"The Way We Do the Things We Do"

One of the most important questions we can ask ourselves as we choose to evolve and grow is "why".  The underlying answers, and they can be several levels deep, will give you the pathway to your own personalized map for healing.

When we say we "must do" something or we "have to" do something, that is a clue to when we have a strong belief system that is guiding us.  That can be good or that can be detrimental to our success.  It depends on the situation and the belief system behind it, but it needs further analysis to figure it out.

As I began my conscious journey of change, I paid closer attention to when I said "yes" to other people asking for my help.  I often heard them say, in response to my agreement, "thank you, you're a 'life-saver'", or "thanks again, I know I can always count on you".  That always made me feel so happy that I could help someone.  

Here's the catch, if I'm helping my closest friends and family out of a jam and I have the extra time, money or other resources to help them, that is all for the good of maintaining healthy relationships.  However, if I am helping every Tom, Dick and Harry who calls me to assist in their "time of need", it may be an unhealthy way to feel whatever I need to feel about myself.

I had a telemarketing job about 15 years ago.  I had to ask if people wanted to have an estimate done on their moving expenses.  I made the calls and hated doing it.  We called during dinner so the potential clients would be home.  I felt badly interrupting them and I had some success.  But often I heard people say "yes" to me because I sounded nice.  I had one lady tell me to keep calling back and she eventually told me she was on bed-rest and liked having someone call her.  They said "yes" to be nice.  I say "yes" to be nice.  

If you resent doing something, stop doing it.  Resentment leads to irritation which leads to anger.  There are definitely neutral situations.  It doesn't have to be overanalyzed.  If someone needs a quote and someone calls to ask if he or she needs a quote, perfect.  If not, one of you is getting the "short end of the stick".

If I have a few dollars, I love sharing it with anyone who asks for it, but if I'm running errands and there are five or 10 different charitable causes at the street-corners and outside of the stores, I need to find my boundary between wanting to help and resenting to help.

We can be "good" people while saying "no" to a girl scout.  We could have just murdered someone and say "yes" to a boy scout.  Our public actions do not define us.  It's about the "whys" behind the way we do the things we do that matters.  We have the answers within us.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni