Those Joneses

Do you know what you like?  It can be confusing.  Most of us need to be validated by others' opinions.  

I used to be heavily distracted by the latest, greatest, newest and shiniest options available to me; thinking they would make me happier, but they didn't.  More often, trying to "keep up with the Joneses" made me feel worse about myself.  When other peoples' opinions matter to you more than your own, that may be an indication that you may have some self-esteem homework to do.

Of course, it always matters if someone is in a position of authority or you want to validate a friend to show support.  It is OK to pretend you like your boss's new car.  No one wants to make powerful enemies or hurt their friends' feelings.  However, there is a lot of time in each day when we are hangin' with peers, coworkers, and others who give opinions that differ from ours.

Let's take our options under advisement.  We can try our best to create a space where we can decide if our choices match our values and priorities, while also understanding we are supposed to prioritize based on our personal criteria.  We don't have to broadcast our choices if they will cause conflict.  

Under further review, something that looks like a precious metal could be fools' gold.  Costume jewelry is inexpensive and fun, and fun is an important component in life, too.  But we want to do our best to value what is really valuable in life to us.  Because those Joneses can be fickle and keeping up with them can be exhausting.  

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to create a space to decide if my choices match my values and priorities.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Easy Tools for Powerful Changes

As we modify our beliefs, layer by layer, our purposeful, positive intentions create more powerful changes.  If I told myself "I am enough, exactly as I am" five years ago, it affected me differently at that time than when I say the same words today.  Our belief systems evolve over time.

As we progress in our positive choices, we begin to have more and more hope for the future, allowing ourselves to look for better ways of living.  A better job, healthier meals, and an overall better life can be in our futures, when we make decisions based on our goals.  We must keep in mind, though, that our best is always good enough.

Negative stress, distress, may cause us to make bad decisions, rather than decisions moving us toward where we want to be.  We can use mainstream tools to lower our stress levels.  If you have yet to try breathing techniques; yoga; meditation; or taking long walks in nature soaking in the silence; you might find these help you tremendously.  It's important to find what resonates with you for stress reduction.

Have you heard the term "grounding"?  My basic definition is getting in touch with your quiet self and connecting that to the earth.  Does that sound like something you can do?  If I don't remind myself to do it, I miss it.  Most of us are on information overload so we have to purposefully detach from that in order to be able to find what our inner thoughts are.  The benefits of doing this are substantial and powerful.

I love the beach!!  The sound of the waves is peaceful to me.  I feel very grounded when I am able to see and hear the waves.  Allowing the world and all of our struggles to fall away is what being grounded is all about.

When making changes, don't give up if you fail; this is an area where continued efforts pay off.  You are worthy and deserving of the best life has to offer.  When you are ready to change, be gentle with yourself.  Progress measured over longer periods of time will give you the benefit of not having to be hypervigilant of every action.  Be proud of each and every small positive step you make!

 Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am willing to make an effort to go inward for powerful changes.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Removing Obstacles................Part 4 Finding the Cash

We have clothes in our closet, stuff in our attic, and unused appliances that can fund our vacations.  If you tell me you can't find the money for a vacation, I would like to show you how you can.  (Of course, in cases of joblessness, crisis, or poverty, this does not apply.)

There should always be a small percentage of your take-home pay set aside for pleasure.  If you don't know how to budget, I love the work of Gail Vaz-Oxlade.  No one can live without having something to look forward to, it makes life drudgery.  

You could have garage sale once a year to make a few bucks.  Breaking it down, it doesn't take much over week to make a vacation budget work.  Can you spare $20?  

We used to waste so much money on fast food.  We have a grocery store that shares a parking lot with our fast food chains.  For half the price, we can buy a pre-made dinner that takes little or no effort to cook and is healthier as a bonus!

If you don't have a crock pot at home, you have to get one!!  A little pre-planning and something can go from frozen to table-ready while you are at work.  Cooking is not one of my strengths and I use the crockpot all of the time.  Planning is key to saving money on food at home.  It becomes easier with practice, I promise!

What about cable and phone bills?  It doesn't make you feel like you are scrimping if you get rid of services you don't use.  Did you ever see the movie "Dave", where the fake president brings in his small town accountant to show congress they don't need that $7 million dollar bridge??  Do we really need 5,872 cable channels?  Probably not;)

How about doing something you love to make a bit of extra cash?  I would pay good money for someone to make a meal for me once a week.  Offer your services to your neighborhood, doing something you enjoy, and add it to your vacation fund.

My friends and I have done clothing and accessory swaps to exchange quality items and feel like we are getting something "new" without spending money.  There are unlimited ways to save money for a vacation when you set your mind to it.  

We are taking baby steps to build belief systems that we can afford a vacation.  As you begin to believe it more and more, the possibilites will become more apparent to you.  The goal with all positive changes is to add hope to our dreams and desires.  By making ourselves believe things are possible, hope becomes stronger.

We deserve a joyful life.  We can find a way to take a vacation and make wonderful memories with our families.  It's a journey.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to find creative ways to save for my vacation.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Removing Obstacles..............Part 3 Food Costs

A great deal of my travel knowledge has been gained through years of reading tug2.net.  I love it!!  Some "tuggers" pack their favorite kitchen items for their vacations.  They might bring (or buy, if flying) a crockpot, spices, even some ingredients.  OK, here is a good place to say if you are "checking out" around this, it is an obstacle.  You don't have to eat in every meal, just what makes sense.  If you have coffee and something easy for breakfast, we just saved you some money.

I don't want to eat in.  Why not?  Because I hate grocery shopping.  You can have your groceries delivered for a fee that will make up the difference on one restaurant meal.  You can have a crockpot delivered to your door.  Some ideas work in timeshares or homes but not hotel rooms, obviously.  Although I have read that "tuggers" use their coffee pots to make hot water for soups and use their microwaves to make meals.

My husband and I want to go on record as saying we think we invented grazing;)   We love to have a few appetizers and split a meal when we go out.  If you are not comfortable with that, again, why not?  These snippets of information are your blocks.  "I am willing to release the need to believe grazing makes me feel cheap."  Releasing conflict from every cell of my body. (Deep cleansing breath.)

A few healthy, easy non-perishable breakfast foods include:  Belvitas, EnviroKidz Organic Crispy Rice bars and Dreams Chocolate Peanut Butter; or a box of cereal and shelf stable non-refrigerated milk.  Yup, it's true, you don't have to worry if you do not have a refrigerator.  

Remember bowls and spoons if you are in a hotel.  "I'm willing to release the need to be embarrassed by eating breakfast in my room." or "I'm willing to release the need to believe I'm cooler/better/happier if I eat in a restaurant."  Having the awareness of what bothers you about something will change your thought patterns in a good way.

Check out restaurant.com and other sites for discounts in the area you are going.  Whatever is making you feel uncomfortable is an important key to your inner beliefs.  We used to pack peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the beach, we always get hungrier at the beach!!  My kids love mac and cheese, easy, peasy.  Snacks are great to take, no one will get to the hungry grouchy mode.  There are great mixers to make cocktails that take up little or no room in a suitcase.  

Everything is a balance.  Eat out every meal if it is important to you, you will need to make it work within your budget, but it is possible.  Do what is within your comfort zone that makes you happy, and be open to new possibilities!!

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to pursue ideas that appeal to me to be able to eat well creatively on vacation.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Removing Obstacles.............Part 2 Lodging

The second piece of the money obstacle:  hotels can be expensive.  I have several different websites I check for hotels, if I'm going that route.  One site is "hotels tonight".  VRBO, HomeAway, and airbnb have private residences to rent from budget to high-flyer rates.  You can also sign up for Groupon emails. AAA has discounts on hotels.  There is also a website called Travelzoo that has great deals and hotwire is a great option, too.

If you don't mind research, priceline might be the holy grail for inexpensive hotel rates but you will have to delve into the nitty gritty with a site like biddingfortravel.com to make sure you aren't leaving money on the table.  Biddingfortravel can be strict with following the protocol of the site, just FYI.  It is truly worth the effort if you have the time and energy to become proficient at it.  If your goal is to take a vacation, making the effort is necessary.

If you are going for a week, there is a sweet spot for renting timeshares approximately 45 days in advance.  Timeshare owners (I'm one myself) reserve them up to two years in advance, then stuff happens in their personal lives and they have to find a way to make some money from them.  They have to own them to rent them, so make sure you ask for proof of ownership before pulling the trigger.  This is an important point.  You can be denied access from a resort if someone is renting something they don't own.  

Tug2.net has a section for this called "last minute rentals"  where the rule is the total price must be $700/week or less.  Maybe you can find a bigger rental and split the cost with another family.  Start off-season for the best pricing.  The truth is, with any new idea, the concept has to build and gather strength over time.  Look under the "bargain basement" section of tug2.net.  Many owners give away their timeshares for closing costs.  Again, a word of caution that if you buy a timeshare and don't keep up with yearly fees, it negatively affects your credit rating.

How about glamping or camping?  Some glamping fees are more than hotels but the idea of glamping is easy to reproduce.  For anything requiring time, try to take the "one and done" approach.  Take a large container and fill it with unscented candles, an extra set of pretty dishes (bought resale to save money), table clothes, special vacation t-shirts.  

If you brainstorm with your family what makes them feel special, it's easy to find creative ways to turn a basic trip into something epic, and we all deserve epic!!  Keeping the container together will give two-fold results:  you will always know it's there so it will help keep the thought alive, and you can pull it out and use it without having to recreate it over and over again.  Kelly Bastone wrote an article for backpacker.com on "America's Best Campsites".  This website has a wide scope of great info on taking to the trails.

Ok, what about swapping with friends?  We all must have friends outside of our town:  three-four nights, having fun, breaking up the routine, creating memories.  It doesn't get any better.  No matter what your income, it's nice to stay with friends.  You could swap with friends home or swap with friends who are staying at your house.  There are also house swapping sites online to exchange with strangers.  

Again, many people who don't take vacations believe on a deeper level that they aren't worthy or deserving of them.  "I'm willing to release the need to believe I don't deserve a vacation."  Releasing conflict from every cell of my body. (Deep breath)

Our overall strategy is releasing resistance to new beliefs while taking baby steps toward our goals, to avoid overwhelm.  It won't work.  Why not?  Break it down, list your reasons.  It still won't work.  Why not?  Break it down further.  

Attach joy and a sense of accomplishment to each small success, "yay, I sent a mass email to friends asking about house swapping or sharing today!!!"  This is a multiple part topic.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am opening myself up to new possibilities to take a vacation I can afford.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Removing Obstacles to Our Goals, One Hurdle At A Time

Let's imagine our goal as the finish line of a race.  Each obstacle is a hurdle.  Instead of jumping over each hurdle and slowing down for each one, you have "special powers" to eliminate each hurdle.

In this analogy, our goal, the finish line, will be to take a much deserved vacation.  Together, we can do this!!  What obstacles come to mind?  If you are not on board with this, your first obstacle might be lack of faith, "oh come on, really, she thinks I'm gonna take a vacation??  She's certifiable!!"  

This is good stuff, identifying beliefs that hold us back.  I won't take it personally, OK?  Stay with me here.  Vacation consciousness can start with a long weekend.  Strengthening beliefs, one step at a time:  priceless!!

All new concepts can be overwhelming.  I am really good at taking inexpensive vacations because I lived it and breathed it until it I knew it, backwards and forwards.  It became a passion for me when we decided I would stay home with the kids and our income was cut in half.  

Timeshares, bought resale, were the answer for us.  When we started, we bought one in South Africa for $1000 and traded it to incredible 5 star resorts.  That no longer works, but there are always loopholes, secrets, and out-of-the-box ideas for any goal you have.  People are giving away timeshares under the "bargain basement" section of tug2.net.  (Although you might have to pay closing fees and if you default on yearly fees it hurts your credit.)  Reducing resistance and being open to new ideas is the key.

Common obtacles, or hurdles, to a vacation are:  I don't have the money; I don't know where to start; I can't afford to eat out; travel is stressful.......now we will break each one down further.  Obviously, money isn't an insignificant topic.  For purposes of moving forward, step by step, we will work on simple ideas.

I don't have the money:  flights are expensive; hotels are expensive, car rentals are expensive............

Let's start with flights, there are several ways to go here:  you can sign up for airfare deals or alerts to get you more comfortable with lower prices and to take your brain off believing that your goal is impossible.  Southwest has $59 fares, travel agents have email alerts (I am signed up for travelbyjen.com), an airline tracker called Kayak has email alerts you can sign up for, all of these cost nothing other than the time to sign up.  I receive a daily email from The Points Guy, thepointsguy.com, learning about how to accrue airline miles.

In addition to moving the needle in your mind off "impossible", Louise Hay has an affirmation, "I'm willing to release the need to (in this case, it could be) believe a vacation is impossible for me."  Then we can add a "secret sauce" for affirmations:  "releasing conflict from every cell in my body".  (The "secret sauce" can be much more elaborate, I will add to it but don't want to overwhelm you today.)  

Final thought for today, many people who don't take vacations believe on a deeper level that they aren't worthy or deserving of them.  "I'm willing to release the need to believe I don't deserve a vacation."  Releasing conflict from every cell of my body.

Our overall strategy is releasing resistance to new beliefs while taking baby steps toward our goals, to avoid feeling overwhelmed.  It won't work.  Why not?  Break it down, list your reasons.  It still won't work.  Why not?  Break it down further.  Sometimes I dig down 5-10 levels on why I'm stuck.

Attach joy and a sense of accomplishment to each small success, "yay, I signed up for email alerts today!!"  This is a multiple part topic.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am worthy of pleasure in my life.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

I'm Sorry

I beg your forgiveness. 

Please allow me to offer you a heartfelt apology.

Are you good at asking for forgiveness?  I taught my children to look someone in the eye, put a hand on his/her shoulder, apologize with grace, and ask how to make amends.  Note:  some people don't like physical contact so a hand on the shoulder is always situation appropriate.  

The art and practice of a Hawaiian prayer called "Ho'oponopono" is a beautiful addition to our best lives.  Ancienthuna.com discusses "Ho'oponopono means to make right".  Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to let go of the need to worry about whether or not other people ask for forgiveness from you, we can't make them.

"I'm sorry.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.  I love you."  Yup, that's it (different sources have it in different orders).  It's a simple mantra that can be a life-changing discovery.  I do it in combination with an energy technique that releases negative energy from the body.  If you have heard of acupuncture, the concept is similar, without needles.

When I'm on a roll, I do it every day, maybe five minutes at a time.  It relaxes me, provides more space in my mind for new thought patterns.  

It needs to be heartfelt so don't do it until you feel ready.  There may be underlying resentment toward people who have wronged you that is holding you back from asking forgiveness of others.  Can you begin the process by releasing resentment of others by 1%?

I don't know if I would be able to forgive someone who traumatized my family, don't get me wrong.  Thankfully, most of us don't have to deal with those kinds of circumstances and we are dealing with the usual reasons for family conflict.  It's time well-spent and can be as powerful as you want to make it.  

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I'm sorry.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.  I love you.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

When Negative Beliefs Are Compounded, "Lean on Me"

Lack of worth, lack of self-esteem, physical and emotional abandonment issues can sometimes be tied together in strands that take time, effort, and determination to unravel.  People who have been hurt the most tend to "check out" from life.  Most cannot cope with overwhelming pain for long periods of time, it's a difficult path to travel.

However, there is always hope.  If you are alive, there is always hope.  Working on self-esteem and self-worth makes the path easier.  Once you begin to work on those issues, knowing that we are innately lovable because we were born, the pathway to healing opens.  Do you have someone to help carry your load when it gets too heavy?  

There are so many different reasons people may not feel hope.  The loss of an authority figure who loved us unconditionally can lead us to question our value.  If you were born into a situation where your parents were overwhelmed and did not know how to show unconditional love, you may feel like there is no way to change that.

The past matters to the extent that we all have to be acknowledged as human beings who are worthy and deserving of unconditional love and having our basic human needs met.  It is valuable to acknowledge the past in order to move forward.  

Empathy is important.  How can we judge someone's past if we haven't walked in his or her shoes?  Acknowledgment doesn't have to mean that we hang out in the past; but at times "we all need somebody to lean on."  You may have an underlying belief that the world would be better off without you.  Those thoughts can lead to statements like, "it doesn't matter what I do anyway, it won't work out for me".  

As always, the first step is awareness.  We all have the opportunity to create better lives for ourselves.  Step by step, your future can be better than the past with hope, effort, and determination.  You are worthy!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to have empathy for others, "we all need somebody to lean on."

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

A Fable........"Perhaps" Good Luck vs. Bad Luck is Based on Long-Term Outcome

Source Unknown

There once was a farmer. One day the farmer's only horse broke out of the corral and ran away. The farmer's neighbors, all hearing of the horse running away, came to the farmer's house to view the corral. As they stood there, the neighbors all said, "Oh what bad luck!" The farmer replied, "Perhaps." 

About a week later, the horse returned, bringing with it a whole herd of wild horses, which the farmer and his son quickly corralled. The neighbors, hearing of the corralling of the horses, came to see for themselves. As they stood there looking at the corral filled with horses, the neighbors said, "Oh what good luck!" The farmer replied, "Perhaps." 

A couple of weeks later, the farmer's son's leg was badly broken when he was thrown from a horse he was trying to break. A few days later the broken leg became infected and the son became delirious with fever. The neighbors, all hearing of the incident, came to see the son. As they stood there, the neighbors said, "Oh what bad luck!" The farmer replied, "Perhaps." 

At that same time in China, a war broke out between two rival warlords. In need of more soldiers, a captain came to the village to conscript young men to fight in the war. When the captain came to take the farmer's son, he found the young man with a broken leg--delirious with fever. Knowing there was no way the son could fight, the captain left him there. A few days later, the son's fever broke. The neighbors, hearing of the son's not being taken to fight in the war and of his return to good health, all came to see him. As they stood there, each one said, "Oh what good luck!" The farmer replied, "Perhaps."

So if your boyfriend cheats on you, perhaps it's bad news because your feelings are hurt but maybe it's good news because wouldn't you rather know before you were married?

If you have to move, perhaps it's bad news because you will miss your friends but maybe it's good news because you will love your new circumstances even more than you old home.

If you fail a class, perhaps it's bad news because your parents will be upset but perhaps it's good news because you can decide whether or not you enjoyed the class you failed and possibly change direction.

Sometimes, we tend to label events as "good" or "bad" when in a lot of cases, it just depends on the long-term outcome.  It's easier to transition to new conditions when you aren't attached to previous results.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to resist labeling daily events as "good" or "bad" when possible.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"Owning It" Involves Accepting the Consequences of Your Actions

I was listening to a story about some kids goofing around in a high school class with a non-observant teacher.  (Under advice from counsel I can neither confirm nor deny any incriminating details.) My first reaction was how to put a stop to it.  Yeah, I can be a party pooper.  My second reaction was, "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" (from the classic TV show Baretta).

So when Nicki Minaj sings "And I ain't paying my rent this month, I owe that" she has to know the effects of her behavior (based on the song) might be getting evicted, and she might be sleeping on a park bench or in a homeless shelter.  It's all good, but we have to think a few steps ahead to be aware of the consequences of our actions.  

No one is perfect.  I am not, nor do I claim to be perfect, but it makes life run more smoothly when we can project possible outcomes.  Natural consequences in parenting involves letting things play out to see what happens when our kids miss the bus, forget their lunches, or don't do homework.  

PsychologyDictionary.org describes natural consequences as "a method of teaching a child a lesson as a parent where instead of highlighting the consequences of an action, the parent will wait for the consequence to occur before highlighting it."

NATURAL CONSEQUENCES: "Parents may adopt the natural consequences approach allowing children to see the consequences of their actions for themselves."

If we are always being rescued, we won't learn the consequences of our actions, but having a support system does include people who will be there with you as you take responsibility.  People who say, "yes, you need to accept the consequences of your actions, but I will love you unconditionally and will stand beside you as you learn and grow."

Being loved doesn't mean kids are given a free pass to cause chaos and being strict doesn't me we withdraw our love from our children when they make mistakes.  As adults, we know the consequences of speeding, jaywalking, and not paying our taxes.  We take our chances, try to do our best and be good examples.  Life isn't supposed to be a process of worrying so much that there is no joy.  However, taking a moment to envision what could happen in a potentially dangerous situation could save our lives; or, at the very least, get us out of detention.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to "own" my actions.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Your Life is Not a Sound Bite or an Elevator Speech

Have you ever tried to impress someone in 60 seconds or less resulting in an epic fail?  "But wait, there's more", you might want to yell as the person of influence walks away.  "Here's my resume, a note from my mom, and my organ donor card.......I am worthy!!"  My "someone" I want to impress is Oprah.  I always wonder what I will say to her when I meet her to impress her with my greatness.

Of course, first impressions are important.  It's human nature to want to impress people.  But knowing and loving our day-to-day selves is much more important than someone else's first impression of us.

Most of us have anxiety in new situations and/or with people in positions of authority, with the President, the Queen, or our favorite rock stars.  It's natural, normal, and expected.  The important note, though, is that this is not who we are in totality, it is only part of us!!

In the short-term, people impress us with their presence, their confidence, their gravitas.  In the long-term, as we get to know people on a personal level, we are impressed by their values, how they handle a crisis, and how they treat friends, strangers, waitresses and the elderly.

If you are impressed by only wealth and power, you may be missing the bigger picture; and if you are being judged by only your money and power, you are being short changed.  

Let's have our 60 second speeches ready and keep them handy.  The best combination is to impress ourselves and others in the short-term and the long-term. 

You will know as your self-esteem improves, because when you meet someone famous and they aren't impressed by you, you will be able to say with ease, "it's her loss, because I would have really enriched her life if she took the time to know me."

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am more that what people see during an elevator speech.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Being Passionate about Your Gifts and Talents is Being at Your Best

What do you love to do?  Really love to do that you are talented at?  Can you think of time when you shared your passion with someone who wasn't receptive to it?  If yes, did it make you feel like you were on the wrong path to happiness?

We often misinterpret other peoples' reactions as being a sign that we could be heading down the wrong path, but in reality, other peoples' reactions are their projections of why something wouldn't work based on their own criteria of what is best.  Don't allow that to stop you from following your dreams!!  

There's a lid for every pot in the world, my husband just said that to me, too cute.  If we use the analogy for passions (lids) and people (pots) most of us will have different answers on our Life's Purpose Test (see corresponding blog).  Here's the takeaway: don't take other peoples' reactions personally!

After you know what you really love to do, don't quit your day job!!  I have a personal story about making big leaps without a safety net that I am glad to share.  Just know they call it a "safety" net for  reason;)

Nurture your passions:  join groups; make time; learn it; be it........be "one" with your passion.  I am one with my purpose, I am one with purpose, I am one with my purpose.  It becomes so much a part of you that you can't live without it, really!!  I cannot stop myself from writing, it's a good obsession!

I was a journalism major in college.  Then, I went into a career that was more of a research and analysis position that I knew certain people would be proud of on my behalf.  Do you do that, live for others?  I disliked the job but stayed in it for a long time.  If that sounds familiar, awareness is the first step to change.

Again, it is always about baby steps.  You can make changes in your life for the better.  Life begins to shift into pure enjoyment, as you find ways to do what you are passionate about.

Have a great day.

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will take time to figure out what I love to do.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Taking Responsibility to Lead a More Peaceful Life

Have you ever tried to get out of trouble when it was your fault?  Have you considered that dodging the consequences of your actions might do more harm that good, depending on how you process situations internally?

I have been thinking about how our brains and bodies work with our internal belief systems.  We all have our own filters of the line between right and wrong, good and bad.  If your filter or lens believes it's ok to do something or to not do something, you will process the same action differently than how someone else does who has either more lenient or more stringent filters.  

It dawned on me this morning that it's a privilege to be responsible for my actions.  I'm allowed to take responsibility.   I am worthy and deserving of taking responsibility.  I decided to own it.  Yeah, it unravels all of the "coulda, woulda, shoulda" stuff in my mind if I own it, accept it, make amends, and move on.

Have you noticed when people try to explain away decisions they are not proud of?  We are disempowering ourselves by trying to get away with our actions or "dodge the bullet".  We spend time and effort trying to defend actions (to ourselves or others) that may not be aligned with our values.  The secret always is to own it but then release it.  Yes, I did it, I own it, I am comfortable with my decision at that time in my life, based on those circumstances.

I used to believe I had to make amends five levels beyond myself.  If I forgot to tip the postman, I would also feel guilty about not tipping the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker.  So pull back on what you are responsible for to the first level and make amends there.  Release yourself of further obligations beyond that.  

When you can make the shift that being allowed to take responsibility for your actions is a gift and not a burden, you can use the information to relieve stress on your life, providing space for better things to happen.  You begin to have a sense of peace, which is the optimal way to live your best life.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I'm allowed to take resposibilty for my actions.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

What Do You Do Under Protest?

What do you do under protest?  We had a contract with a company to do business for us.  They substantially raised their rates, we believe the rates are now too high.  We paid them under protest, we plan to move to a different company soon.  We all hate to be "ripped off". Even if there is a market value, at some point we just can't take it anymore.  I am almost ready to give up our home phone number, it's just not necessary to me.

"Oh We're Not Gonna Take It

no, We Ain't Gonna Take It

oh We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore

we've Got The Right To Choose And

there Ain't No Way We'll Lose It

this Is Our Life, This Is Our Song

we'll Fight The Powers That Be Just

don't Pick Our Destiny 'cause

you Don't Know Us, You Don't Belong

oh We're Not Gonna Take It

no, We Ain't Gonna Take It

oh We're Not Gonna Take It Anymore"

Who is the band "Twisted Sister", Mr. Trebek?  Do you sing along to the song at the concert but go home and forget to make changes in your life?

Have you heard the story of the frog in the pot of water, not realizing he will be boiled if he stays in the pot, because he was getting used to discomfort?  According to snopes.com it's not true, but it is a good story!!  We all have the power to speak up or take our business elsewhere.  So many people don't bother to make easy changes that will save them money and reduce their stress.

Do you have your list of things that bother you done yet (Mental Detox blog entry)?  Of course, sometimes, we have to accept things we cannot change, shout out to the Serenity Prayer!!  But let's do our best to change the things we can.  Because we can, it's possible, and it's empowering!!

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  We're not gonna take it anymore.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Making Decisions Can Change When Peace, Not Fear, is Our First Filter (And "the Newsroom")

Great leaders do their best to eliminate fear from their decision-making processes.  The first season of "The Newsroom" has a great quote regarding fearlessness.  If you haven't seen the show, it's my favorite show on television.  It's smart, thought-provoking, and incredibly well-written and acted.

The energy of the show is part of its brilliance because it's about a live newsroom, where making decisions "on the fly" becomes normal.  However, even when making lightening-fast decisions, there are protocols in place that become a safety net for good judgment, in most cases.  As human beings, we have all made fast decisions that have proven to be good, and fast decisions that have proven to be bad in hindsight. 

Is it good to be fearless?  That's the question.  The episode partially involves how business moguls make decisions.

Charlie ( Sam Waterston ): "I thought you got where you were by being fearless."

Leona ( Jane Fonda ): "I got where I am by knowing who to fear."

Those of us without the benefit of our own writing staff can take inspiration from great movie and television writers in general.  Sometimes people make unwise decisions because their goal is to be fearless.  When instead, a better goal is knowing who to fear, in addition to taking a moment to allow information to sink in before making the decision.

Do we choose to: fight the good fight; stand up for what's right in the face of adversity; stand against peer pressure if necessary?  If yes, yay us, with a caveat........in case of emergency, sometimes it's necessary to go it alone.  But more often, it makes sense to find a partner to get involved when making decisions in situations where you know major change is necessary.

Going inward to check with your inner compass of right and wrong is an important first step.  Then, find a place of peace inside yourself to look for guidance in your next steps toward change.  Let's be bold, courageous, and brave!  Let's balance that with our intuition and a sense of peace, knowing that our internal guidance can lead us to the path that we can travel safely, minimizing our fear.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xoxo

Conni 

Today's Mantra:  I choose to know who to fear, and to be fearless when it's appropriate.  

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

White Knuckle Living, is Your Path Lit by Fear or Hope?

Have you ever been in a traffic jam in construction, surrounded by semi-trucks, on a dark highway that's twisting and turning, on an unfamiliar road?  We call that white-knuckle driving.  Your mind is on alert, trying to find your way and hoping to get to a safe place where you can relax.  

I have seen people living their lives that way, we call it "white-knuckle living".  (Source unknown). That's where that cortisol hormone builds up, the one that is secreted when your fear overrides your normal brain processes.  It's so hard to live your life in fear.  

According to livestrong.com, "Chronic or long-term stress increases levels of cortisol, which plays a role in several hormonal and metabolic reactions that lead to weight gain. It increases your appetite and your cravings for unhealthy foods. Cortisol also reduces testosterone in men and women, which leads to muscle loss. Muscle burns more calories than body fat. When you lose muscle, your body burns calories less efficiently. Also, cortisol increases fatigue, which makes it more likely that you won't exercise to burn off excess calories."

Ok, we don't want that.  How do we stop white-knuckle living?  There is strategy involved.  Start by thinking about the category that gives you the most stress, take action, and let it go, as much as you can each day.  

It starts with an intention:  "I am perfect health".  Once you have made that intention, take action so your mind and body are in alignment with it.  Use quick, easy, enjoyable actions: take a short walk, eat a vegetable, meditate.  I hate running but love the trampoline.  I dislike vegetables but love my chocolate veggie powder.  I love guided mediatations.  Be proud of every small success; adjust and release failures in the moment.  We are all human and we are all allowed to forgive ourselves for our mistakes.  We want to create positive patterns.

If your intention is "I am prosperity", perhaps, clean a closet and give a bag to charity, change your mortgage payment to automatically prepay an extra $20 a month to principle, and spend a few dollars doing something unscheduled and fun (maybe ice cream or a matinee).  Prove, in a small way, that you are prosperous at this moment in time.  

The goal is taking action to change fear to hope and "priming the pump" for good things to be recognized, while rewarding yourself for your efforts.  Congrats!!  Each and every small action you take to improve yourself should be celebrated.   Sometimes, I literally pat myself on the back, haha.  

This is a great start to reducing fear.  Once you are comfortable with that, it's time to get to subconscious beliefs, discussed further in the cognitive dissonance blog.  It's all about hope for the future and taking accountability to make your own building blocks for success. You can do it!!  I have faith in you!

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra: I choose to identify my greatest stress and plan small actions to reduce it.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Power Postures Explained by Amy Cuddy

Amy Cuddy did a TED talk (no cost, 18 minute talks) on Power Dynamics.  There is a video and also a transcription of it, if you want to watch it or read it in it's totality.  I have copied a few excerpts here, it's worth its weight in gold, I promise.  The "non-tech life hack" will increase testosterone, decrease cortisol, and allow you to feel more assertive, confident, and comfortable.  As she suggests, this would be beneficial for every one of us that is not currently a high-powered Alpha male and/or a powerful leader, when we are in situations where we would like to feel more powerful......always, please!!  However, it is especially well-suited for job interviews and public speaking engagements, yay:)

She specifically asks that we share this with others who are in less powerful positions, what an amazing gift to the world!!

".........Alex Todorov at Princeton has shown us that judgments of political candidates' faces in just one second predict 70 percent of U.S. Senate and gubernatorial race outcomes, and even, let's go digital, emoticons used well in online negotiations can lead to you claim more value from that negotiation.......

......we know that our minds change our bodies, but is it also true that our bodies change our minds? And when I say minds, in the case of the powerful, what am I talking about? So I'm talking about thoughts and feelings and the sort of physiological things that make up our thoughts and feelings, and in my case, that's hormones. I look at hormones. So what do the minds of the powerful versus the powerless look like? So powerful people tend to be, not surprisingly, more assertive and more confident, more optimistic. They actually feel that they're going to win even at games of chance. They also tend to be able to think more abstractly. So there are a lot of differences. They take more risks. There are a lot of differences between powerful and powerless people............

.........this is what we did. We decided to bring people into the lab and run a little experiment, and these people adopted, for two minutes, either high-power poses or low-power poses, and I'm just going to show you five of the poses, although they took on only two. So here's one. A couple more. This one has been dubbed the "Wonder Woman" by the media. Here are a couple more. So you can be standing or you can be sitting. And here are the low-power poses. So you're folding up, you're making yourself small. This one is very low-power. When you're touching your neck, you're really protecting yourself.......

 .......Here's what we find on testosterone.  From their baseline when they come in, high-power people experience about a 20-percent increase, and low-power people experience about a 10-percent decrease. So again, two minutes, and you get these changes. Here's what you get on cortisol. High-power people experience about a 25-percent decrease, and the low-power people experience about a 15-percent increase.So two minutes lead to these hormonal changes that configure your brain to basically be either assertive, confident and comfortable, or really stress-reactive, and, you know, feeling sort of shut down."

The condensed version of the official study is that doing a power posture for two minutes can provide you with "Alpha" hormones and qualities of leadership, allowing more of our authentic selves to shine through in stressful situations.  Please pass it on!!  

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to use Power Poses to allow my authentic self to shine.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Do You Have An Awareness of Your Life Purpose?

My friend Cindy and I were discussing our life purposes (doesn't everyone) and she told me that Jack Canfield had an easy exercise for this.  I found it at jackcanfield.com (thanks, Cindy).  Positive change begins with awareness. 

Life is not a sprint, but a marathon, so if you don't currently know your life purpose, this is the perfect time to figure it out.  It's never too late.  If someone tells you it's too late, don't listen:)

"The Life Purpose Exercise

The Success Principles describes a simple process that can help you identify your passion in as little as 10 minutes.

The process involves answering three questions:
1.    “What are two qualities I most love expressing in life?”  For me, it would be love and joy.
2.    “What are two ways I most love expressing those qualities?”  For me, it’s inspiring people with stories like the Chicken Soup books and empowering people through my live trainings, home study courses, books, DVDs and teleseminars.
3.    “What would the world look like if it were perfect right now, according to me?” For me, it would be that everyone was living their highest vision in the context of love and joy.

Once you have answers to all three questions, you can combine them into a single statement.  My life purpose is to inspire and empower people to live their highest vision in the context of love and joy, and for the highest good of all concerned.

To identify ways that you can live your passion, ask yourself this additional question: “On a scale of 1 to 10, how actively am I living this passion, or how actively am I living this purpose?”

If your answer is anything less than a 10, ask yourself, “What would I have to do to make it a 10?” The answers that you come up with are the action steps you need to take so that you can begin living your passions on a day-to-day level."

Here are my personal answers:

My unique qualties are: empathy and being a nurturer.

Two ways I enjoy expressing these are:  one-on-one appointments and working with groups using humor and love to help others understand how to take care of themselves, using the belief that we all are worthy and deserving of unconditional love.

A perfect world for me is loving, kind, thoughtful, fun, and passionate.

Putting it all together:  My purpose is to use my talents of being empathetic and nurturing to assist individuals and groups in learning how to take care of themselves with unconditional love, in order for them to become their best loving, kind, thoughtful, fun, and passionate selves.

Yahoo!!  It's a wonderful feeling to speak my personal truth.  If you are doing the exercise yourself and negative self-talk comes up, make note of it as something to be targeted for change in the future.  We all deserve to live our best lives.  You are magnificent!!

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am going to discover my life purpose.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Healthy Coping Using Intentional Choices

We all need to cope.  Our jobs, families, and life in general make each day unique.  We all get close to the edge of losing our tempers, our sanity, perhaps.  Do you have an emergency plan in place for those occasions?  It's good to be prepared.  

I read the same books more than once if they have a happy ending.  Why not?  If I can find a healthy way to get to and stay in my positive mental groove, is it bad that the ending is predictable?  Nope.  Have you ever watched a movie twice, three times, have you become a cult follower of a movie?    (The Big Chill:  if they can have that much fun doing dishes, it's worth its weight in gold!)  Finding a way to get back to or stay in your happiness zone is an easy, positive way to cope.

What's your "go to" movie genre?  If it's action, that can be an easy way to get excitement in your life without needing to have chaos in your home.  Constant chaos can be exciting but exhausting if it's part of your home life.  It all depends on understanding what you need in your life to be happy.  Some need more chaos than others, some need consistent downtime.  

As we learn to make healthy mental choices, having an awareness of what your personal needs are is key.  And finding healthy ways to meet those needs is golden.  Would you take a moment, sometime in the near future, to understand what makes up your need base of what kind of life you desire?  

What percentage of your time needs to be spent in solitude, what percentage with friends, what percentage in extreme excitement, etc?  You could be an introvert, who needs a lot of alone time, or an extrovert, who needs to be in the middle of a crowd, enjoying conversation and company.  If you spend too much time in situations that don't nurture you, it leads to aggravation.  

Do you know who you are, who you want to become?  Having an awareness of who you are and what you need mentally to be happy is really important.  Then, knowing healthy ways to meet those needs is the next step to happiness.  So many people spend their time in situations that don't meet their mental needs. 

Balancing your job requirements with your home life should be part of your plan.  It's all part of the bigger picture of understanding yourself and your needs; making intentional choices to meet your needs.

Some people associate coping skills with a crisis, but it's just another addition to our tool boxes of living our best lives.  With practice, you will begin to sense overwhelm, anxiety, or anger coming on and can make a good choice to get back into your comfort zone.  Life is good, and it's better when you have a plan already in place before a crisis or a really bad day happens.

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will be aware of simple pleasures that make me happy and reduce my stress.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Can I Interest You in a Mental Detox?

I read lots of articles about detoxing our bodies from what we eat.  Have you considered detoxing your mind from what you think?  What if we all took a week to consider every thought, every word, every action we took, before taking action?

The more we are purposeful about what we say, think, and do, the more our lives become a creation of what we truly desire.  Are you waiting for something to happen to you instead of taking steps to make things happen?

If you are open to change, you might want to start with altering your thoughts before bed and as you are waking up in the morning.  Those are powerful segments of time when changing your thought patterns will be the most effective.  Perhaps you could begin by taking deep breaths in, by the count of four, and trying to allow any negative thoughts to float away.  Breathe in good, breath out bad.

Are you aware of what bothers you during the day?  An idea, suggested by Gary Craig (EFT), is to list the 100 (or 50 or 25) things that bother you the most and see what you can get taken off your list as quickly as possible.  Try to get things done that are easy to change.  I need to get my carpets cleaned.  I think about it every morning and every night.  That's a lot of energy going toward something I can easily change.  (Update, I just scheduled the cleaning!!)

I know some people don't believe they can spend the money to fix their house or car but all of the mental anguish around living in drudgery takes its toll on you emotionally.  Also, we have to get our homes in shape eventually to sell them, right, why not enjoy the upgrades as part of your life plan?  

There is always room for bartering.  Have a painting party then return the favor.  Help friends with projects and allow them to help you.  If you make your list but still have trouble pulling the trigger to spend time or money on fixing things, ask someone to help get you started.  A reasonable budget for upgrades will help make each day brighter and more hopeful.

I used to mentally go through my day and decide what I had done wrong, then over-analyze it.  If that sounds familiar, stop doing it!  Now, when I realize what I'm thinking, I imagine the red circle with an X in it, and I put a "stop" to those thoughts.  You could add a physical deterrent, too, to stop yourself, maybe say "stop" or lightly flick yourself (be careful out there, no hurting yourself).  Beating yourself up is never the answer!!  And as always, the more you drink water, exercise, and eat right, the better you will feel mentally and physically.

Positive change creates room for better thoughts and opportunities.  Once you have made space in your mind by removing irritations and negative self-talk, intentionally schedule some fun.  You deserve the best life has to offer!! 

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to list the top areas of my life that bring me irritation and make a plan to eliminate them.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.