Drudgery Turns to Contentment When it Comes from a Place of Love

I used to hate doing dishes and cooking.  I am female but I thought my nesting gene was missing.  I couldn't wrap my mind around why other people enjoyed domestic endeavors, but then I thought, do we enjoy what we were taught to love and what we were praised for doing as children?

My mom considered cooking and household chores drudgery.  I can't remember one example of when she was smiling while she was cooking.  She was overwhelmed with commitments so cooking was a necessary evil.  I honestly believed that no one really enjoyed cooking, until I met someone that did.  

My friend Robin had an overwhelming life and she loved cooking.  That's when the dichotomy of ones' perception of a situation vs. someone's reality became apparent to me.  Hmmmm........Robin was overwhelmed in her home situation, but praised for her cooking, so she enjoyed it despite the overwhelm.  It was her anchor, her solace, her happy place.  

As my daughter became old enough to cook, she started creating great kitchen memories for our family: helping make dinner; making omelets for us even though she doesn't like eggs; baking two dozen cookies for each of her six teachers; cooking dinner for friends and enjoying the successes as well as the mistakes.  All of her kitchen experiences included love and joy.  That's the way to live.  Hey, the student becomes the teacher, living it here...........

Now, I realize life is always a lesson.  Cooking is only drudgery if there is no love or joy attached.  Anything in life can be drudgery without hope, happiness or love attached.  Some things I will always dislike: bugs, grapefruit, freezing during Midwest winters.........but most circumstances can go from drudgery to contentment with the injection of love.

Love and praise cost us nothing.  They can make our lives go from being intolerable (or only tolerable) to enjoyable and fun.  Give more love and praise, make the world a better place.  We all deserve to be happy, we all deserve to be praised.  So now I actually enjoy cooking.  I have my limits, I will never be considered a gourmet cook, but it's fun, a loving contribution to our family.  And I like to receive compliments, even if it's only for the best grilled cheese my son has ever tasted.

Have a wonderful day.  

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to find a way to add joy to my obligations

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Staying in the Moment While Saying Goodbye

One of my very best friends is moving this week.  We have been great friends for almost 10 years and I've spent more time with her than anyone else other than family.  She will be about eight hours away by car.  I have been trying to stay "in the moment" since I found out that she and her family decided to move, but thinking about a future that is different from the past is emotional for me.  I am happy for her, moving on to better things, but sad for me.

I'd like to think I embrace change but it's always scary.  One of Craig Charles famous quotes is, "It's evolve or die, really, you have to evolve, you have to move on otherwise it just becomes stagnant."  Yes but can I change while everyone else stays the same and supports me while I'm doing that?  And who said being stagnant is bad, anyway??

OK, knowing that's not possible, here's the thing about staying "in the moment", there is no fear in the moment if you can let go of the past and the future.  Everything right now is fine, it really is, if you are breathing.  And if you aren't breathing, you probably aren't reading this anyway.  Ironically, when you concentrate on your breathing, it allows you to stay in the moment.

The fear comes with looking at the future and believing that it takes something outside of us to be whole.  That's hard to work through, knowing that we intentionally spend time with people who bring happiness to our lives.  Committing to relationships, whether they are friendships, family bonds, or marriages, mean having the purpose of putting positive energy into the relationship.  It's interesting that when you form a bond with someone, most of us never expect it to end.

We are all evolving, all changing every day, whether the circumstances are forced or not,  so we have to become comfortable with the fact that change can be uncomfortable.  In the moment, I know that I innately have everything I need to be happy within myself.  After that, having great relationships are a bonus.

Have a wonderful day.

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra: wholeness comes from within.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Sometimes Change Can Be Lonely, Make More Friends

Have you ever tried something new, asked your friends to join in and all you hear are crickets??  Change can be lonely at times. When someone is ready to forge a new path, it's ok for friends to be supportive without wanting to walk the same path with you.

If you are going along for the ride on someone else's pathway, it makes sense that your chance of success is less than if you make a conscious decision to change.  Looking for people to share in your decision, you may need to find a new group to solidify your new healthy habit, and that's all good.  

Abraham Lincoln said, "Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing."  Everyone should be more committed to their own goals than to someone else's goals.  It would be wonderful if the group of friends you've had since high school all want to "eat clean" or exercise with you, but your friends would be less inclined to keep the commitment to change than others who had already decided on their own that they were ready.

Last year a group of us started boxing.  One by one, my friends dropped out.  The bottom line is that your friends can be supportive from the sidelines and they are not trying to sabotage you if they aren't ready to dive in with the same set of goals that you have.  It's wonderful to have a buddy that wants to do all of the same things that you do but it's not completely realistic that a group of friends all want to make the same changes at the same time. 

The Merriam-Webster definition of support is

: to agree with or approve of (someone or something)

: to show that you approve of (someone or something) by doing something

: to give help or assistance to (someone or something)

Find a new group to give you help and assistance with your goals, and allow your long-term friends to support you by showing that they approve of your decisions.  Go Team!!

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to be supportive of others while working toward my own goals

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Our Intangible Qualities are Shaping Our Lives

In "The Power of the Subconscious Mind" by Joseph Murphy (1898-1981),  he states "The real things of life, such as peace, harmony, integrity, security, and happiness are intangible.  They come from the Deep Self of man.  Meditating on these qualities builds these treasures of heaven in our subconscious."

You may have heard that the subconscious mind has more power over our actions than the conscious mind, when willpower fails.  So strengthening our subconscious values is key to change.  

Let's take these qualities one at at time:

Peace: how can we have more peace in our lives?  As busy people, we are responsible for many daily tasks, sometime just getting ready for the day can be overwhelming.  If you don't enjoy shopping, set up home delivery.  Amazon has subscribe and save that can save you money and has many non-perishable groceries that can be delivered automatically each month.  If you enjoy shopping, think about what you don't like to do that's optional in your life and lean towards cutting back in that area.

Harmony:  disharmony comes from conflict.  Are there people in your life that you need to forgive but haven't?  Remember, forgiving doesn't wash vindictive behaviors from your brain.  You don't have to make yourself vulnerable to someone's actions again if you know they will hurt you.  Forgive their higher selves if you can't forgive their earthly beings.  Limit or stop activity with people who hurt you but please forgive them on some level, forgiveness of at least 1% is a step in the right direction.

Integrity:  no one is perfect, we are all human.  Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has regrets.  Give yourself a clean slate every day and do the best you can do.  Make amends and let it go.  There is no room for self degradation in a happy life.  Once you have made amends, guilt is unnecessary.  Be proud of who you are and how far you have come.

Security:  make a list of what you need in your life to be secure and work towards those goals.  If you want to pay off your mortgage early, your brain will receive relief even if you set up a small extra automatic amount each month to pay toward your principle.  Be proud of anything you do that makes you feel more secure.

Happiness:  there are hundreds of websites dedicated to how to be happy.  Have you heard of laughter yoga or the happiness project?  Find funny YouTube videos and make an effort to watch them every day.  Movies, music, anything that makes you smile is good.  We all know laughter is contagious:)

Once you have made your intention to work towards these intangible qualities, write your goals on notecards and go through them each day.  Just setting an intention holds incredible power.  As you first wake up in the morning, your brain has more access to the subconscious mind so that is the perfect time to review your intentions.  

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  focus on how you want your life to look, release the past and begin again each morning.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

What Will Be Will Be

Does your mind race? Are you able to let go? Creative people may have a hard time planning and living in the "real world" while analytical people may have a hard time being creative.

Will I be pretty, will I be rich...

Que sera sera, some people believe that analysis, worry and hyper-vigilance assist us in getting to where we want to be in life.  Do you check your bank balance and credit card bills every day? No individual action is good or bad in itself; but the underlying emotion behind your action is a good clue as to what your detrimental thought processes are.

Will we have rainbows day after day...

Take action and let it go. We can only do our best, day after day, so we need to point ourselves in the right direction, make a plan, do our best to follow the plan, forgive ourselves for meandering off our path, and enjoy living.

With any goal, making a plan makes sense, but many of us perhaps make a plan that's overly aggressive and impossible to maintain. Start with a plan that is livable and realistic.  Writing it down step by step will help ensure success. Maybe make a goal for the next day before bed each night. Worry can be detrimental because you are saying what you are doing isn't enough which takes away hope.

Hope is the essential ingredient for change. Without hope, there will not be everlasting change.  Attach hope to your vision of the "perfect you". Believe to achieve. Success brings more success.  Celebrate each small achievement. Of course we should be diligent in our thought process but we can be diligent and thorough without worry and analysis paralysis.  

Step 1.  Decide in which area you are ready to change.

Step 2.  Make a reasonable, livable plan with small daily changes.

Step 3.  Keep the plan in mind when making decisions but be realistic that plans change as we evolve and life, overall, is supposed to be fun.

Step 4.  Forgive any mistakes and make sure your plan makes you happy.

Que sera sera...no one knows what our future holds, but I do know that excessive worry about the future causes stress which can lead to illness.  

Plan. Release. Forgive. Regroup. Repeat. What will be will be.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni