in my high school yearbook and graduation program.  I am not my job title or how much money I get direct deposited into my bank account.  If I believe that is who I am, I am heading down the wrong Yellow Brick Road.  

Internal approval is so much more powerful than external approval because when we love ourselves internally first, the world becomes a mirror of that.  Friends drawn to our status won't be there if our status is gone.  Being true to ourselves first allows us the internal knowing that we are enough, no matter what we wear, drive or what device we use to phone home...(I think I had one of the last flip phones in the United States of America).

We all seek other peoples' approval, it's human nature.  We can all be humiliated if the world is against us.  "Hater's gonna hate" and it's unrealistic to say we wouldn't be bothered by it, but we become LESS bothered by it when we love ourselves for who we are on the inside.  When we accept all parts of us, good and bad, for the undeniable truth that we all have shades of "not good" in us, that is the road we need to be on to live our best lives!!

Here's the caveat....if we are especially proud of shunning public opinion, i.e., if I attach my self-esteem to being proud of having a flip phone, it backfires.  If I purposefully choose to be the opposite of the mainstream to show everyone I don't need to fit in, I am not helping myself.  Anything we need to PROVE to others, making an effort to be popular or making an effort to be an outsider, is energy we are wasting on external needs.  When we focus first on our internal "me, me, me" and get comfortable with what makes us uncomfortable, we are reducing stress in our bodies.  It's a very subtle but extremely important concept.

And I know it's not the intention of Toby Keith's song, I just think the song is funny!!  In quite moments, first thing in the morning or last think at night, give an extra thought to if there is anything you put effort into based strictly on status.  If there is, perhaps consider what you need out of that activity.  Give yourself the gift of knowing you are enough, no matter what the world thinks of you.  No, I don't mean I have to run to the store in my oldest clothes without combing my hair.  I mean I am OK with the person I am on the inside, in my best clothes, waving to my fans ;)

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

It Is Easier to Uncover Personal Truth in a Private, Quiet Setting

What if there was a show of true confessions?  Regardless of what we show the world, no one is in our heads 24/7, except for us....and that is a good, good thing.  Yes, it is important, in some situations, to publicly acknowledge our weaknesses.  However, the inner work I have done, my deepest, darkest fears, are the ones that have been life-changing when I have processed them.

I have become more introspective with the questions of why I believe what I believe and why I fear what I fear.  As a result, my life has become more open to my highest potential and possibilities.  When we are stuck in our heads, we need to create the space to realize the meaning behind each fear.

A few years ago, someone told me I needed to have an internet presence for my work.  At that time, I wasn't even on Facebook.  My internal work begins with the question "why not?".  Those answers were strongly rooted in my subconscious.  It takes time and a quiet space to find the reasons.  The reasons are private and I won't go into them here, but just know I was able to work through them and release the fear attached to my resistance.

When we stop and "get quiet", we find a deeper understanding of beliefs we hold onto that may not be true.  When our conscious and subconscious beliefs match, we are in alignment.  That is when good things begin to happen for us.

No one needs to know every one of your fears.  In fact, as you begin to uncover your inner feelings, it can be detrimental to ask others for their opinions.  The work is between you and you.  No one is perfect on Earth.  The good new is our deepest work brings our deepest results.

It can be emotionally painful but it is truly worth it, when you are ready to change.  Some may not ever be ready to change.  That is fine, too.

Just know that not being congruent with our inner and outer beliefs can cause stress, which begins to hurt the physical body.  Try to forgive yourself for any mistakes you are holding onto, because we all make mistakes and we all deserve forgiveness, after we have made amends.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

And the Gold Star for Pessimism Goes To......

Unless you are a "Risk Manager" and it is your job to find risks, pessimism isn't as rewarding as it's cracked up to be.  If you are someone who loves to share what could go wrong with a situation, maybe dial it back unless you are paid to play "Devil's Advocate".

We are taught to list pros and cons for serious, important decisions.  But after we make that list, we need to make a decision and release the worries, fears, and "what ifs"; because those will weigh us down as we move forward in life.  Anyone who makes an extra effort showing you why you made the wrong decision isn't helping you.

Our brains want us to be correct. If my brain can prove it is correct, it tends to do a "happy dance" and wants to prove it with compelling accuracy.  That's great if it's proving a good scenario and not so great if it's proving why we are idiots for making a decision.

The scope of declaring a decision "good" or "bad" is subjective.  Here's an example:  let's talk about whether or not it's worthwhile to go to college.  On the surface, most of us would encourage a young adult to go to college.  However, if someone goes to college and ends up with a creative rather than professional career, one might argue college (and the money, time and effort spent) was wasteful.  What if he or she went to college and then decided on career where college was unnecessary?

Decisions often have underlying fears attached to regret.  Perhaps college wasn't wasteful because it taught the student how to learn, how to problem-solve and how to develop deep, long-lasting bonds with other students. The person paying the bill may feel like his or her financial future would have been more secure without the cost of college.  Maybe there were scholarships or other financial aid options that weren't found until it was too late to apply.  Maybe a community college could have been an option for part of the time.

Regret is counterproductive after we learn from experiences.  With major life decisions, we can't learn without the experience of doing.  We cannot be "experts" without walking the walk.  Information can be too overwhelming for our brains to understand as we learn and grow.  We only know what we know, so we have to cut ourselves some slack and release tension and worry after the decision has been made.

When is the best time to buy a house?  When should we have kids?  Do we have enough money to replace our furniture?  Should we switch jobs?  There is no "perfect" life and learning from our experiences is what life is all about.  Pessimists can drive themselves and others crazy with the downsides.  So we need to complete our "due diligence", make a decision, and promise ourselves to let go of regrets. 

If we make a decision then need to reassess, regroup and change direction, no problem!  Please, please note: due diligence is KEY to major decisions.  It is defined by Merriam-Webster as - "2  :  research and analysis of a company or organization done in preparation for a business transaction (as a corporate merger or purchase of securities)".

We deserve to live a life without fear, but fear can accompany new experiences and new experiences are part of what makes life joyful and worth living.  Are you ready to order from the catalog of new experiences today??  "Yes, I'll take a large, joyful life-changing activity, please.  Oh, and hold the worry and regret.  I'm cutting back on those."

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

P.S.  If you are the pessimist and can't figure out how to distance yourself from fear....there are ways to feel better about life.  If you are depressed, please reach out for professional assistance today :)