We All Have Personal History: Why Reactions are Human

Our personal beliefs show up as we react to other people in each and every situation. Since we are human, we all have resistance. Knowing when resistance holds us back gives us the gift of understanding what processing needs to be done before lasting change occurs.

I disliked history class in high school. Now I know that I can learn facts about what happened in the world if I choose to do that. When someone who is good at history lists facts and figures, I used to believe I wasn't interested; then I realized I wasn't interested because I believed I wasn't "good at it". That's resistance.

I can defend myself, just sayin'...nobody knows everything. I can either think, "she's right, I am not good at history", or "I am sure I can learn more about history if I choose to do so." My reaction depends on what I believe about myself.

If someone asked me about Ancient Rome and I don't know when the colosseum was built...if they muttered, "really, you don't know THAT??", the internal "me" would have judged myself. That limits my future possibilities and potential.

The processing of negative beliefs takes away the emotional charge that has built up around it. We want the original memory to be available to us without a negative charge, we want it to be neutral. I wasn't the best at history then, but I was good at other subjects. We all need to know how great we are in our own ways, then we can use our gifts and talents to make the world better. 

Be powerful. Know you are enough. If someone makes a comment and you react, use that information to process negative beliefs about yourself. You are worth it!

Xo

Conni

My Resistance to Exercise: Does it Have to be Painful to be Gainful?

Several months ago, I mentioned to someone that I hated to lift weights. I know that weight lifting is important for women as they age (umm, I do know that)...I was on board with the concept that this was a healthy practice. For whatever reason, I hated to do it, with a passion ;)

I was blocked, I was in my own way. 

When anyone tried to lecture me about why I just needed to "do it", it shut me down instead of creating change. Having the awareness of why to do something is important but when awareness isn't enough to make a change, there is usually emotional work to do on the issue.

Once I created a space (made a conscious effort to sit with the issue in a quiet way) to figure out why I hated it, I was able to have an awareness of my obstacles and overcome them, one by one. The cool thing was that as I passed the awareness phase, the obstacles almost overcame themselves. 

One thing I disliked was changing the weight levels during a work out. It was cumbersome and I was unskilled at it. I was out of my comfort zone, yuck. We can't learn a new skill without practice.

About that time, we found the bow-flex system where you can change the weight level by turning a wheel. I found it at a great price and had it delivered, problem solved. When you find something in your life that makes you shut down, you know to dig deeper.

Another issue was that I disliked working out alone. Almost effortlessly, my friend and I decided to schedule twice weekly work out/girl talk sessions, problem solved. We consciously made an effort to understand each other's needs and limitations. 

When you come to an issue in your life where you shut down instead of trying to solve the problem, there are usually multiple strands of resistance that need to be unraveled before you can make progress. Once the layers are separated, the solutions become easier. If kids, friends or clients can't find a solution, I usually ask them why it's not possible; because the answers are the key to finding their point of overwhelm and breaking it up into manageable pieces. 

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Edited and reposted: my relationship with exercise continues to have its ups and downs. I have much less resistance now, though. It's always a balance of living our best lives without beating ourselves up when we are not perfect.

I now have new and different obstacles to overcome but that is normal and OK. Step by step is the pathway to success.

If Your Emotional "Baggage" is Bigger than a Carry-On...

One of the differences between the people that have success and those who do not is that we all start at different points in the game of life. Some people start their journeys with less traumatic or less chronic challenges; or they have figured out how to process the negative energy to allow their lives to flow.

On the spectrum of trauma, it makes sense that people who had trauma at a younger age and/or repetitive trauma will have more to overcome than those who had less trauma. If you grew up with daily challenges, it affects you more than if you had a normal childhood with a few challenging days. Please understand my intention:  neither chronic nor one-time abuse is what we would wish on anyone, it hurts me to see anyone or anything suffer...but there is more processing to do if your challenges are more intense or have become patterns.

My paradigm shift, after years of research, is that feelings of abundance and safety have to be internal and must be so strongly believed that the fear of bad things happening again does not have an emotional hold on you. We have to believe, with every fiber of our beings, that we have the possibilities and potential for a better future.

Subconscious beliefs are stronger than conscious beliefs. If you are recovering from being in the middle of a war zone, most people need to do more than meditate about it. There is a large amount of free information on how to do this. Gary Craig offers the Emotional Freedom Technique information for free at emofree.com about how to remove blocks. Andrew Weil has wonderful complimentary information about breathing exercises. Please note...significant trauma should be processed with a professional.

If you were taught that you were not worthy and deserving, it takes work to allow the seeds of worthiness and feeling deserving to grow. It's a process, one step at a time, leading to a more peaceful life. Maybe someone else's grass seems greener, but who knows if they started with greener grass or if they have weeds ready to pop through the ground into the open...

xo
Conni

Is Floating A Struggle? Just Hold On...

I had a vision during my morning meditation. The human race is floating in an ocean. The water is our energy and our abundance. We are all holding hands, inner-connected. Our breath is unconditional love. It is necessary to survive.

If we disconnect, it's over for us. One disconnected person takes us out of balance. If we break apart, separate groups are never as strong as the whole. It's not about our potential at this point, it's about survival. We have to be connected first, before we have a chance for anything more than that.

Yes, we all have potential greater than we know. But unless we realize we are all one and must stay connected to survive, the rest of it just doesn't matter. Our gifts and talents don't matter if we can't stay afloat.

Some of us can't swim as well as others, but we can all float. Floating together is stronger than floating on our own or in groups. When we need to hold on to each other to survive, it is an equal obligation to reach out and to hold on. Both are necessary.

Breathe in, breathe out. Float first, knowing each inner-connected breath is necessary to existing. That is our foundation. That is staying in the moment. Our strength comes from knowing that. Of course, the rest of it does matter. There is always someone explaining to us how to improve our circumstances and it is good to evolve. 

Third-world countries have less food, luxury and technology but that forces them to be more aware that life is precarious. When did we lose touch with that? If we acknowledge that everyone has hardship, does it take away from someone else's? No, we all need to be validated. Basic human needs discuss connectedness. It should be highlighted that connectedness must extend to each human being on this earth. 

If it was only about floating in the ocean, it is harder if you don't know how to swim. We don't have to listen experts, though. If someone says it's easier to float over there, we can stay over here and that's OK, too. Experts are not super-human, they might have more knowledge in one area but no one person can see the total picture, every moment. Maybe they over think things and they are wrong. We all have different skills, all skills are needed.

When we float, we don't see each other's differences, we are just holding on each other's hands. We are looking at the bigger picture, the sky. When we get comfortable with that, we can go internally to know how to best present our gifts and talents in the world. We learn and grow individually but we cannot forget to stay connected, that is our foundation.

If we wake up each morning, knowing we need to stay connected, we treat each other differently. We begin with knowing we are stronger together. We look at each other through a filter of love. When we begin with connection, then listen to our own wisdom of how to evolve as individuals, we are all on a better path to peace.

Yes, there are bad seeds. But a bad seed is an individual seed, not a group of seeds. We are always stronger when we highlight our commonalities. We are all in this together, let's make the intention to work together to stay afloat.

xo

Conni

Just Back The Armored Truck into my Garage to Unload the Money ;)

Here's a fun exercise.  Do you know your limitations to receiving?  If we pretend we have won the lottery, we can all say "Thank you so much!!  Just back the armored car up into my garage and I'll have it unloaded lickety split".  Ok that's an easy one, because the money is not from a personal source.

Most of us, though, do limit our abilities to receive.  If someone says, "here take this, it's a gift" our feelings about receiving are based on several variables: can the giver afford it; are we keeping score; what does it say about me to accept it; is it too much?  It's kind of like a Jenga puzzle or the game Clue.  If Oprah is in her studio offering me a new car and everyone else accepted one we are not keeping score. If she thinks I deserve it then heck, yeah, where are my keys?

If my neighbor offers to walk my child to school every day because she is going anyway, but I don't have younger kids at home, I  may feel the need to reciprocate.  Why, if we are grateful, should we feel guilty about receiving?  When we are truly doing what we want to do, giving what we want to give, sharing what we want to share and being who we want to be, there isn't any hidden score-keeping or resentment.  Many of us don't live our lives that way, though.

When we take action based on guilt instead of based on truly wanting to do something with no strings attached, we may be outwardly helping but inwardly hindering our abilities to be our best.  Heartfelt gifts should have no strings attached.  Repayment is unnecessary.  Underneath that, though, is the cognitive dissonance where there is only so much resistance we can tolerate when it's a personal relationship.  That's human nature.

Receiving is a skill that can be developed.  When we are able to receive more, we are more likely to be tolerant of other people's actions, also.  It sounds disconnected, but people who can't receive need life to be fair.  When we think others are getting more than they should, we have less tolerance for them.  "Yeah, that is sad news but at least that family has............."  Charities need to use a personal story, we want to help the people who are down on their luck.  

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could all be more tolerant and giving, without going through the thought process of whether or not someone is deserving?  Not giving until it hurts, but sharing whatever we have in surplus.  We are all deserving and we all have more to share than we realize.  A friend of mine shares her dessert with me when she bakes for her family.  It's the best feeling in the world to be the recipient of unexpected baked goods!!  

What do you have to share and what have you been pushing away that people want to give you?  Most of us have an overabundance of something (time, clothes, or we made too much lasagna).  The more we are able to receive, the more we have and want to share.  

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

(edited and republished)

Raising the Vibration of Love

Can you feel love, hear it in the tone of voice, know it's there as someone speaks to another......can you spot a fraud.......someone who speaks loving words in a tone that doesn't match?  Words are magical and can be affirming, but when they are connected with the intention and vibration of love, an alchemy happens that is hard to match.

I am more able to have a vibration of love when I make an intentional choice to breathe deeply and just "be"; the art of staying in the moment, relaxed, knowing everything is ok in this moment, purely because I am alive.  I am more able to love myself and others when I feel acknowledged and appreciated.  

If, for whatever reason, you realize that you are spending most of your day in an unloving environment, it can be difficult to connect to love.  Do you have time at night to reconnect to it? When I was in a place where love was harder to capture,  I listened to Ray Charles on YouTube, sing "What a Wonderful World".  Sometimes I listened 15 times a day, whatever it takes!

If you immerse your senses in things that remind you of love, your love vibration will rise.  Find a way to get to a relaxed state, as discussed, deep breathing: four counts in, feeling love; four counts out, releasing tension.  As we are waking in the morning and as we are becoming drowsy at night, we are more able to access our deeper states of consciousness.  Those are great times of day to work on change.  

Do you feel like you are worthy and deserving of love?  Can you take some time to think about that?  If you don't believe you are worthy and deserving, don't worry, we can work toward that together.  You (yes, you!!) are innately worthy and deserving of unconditional love.

When our kids were really small, my sister-in-law and I got them involved in making a list of what they needed to feel physically and mentally nurtured.  Together, we came up with at least 20 things:  a warm washcloth on their foreheads, a warm bath, a Popsicle, a nice note, chicken noodle soup, a blanket and pillow, holding a hand on their arm, soothing words.  If you weren't nurtured as a child, being a nurturing person is a skill that can be developed.  There are lots of ideas online about how to nurture and be nurtured.

Feeling loved, lovable, and deserving of love are all necessary to become your best self.  

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to raise my vibration of love with intention and purpose.

(edited and republished)

525,600 Minutes

If you haven't seen the play (turned into a movie) "Rent", you may not realize immediately that 535,600 is the number of minutes in a year.  As the song so eloquently states, "how do you measure a year?  In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee?"  If you look it up on YouTube, you will enjoy any of the groups' performances, they are awesome!!

When you are able to reflect, have you been able to spend the last year in ways that you have planned to enjoy, or are your moments spent being reactive?  Of course, if you are living in crisis, as too many people are because of their health, or being a caregiver, or so many other reasons, you should congratulate yourself for making it through each day!!

But if you have the freedom to plan your time, are you making intentional choices?  There are some years that go by in the blink of an eye:  a new job, a new baby, a new significant other makes time fly.  Sometimes, you have to wing it, and that's exhilarating.

Other than those times, though, we can make a difference in our own lives by using intentions.  At the beginning of each day (mostly), I make an intention to enjoy myself and have fun where I am in life.  I intend to have a wonderful day.  It really, truly makes a difference.

The interesting part is, with the blessing of technology, we can make special moments happen without a large monetary outlay.  Do you miss your long-distance friends?  Use Skype.  Do you need a spa day?  There are so many at home options, now.  Do you miss the sunshine? There's a lamp for that.

When I have breakfast with a group of girlfriends every 4-6 weeks, we tentatively plan our next occasion while we are there.  Do you have a friend who is a great planner??  Make sure she knows you appreciate her efforts!!  Of course there is social media, that's the surface layer.  My best, most memorable moments are usually deeper than what is offered there.

"Measure in love", that's the ending of the song, and of life.  We will measure financial success, as we are prone to do, but love makes everything else worthwhile.  You deserve the best life has to offer!!  "How do you measure a year in the life??"

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Reposted with edits.

I Want to Win, But if Not...

We were watching a sports tournament yesterday.  Our team won some and lost some.  When our team wasn't playing, we were cheering for another team that had players from our school.

When neither of those teams were playing, we were cheering for the next town over.  Then, we were cheering for our state, then we were cheering for our region.  We want to be able to relate to the winners.

We all want to be connected and we all need a sense of belonging.  Conversely, we all want to compete and win.  Neither are wrong, but there is conflict.  We can be sitting next to a boisterous fan for the other team and feel angry that he or she laughed at a missed play on our team.  Then, that person will be friendly in the line for concessions and perhaps hold the door on the way out of the venue.

Sometimes, thinking of a situation backwards gives me perspective.  If I met the same family in a foreign country, we would probably spend a while chatting about all of our similarities if we lived in close proximity to them.  "Don't you LOVE that new grocery store and have you tried this AMAZING hole-in-the-wall diner?"  We build relationships by acknowledging we have things in common.

When we are in close competition with them for a prize, no matter the prize's worth, we can all act like mortal enemies.  Everybody wins some things; nobody wins everything.  Winning and losing both teach us about ourselves and others.

I hope that I am teaching my kids that competition is healthy and important.  Beyond that, I hope they know we are all human beings who make mistakes and no one likes to be humiliated for messing up. To me, that is equally as important as winning.  In the heat of the moment, we all make mistakes.  Hopefully, we can step back and realize we can overcome a bad call on the court or a missed opportunity for a point.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Love, Intention and Peace, A Poem

Why do intentions of love turn to hate

It starts with conflict, not feeling so great

If we process our conflict when it is still small

It won’t build inside us, so big that we fall

The way our world is supposed to be

Is a heart connection between you and me

Not romantic, gushy love

But recognizing we’re all born as enough

When we know we’re enough, in this moment today

We begin to see and feel them the same way

As we gather in love the power is great

Love begets love, makes smaller the hate

Here’s the odd thing, there are people who fight

About what is wrong, about what is right

Fighting because we don’t feel enough

Need to prove we’re better by being so tough

What if we all made a choice to choose love

Love over hate, every day just because

Emotions are good, don’t get me wrong

If you process your feelings, your hate won’t grow strong

Process emotions, process each day

Over and over, clearing the way

Resentments don’t build, hate doesn’t grow

Our path to peace: love ourselves and it shows

"New" Ideas are Really "Old School"

If a new idea isn't in our current paradigm, it takes several attempts to comprehend it.  The term "mind-body" can cover a lot of ground.  My version is whatever we do on the inside affects our external self, and whatever we do on the outside affects our internal self.

More importantly, though, is the understanding that what we believe subconsciously can be more powerful than what we say and do when there is conflict between the two.  That is when it is critically important to have an awareness of what you believe deep down.

Some people think emotional healing techniques are new.  Actually, they are thousands of years old but with a modern twist.  Our "new" techniques are based on "old school" beliefs.  People who are searching for more are striving to connect to inner peace.  That's a timeless concept.  

Here is one example...If you know anyone who was unwanted as a child, that individual most likely has long-reaching issues with self-worth, unless he or she has already gotten help to process that pain.  If your parents told you that you were unplanned or that they wanted the opposite sex (boy vs. girl), even in jest, those statements could make you feel less worthy and deserving that other kids who grew up knowing they were wanted and unconditionally loved.

Why does that matter?  Well, it matters because if we have an underlying belief we aren't worthy of more, we settle for less.  None of us should be willing to settle for less.  We all need a purpose and hope for a better tomorrow to make getting up everyday worthwhile.

It's not that people who feel unworthy can't function, hold down jobs or keep a smile on their faces. Part of it is about what happens when the chips are down.  That is when our inner demons come to play.  The power of those demons can be lessened and that is what changes how we resist and react to negative stress.

Using our "old school" techniques of meditation, releasing stress with breathing or acupressure-related techniques or connecting to a higher power through nature, will bring us to a better place.  That is mind-body.  It is knowing we have to internally change to make lasting external changes.  It's the "old school" way to find peace and happiness.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

As Our World Brings Awareness to Tragedies...

Remember to differentiate between not being a victim and being a survivor who has processed the negative events that have happened to you.  If you have had trauma in your past and you have not processed it, it affects the way you react.

The empowerment of not considering yourself a victim is a great choice.  However, if the trauma has been suppressed, without being healed, you will react negatively to the next similar situation. That is regardless of if it happens to you or someone else.

Saying the words "I choose not to be a victim" has power in itself.  But if that is the only thing you are doing to get over a traumatic situation, it's like putting a band-aid over an infected body part.  It festers.

There is trauma in each of our lives, but the scope and depth of trauma differs.  We need to understand that before we can make changes in our society.  Don't listen to someone who tells you to "get over it" if they have not had similar circumstances.

Feeling badly about ourselves for not being able to just "get over" something is extremely detrimental to mental health.  It becomes a cycle that is hard to get out of by ourselves.

Know this:  there is always help available when you are ready.  It may not be perfect, but with perseverance and hope, it is possible to move forward in our lives.

xo
Conni

Just Like in PreSchool, Details Matter

Remember learning about why we need decimal points? The dot seems so insignificant but it changes everything.  That's the truth for emotional clearing, too.

Global affirmations are good, but specific and personal emotional clearing based on our exact circumstances is better.  The power is in our personal details and why we resist and react to each one.

Here's an example:  I have a fear of heights.  It has gotten better, but there is still a smidge of work to do.  I have done plenty of emotional healing work on the global fear of heights, but a more powerful option is to work specifically on what happened to me that created the fear.  I don't have that memory as of now.  When I do, it will be a good opportunity to clear out the negative effects of that memory.

If you are in emotional pain, the painful memories matter.  Start by making a list of them, then prioritize them in terms of what is the most hurtful.  It's really hard to walk through life carrying the baggage of our past.  We now have the tools to reduce that suffering.

Change is necessary and we all have a new opportunity to change each and every day.  The more you practice, the better you get, just like in school.  This is better, though, because you will never be graded and each step forward leads to more peace and happiness.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Love Goggles vs Rose-Colored Glasses

When I used to hear mockery about viewing the world through rose-colored glasses, I didn't get why it was a bad thing to be optimistic.  I totally believe in peace on earth and the concept that "what the world needs now is love, sweet love".  Granted, it makes for a good fortune cookie and a great platform if you want to be elected to the position of "Mother Earth".  On the other hand, who wants war, mayhem and escalating hatred?

To me, using a filter of seeing the world through loving eyes is different than putting on "rose-colored glasses".  If you've never heard of Debbie Ford's book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, the concept is that we all have to embrace the negative parts of ourselves on the road to self-acceptance.

If we can't love ourselves, how can we love other people?  I can't pretend bad things don't happen in this world.  We are all involved in how we treat our fellow-man.  If we don't "own" our parts in it, we can't be open to changing things for the better.  I have to "own" my darkness to become lighter.  It's about acknowledging an issue before it can be processed and changed.

"Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?  Conni stole the cookie from the cookie jar.  Who me?  Yes you.  Couldn't be.  Then who?"  There is always a cookie missing.  So one of us is culpable...or maybe all of us...does it matter who stole it if we all had a bite?  I don't think we should go to prison or be stoned to death for stealing a cookie, but I do believe we have to "own" it and make appropriate amends.

That is one of the most difficult steps, although it seems easy.  Our best is good enough, and our best doesn't have to be perfection.  But we all need to accept the unacceptable parts of ourselves in order to accept the unacceptable parts of the rest of the human beings in the world.  That is tolerance, and tolerance leads to greater peace.

I don't believe in public humiliation, wearing a Scarlet Letter or needing to shout our mistakes from the rooftops.  I think we all have a chance to forgive ourselves in private.  Your darkness is not my business and my darkness is not your business; unless we have broken laws, of course.

The more I accept myself, the more often I can use my "love goggles" to see other people.  It doesn't mean I think I am perfect or that they are perfect.  It means we can love each other, or be more tolerant of each other, in spite of our imperfections and differences.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Do You Have "Fun-Envy"?

How do you react to someone else's good news or to your personal not-so-good news?  Becoming aware of these reactions can lead to emotional growth and healing.  We don't have to pretend it's a "silver lining" to take a vacation to Peoria when the rest of the gang is in Cabo.  Though we can acknowledge the fact that our resentments and beliefs about why we aren't in Cabo will give us a list of how we are feeling internally.

If you have "fun-envy" towards another person's activities, ask yourself "why".  Then, you can work on your thoughts about how comparing yourself to another person makes you react.  Here's the catch, the more important healing is truly about those deeper thoughts rather than whether or not you are a sore loser.  Although, being a sore loser (or a sore winner) is a "red flag" that there is additional work to be done to live your best life.

An example might be when you find out someone else got that promotion you wanted.  It is necessary and appropriate for the good of your career to say "congrats" to the winner.  After that, though, when you've made it home, if you take out your frustration/anger/rage on a loved one or badmouth the winner, that is an indication you believe you will not get your turn to win.  People who need to "twist the knife" with malicious intent have emotional deficits.  Not that anyone should condone bullies...but awareness helps us understand "why" bullies act out.

Alignment (with our best selves) is always about accepting "what is" in the moment and having hope and knowing that possibilities are limitless.  If that is not happening for you, the metaphysical theory is that there are negative memories and/or beliefs that have to be processed to get you back in that hopeful groove.

None of us has worked through all of our issues.  There is always more to be done.  However, each layer we "process" brings more peace and less stress to our lives.  That is the way forward.  My personal goal is to keep moving forward, knowing that I will be triggered by issues that have not yet been healed, and using those instances to target new areas of where I need to heal.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Letting Go On the Left, Brings Flow to the Right (Brain)

If you have ever taken an interest in how our left and right brains work together (or not), you may have gotten as far as taking a quiz on which part of your brain is dominant.  Here's my take on the situation, IMHO...

Left-brained dominant folks love to complete tasks.  Right-brain dominant folks love to create and feel from the heart.  Personally, I have always tested as about 50-50 left vs. right brain, so I am not dominant, but an equal combination of both (we can call it "brain ambidexterity").

I had an epiphany yesterday, after someone had told me to stop over-analyzing and start allowing the creation of what I desire.  (Drum roll...) I love completing tasks to constantly feed positive feelings into my personal fan club of one.  When I complete a task, I can be proud of myself.  It validates my self-worth.  "Wow, I really accomplished a lot today, YAY!"  That need, however, can become detrimental to right-brained creation.

It's not about completing tasks, each of us has to "wake up, you need to make money".  It is always about the personal motivation of doing what we do.  The emotion connected to my motivation was that whenever I thought I had done enough, there was a subconscious voice saying "really, Conni, you can't push through and do more?"  Which is fine, unless you do that all day, every day.

Our brains need time and space to "let go and create".  Our imagination, intuition and creative abilities need a window of opportunity to function.  If there is no space, that part of the brain can't do it's job.  Admittedly, there is controversy in this genre of brain dominance.  We can call it "theory", that's fine.

When I am actually able to "let go", I have some really cool ideas.  To me, that is the proof I need to believe in it.  After my epiphany, in my emotional healing mode, I released my obligation to complete tasks for the sake of completing tasks.  I felt an internal shift, which is the sign we look for when we are working on emotional healing.  Now, my fan club of one is less emotionally needy.  That's how we start to flow.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

The Presumptuousness of Joy

The world is an interesting place.  With a 24-hour news cycle, we can learn about terrible events as often as we desire.  It makes some people feel more in control to have all the facts imaginable at their "beck and call".  However, focusing on the negative truly takes away from the time we have to focus on the positive.

Merriam-Webster defines presumptuous as:  "overstepping due bounds (as of propriety or courtesy) :  taking liberties".  In my opinion, we all should strive to be presumptuous about our personal joy.  I believe it's our duty to be joyful, because joy is the basis of powerful, life-affirming creations.

The paradigm shift is that we are not taking away from anyone else by being joyful.  We must find joy in the present moment and choose to create joyful experiences to lead our best lives.  I am at my best when I am near a large body of water.  If that is impossible in my current circumstances, I can imagine it or find it via media outlets to begin the creation of joy when I am upset.  Then, I add my fav music and dance :)

What brings you joy?  It is important to have an awareness that unfulfilled wishes and dreams can change us if we don't process the sadness.  Disappointment can stifle our hopefulness for a better future.  Doesn't it make sense that to covet and purposefully seek out joy is part of the answer to a better future?

When the fear of lack and evil overtakes the pursuit of joy and happiness, we need to regroup.  In a perfect world, shouldn't creativity be rewarded?  Do you believe a $5 baseball bat can bring a player the same joy as a $500 baseball bat?  What about a keyboard vs a piano or a dollar store tiara vs the Queen's tiara?  Our brains allow us to imagine our inexpensive props are the real deal.

Perhaps once we treasure ourselves on the inside, we care less about showing others we treasure ourselves through our possessions.  Life is supposed to be fun and joyful and hopeful.  Yes, we need to keep up with current events, but we don't need to obsess about them.  We have "people" to do that for us. 

Yes, we need to protect ourselves, but after we take action, holding onto the fear and worry of what could happen sucks the joy out of the present moment.  Building a foundation of knowing we can all find happiness in our lives is one of the keys to reaching our highest, best possibilities and potential.  We all deserve that, but we have to understand it first.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

What Holistic Means to Me

I was recently asked my definition of "holistic".  I had not given the answer the respect it deserved at the time I was asked the question.  To me, being holistic begins with working on our personal wholeness as a priority.  Each of us in the holistic community strives to become whole as a person, while in some way making the world a better place.  

Living authentically with congruence between our work and personal lives allows us to move toward wholeness as a person.  Being authentic, to me, is about embracing the truth of how our gifts and talents can best serve the world.  Having an awareness of when our egos come into play creates an atmosphere of knowing that we have opportunities to heal ourselves.

We were all conceived in wholeness.  Those of us who choose to have purposeful intentions of moving toward wholeness again know that we can do so.  Processing deep and painful negative emotions is not for the faint-hearted.  You must trust the person you choose to work with as you are guided to heal.

We can be vulnerable when we choose to surround ourselves with those who allow themselves to be vulnerable in their own journeys of personal growth.  It's important to have a level of trust as we work on our deepest issues.  It's not that we are looking for perfection, rather that we search for other people who try their best to have pure intentions.

I believe we all have access to Universal Wholeness.  I also believe that Universal Wholeness is available to us at all times.  "Ask and Receive", to me, is about knowing we are worthy and deserving of connecting a power greater than ourselves.  Of course, we all need to be accountable, ask forgiveness and make amends for our mistakes.  

No one is perfect.  We all make mistakes, and our best is based on where we are in the moment of time we are taking action.  As we learn and grow, striving toward personal wholeness while connecting to Universal Wholeness allows us to resonate with our highest possibilities.  That is a life worth living!

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Real Issues Teach Us Where We Resist and React

I recently had a conversation with someone about a "hot-button" issue.  I didn't even realize it was a hot-button to me until the other person pointed it out.  And....it surprised me because I have been working on my own emotional memories for a while now.

So, I was in the moment, explaining my position, and I realized I must have had a similar experience with negative emotions attached to the issue.  If that ever happens to you, it's time to take a step back and find a way to process your hidden emotional trauma because it will come again until it is neutralized or reduced.  Some people can do the processing themselves, other people need a friend, a practitioner or a health care professional to assist them.

When I got off the phone, I sat down and thought "where in my life did I have a similar experience regarding this issue that ended badly for me?".  Then, a memory came up and I emotionally worked through it.  Now, the next time a similar issue comes up, I will react less or not react at all.

When we become aware of when we react, we know our egos are involved.  Our egos are trying to defend us and keep us safe.  I was defending myself when I reacted harshly to the topic involved.  My emotional processing took my emotive response down several notches.

It can be painful to revisit past events, but the memories are already in you with negative energy attached to them.  Emotional healing helps our bodies feel better.  We reduce the stress of holding unpleasant memories inside of us.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Finding Your Zen: Are You Having Fun Yet?

The belief that we can change the effect a negative memory, to allow more fun now, is powerful and exciting.  My first impression of "zen" is thinking about (hungry) monks meditating on mountaintops.  Hey, whatever floats your boat but that is not for me.  When I used to imagine hypnosis, I thought about someone humiliating me onstage if I volunteered to be a participant:  not for me, either.

The truth is, becoming more conscious of how I can control my reactions to situations has made me happier, more joyful, more productive: all without using illegal drugs ;)  It is fun to wake up each morning knowing I have access to peace through meditation.  I have become happier inside and out.

If you have had abuse or trauma in your past, you may have misunderstood an oversimplified version of mindfulness and being "in the moment".  It doesn't mean we forget what has happened in the past; nor do we leave ourselves unprotected from bad people, places or things.

It does mean we get to a place within ourselves to ACCEPT the fact that events which happened in the past cannot be changed by holding onto feelings of anger, resentfulness or bitterness.  Those feelings block our happiness in the moment of NOW.

Acceptance does not mean we allow ourselves to be hurt again, nor does it mean we let our abusers "off the hook" of being accountable.  However, we do need to process and release the pain of reliving bad memories over and over again; as we find ways to keep ourselves safe from further abuse.  Then, we can regroup and find more authentic happiness.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

The Basics of Abundance: Power, Possibilities and Potential

"Let's start at the very beginning"....no, that's for singing, not abundance ;)  If you have not yet found your zone, your flow, your zen; you are on the zigzag path instead of the shortcut.  I invite you to find your personal power.

Do you know someone who has power as an extension of someone else?  Maybe it's someone's entourage, a groupie or any person whose existence is the reflection of someone else's glory?  Internally, that is a long road to nowhere.  We deserve to be the stars of our own lives, not an extension of someone else's life.  Starring in our own shows is imperative to authentic happiness.

I am many things:  a wife, a mom, a sister, a friend, a blogger, an energy practitioner.  But the true "I am" is the essence of me, not the reflection of who I am in relation to someone else.  If you don't know what makes you special and unique, now is the time to figure it out.  Being special, unique and "enough" is in the core of our beings, it has been with us since we were born.  If someone told you differently, they were just plain wrong.

You are enough.  You are special, unique and the world is better because you are here.  The path to personal greatness begins with believing you are great.  Any person's negative voice in your ear must be tuned out.  We can lessen the power of other people's negative influences with meditation, hypnosis, energy modalities and by having an awareness that you do not have to accept unkind words.

We all deserve the best life has to offer us.  We are worthy and deserving of living our lives using our best gifts and talents, which are unique to us.  If you don't feel that way, today is the day to begin your new journey to your personal best!

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Asking for Help......Can we only ask when we need it?

......and are we needy if we ask for help?  One of the biggest and most confusing obstacles in my path was the belief that we can only ask for help when we really, truly, desperately need it.  Asking for assistance when we are not needy and desperate is a necessity to living our best lives.  Do you hesitate before asking for help?

It always starts with being authentic.  If we set the intention to ask for help in an authentic and honest way, it sets up the path to success.  You know, stop "crying wolf".  Don't ask for money to pay the rent and then head to Vegas with the money (did anyone else enjoy that "Everybody Loves Raymond" episode??).

When we request assistance, it is important to know the system involves "give and take".  We are not always asking and we are not always giving.  Give what you have an abundance of, take what you lack.  I love to share my gifts and talents when possible.  I will ask for assistance with other things I lack.

The paradigm shift of believing we are not taking away from other people when we ask for something for ourselves is imperative to grasping the abundance strategy.  But when some people make requests, they feel like it is wrong because of starving children in other parts of the world.  Truth be told, we can assist them more when we have more to give them.  So.....asking for ourselves while living authentically creates possibilities of having more to give.

The position of our mental mindset will change the result of what we receive in response to a request.  Knowing we are enough and having a bad moment is different than desperation.  It feels different and intuitive people can feel that energy.  A hiring manager probably would not want to give a job to someone who looks and feels hopeless.  

So what does one do if he or she is hopeless?  We have to believe in a better tomorrow, surround ourselves with nature and other no-cost abundance and concentrate on the knowingness that tomorrow can be a clean slate.  If you did not have a good support system as a child, you need to find one now.  Gathering the strength to know you need help is a hopeful sign!  We all can lead better lives, one step at a time.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

When Wishing Isn't Enough...

We all have self-imposed limits.  What I believe I can't do and why I believe I can't do it are personal restrictions.  This is how we are standing in our own way.

We can learn how to get out of our own way.  It's a skill that can be taught.  It's painless and easy, it just takes time.  It begins with awareness of what we say to others and what we say to ourselves.  Any time you catch yourself saying "I can't because......", that is a self-imposed limit.  I'm not talking about changing your past, I am talking about limits involving why we can't live up to our own personal potential in this moment.

Here's an example.  In my childhood, I was told (often) I wasn't athletic.  Actually, I was a pretty good sprinter.  I believed outside sources and used it to stop myself from being at my highest potential of physical performance.  I chose not to try out for high school sports because I believed I wasn't athletic and I further believed everyone else who tried out for sports was athletic.  I have since realized that was a self-imposed limit.  I can change that belief to break through to new possibilities.

Part of success is knowing how to dream and wish for more than what we have currently, another part is the mental shift, then we use effort to move forward on our path, one step at a time.  It is all mind-body.  Using physical effort without mental change is so last year ;)

Changing mental beliefs along with effort is the shortcut to success.  It is so much faster than only using effort, hard-work and breaking through brick walls.  Finding and reducing self-imposed limits is like using heavy machinery to break through the brick walls.  Another option is walking around the brick wall.  If you believe life has to be hard, that is a limiting belief.  Changing that makes everything easier!

xo
Conni

Unconditional Love and Acceptance: How do we know when we have it?

Unconditional love and acceptance is the foundation of attaining personal peace.  One of the most important underlying obstacles is if people try to understand "why" bad things happen. The need to understand "why" is not accepting.  We must master acceptance before we can move forward and align with our highest and best possibilities and potential for our lives.

An understanding of someone else's motivation may provide empathy for a person's circumstances or background.  However, the NEED to understand "why" will never bring resolution to how someone else can act without the intention of unconditional love.  It creates turmoil.  If we need to understand before we can move forward, we will never move forward because we will never fully understand someone else's motivation to be hurtful or destructive.

Judging ourselves and allowing ourselves to be affected by the judgments of other people are additional obstacles to loving ourselves unconditionally.  It is easy to say we all judge because we are human, that is true.  The measurement of success in this area becomes when we know we have begun to feel less affected by judgment.  Is the power of judgement getting better or worse in your life?  That is the question you need to ask yourself.

Here is an example:  if you make an epic mistake, do your family and/or closest friends say, "I will support your efforts to fix it and make amends.  I love you even though you made this epic mistake" or "I will punish your mistake by taking away my love because you embarrassed me and made me look bad...I may agree to love you conditionally again at a later date.  I will get back to you on that based on your future performance".

Growing up with caregivers who do not love you unconditionally creates an atmosphere of never being able to fully please them. You constantly try to measure up to unattainable goals and standards.  That sets up a pattern of never fully pleasing yourself and finding friends and life-partners who will assist you in agreeing your best is not and never will be good enough.

The "fast forward" button of healing emotional wounds is being able to magnify the power of positive words and affirmations through meditation, energy work, hypnosis and therapy.  If your mind races, begin with a guided meditation or find an energy practitioner.  Since we are all imperfect human beings, why can some of us love ourselves no matter what we look like and how many mistakes we make?

It comes from within, beginning with your family practices.  If you were not born into a family that loved and accepted you unconditionally, you can choose to reverse the negative affects now by giving yourself that love, which we all innately deserve, at the moment of your conception.  Then, continue to imagine yourself as being innately lovable and acceptable through the time of your birth, and throughout each period of your lifetime.  It is a journey, but time goes by whether or not we are ready to heal our negative emotions.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

"What Would You Think If I Sang Out Of Tune?"*

Do you have friends that would help you move; or friends that would help you move the body? Hopefully, we all have friends that would help us cover up a felony murder charge.  That's what life is all about, right?

On your best day, for instance, when you are accepting the Academy Award for Awesomeness, you have all of the friends in the world.  "Hey, remember me?  I loaned you a piece of gum in third grade and I didn't even make you pay it back.  Can I be your 'Plus One' for the after parties?"

Do you have friends you can call when the chips are down?  My wish for you is that you not only have them, but that you have a special ringtone for them when they call!!  Friendships deserve to be nurtured.  

Cognitive dissonance comes into play here, with your mind only allowing a certain amount of variance before it's too much.  It's valid and healthy to tell someone, "look, I want to be your friend, but instead of give and take this friendship feels one-sided, with my side giving the most".  In a perfect world, friendship has equal give and take.  You help them move (bodies), they help you move (bodies); and so on; and so on; and so on.

But what if you were having a bad day, a "Defcon One Meltdown" kind of day?  Would they stand up and walk out on you?  Most of us have friends, good friends, and great friends.  Hopefully our great friends would listen to us, cheer for us, create a "sky-full of lighters" requesting an encore, even if we were singing out of tune.

If we feel like we are taking more than we give, we can sometimes vent to ourselves (use a mirror or the video option on your phone) and save our friends from the details of what happened when that mean girl was nasty.  We can write letters to vent, with no intention of sending them to the person who deserves the lambasting.  Just don't throw them away without shredding them.........recycling on the curb is public property, I learned that from a crime show.

Friendship is a gift and it's always good to appreciate the gifts in our lives.   Appreciation leads to more care given.  When we feel like something is precious, we treat it differently than when we take it for granted.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to nurture my friendships.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

*This blog has been edited and reposted.

Jump off Everyone Else's Bandwagon and Only be in Charge of Your Own*

I was the queen of yes. If anyone called and needed a favor, I was their person. I was on the board of the homeowners association, home and school, etc. Part of me was proud of being known as the "go to" person and this is when my ego got in my own way of success. After spending years on the homeowners association, the school board and being in charge of a lot of other volunteer activities, I finally realized that there was not enough time left for me. I was helping everyone with their goals, but not helping myself with my goals.  Does this sound familiar, ladies??

I have decided to be responsible for my own bandwagon.  If I ask someone to help me out and they can't, I'm ok with that decision.  My passions are not better or worse than their passions. My dreams and goals are not better or worse than their dreams and goals. If we stretch ourselves too thin helping others, how is that allowing us to progress in our own particular goals in life?

Choosing not to be the queen of yes doesn't make me the queen of no.  It just adds a layer of discernment in my decision-making process.  I purposefully take a moment and think about what my truth is (most of the time) and if I mess up and overcommit to other peoples' goals, I regroup and sometimes call back and opt out if it's feasible.

I adore helping people, really, I do. The difference is that I now only reserve a certain amount of time for helping my friends with their passions because there are only so many bandwagons we can ride on before we are too tired to enjoy the ride.

Have a wonderful day

Xo
Conni

Today's mantra:  I intend to become thoughtful and mindful of my commitments.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.


*This blog has been edited and reposted.

More About Living in the Moment.......

From The Power of Now, “In surrender, you no longer need ego defenses and false masks. You become very simple, very real. 'That’s dangerous,' says the ego. 'You’ll get hurt. You’ll become vulnerable.' What the ego doesn’t know, of course, is that only through the letting go of resistance, through becoming 'vulnerable,' can you discover your true and essential invulnerability.”  

The definition of "ego" includes how we view ourselves in the world: our confidence and self-esteem.  I previously wondered what people with low self-esteem and little confidence needed to "surrender".  Now, I interpret the passage as releasing how we view and compare ourselves in the world, while knowing we all must have positive self-esteem and confidence to live our best lives.

We can't judge anyone else's decisions because we haven't walked in their shoes.  However, letting go of our egos is really about unravelling the reasons why feel compelled to do things based on what we believe about ourselves.  Then (easier said that done, BTW), we can start over from a place of personal truth:  we all have potential that has not been uncovered.

If you can improve your life circumstances but have chosen to pass up positive possibilities, that is when you need to let go, regroup and choose differently next time.  Holding onto self-loathing and self-judgment (and/or feeling like a martyr) is the opposite of what letting go is all about.  The reasons why we cannot move forward (our negative self-talk) become our own limiting prisons.

When we say "I should have done that already", it's detrimental to the power of the present moment.  The ability to minimize our "shoulda/woulda/coulda" reflex releases the power of the past and future.  If you believe you are too old/young/fat/thin/tall/short/smart/lame to move toward your highest potential, that is when your ego has power over you.  

Fully accepting ourselves allows us the space to change for the better.  It sounds counter intuitive, doesn't it?  We are actually creating the SPACE for positive change.  We begin with the mantra:  "I am acceptable, exactly as I am in this moment".  

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It*: Allowing Personal Power

For the longest time, information about our personal POWER being in the present moment confused me.  I didn't understand why I wasn't supposed to savor good memories in the past and why I shouldn't get excited about future events...it didn't make any sense to me.

The book by Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, says “See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”

So my first thought was, "that is harsh, Sir."  Victims don't make themselves, and come on, we all complain!  We are human beings and none of us is perfect.  No one wants to be a victim and no one wants to live a life of pain.  We all need empathy.  It's impossible for most victims of abuse to move forward without help.  Most of us need assistance to "walk through" and release emotional pain.  So I respectfully (and somewhat angrily) disagreed with him.

What I have come to realize isn't that we have to repress everything and pretend everything is perfect. The choice is the perspective of knowing we can choose to heal our past negative memories so they don't affect future events.  So, the power in the present moment is about accessing our potential power by removing the attachments of the past and future.

Here is an example:  if your house was burned down as a child, you are probably not going to enjoy bonfires as much as the next guy.  Your filter (or lens) is that "fire is painful, hurtful and bad".  After a few years go by, you might pretend to enjoy a bonfire but probably not completely.  Logically, without your personal emotional trauma, we know that fire is necessary to live.  Another perspective would be to realize that fire is life-sustaining.  We have the ability to release the fear of fire so it goes back to a neutral state, without resisting and reacting.

Therapy, meditation, hypnosis and energy work all allow us to reduce emotional pain.  Knowing that victims are not at fault is key, while victims MUST reduce emotional pain to move forward.  It is never about trying to forget it because it's in the past; it's about doing the emotional healing to PROCESS trauma which allows someone to move forward.

Have a great day!!

xo
Conni

*Yes, I know the phrase is from Mission Impossible :)

Resistance to Change: Why We Impose Personal Structure to Keep Ourselves Safe

If you are feeling safe with all of your personal rules and regs; perhaps it is time to address whether or not your rules are still relevant here and now.  Because, many times, we apply our own rules like they are set in stone and they don't have to be......

I must do it this way (why?).......

I can't do it that way (why not?).......

We are sometimes locked into false paradigms, we hold the keys to opening new doors and we are our only guards.  If your self-talk lends itself to "I cannot, would not, should not do it that way", try to understand why you believe a choice is good or bad, right or wrong.

If you feel safer taking action a certain way, you may need to process memories that made you feel unsafe in the past.  That is how we unlock our own false belief systems.  Perhaps stepping on a crack won't break your momma's back ;)

What are your defining moments?  Self-awareness experts suggest taking a few hours to list the memories that you continue to resist and react to from your past.  If you were locked in a small space or if someone you know was hurt badly when you were young, you may have adjusted your own belief systems and activities to accommodate keeping yourself safe based on those memories.  In reality, your adult mind already knows that you have to be able to swim before you jump into the deep end; but your young mind might tell you it's safer to stay out of the water.

My cousin, who was about the same age as me, drowned when I was a little girl.  I have always had a fear of the water.  I was able to greatly reduce that fear by acknowledging and processing those childhood reactions of feeling unsafe.  Even though I don't think I will ever want to swim competitively, I know and understand my limits are based on current instead of past beliefs.

We create our own resistance to change when we have not processed previous emotional trauma.  It is worth the time and effort to take care of your emotional baggage, then we can have better lives in this moment.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Are You A "Thinker"? Sometimes it's not as rewarding as you think ;)

In school, teachers love "thinkers".  As a mom, I told my own kids and everyone else's kids that I love "thinkers".  So many of our subjects in school rely on getting to a deeper analysis to solve the problem and we are rewarded for those problem-solving skills.

As we expand our conscious awareness, we sometimes get caught up in trying to over-analyze the "why did this happen" and "how could they have done that" questions.  In these examples, over-thinking will hold us back from acceptance and acceptance is the key to moving forward with our lives.

When I used to watch those "headline grabbing" stories on TV, I couldn't stop my brain from wondering "why".  I spent hours wondering how and why people do the things they do.....it didn't help me and focusing on those questions truly made me feel worse.  I could become obsessed with every detail as I tried to wrap my mind around someone else's actions.

Acceptance means allowing ourselves to move on without needing to fully understand "why".  We will never understand evil actions.  We will never be "OK" with how evil actions are pre-meditated and carried out without regard to honoring human lives.

Being "OK" with not understanding "why" will allow us to move toward acceptance, without approving actions that have been taken against humanity.  We can then move forward in our personal path to making our world better.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni