525,600 Minutes

If you haven't seen the play (turned into a movie) "Rent", you may not realize immediately that 535,600 is the number of minutes in a year.  As the song so eloquently states, "how do you measure a year?  In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee?"  If you look it up on YouTube, you will enjoy any of the groups' performances, they are awesome!!

When you are able to reflect, have you been able to spend the last year in ways that you have planned to enjoy, or are your moments spent being reactive?  Of course, if you are living in crisis, as too many people are because of their health, or being a caregiver, or so many other reasons, you should congratulate yourself for making it through each day!!

But if you have the freedom to plan your time, are you making intentional choices?  There are some years that go by in the blink of an eye:  a new job, a new baby, a new significant other makes time fly.  Sometimes, you have to wing it, and that's exhilarating.

Other than those times, though, we can make a difference in our own lives by using intentions.  At the beginning of each day (mostly), I make an intention to enjoy myself and have fun where I am in life.  I intend to have a wonderful day.  It really, truly makes a difference.

The interesting part is, with the blessing of technology, we can make special moments happen without a large monetary outlay.  Do you miss your long-distance friends?  Use Skype.  Do you need a spa day?  There are so many at home options, now.  Do you miss the sunshine? There's a lamp for that.

When I have breakfast with a group of girlfriends every 4-6 weeks, we tentatively plan our next occasion while we are there.  Do you have a friend who is a great planner??  Make sure she knows you appreciate her efforts!!  Of course there is social media, that's the surface layer.  My best, most memorable moments are usually deeper than what is offered there.

"Measure in love", that's the ending of the song, and of life.  We will measure financial success, as we are prone to do, but love makes everything else worthwhile.  You deserve the best life has to offer!!  "How do you measure a year in the life??"

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Reposted with edits.

I Want to Win, But if Not...

We were watching a sports tournament yesterday.  Our team won some and lost some.  When our team wasn't playing, we were cheering for another team that had players from our school.

When neither of those teams were playing, we were cheering for the next town over.  Then, we were cheering for our state, then we were cheering for our region.  We want to be able to relate to the winners.

We all want to be connected and we all need a sense of belonging.  Conversely, we all want to compete and win.  Neither are wrong, but there is conflict.  We can be sitting next to a boisterous fan for the other team and feel angry that he or she laughed at a missed play on our team.  Then, that person will be friendly in the line for concessions and perhaps hold the door on the way out of the venue.

Sometimes, thinking of a situation backwards gives me perspective.  If I met the same family in a foreign country, we would probably spend a while chatting about all of our similarities if we lived in close proximity to them.  "Don't you LOVE that new grocery store and have you tried this AMAZING hole-in-the-wall diner?"  We build relationships by acknowledging we have things in common.

When we are in close competition with them for a prize, no matter the prize's worth, we can all act like mortal enemies.  Everybody wins some things; nobody wins everything.  Winning and losing both teach us about ourselves and others.

I hope that I am teaching my kids that competition is healthy and important.  Beyond that, I hope they know we are all human beings who make mistakes and no one likes to be humiliated for messing up. To me, that is equally as important as winning.  In the heat of the moment, we all make mistakes.  Hopefully, we can step back and realize we can overcome a bad call on the court or a missed opportunity for a point.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Love, Intention and Peace, A Poem

Why do intentions of love turn to hate

It starts with conflict, not feeling so great

If we process our conflict when it is still small

It won’t build inside us, so big that we fall

The way our world is supposed to be

Is a heart connection between you and me

Not romantic, gushy love

But recognizing we’re all born as enough

When we know we’re enough, in this moment today

We begin to see and feel them the same way

As we gather in love the power is great

Love begets love, makes smaller the hate

Here’s the odd thing, there are people who fight

About what is wrong, about what is right

Fighting because we don’t feel enough

Need to prove we’re better by being so tough

What if we all made a choice to choose love

Love over hate, every day just because

Emotions are good, don’t get me wrong

If you process your feelings, your hate won’t grow strong

Process emotions, process each day

Over and over, clearing the way

Resentments don’t build, hate doesn’t grow

Our path to peace: love ourselves and it shows

"New" Ideas are Really "Old School"

If a new idea isn't in our current paradigm, it takes several attempts to comprehend it.  The term "mind-body" can cover a lot of ground.  My version is whatever we do on the inside affects our external self, and whatever we do on the outside affects our internal self.

More importantly, though, is the understanding that what we believe subconsciously can be more powerful than what we say and do when there is conflict between the two.  That is when it is critically important to have an awareness of what you believe deep down.

Some people think emotional healing techniques are new.  Actually, they are thousands of years old but with a modern twist.  Our "new" techniques are based on "old school" beliefs.  People who are searching for more are striving to connect to inner peace.  That's a timeless concept.  

Here is one example...If you know anyone who was unwanted as a child, that individual most likely has long-reaching issues with self-worth, unless he or she has already gotten help to process that pain.  If your parents told you that you were unplanned or that they wanted the opposite sex (boy vs. girl), even in jest, those statements could make you feel less worthy and deserving that other kids who grew up knowing they were wanted and unconditionally loved.

Why does that matter?  Well, it matters because if we have an underlying belief we aren't worthy of more, we settle for less.  None of us should be willing to settle for less.  We all need a purpose and hope for a better tomorrow to make getting up everyday worthwhile.

It's not that people who feel unworthy can't function, hold down jobs or keep a smile on their faces. Part of it is about what happens when the chips are down.  That is when our inner demons come to play.  The power of those demons can be lessened and that is what changes how we resist and react to negative stress.

Using our "old school" techniques of meditation, releasing stress with breathing or acupressure-related techniques or connecting to a higher power through nature, will bring us to a better place.  That is mind-body.  It is knowing we have to internally change to make lasting external changes.  It's the "old school" way to find peace and happiness.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

As Our World Brings Awareness to Tragedies...

Remember to differentiate between not being a victim and being a survivor who has processed the negative events that have happened to you.  If you have had trauma in your past and you have not processed it, it affects the way you react.

The empowerment of not considering yourself a victim is a great choice.  However, if the trauma has been suppressed, without being healed, you will react negatively to the next similar situation. That is regardless of if it happens to you or someone else.

Saying the words "I choose not to be a victim" has power in itself.  But if that is the only thing you are doing to get over a traumatic situation, it's like putting a band-aid over an infected body part.  It festers.

There is trauma in each of our lives, but the scope and depth of trauma differs.  We need to understand that before we can make changes in our society.  Don't listen to someone who tells you to "get over it" if they have not had similar circumstances.

Feeling badly about ourselves for not being able to just "get over" something is extremely detrimental to mental health.  It becomes a cycle that is hard to get out of by ourselves.

Know this:  there is always help available when you are ready.  It may not be perfect, but with perseverance and hope, it is possible to move forward in our lives.

xo
Conni

Just Like in PreSchool, Details Matter

Remember learning about why we need decimal points? The dot seems so insignificant but it changes everything.  That's the truth for emotional clearing, too.

Global affirmations are good, but specific and personal emotional clearing based on our exact circumstances is better.  The power is in our personal details and why we resist and react to each one.

Here's an example:  I have a fear of heights.  It has gotten better, but there is still a smidge of work to do.  I have done plenty of emotional healing work on the global fear of heights, but a more powerful option is to work specifically on what happened to me that created the fear.  I don't have that memory as of now.  When I do, it will be a good opportunity to clear out the negative effects of that memory.

If you are in emotional pain, the painful memories matter.  Start by making a list of them, then prioritize them in terms of what is the most hurtful.  It's really hard to walk through life carrying the baggage of our past.  We now have the tools to reduce that suffering.

Change is necessary and we all have a new opportunity to change each and every day.  The more you practice, the better you get, just like in school.  This is better, though, because you will never be graded and each step forward leads to more peace and happiness.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni