"We Are Never, Ever, Ever.........."

Never can be harsh.  It also limits potential.  If you break up with a boyfriend and decide to "never, ever get back together", that's cool and perhaps a healthy decision.  If you say "never" to choices before you explore them, you are limiting possibilities.  

"I'm never going to be able to make this work."

"I will never have enough money to go there/buy that."

"I can never imagine being that lucky."

If it's hard to imagine good things happening to you, or hard to imagine keeping the good around you, there are ways to start changing those beliefs.   Knowing the possibility exists for your luck to change is the first step.  Hope is essential to changing beliefs.

(The hopeless and helpless men, women, and children in our society have a much harder time with change.  It makes sense, when someone continues to be surrounded by the circumstances that led them to feel that way.  My intention is not to discount groups of people who do not feel safe in their homes and/or cannot put food on the table.  That is not within the scope of this discussion.)

If you have the basics in life but wish for more, that is when the leaders of positive change might start talking about "vision boards", to make your dreams visible.  My thought process lines up with those who agree we need to incorporate what we desire in our daily lives in as many ways as we can.

If your wish is for a house by the beach, use things scented like the beach around your house now.  I used to have a small zen garden with sand and stones and a miniature rake to play with during the day.  Can you incorporate more fun in your daily life that adds substance to your dreams?  Keep positive thoughts in your conscious mind during each day.  Breathe it, feel it, see it, and taste it.  What will you be eating at your beach house?  Allow it to feel natural now, in any way you can creatively make it routine.

There are many, many small and inexpensive ways to move forward on your pathway to tremendous joy.  Is there a perfume that smells like Coppertone?  That would be fun, right?  Have you taken the time to write down what your future looks like when you are "livin' the life"?

Those who appreciate today while aiming for a better future are on the pathway to making it happen.  Gratitude and hope, plus a dash of luck, makes change possible.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  Never say "never" unless you are in a dangerous situation, of course.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Seeing Potential in Ourselves and Others

It can sometimes be difficult to see potential, most of us don't take the time to look beyond what people show us.  We all get distracted by shiny, pretty things, the latest, greatest gadgets, the daily grind, and what's for dinner.

Taking time to look internally for answers is important.  Do you know your own potential?  More often than not, adults get into patterns that can limit creativity.  We stick with our routines because we are creatures of habit and routines bring comfort.  Unless we actively pursue a higher level of greatness, we most likely will be so caught up in day-to-day living that time passes without purposeful intentions.

In preparing for a job interview or pondering New Year's Resolutions, we may project our long-term goals.  Goals are great, if we understand how to remain flexible when we are offered multiple possibilities.  A perfect life might involve using our talents to serve the world, while making enough money to fulfill our needs and wants, with a balance of work and family time.

A good analogy for flexible yet strong personal growth is the same used in the book "Kids Are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso for parenting.  When we can emulate a backbone, strong but flexible; we have the ability to withstand pressure while being able to make necessary changes when given new information.  

Once we figure out who we are and who we want to become, possibilities and potential begin to emerge into the open.  Embracing our unique strengths, gifts, and talents is necessary to progress.  If you are new to personal growth, you may not know that it is suggested to remember what you loved to do as a child, before the age of 10, when trying to figure out your passions and potential.  That is the time when judgment was not an overwhelming factor in our decisions and we lived to play.

None of us have reached our full potential.  We are all works in progress, and our indivual circumstances may or may not allow us time for personal growth at this moment.  When you are ready, just know that you have the ability to change, to begin to create wonderful new possibilities for yourself.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to consider new possibilities and potential.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Overcoming The Fear of Public Speaking

Jerry Seinfeld is well-known for saying:  "According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy."  Are you afraid of public speaking?  If you are, that fear may be holding you back from your greatness.

Excerpts from a 11/7/11 articles written by Nick Morgan for Forbes include these tips:

"1.  Redefine the fear as adrenaline, and therefore a good thing. 

 2.  Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse.  Rehearse a lot. 

 3.  Breathe deeply, from the belly.  Breathe slowly, and often. Breathing is good for you, your voice, and your composure.

 4.  Focus on the audience, not on yourself. 

 5.  Focus on an emotion that you want to convey to the audience. "

Breathing keeps you in the moment, a key factor in being your best self.  Focusing on the audience allows us to connect with what we can do to serve them, which takes us out of the place where we are ruled by our egos.  In terms of the emotion you want to convey, he suggests if it's anger, to revisit and allow your body to feel anger (or any other emotion) from a memory.

When I had a corporate job, I offered to speak any time they needed a volunteer.  I became the "go to" person for public speaking in my department.  I loved training and it became part of my job description.    Becoming comfortable with positive skills that currently make you uncomfortable can help you live your best life.

If possible, you might wish to introduce yourself to a few members of the audience.  Then, if you feel like you are being overcome by fear, you can look to them for encouragement.  Bringing your authentic self to the public speaking engagement is a must.  If the audience feels your sincerity, they will enjoy being part of hearing you speak your truth.  I always like to engage the audience, when possible, it's nice to have others involved in "taking the pulse" of what people are thinking.  

We all have our perfect moments, we all have our epic failures.  Knowing that it's OK to fail gives us the potential of learning new skills without paralyzingly fear.  Working through our fears gives us a better chance at success.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to work through my fears to give myself the best chance at success.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

 

What Are You Waiting For?

The time is now.  Are you ready to move forward with your life?  Some people are unknowingly waiting for permission from someone before they can create their own futures, including their visions of what their best futures could be.  Is that you?

Permission is an interesting topic.  We are praised as small children for asking for permission to do anything and everything.  It is ingrained in being a "good boy or girl", a "good student", a "good friend".  Congrats for asking permission before taking action and for considering other peoples' opinions in your decisions.  That shows empathy and kindness.  What brings praise for children may not get us to where we need to go as adults.

As adults, we are expected to be self-starters, take initiative, to be leaders and to make our mark on the world.  Part of our school district's mission statement is to be self-directed learners.  That is very thoughtful.  Of course, for children in pre-school and lower grades of elementary school, no one could fulfill his or her teaching requirements if students didn't ask for permission to leave the classroom.

Once we are adults, though, we need to ask ourselves what's holding us back.  The first answer that comes to mind may or may not be the ultimate truth, this is a big issue for many people and it's worth the effort to spend some quiet, alone time with it (kind of like a voluntary "time-out").  Maybe light some candles, take a bath, and sit with in for a while, as you focus your energy in between your eyes (your third eye).

Why now?  How about why not now??  Whatever feels like an obstacle can open up a doorway of possibilities after it has been removed.  Do you know what your obstacles are?  

Try this, "I cannot move forward with my life until.......... because...........".  Make a list of the reasons that come up for you.  This is the beginning of your awareness to your obstacles of your best life.  Great work today!!  Please pat yourself on the back for your efforts!

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am willing to think about what is holding me back from my best life.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Would You Call Yourself A Survivor?

Do you know people who have become bitter?  We all have struggles in our life, although some seem to have more than others.  What is the difference between those who get back up to fight another day and those who give up hope for the future?  Bitterness, to me, includes having a negative outlook but also holding onto events in your life that you have the choice to release.

I'm a survivor!!  That's a good mantra to have.  If you are not a survivor, you can begin to become one.  Do you feel like you are allowed, worthy, and deserving of hope for the future?  Merriam-Webster defines a survivor as someone who is able  "to remain alive or in existence; to live on; or to continue to function or prosper."

Would you rather be the survivor who exists or the one who prospers?  As we identify our deeper thoughts, we are able to understand what we have been hoping for, and if existence is your goal, let's take it up a notch!!

Yes, there are times in our lives where we are overwhelmed and existing in that state is a good goal to have.  If you are in a constant state of overwhelm, you need to decide if you can regroup, delegate, or find a support group to assist you.  When we are overwhelmed, going back to basic human needs and what can be put aside for now is important to reducing stress.  If you are not in a state of overwhelm, perhaps you can take some time, in nature, to connect to how you define what it would take to prosper in your life.  

When I discover an attribute that I don't want to be, I always look at the opposite to understand how I do want to resonate.  The opposite of being bitter is being caring, forgiving, and sympathetic.  If I can't fully relate to what it feels like to fully forgive in this moment, perhaps I can forgive someone or something by a small percentage.  If you are in a place where you are unable to forgive, it is harming you internally.  Maybe you can choose to forgive the person or people who have wronged you at least 1%.  Try it, if you can.

Reducing bitterness, reducing overwhelm, and deciding that you wish to prosper in this lifetime are all great goals on your pathway to success.  If you are ready to change your life, congrats for taking that first step!!

Have a great day!!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to be a survivor who prospers.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

More On Praise...........

A paper written by Claudia Mueller and Carol Dweck (web.stanford.edu) analyzing six different studies suggests that efforts should be praised above ability.  

"Praise for ability is commonly considered to have beneficial effects on motivation. Contrary to this popular belief, six studies demonstrated that praise for intelligence had more negative consequences for students' achievement motivation than praise for effort. Fifth graders praised for intelligence were found to care more about performance goals relative to learning goals than children praised for effort. After failure, they also displayed less task persistence, less task enjoyment, more low- ability attributions, and worse task performance than children praised for effort. Finally, children praised for intelligence described it as a fixed trait more than children praised for hard work, who believed it to be subject to improvement."

So instead of saying, "you are so smart", we could say, "I am so proud of how much you studied for that test".  Instead of saying, "that was an awesome concert", we could say, "I really am happy that you have been able to spend so much time practicing those songs."  For science projects, "wow, I can tell you worked really hard on that!"

I have to practice this one myself.  Part of the issue is that I don't want my kids to be left out so if all of the other moms are saying, "you are brilliant", I don't want my kids to only hear "great effort".  Maybe we can combine the two, with a higher percentage of praise for efforts?

"Overall, our studies illustrate the important, and often unsuspected, role that praise after success can play in children's later achievement motivation. Well-meant praise for intelligence, which is intended to boost children's enjoyment, persistence, and performance during achievement, does not prepare them for coping with setbacks. In fact, we have demonstrated that this type of ability feedback can undermine children's motivation when they are later confronted with challenge. Indeed, researchers, educators, and parents alike might be well advised to borrow a guideline from the literature on criticism when they decide to praise children. That is, as with criticism, it is better to separate 'the deed from the doer' by applying praise to children's strategies and work habits rather than to any particular trait. Because children cannot be insulated from failure throughout their lives, great care should be taken to send them motivationally beneficial messages after success."

If we parent consciously, we are truly ahead of the game.  It makes a difference when we search out ways to further develop character in our children.  I believe the more we take the time to understand each child's individual needs and work toward enhancing his or her personal strengths, the better off we will all be.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will make an effort to praise my childrens' efforts;)

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

I'd Like to Make a Toast........

When we are all home for a family dinner, or if we are "out on the town", we often make toasts for all kinds of things, big or small, it doesn't matter.  "Raising our glasses" brings the addition of positive validation and joy to any event.

Are you proud of your friends and family?  Do you let them know?  Bringing attention to efforts and accomplishments allows others to know that we are proud of them and they can be proud of themselves, too.

We can be proud of effort, even when it did not equate to a good grade or a touchdown.  We can also acknowledge others just for being their best selves.  Why do people feel uncomfortable "sharing the love", or the praise?  If the worry is that kids might become spoiled, I just haven't seen that to be the case with children in my circle of friends.  If you know kids that you consider to be bad-mannered, there could be a lot more going on than what meets the eye in those situations.

"Cheers" to you, for doing your best today, even if it wasn't perfect, even if you made mistakes.  Our best is good enough.  Acknowledgment that doing our best is enough adds more peace to our lives.  I'll take a second helping of that, please, and could you refill my glass?  I'd like to make another toast.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to praise others, knowing we all need praise.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"Joy to the Fishes in the Deep Blue Sea"

Joy can make the difference between living and thriving.   Wouldn't we all prefer to thrive?  It takes intention and effort but each of us has the potential to thrive.  We can do this!!  Have you heard of the book, "The Wish List" by Barbara Ann Kipfer?  It gives great ideas of what might make you happy and joyful. If you're unsure of what might make you happy, this is a great place to start exploring.

Then there's tremendous joy, how about endless joy?  Are you ok with some good things happening for you but not ok with unlimited good things happening for you?  If you had your own personalized list of what you needed to have in your life to thrive, do you know what those items would be? 

Joy and bliss are some of the highest emotions to attain.  We need to combine the items on our wish lists with the way we personally need to accept and feel loved (see entry "Five Love Languages" dated 8/7/14), then add the results of our passion tests and we will be ready to rock and roll!!

Awareness is first:  gathering information about ourselves.  Many people don't even do that in this lifetime.  When you are ready to do it, you are ahead of the game.  Next comes finding easy, effortless ways to incorporate changes into our lives.  

To provide easy access, I have listed some previous entries that might assist with those changes:

4/15/14   Don't Get Stuck in Fear

4/18/14   Jump Off Everyone Else's Bandwagon

4/20/14   Accessing Our "Spidey" Senses

8/7/14     Do You Have An Awareness of Your Life Purpose?

8/7/14     Cognitive Dissonance

8/7/14     What is Resistance

8/28/14   Being Passionate

10/6/14   Easy Powerful Tools

It's easier to "lean into" the changes, taking baby steps each day to move forward.  You can do it!!  I have faith in you!!  So if you were the king of the world, can you tell me what you would do?  If you have the answer ready, you are setting intentions.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

P.S.  According to songfacts.com, the words "Jerimiah was a bullfrog" were "meaningless", "temporary", placeholder lyrics.  After it was recorded, D.J. Larry Bergman put it onto the radio  "My job was to select odd cuts from albums by popular artists, not necessarily their hits, and record them on tape for on-air use. I remember I needed to find one more song to fill a tape I was producing and came across Joy To The World. It was on the second side, last cut on their Naturally album. I put it on the tape and played it on the air. Within the hour the KJR DJ (Gary Shannon) came running over from the AM side and asked where I got that song. 'People were calling,'he said. I told him and he had me record it on to another tape for him. He took it and played it on KJR and within a few weeks it went to #1 in Seattle. It wasn't long after that the song reached #1 on Billboard."  

Today's Mantra:  I choose to pursue joyful activities.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Have You Heard of Laughter Yoga?

From laughteryoga.org: 

"Laughter Yoga For Health & Happiness

In today’s world, people want to be healthy, they want to be happy, but instead they are getting stressed out , depressed, getting less sleep, more negative thoughts and feeling isolated.

Laughter Yoga is a unique concept where any one can laugh as a form of exercise in a group. Which soon turns into real & spontaneous laughter. Find out more about benefits of Laughter Yoga on your body & mind."

A friend of mine tried it recently and she said although she was skeptical at first, the class was filled with spontaneous laughter.  It must be contagious!!  She said she couldn't look at her friend during the instructional portion of the class because she was worried about laughing at an inappropriate time.  That sounds like a good problem to have, right?

Wikihow.com gives a tutorial with pictures.  It looks like a lot of fun!!  There is a facebook group and a youtube video with John Cleese involved; can't get better than that..........

We can all use more laughter in our lives.  It is a really great way to be healthier at the same time.  If you think feeling better has to be hard work, think again, my friend!!  If we all made the effort to laugh more, exercise more, and even combine the two, the world could be a more peaceful place!!  Whenever we can find easy ways to boost our happiness quotient, we are on the right path.  If you say "why?", I say "why not?"

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am willing to be open to less traditional approaches to exercise and boosting my happiness.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"Because I Knew You, I Have Been Changed For Good"

We all know special human beings who leave a "handprint" on our hearts as they walk their pathways in life.  A few people come to mind for me, ones who make the world a better place for those of us who interact with them.

Do you know anyone like that?  Our community just lost one of the "good guys".  I don't want to violate the family's privacy, but we were lucky enough to consider him a friend; and he left this earth way before his time. 

It's interesting, I thought I knew him well but in reality, I only knew a small portion of how he made the world a better place.  Would you make different choices if you knew time was limited?  Don't we all already know that time is limited?

Staying in the moment allows us to treat every occasion like it is meant to matter.  That is not possible all of the time; we all have our breakdowns that we hope are not captured on video, of course.  This is a place where intentions are powerful.  When you wake up every morning intending to have a wonderful day, it changes the way you react with people.

"It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me 
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend..."

Sometimes it's good to take a breath and focus on people that have enriched our lives in small and large ways.  Having friends with whom we can share a laugh, a drink, or a celebration is one of the best parts of this lifetime.  If you are lucky enough to have great friends, you are lucky enough.

Have a wonderful day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am lucky enough to have great friendships and I honor the great men and women that were taken from this earth before their time.  

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Opportunities are Knocking on Our Doors

I am a visual learner.  I understand things I see.  When I was thinking about opportunities, I realized that people often have opportunities they choose to turn down.

I think of opportunities like great, big, brightly wrapped packages on each of our doorsteps.  Some people look out the door and say, "no thanks, not interested".  Others are worried that opportunities might be booby-trapped, or that they are on "Punked" or "Candid Camera" and are afraid to open the package.  Then there are those who say, "If I open this package, I have to reciprocate", so I would be better off letting it go to someone else.

Do you know your "go to" choice for new opportunities knocking at your door?  Here's an example, what do you say when you are given a compliment?  Is it, "please, don't" or "please don't stop (giving me compliments)", received with gratitude and appreciation, of course.  Being willing to receive is a skill and many of us have to practice it.

Start with role-play situations if you need practice, "Here, take this precious gift, I wanted to give it to you just because you are special".  If you are feeling uncomfortable or start looking around for the hidden cameras, you are going to need more practice.  Do you say or think, "No, that's too much" or "I haven't done enough to deserve it"?

All good feelings need to grow and expand.  If you can open your (imaginary) front door and say, "Wow, a big, bright opportunity was just delivered, where's that package opener we bought on that infomercial?"  Then you are heading in the right direction;)

Once you open the opportunity, you don't have to keep it to yourself.  You can share it, pass it on, or return to sender if it has negative connotations.  But knowing that we are taking the time to check it out is an important step in our growth.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to open the door to new opportunities.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Just for the Record, Tolerance Can Be a Great Option

Just for the record, I am normally a law-abiding citizen.  When my kids were younger, on a sunny, summer day, I had to take my son to an unexpected trip to the doctor because he was really sick.  He had a fever higher than my comfort level and we took the only appointment available for the morning.

My young daughter was at a morning "kiddie camp" and was to be dropped off around noon.  My pediatrician was running about an hour late so after our appointment, I had to rush to make it home in time to meet my daughter.  

Alas, checking the speedometer was not on "my radar" but it was on the policeman's radar as he pulled me over.  Do you agree that there should be some leeway for extenuating circumstances?  If not, you may want to check your tolerance levels.  I obviously had a sick infant in the car and I showed him my doctor's receipt.  No tolerance today, my friend.........not cool, Mr. Policeman.

Of course, I don't want anarchy.  I love peace and promote it daily.  But I also love common sense decisions.  The ones where someone says, "yeah, I get it, don't make a habit of this, but you are off the hook this time."

So if you have the chance to cut someone a break, you may want to consider sharing the love by letting misdemeanors (and/or traffic tickets) go every once in a while.  Harsh, rigid punishments do not always fit the crime.

I accepted the consequences of my actions.  I paid the ticket, and I am happy to live in a country that is safe most of the time.  I (mostly) don't hold a grudge against him.  He was doing his job.  

I felt powerless wishing my doctor would hurry up, I felt powerless trying to get home on time for my daughter, and then it was compounded by feeling unheard when I tried to explain my situation.  Excuses sometimes do matter, because none of us can control the world.  We can only control our reactions to what happens.  

So, my best possible outcome is to work through my reactions and release.  Releasing negative emotions like guilt and shame help to move forward without building up resentment toward ourselves and others.   Working through our feelings of powerlessness is important to happiness.  If you believe you reap what you sow, perhaps tolerance is a good filter to have when you are in a position of power.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am willing to consider tolerance when I am in a position of power.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

You Caught Me!

I was adding some honey to my Greek yogurt today and thought I could have added less (coulda, woulda, shoulda are "red flags" to pay attention).  My next thought was what if someone had seen me.  Then my next thought was "I'm good with that", because I have been working on changing my negative self-talk.

Sometimes deeper beliefs conflict with initial thoughts, and you may be concerned if other people "catch you" doing something that you wished you hadn't done.  Those are clues of what is determining your underlying beliefs, the ones that are harder to change.  If they are negative beliefs, they can add stress to your life.

Do you cringe when you are caught eating a donut?  If you do, you might hide eating habits that are affecting your health.  Some rebellious eaters have five donuts just to prove they can.  The ultimate goal needs to be eating without guilt.  That is where we will find nirvana:  not the band, Hipsters;)

Are you upset if you have a few bites of dessert at a restaurant?  Or do you forgo dessert at a restaurant but come home to your secret stash of food?  The secret stash is what is going to add blocks to your success; not necessarily because of how much you eat, but because you are eating in shame.

Shame is very, very bad for our mental health.  If you have a chance to think about what causes you shame, it will bring you awareness that will assist with positive changes.  Our goal is to continue to move forward because unlimited small steps make overall big changes.  Nothing has to be done "cold turkey".

So when you feel the need to say or think "you caught me", take a moment to figure out why your mind took that turn.  The emotions attached to being "caught" will provide good information for your personal growth.

Enjoy your food, enjoy your life, and release the fear of being "caught" because when you can think "I'm OK with this" then you are able to eat more consciously and become a healthier "you".

Have a great day!!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to become aware of my self-talk surrounding food.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

What's in Your "Me"-Cloud?

Our belief systems are attached to us (somewhere in the ethers of ourselves) but sometimes, we don't even realize that we are accessing them throughout the day.  Our "me"-clouds consist of what we feel is appropriate behavior for a situation.  It is a combination of what we believe should or shouldn't be done when given a set of circumstances in our lives.

It is comforting to us to have a "playbook" for life.  So our "me"-clouds assess a situation in the computing parts of our brains and find the closest possible memory of what we had done in our pasts in order for us to decide what to do in the present:  "OK, this is happening........we are going to use Play #88 to get us out of this situation!  Assume your positions, STAT!!"

Here's the challenge, if we want to evolve and grow, we have to break away from our previous "plays" in order to create new and better circumstances in our lives.  The information stored in our "me"-clouds  consist of what we were conditioned to believe in our families, what we have learned from our life experiences, and possibly what we brought into this world through our lineage.

Some people live their lives wanting to remain the same, and that is perfectly fine.  If you still live in the town (subdivision or even house) that you grew up in, feeling comfortable is important to you.  Change is not as much of a priority for you as it is for those of us who have been known to say "I can't wait to get out of here!!"

And for those who have said that, I am talking to YOU!!  If you are ready to shake that dust from yesterday off your shoes and get ready for a new day, let's do it!

Having an awareness of when you are accessing your "me"-cloud is the first step to change.  Once you have that figured out, and the next time you realize you are using outdated filters for a situation, just take that moment to pause, regroup, and reassess based on the filters of who you want to become.  

With all changes, there is a learning curve, but it becomes freeing when you are able to do it.  When I want to make major change, I buy a stack of index cards and write big notes to myself, leaving them in the car, by my bed, where I work, and anywhere I know I am going to be during the day.  

You deserve the best life has to offer and for most of us, having the best means we have to change.  Don't worry, there are plenty of us around who want to change and grow, too.  Start looking for us.  

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will take a moment to decide if I want to alter the perceptions in my "me"-cloud before taking action.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Do You Feel Comfortable With Your Authentic Self?

Most of us have heard of "being authentic".  In contrast, we all have different "faces" we share with the people in our lives.  We have public selves and private selves; we know people who overshare and others who undershare.  Sharing aside, being true to ourselves is one of the most important things we can do to be happy.

Being authentic is unique to each of us, but it doesn't mean we have to speak our truth 24/7.  It doesn't mean sharing our most private secrets with the world, or standing up in public disagreeing with a crowd of people who believe the exact opposite of what we believe.  But knowing, in our hearts, who we are is imperative to living our best lives.

Then, once we are able to resonate with who we are and who we want to become, it is easier to find ways to create room for expansion of that criteria.  If I was in a crowd of people and I disagreed with their message, I wouldn't stand on a chair and say, "Let me explain to you why your values are off-base......." but I would silently acknowledge their right to their opinions and leave as soon as possible.  We don't need to shout our convictions from the rooftops to prove them.  

Drphil.com gives a quick quiz to see if you are ready to figure out who you are at your core:

"Find out if you are ready to find your authentic self and begin to live by design. Respond to these questions honestly and thoroughly. There are no right or wrong answers; rather, these questions are designed to get you thinking about your authentic self............

1. Did you at one time listen carefully to your innermost voice? Describe this moment. When was it and what was the circumstance? Do you suspect that somehow, somewhere along the way, you have lost contact with it?

2. Is your behavioral life, your public persona, at odds with the values, beliefs, desires, passions and visions that define your authentic self? If so, how?

3. Do you know, today, in vivid detail, who the authentic you is? Or are you living a compromised existence?"

So when you are ready, begin to lean toward your values, desires, and beliefs.  It makes us feel more genuinely happy when we are able to align our actions to our authentic selves.  You can find lists of values online if you need ideas.  The awareness of how we act vs. how we want to act can be a powerful motivation to create change.  

Have a great day!

xo

Conni  

Today's Mantra:  I choose to discover and become comfortable with my authentic self.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Personal Connections and a Sense of Community

I was lucky enough to stay at a top-rated, wonderful hotel in Chicago with an incredibly generous friend.  We fell in love with The Langham!!  I had seen bigger hotel bathrooms before, I had better water views in the past; the luxury, food, libations and service were amazing and top-notch, don't get me wrong.  The rooms and amenities are fabulous!!

But the reason we fell in love with The Langham was the service.  We stayed the first time in April of this year (and again in September, thanks to my friend).  The head of the Club Level, where we stayed, made us feel like family!!  He took the time to stop and greet us during our stay; he went out of his way to make us feel special.  He listened to our stories and remembered them.

OK, a "shout out" to Carlos, at The Langham, who acknowledged a life-long friendship that I have with my high school girlfriends. Carlos wrote a beautiful handwritten note to us during our stay that validated us as friends.  I kept the note:)

I know some people like feeling anonymous, as New Yorkers usually don't know most of their neighbors; but in the midwest, we thrive with a strong sense of community.  We take meals to others who could use a "helping hand", my friend just asked me if I needed something from the grocery store, and she doesn't even live in my neighborhood!

I feel so lucky to be part of a community where we share the good and the bad.  I'm not sure if it's a "midwestern" thing, but knowing I am supported makes a big difference in my happiness levels.  I know, that when "the chips are down", that I could ask someone for a favor and she would do it if she could.

Feeling supported and acknowledged are key factors for happiness.  Do you feel supported and acknowledged?  If not, you might consider cultivating those in your life.

There are good times and bad times in all of our lives.  Getting through the bad times is easier with support, and sharing good times is more fun than solitary celebrations.  I am so thankful that I am supported by friends and family!!  I hope you can say the same.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am thankful to have a wonderful support system.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

"Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens"

What are your favorite things?  Do you surround yourself with them?  If not, why not?  Are you able to nurture yourself without guilt?  

Some people feel guilty for nurturing themselves.  If you are hearing the voice of someone in your head right now telling you not to be selfish, remember the analogy to putting on your oxygen mask first, before you help people who are dependent on you.

 

The better you feel, the more you have to give, I promise:  more energy, more ideas, more love, and who doesn't want that?  What makes you say "yum" when you enjoy it?  Add more of that to your life today!  The brilliance of the world is that we all have a different list of things we love.  The perplexing part of the world is that some of us believe we shouldn't nurture or love ourselves.

We can find beautiful things at the dollar store if we can't find the money to go to the mall.  Have you checked the resale shops in your area?  Mine have wonderful treasures.  When I buy something there, it feels good, without guilt.

We talked about clothing and accessory swaps before.  What about decorating swaps or a painting party to add a new coat of paint to an old piece of furniture?  I had a piece of furniture I had been trying to give away that someone suggested painting; now it's a favorite piece!

We can indulge our senses without overspending or overeating.  Our minds react to all expressions of beauty and pleasure.  I love being warm, so I buy thick, cozy socks.  When I had kids, I bought a bathroom heater for their bathroom so they would feel warm during our midwest winters, then I bought one for myself, too:)  I love convenient reading, so I belong to Amazon Kindle Unlimited.  "Unlimited" even sounds indulgent!!

We put a gas starter in our fireplace for easy, effortless fires.  I LOVE my morning coffee so I bought an expensive, weighty mug with an inspiring message to add tactile and emotional pleasure.  I purchased 25+ hearts and put them in a heart shaped bowl on the table where I write to remind me to love myself.  I save heartfelt emails in a special folder for when I receive a negative feedback, to reinforce the knowledge that people appreciate me.

You can do it, too!!  Most of these are low-cost, high-impact ideas.  Make your list, indulge, and release any residual guilt!!  You deserve it!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will make my list of my favorite things and surround myself with them!!

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Do You Listen to Your Body?

If you don't, it is a skill that is worth the effort to cultivate.  I am currently "nursing" an injury that was made worse because I didn't listen to my body when it was whispering to me.  Note to self:  I want to learn my lessons the first time.........

About five weeks ago, I was emptying the dehumidifier in our basement bathroom (not bothering to turn on the lights) and I forgot the shower had a wall framing it that came out about four inches from the base.  I jammed my foot into the wall on the way to empty the bucket. 

Ok, it felt bad, then better, then bad, then I decided to prop it up for a bit.  At this point, had I stopped to listen to my body, I would have realized I needed to see a doctor for further evaluation.  Hypochondriacs aside (that is a deeper issue than my intent here), if we rush through life, we might be missing out on some clues that our bodies are trying to give us.

Are you up to date on your check-ups?  Since it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, here's a "shout out" to all the moms out there who put themselves last.  Consider this your "whisper" to make that appointment if you haven't yet.  

There is no glory or gold medal at the end of this lifetime for not taking care of yourself.  We can serve the world at our highest level when we are healthy.  So if you aren't a doctor, and you don't have one in the family, perhaps seek advice from one on issues that are unclear to you.  Webmd can only take you so far;)

When your body "whispers" to you, please do your best to listen.  If you feel like you should make an appointment beyond your yearly check-ups, please do it.  I'm typing this with my foot up, trying to heal something that was made worse by my inability to listen to my body's signals.  Learning my lesson the first time:  priceless.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will listen to my body when it whispers to me.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

One Billion Acts Of Peace, Are You In?

PeaceJam is an international organization promoting peace through small and big actions combined. I recently heard about it and wondered how I could help. I decided to write a blog on empathy, because I believe empathy creates more peaceful actions in the world ("People Say Love Builds Bridges......."); and I have made a donation to The Borgen Project (fighting global poverty). The website to learn about the PeaceJam campaign is 1billionacts.org. 

From their website: "The PeaceJam Foundation, Google, Wells Fargo, Hill+Knowlton Strategies, and many others have now come together to create the "One Billion Acts of Peace" Campaign -- an international global citizens’ movement led by thirteen Nobel Peace Laureates and designed to tackle the most important problems facing our planet. Our goal is to create the coolest, most powerful, and most effective global citizen's campaign that the world has ever seen.

You create an Act of Peace when you take thoughtful action to get traction on a key issue area that is critical to creating world peace. As the Dalai Lama, one of the founding members of the PeaceJam Foundation, says, 'Change only takes place through action, not through meditation and prayer alone'."

The 10 Areas of Focus Are:

Advancing Women and Children

Access to Water and Natural Resources 

Education & Community Development 

Global Health and Wellness 

Environmental Sustainability

Conflict Resolution 

Inclusivity and Cooperation 

Human Rights 

Alleviation of Extreme Poverty

Weapons Access and Proliferation

Would you consider joining the movement for peace?  Perhaps you could bring groups together to magnify efforts?  It is my sincere hope that you will "pause before an automatic no" (see blog entry May 2, 2014).  Beyond this extremely worthy cause, I believe we have the most to offer the world when we are able to find and expand peace within ourselves.  Not in every moment, but holding onto glimpses of peace allows it to grow.  Thanks for your consideration.

OK, the rules are to create a project, document it, share on social media, and challenge three people: "I challenge you to do an act of peace this week!"

Create at: 1billionacts.org

Share with: your social media peeps

Challenge:  three more "doers"

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

"I Hope You Dance"

My nine-year-old niece and I were pondering life last weekend and she asked me what my favorite songs were.  Being the overachiever that I can be, I played them for her and discussed why they were my favorites.  One was "Seasons of Love" from Rent, which was expounded upon in a previous blog.

Another is "I Hope You Dance", because that is what I wish for you.  First of all, dancing just makes people happy, and happiness can be underrated in certain circles, for sure.  Secondly, the message is so beautiful it makes me cry.  "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean"; I agree with a slight twist, I hope you are able to see the expansiveness of the ocean as your personal field of possibilites.

"May you never take one single breath for granted" allows us to stay in a state of gratitude.  A state of gratitude leads to wonderful choices.  Do you have missed opportunities in your past?  No judgment, of course, but if we can use our wisdom for good, we are already making progress.  

When I attended a friend's wedding, straight out of college, the group at each table had to sing a love song in order for the bride and groom to kiss.  We were one of the first groups to take the challenge, we had all been resident assistants so we were bold.  I had a layer of bravado but didn't have the best self-esteem at that time.

One of the group grabbed the microphone and said, "I'll lead us".  I thought, "you can do that"?  I thought we all had to politely offer the opportunity to everyone else before we took it for ourselves.  My current friends and I laugh because that is one of our favorite phrases now: "you can do that?".  So often, we restrict ourselves with our beliefs that possibilities are not available when they actually are........if you look up, down, and behind corners for them.

If you get the chance, try to figure out what is holding you back from dancing every dance, singing every song, and enjoying every opportunity you are able to access.  I'm not sure if my niece plans to ask me any questions in the near future.......I may have given her more information than she was looking for; but then we bonded over drawing our best smiley faces; hers are better than mine:)

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I hope you dance:)

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.