Opening the Floodgates :)

Whatever we resist slows down our "flow".  Resistance blocks our highest and best possibilities and potential.  We have the ability to change it through understanding and building our positive beliefs systems, beginning with the belief we are innately enough.Here's an example of how resistance affects us.....

You or someone you know has test anxiety; you are "trying so hard" to remember what you studied and it will not come to you during the test.  Maybe someone told you or you previously told yourself you were not a good test-taker.  The resistance builds with each test you take.  After leaving the testing area, the answers pop back into your head.  Most of us don't understand the insidious backlash of how resistance affects our day-to-day lives.  It holds us back from our potential like a negative force field.

Those of us who resist loving and accepting ourselves exactly as we are in this moment of time create more and more reasons why we are not quite "good enough".  If we only did better, we could love and accept ourselves.  Our negative beliefs attract more negative beliefs.  Those beliefs are the opposite of the truth.  Of course, we still need to build skills, practice, study for the test.  Everything is a combination of mind-body.  We need to work on both.

It is like having a pilot light in our bodies.  We have to begin by lighting the flame of knowing we are innately good enough just because we were born, no need to prove it with actions.  Then, we can enhance our internal flame by positively feeding the fire, but if we don't start with that positive belief, it is extremely difficult to change it.  People who show the world they are outwardly confident may or may not be confident on the inside.

Not one of us is perfect, so striving for perfection could make us feel badly about ourselves if we don't believe we are innately enough.  That is why living in the moment is powerful.  We make a mistake, make amends and move forward without beating ourselves up.  Forgiveness is incredibly powerful, but without knowing we are innately good enough, forgiveness will only take us so far.

How do we change?  On the conscious level, intentions can be effective.  "I intend to know I am good enough in this moment."  "I intend to love myself exactly as I am today."  The biggest bang for your buck is changing beliefs on the subconscious level.  That is where that little voice inside of us says..."hey wait a minute, you can't completely love yourself, remember what happened that time when you did that thing..."

We can change subconscious beliefs, our negative self-talk, with meditation, hypnosis, energy work, or focusing on our intentions to change right before we fall asleep or as we are waking up in the morning.  That is when our brains are malleable and accepting of change.  We all have the capability to change for the better.  The first steps are awareness and intention.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

My Counsel of Heroes

Napoleon Hill’s book, “Think and Grow Rich”, is a classic for people who believe we can positively influence the course of our lives by changing thought patterns.  He used the concept of a Counsel of Heroes to focus on qualities he felt were his weak areas in his life.  Napoleon Hill used a group of men seated at his Counsel Table.  He was the chairman.  He rebuilt his own character through focusing on a composite of the characters of his counselors.  He called it "voluntary rebirth".

Here is my version of that exercise.  You might want to try it yourself.  Awareness is always the first step to change.  The Counsel of Heroes allows us to focus on our desire to move forward in certain areas of our lives....

Oprah, I wish to acquire from you and impress on my subconscious mind the qualities which enable you to inspire and arouse the population to a greater and more determined spirit of action; for my highest possibilities and potential, using pure intentions of making the world a better place.

Deepak, I wish to acquire from you the patience and ability to live in the present moment and attract people on the same path as I move toward living my heart's desires.  Your steadfast vision to improve yourself and the world inspires me to move beyond my current, self-imposed boundaries.

Martha Beck, I wish to acquire from you a thorough understanding of the principles of organized effort, which you use so effectively to manifest your dreams, to allow something greater than our current circumstances project.  You have provided me the ability to "find my own North Star". 

Tim Russet, I admire you greatly and I am still sad that I did not get to meet you in this lifetime.  I wish to acquire your spirit of persistence, poise, and self-confidence, while balancing kindness and the knowledge of how lucky you are through the Grace of God.  You life experiences were a road map to understanding how miracles can unfold for those who believe in a benevolent world.

Joseph Murphy, I wish to acquire your depth of knowledge and understanding of how to correct the direction of my thoughts.  Thank you for your gift to the world.  Your thought processes were so far ahead of your time.  

I greatly admire my heroes.  They allow me to see where I can change my intentions to create a stronger and more powerful "me".  We can choose to be strong as we become authentic, using our highest gifts and talents in the world.  If you are intrigued by the concept, I challenge you to use it in your own life.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Finding Your Bliss :)

I spent last weekend with seven incredible women.  We met in a beautiful location to move toward our personal destinies as a group.  We laughed and cried.  We validated each other and gently pushed each others' awareness.  I was blessed and so grateful to be the facilitator of the group.

Unwritten
By Natasha Bedingfield

"I am unwritten
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten"

We are all "unwritten", but you have to be ready to move forward.  No one can force change upon someone who doesn't want it.  If you believe you are too old, too young, too "purple", it is untrue.  We can all redirect our lives toward our highest possibilities and potential.

To make major paradigm shifts after our belief systems have become entrenched in our minds, it is almost as if we have to cover our eyes and spin until we don't have a sense of direction, then use our intuition to guide us to our "true north".  It is possible, I promise.  We all have the ability to change our circumstances for the better.

If you don't have a group of people in your life who want the best for you, be on the lookout for members.  There is a force in the power of a group.  It can be a force toward good, or not so much.  Step by step, we can all change for the better.  It takes courage, but I believe we all have that courage inside of us.  My heartfelt "thanks" goes out to the group from last weekend.  I am forever grateful that you chose to move forward with me.

Have a great day!!

xo
Conni

Just Enough to Fool Them..."The Tracks of My Tears"

"Now, people say I'm the life of the party

'Cause I'll tell a joke or two.

Although I might be laughin' loud and hearty,

Deep down inside I'm blue.

So take a good look at my face

You'll see my smile looks out of place.

If you'll look closer,

It's easy to trace the tracks of my tears."

When I think about Robin Williams, I become so saddened for a life shortened by pain that people don't feel it's safe to share with the world.  I know and have known people with depression.  I feel like it's an underreported condition because of the shame attached to it.

We hear all of the mantras that tell us to "just do it" and "get over yourself already".  It can be difficult in today's world to tell someone you have a problem, when many people are overwhelmed and don't have time or patience for empathy.

If you are just active enough, just successful enough, or if you smile just enough to fool everyone until you are alone, it's time to reach out for help.  Life can get better.  It gets so confusing because we encourage people to be hard on themselves.  In sports and in the educational system in our country, we are all rewarded for perfection.  No one in this entire world is perfect, beating ourselves up is truly detrimental.

If you are chronically sad, or if you even know deep inside of yourself that you are depressed, please reach out.  If you are self-medicating, please reach out.  You deserve a better life and the world needs your unique gifts and talents.  People might smile because they are happy, but some people might smile to hide their pain.  No one deserves a life filled with pain.

xo

Conni

xo
Conni

Are You Embracing Your Life or Resisting It?

Whatever we resist has an extra layer of "yuck" attached to it.  With resistance, we need to break it down and try to figure out "why" we are not embracing something.  Then, we can make changes.

If you are feeling that overall your life is not joyful, start by thinking of what you love about it and what you dislike about it, then we can focus on what is not working and makes some easy changes.  Everything can feel better with a small bit of effort.

Are you loving your coffee or tea?  Have you considered flavored coffee or tea, what about flavored creamers?  It doesn't have to cost more, nor does it have to be from a coffee joint.  Do you dislike your commute to work?  If yes, have you considered listening to books or comedy podcasts?  There are lots of free offerings at the library.  It can turn time spent "getting by" into time well-spent.

What about your lunches?  If you are taking the same old sandwich, try spicing it up a bit, adding different ingredients, different condiments or even adding a love-note to yourself.  People will wonder what's going on when you smile at the lunch table ;)

Now onto that job...do you love your job?  Can you volunteer for a committee that would change up your work environment?  What about taking a five minute break to feel the sun on your face during the day?  Can you post for a better position or just update your resume so you are ready for change?

Sometimes, we all need a gentle nudge to realize we are stuck in a rut.  We don't have to win the lottery to embrace our lives.  We only need to understand we have more freedoms that we believe we do.  Then, take small actions to begin to feel good about our lives again.  You deserve to live your best life.  You deserve to love the life you live.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to make a small change today to being to embrace my life.

Misinterpretations: Perception vs. Reality

A Business Insider article by Christina Sterbenz from September 6, 2012 shares some misinterpreted quotes:  " 'Money is the root of all evil.' Not really. The love of money is the root of all evil, according to Timothy 6:10 from the King James Bible.

'Nice guys finish last.' Nice guys actually finish seventh. Leo Durocher, nicknamed Leo the Lip, served as the field manager for the Brooklyn Dodgers during the height of the Giants-Dodgers rivalry. He made some comment about Mel Ott, right-fielder for the Giants, being too nice, which made the team finish in seventh place. 'Baseball Digest' later reprinted the column in which his quote appeared but changed 'seventh' to 'last place,' according to Freakonomics blog.

Leo's misquoted words soon became a credo for over-aggressive coaches and guys with no romantic game everywhere.

'Blood is thicker than water.' This gets uttered around awkward family photos on the mantel of nearly every home in the country. The original phrase, however, meant the opposite. An earlier proverb preached, 'The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.' In this case, 'water of the womb' refers to family while 'blood of the covenant' means blood shed by soldiers. So really, military bonds trump your siblings and parents."  Thanks for clearing those up, Christina ;)

I always worry about being misquoted and misunderstood, then I go back to my own mantras:  "My best is always good enough" and "Following pure intentions is the best I can do".  As the power of the internet allows for words to fly around the world, it can be overwhelming to know we can be misinterpreted.  If fear is stopping you from raising your profile, do your best to have pure intentions.  That is why it is always best to take what you hear and compare it to your inner voice.  Our truth is inside of us.

On the flip side, if you have no fear of what you say, perhaps it is a good idea to pause before responding in anger.  None of us is perfect, I make many, many mistakes every day.  I do my best to work through my issues and rant only to my inner circle, not in public.

Words can be misinterpreted and words can hurt.  I try to lay low when I'm at my worst.  I was going through some deep healing yesterday, just ask my kids and my husband.  Yes, I apologized to them (walkin' the walk), but I'm glad you were not a "fly on my wall".  Just saying...I'm not sure how often "sticks and stones are breaking bones" but words can hurt so I try my best to use them wisely.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Does "Change" Bring Up Resistance for You?

There are ways to make ourselves more receptive to our best lives.  Some techniques are physical and other techniques are mental.  When you are ready for change, choose the ways that you find easiest to begin your journey.

Hydration is key.  If you are not sure whether or not you are hydrated enough, you probably are not.   I use Ultima Replenisher to add an electrolyte boost to my water.  Can you switch that last cup of coffee to an herbal tea?  I use Tulsi jamsine tea instead of an afternoon cup of coffee.

Walking barefoot in the grass is a great way to connect with nature.  Getting some TLC from your pets (or your neighbors' pets) allows the feelings of unconditional love to be shared.  Have you tried a relaxing form of exercise if you are not an athlete?  Maybe a nice walk or a bike ride?  How about turning up the music and dancing a little?

Mentally, we can all benefit from just breathing in a relaxing way to reduce stress.  Dr. Andrew Weil has breathing exercises on his website.  Staring at the flame of a candle will calm you down.  I also relax into watching my ceiling fan rotating while laying on my bed.

The most important part is setting the intention to change, setting time aside to do it.  You will benefit from five or 10 minutes of releasing negative emotions.  Intention plus action will bring you positive results.  No one is perfect, expecting perfection is setting ourselves up to fail.  I used to be a "junk food junkie" while also buying the biggest diet soda possible every day.  Now, I eat healthy most of the time and that is good enough!

Obviously bigger changes create bigger results, but we all have point ourselves in the right direction and start with the mindset of change.  Mind-body works so much better than mind or body separately.  Please don't be your own worst enemy.  Please know that you can make changes.  You deserve a better life!

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Do We Need to Prepare for Our Best Lives?

Some of us, and I used to be one of this group, believe we need to prepare for our "bounty" to come to us.  If you feel like you are not "good enough" yet for the best things to come into your life, you are incorrect.  Being open to receiving is an important step in our progress.

It is kind of like keeping the house in perfect condition in case Oprah wants to pop over and surprise you with the grand prize.  If having a perfect house is your thing, have at it, Missy!!  But if having a perfect house is overwhelming to you, if you feel it needs to be perfect to have Oprah or anyone else over; you are missing out on the joy of living each day to the fullest.  Some of my best memories and life experiences have come when my house was at its most disorganized.

Our physical house is a metaphor for our mental "house".  We have to "allow" receiving into our lives before it flows to us.  If you have ever heard yourself saying "I'm not ready" that can have detrimental effects to your energy flow.  Try to notice when you are saying that and why you say it.

Since none of us will ever be perfect, release your need to be perfect.  It is always good to want to achieve more.  However, sometimes we use the mindset of "not ready" to stop ourselves from moving forward.  It's a cycle of never-ending resistance.  Reducing resistance allows change.

Preparing is great, but don't let the fact that you haven't prepared stop you from allowing positive changes into your life.  We all start with our first step.  Congrats to those of you who have already started.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Exchanging Blessings, Gifts and Deeds

If you believe that every exchange with another person has to be equal, you might be missing out.  You give, they give, it's great to have expectations of what we need from other people.  But if we look at the bigger picture, we will see that giving expansively produces global results.

Be aware of cognitive dissonance, meaning our brains will only let us get so far with unfair exchanges.  Even if you give more than what you feel is fair, resentment that builds up hurts your body internally, which is worse that not gaining at all.  If we internally decide we want exchanges to be "for the good of the world" instead of exchanging with one person, we are opening up ourselves to globally receiving.

The paradigm shift of knowing we don't have to worry about keeping score gives us the ability to release the internal conflict of equal exchanges on a personal level.  Of course, everything is more difficult with family members because those relationships are the most complicated.  With people other than family members, when we try not to take everything personally, it opens us up to greater overall possibilities.

What does it all mean?  For one thing, if we see someone in need, we don't have to go through our filters of judging whether or not we are helping or hindering someone asking for a "hand-out".  We can give just because we are in a place to feel blessed.  However, it is detrimental to give what we don't have ourselves.  So giving a donation on a credit card without the money to pay it off won't help us overall. 

The goal is to understand there is an energy exchange, give and take, between all of us.  We can give money and receive service or give service and receive money.  It only matters that we understand we all give and all take, and that is OK.  Reducing resentment is always important, so until you don't feel ok with giving to others and you stop expecting an even exchange, stop giving "until it hurts". 

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Not Necessarily.....

Is it bad/wrong to be wasteful?  Not necessarily.  What if we had extra cake or extra pizza or food that we all now consider "taboo", if we wanted to throw that away instead of eat it, is that bad?  We all know it won't help the starving kids in Africa to eat more ourselves.

Is it bad/wrong to be decadent?  Not necessarily.  If we don't treat ourselves well, no one else will think we deserve to be treated well, either.  Who said we should feel guilty for treating ourselves?

Interestingly, even the definition of the word "decadent" from Merriam-Webster is judgmental...

": having low morals and a great love of pleasure, money, fame, etc.

: attractive to people of low morals who are only interested in pleasure

: extremely pleasing"

It's wrong to want things that are "extremely pleasing" to us??

If we all took a breath and thought deeply about whether or not other people are making the wrong decisions and/or taking the wrong actions, we can more easily see both sides of the issue, which is what tolerance is all about.  The underlying reasons for other people taking the actions they take are not always visible to us.  Is it possible to give friends and strangers the benefit of the doubt?

Getting lectured isn't fun.  I remember "authority figures" lecturing me until they wore me down, "yeah, I guess I understand it better now, you are right".  But anyone can give an alternative viewpoint that makes sense; it doesn't always mean they are right, though.  I remember an "authority figure" mocking other people's clothes.  Are conservative dressers better people?  Someone's external appearance doesn't show what's in his or her heart.

Who says it's bad to be wasteful and decadent?  We all are made up of alternative viewpoints.  If we were all the same, there wouldn't be alternatives.  It's good to have different opinions.  I used to live my life trying to be perfect, never wasting, never making a decadent choice.  It was a life of misery and I never did receive that "gold star" I was hoping for...

Of course, trying to do our best means understanding the bigger picture of saving the world and sharing the wealth.  However, tolerance of ourselves and others for not being perfect all of the time gives us the chance to understand what we feel and why we feel the way we do about hot topics.  Of course I catch myself judging people.  Having an awareness of it helps me do it less often.  If you are hard on yourself for "splurging" or treating yourself well, how does it help the world to put yourself down?

Thank you for the gift of giving me the understanding alternative points of view.  I don't have to agree with someone on every topic to like them or support them.  I just have to know that it's OK to have differing viewpoints (unless, as always, we are engaging in illegal activities).

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Do You Feel the Weight of the World?

When tragedy strikes, we all want to understand it.  We all want to know why serial killers kill, why terrorists create a reign of terror.  Part of it can be attributed to things we can prevent, but there is always a percentage that is unpreventable.  Can you live with that?

If you remember 9/11, former Mayor Rudy Guiliani had to instruct New Yorkers to go back out and live their lives again.  Broadway shows, restaurants and other service industries had no one to service, because we were afraid to live.  We can't live in a state of hyper-vigilance.  That is not a life worth living.  We have to put precautions in place and move forward.  

If you feel the "weight of the world on your shoulders", try this life-hack:  "I have people for that."  You know the horror movies where the girls at the slumber party stay up all night worrying about the scary noises, well, unless you are staying at the "Bates' Motel", tell yourself "I have people for that".  The people are our police, the FBI and Homeland Security, keeping us safe at night.  Then, we have to take basic precautions (lock the doors, make sure our smoke alarms have batteries) and go to bed.

Yes, there are a small percentage of psychopaths in the world.  We cannot guard against every one, it takes up too much energy.  Here's the irony, when we live in fear, our intuition is off, which could have allowed us to see evil coming toward us.  Our intuition can help us.  We just need to listen, in a quiet, peaceful state of mind; not in a scared, over-active brain.  We all have intuition, it's a skill we can build with practice.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Locks and Dams, Waiting for Water Levels to Match

Have you ever seen a "lock and dam" sequence for a river?  If you are in the middle, it can be scary as the waters rise on one side or lower on another to find balance.  Why haven't we reached our goals?  In this analogy, fear is on one side of the locks and our goals are on the other side.  It takes persistence and conscious effort to reduce emotional fear.

Even when water levels are close enough to open the doors, there can still be  a rush of water as the levels settle.  When we fear something, it would be too much for us to handle if we opened the doors when the water levels were too far apart.  Our boats would tip over.  Emotionally, it can be the same.

My analogy of the locks and dams refers to emotional fears; for instance, fear of public speaking or fear of failure.  We can lower our resistance (the water on the high side) with meditation, breathing exercises, hypnosis and other forms of energy work.  Then, when our resistance has been lowered enough so that our metaphorical boats won't tip over, we can open up the gates.  Yay!  We can then learn how to move toward greater possibilities in this lifetime.

If you say you don't have any goals, perhaps you haven't taken the time to get quiet and try to remember what you desired as a child.  Those goals can still be reached.  If you wanted to be a ballerina, you can still take classes and enjoy the emotions of living the life you love.  If you wanted to fly a plane, that is super easy now with simulators.  Those emotions of "pure bliss" will bring joy to every part of your life.  Don't miss out on expanding possibilities in your life!

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

"Freedom, Justice and Dignity" ABC's Martha Raddatz interviews Homeland's Mandy Patinkin

ABC News Martha Raddatz from "This Week", talked to Mandy Patinkin of Homeland in a rare look behind the scenes.  In the interview aired October 11, 2015, he said,  "I hope there is something people learn from Homeland.  I hope there is something being taught about when we act on our own arrogance and thinking we are right (pause) what happens...people make mistakes."

During the interview with Raddatz, Mandy Patinkin mentioned he had previously met with John Brennan, CIA Director, and said about that meeting "...he wanted me to see his heart, and he wanted me to see that these CIA guys, these guys that get a lot of heat, that they are human beings.  What I love about Homeland is at their best, like Shakespeare...to show both sides fully, so whoever the enemy is, and on both sides I think we are all the enemy, and we are all not the enemy, when we do that, that's the game.  And if people feel that they are paid attention to, if they are being listened to, if they are being respected, I think the world will change.  Freedom, justice and dignity."

Yes, please, Mr. Patinkin!  We all desire freedom, justice and dignity.  We are lucky to be here and we all want to be heard.   I don't have to be someone's BFF or have them over to dinner to acknowledge that we all have the right to our own opinions.

It's easy to draw a "line in the sand" when we haven't walked in someone else's shoes.  Of course, "evil" is a different category; but many of us are trying our best most of the time.  The more we are able to consider other peoples' opinions and actions, the more our minds are open to better personal and global solutions.  Allowing someone to be heard isn't the same as agreeing with them.  I would make a terrible judge and a horrible member of a jury because I can easily put myself in someone else's shoes.

Our egos can get us into trouble when we believe it's not possible for us to be wrong.  I have seen that happen in the government agencies, but it happens to other people in other jobs, too.  If you haven't watched it, Homeland is an awesome show!  Most of us want the world to be better for our children.  I am grateful to the men and women who put their lives on the line to keep us free.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Purpose and Possibilities

We all think about possibilities at the beginning of each year.  New Year's Resolutions are a great way to have a chance for a "do-over".  During the rest of the year, however, most of us don't keep the thought of creating new beginnings in the forefront of our minds.  Getting stuck in our own personal histories can make it more difficult to implement positive changes.

Each day brings the potential of new and exciting possibilities.  Each breath gives us the energy for change.  If you weren't your current "story", would you choose differently?  That is the million dollar question.  As we mature, many people feel the chance of a life of purpose decreases.  That is just not true.  In fact, having a purpose is extremely important to aging well.  Patti Neighmond of NPR.org writes,

"To find out if having a sense of purpose has an effect on aging and adult development, Patrick Hill, an assistant professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada, looked at data from the Midlife in the United States (MIDUS) study, which is funded by the National Institute on Aging.

Hill and his colleague Nicholas Turiano of the University of Rochester Medical Center looked to see how more than 6,000 people answered questions like 'Some people wander aimlessly through life, but I am not one of them,' and other questions that gauged positive and negative emotions.

They found that 14 years after those questions were asked, people who had reported a greater sense of purpose and direction in life were more likely to outlive their peers."

The purpose can be big or small, outwardly or inwardly focused, it doesn't matter.  We all need to have our basic human needs met before we think about creating a life focused on purpose.  After that, though, it's never too late to reach for the stars.  There is no age limit to being an artist, an actor, a dancer, a karaoke "rock star" or making the world a better place.  We can't allow ourselves to be defined by our or others'  limitations.  When you think about your childhood dreams, do your circumstances reflect them?

If not, each breath gives us another chance to gently move toward our hearts' desires.  Gratitude for your current life is the foundation for a better life.  Each breath, each day, each year gives us the chance to move closer to a life filled with purpose and joy.  Once you begin to accept yourself enough to nurture your body, mind and soul, it's easier to create positive changes.  

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I will take a moment to think about my purpose.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Are You An Innie or An Outie ;)

It’s always important to protect ourselves.  Telling everyone that you know your deepest darkest secrets can sometimes be detrimental.  At the same time, opening up to other people that care about us can be therapeutic.  How do we protect ourselves and make ourselves vulnerable at the same time?  We truly only need to open up our deepest secrets to ourselves, no need to ask for a public apology.

When I see other people lash out from emotional pain, protecting themselves from getting close to others with harsh words and deeds, I imagine them with hundreds of bungee cords wrapped around their bodies.  Keeping all of our emotions "locked up" makes it difficult to move forward.

I see people with internal strength as having super powers.  They know they have magical internal powers of strong self-esteem protecting them from harm.  "Yes," they say, "I will walk forward with my shoulders back, exposing my heart because I know my heart is protected internally."  People with emotional super powers know they are enough.  The harsh words and deeds of other humans affect them less.

People who have internal strength, the "innies", can withstand more eternal fluctuation.  The "outies" may seem strong and tough, but can fold under external pressure.  I think, in reality, we are all a mixture of both.  None of us has 100% internal confidence in every aspect of our lives.  

See if you can spot the people around you who are protecting themselves.  They can sound the harshest, but they may have internal wounds they aren't ready to work through.  Nobody goes through life without wounds.  As we strengthen our self-esteem, we lean toward being "innies", and that will make everything in our lives easier to deal with.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to protect myself internally by strengthening my self-esteem.

We All Know What The Big Bad Wolf Was Thinking...

We all know about strangers offering candy and the Big Bad Wolf.  Their "hidden agendas" to hurt us are obvious because we've learned about them.  Sometimes we hide our personal hidden agendas, even from ourselves.  Maybe you are blocking your own potential because you are afraid of getting hurt or afraid of being told you aren't good enough.

If you think about a goal you've had for a while that you have not accomplished, maybe you have even backpedalled, have you given thought to "why"? "First level excuses" might be hiding deeper reasons.  For example, why haven't you (please fill in the blank here)?

Our "first level excuses" might be:  I'm too busy; not enough time in the day; the kids; the job; the state of the economy, etc.  Perhaps underneath those excuses are the deeper, hidden agendas.  Maybe you don't (fill in the blank) because you feel like you've done enough.  You might be feeling unworthy, undervalued or undeserving.  Maybe it's because you feel like life is too overwhelming and there's no point.  "Why bother" has negative emotions attached to it.  Only you know your personal answer to the question of why you haven't taken steps toward your goals.

Perhaps you are afraid that someone will make fun of your attempts to do better.  Don't tell them about it, if you feel the need to protect yourself!  Please don't allow fear to stop your possibilities for greatness.

If you take one step a day toward your dreams, you are well on your way to your personal destiny.  With each step, notice if your body is giving you feedback.  Where do you hold stress in your body?  If something "flares up", try to note what is going on in your life emotionally at that time.

I believe in the mind-body connection.  The more I pause and take note of how my body reacts to situations, the better I can figure out any hidden agendas I might have.  We all need to become the experts of ourselves.  Listening to our inner voices is really important for brighter futures.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Can I Choose Anything?

I was reading about someone planning their wedding shower.  Their funds were unlimited so they started off with that frame of mind...

The bride said, "I would love to have those specialty cakes for the shower, and those petit sandwiches and the beautifully designed favors and those flowers, but they might be out of season, that's OK, right?"  It made my head spin.  Whatever your negative thoughts are to that scenario, those are some of your blocks to more money.

Why can't we "order from the catalog of life"?  Who told you that you couldn't?  Part of the equation is moving too far from your current state of money consciousness.  Jumping "into the deep end" without knowing how to swim works sometimes, like that "Hail Mary Pass" in football.  The more probable way to increasing our "abundance consciousness", though, it to take it a step at a time.

Our comfort level is on a spectrum.  Some people get stuck on, "really, she needs a 'specialty' cake??  OMG!" and other people are OK with that but we lose them at the "beautifully designed favors".  A few of us are fine with it all.  Why not?  You only live once, right?  That's great if you have the bank accounts to back it up.

Our "conditioning" about money comes from our childhood, our personal life experiences, our peer group and maybe a few other factors.  It's a lot to de-code but it starts with awareness.  Just write down your true feelings about extravagance and also have an awareness of what you consider extravagant.  It starts with information for the greater good of you.

We all deserve to have "Champagne Tastes and Caviar Dreams".  The work is partially mental and it is done a step at a time.  If you resent other people with more money, that is a block in itself; because if you don't think "they" deserve it, part of you doesn't believe "you" deserve it.

Growing up, we allotted little to no money for decorating for holidays.  Today, I still struggle with buying a pumpkin because it goes against my "conditioning".  I will do it, I just don't go out of my way to do it.  It doesn't make me a better person to have no decorations.  It makes me uncomfortable to splurge on those items, but I'm working on why that is.  (I splurge in other areas, though.)

We all have our money idiosyncrasies.  It is personal and emotional.  Working through them will allow more into our lives.  Our brains and bodies want us to be comfortable with our decisions.  We can alter where we are on the spectrum of money, so we become comfortable with more.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

"Today I don't feel like doing anything"

My highest potential is different that anyone else's because we all have different gifts and talents.  Are you making the most of what you have been given?  I used to tell my kids "everyone is good at something, no one is good at everything".  Some talents are more popular in kids than others.  If you have a less-popular talent, it can blossom as an adult.

It's a delicate balance between knowing we are doing enough versus making the most of each possibility.  If you aren't ready, you aren't ready.  If saying "no" to something on your "bucket list" is the best you can do that day, it's healthy to listen to your own intuition.

It's too much pressure to have to make sure each breath is "well-used".  Balance is key.  Interestingly, though, taking the pressure off can make us more productive!  My inner voice used to be so harsh I could become paralyzed by fear.

If you have a day where you "just want to lay in your bed", try to enjoy the sunshine through the window or enjoy your pillow, blanket and mattress.  That's making the most of your day, too.

Loving ourselves, being true to ourselves and being OK with our decisions are more important than what other people think about us.  If you love yourself, you will shine in front of a crowd!

Of course, we all need to socialize and be comfortable in society, that's not what I'm talking about.  I'm guessing Ferris Bueller had a more successful life than his buttoned-up sister.  (P.S. I was the buttoned-up one in high school.)

Know what you know, do what you do and be proud of your best each day, even if you were really good at communing with your mattress ;)  Releasing our expectations will give us the freedom to see possibilities we might not have seen otherwise.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Just My Two Cents.....

So I was thinking....if I was out and about and someone asked me for a few pennies, I can't imagine saying "no" to them.  When we talk about "saving a few cents out of every dollar for a rainy day", it can become overwhelming.  However, taking any big issue and "chunking it down" into smaller pieces makes it easier. When I think about pennies, I'm like, yeah, no prob, Bob.  But if I think in terms of yearly totals of 37 cents multiplied by 365 days in a year, my mind says "Stop, are you crazy?  I could use that money now for more groceries!"

That is what we call (in the business) "resistance".  "Resistance" makes us resistant to change.  So we need to trick our minds into reducing that resistance so change is easier.  If you have a savings plan at work that your company matches, please use it.  If you have a bank that offers you the ability to "round up" every dollar and save the pennies, you won't miss the short-term pennies.  

Bank of America has a "Keep the Change" program...
"How Keep the Change works
Enroll in our Keep the Change savings program and when you make everyday purchases with your Bank of America debit card, we'll:
Round up your purchase to the nearest dollar amount
Transfer the difference from your checking account to your savings account
Track your savings in Online Banking"  (there is some fine print to read...)

If you remember Christmas Clubs at the bank, they offered a way to save a few dollars every week to have enough for presents in December (after Santa's presents, of course).  Many other people have thought of clever ways to save a bit at a time adding up to a lot later.  

If it's not a new concept, why don't we have 100% participation yet?  You have your own answers to that question if you are a non-participant.  The saddest answer is some people believe they won't live until retirement so it doesn't matter.  Not cool, dude!  We are all worthy and deserving of saving for a better future.

Saving can be doable and easy-peasy.  We just have to reduce "resistance" to change.  If you know what's holding you back, do your best to try to release those reasons.  It's easy to say, "of course I have an extra 37 cents", but the long-term outcome of what you do with it can become either overwhelming or exciting, based on your point of view.  Realizing it adds up will work in our favor after we reduce resistance to change.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

What Do You Think About That?

Getting clear and grounded before asking other people their opinions about important decisions are key factors in living your best life.  Because we know everyone has an opinion and some people have very strong opinions about everything.

When I am making an important decision, I test my answer by saying it to myself to see how it feels in my body.  I hold stress in my stomach so if I get a stomach ache, I know that's fear.  That doesn't determine the answer, though, because my fears could be unrealistic or exaggerated.

If it's important to you, it's important.  I'm not sure there are as many "no-brainer" decisions as people think there are.  If someone says "that's a no-brainer" and I think "it is?"  I am feeling that his or her answer is better than mine, not true!!  As we learn more about our internal selves, we realize understanding whether or not our fears are an over-reaction is a skill we can develop.

Here is an example.  Several years ago, we realized we had 100,000 miles on an old SUV.  I started to worry about it breaking down so we decided to buy a mildly-used car from a relative.  Then, we decided to keep the SUV because we needed to tow heavy things.  Aarghhh.....my fear led us to making a decision that wasn't worthwhile.  Come to find out, the used car we bought wasn't good in the snow and we live in the Midwest.  I would have chosen differently now.  I try to move past the initial fear of "I now have to take action because this criteria has been met and it is the smartest decision according to them".

How do we get clear?  Try to think about the possible outcomes on the "pro" and "con" sides of the decision.  Then, ask yourself if other people's judgment of you is a factor.  Also, find a quiet place to think, without distractions.  How do we get grounded?  Breathing.  Walking or working in nature helps.  I personally believe many of us are dehydrated without knowing it.  If you are not sure if you drink enough water, you probably don't.

There is no perfect decision-maker, no perfect parent, no perfect employee, no perfect life.  But it's good to stretch our personal comfort level of what gives us anxiety if it makes sense to do so.  Do you know what makes you uncomfortable?  Most of us want to get through that feeling as quickly as possible so we purposefully don't dwell on it.  That can be limiting, because our "knee-jerk" reactions can be false.

So next time someone asks me, "What do you think about that?"  I hope to say to them, "Have you gotten clear and grounded?  How do you feel internally about it?"  Can we get that on a t-shirt, please?

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Meditation Can Help Tame The Inner Beast (Roar)

You know those Super Bowl commercials where someone turns into a beast because he is hungry?  I love the Brady Bunch one!  Many of us feel like we want to rip someone's head off when we are at our worst.

My Inner Beast makes several appearances during the days when I haven't had enough sleep.  Many people tame their inner beasts with food.  There are definitely unhealthy ways to repress the parts of ourselves that would scare our friends, family and co-workers.  We have other options, though.  If you haven't tried meditation, would you consider trying a guided meditation?  It's a gentle way to start tuning into the underlying reasons we get cranky.

With my phone off, I agree to give myself this time.  I lay down in a comfortable place.  I put one hand on my heart and one on my stomach.  I use headphones so I can hear myself breathing, yoga breathing, when the speaker has a period of silence.  If you have 5-10 minutes before bed or as you are waking up in the morning, that is the perfect time to start because the logical part of your brain becomes less busy, less resistant.

The goal is giving ourselves peace.  It's not about doing it "right".  We aspire to accepting ourselves, every single part of us.  Any time we do yoga breathing, we are allowing our body to begin to relax.  It is healthy for our bodies, minds and spirits.

We all get stressed, right?  Counting to 10 doesn't work for me.  When I'm at my worst, yoga breathing does help me calm down.  Whether your inner beast appears weekly, daily or several times a day, don't push it down, choose for it to reduce its power over you.  We can have better control over our emotions.  Our friends, family and co-workers will thank us for making the effort.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

This Does Not Compute...

We all filter information 24/7.  We try to stop our brains from being overwhelmed by deciding quickly whether or not a topic applies to us.  That is awesome, unless we are missing information we can use to lead a better life.

I receive an email about travel every day.  As I went through the summary this morning,  I started saying in my head, "doesn't apply to me; doesn't apply to me; doesn't apply to me".  One of the topics was "Elite Status" for one of the airlines.  Yes, I had to capitalize it because to me, it was like the "Holy Grail".  Why shouldn't I read about it?  I would love for it to apply to me but I quickly decided it had no use to me because I wasn't "Elite" yet.  I realized I wasn't "walking my walk".  Time to regroup over here...

Saying "this doesn't apply to me" is like saying, "nope, don't need any good things over here, give it to them, instead".  When you open up your mind to new possibilities, you are creating space for the possibilities to happen.  It doesn't have to be elite status on an airline, it can be as simple as hiring a chef for a gathering.  Your "chef" can be your sister-in-law and you can barter a service with her that she values.  If that doesn't ring your bell, we need to go back and list your special gifts and talents, because we all have them!

All together now, "Yes, please!  I am ready to bring more joy into my life by opening myself up to new possibilities.  I know I have unique gifts and talents to share with the world.  I am willing to be open to creative ways to receive goodness back into my life as I share my gifts and talents."

We have to crack the window, open the door or knock a hole in the wall for good things to get through. (Take the path of least resistance.)  If you are the one saying "nope", you have to break that pattern!  In the beginning, your negative "self-talk" will bring up all those reasons why good things (random or planned) don't happen to you.  Write them down, we will work on that later ;)  We all have equal access to random good things happening to us because they are random.  We all deserve to be rewarded for sharing our gifts with the world, too.

Create space for wonderful possibilities and open up your mind to seeing them.  That is when gratitude kicks in and we realize the world is a good place to live.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

"I Am Stronger Than You Know"

"You're saying I'm fragile I try not to be
I search only for something I can't see...

Sometimes I'm a strong man
Sometimes cold and scared
And sometimes I cry

But that time I saw you
I knew with you to light my nights
Somehow I'd get by"
Leather and Lace duet by Stevie Nicks and Don Henley

This could apply to any of us.  Yes, we take strength from others.  Our significant others, friends and family can lift us up.  We also need to work on ourselves internally, though, to live our best lives.

According to fleetwoodmac.net, "She (Stevie Nicks) wants him (Don Henley) to know that she does not need him to survive...she can take care of herself...Taking a little bit of one another will improve them as people.  A good pair should complement each other."

Regardless of whether or not a relationship is romantic, balanced relationships are a good goal.  If we are in an unbalanced relationship with someone, it's not healthy.  If someone always borrows your sugar or if you are always the sugar borrower, try to take a step back and see why it continues to happen.  Healthy relationships include (mostly) equal giving and taking.

My life is a work in progress and I have had some unbalanced relationships.  One question is "what are you getting out of it"?  There are always times in life when our needs are greater.  In times of crisis, it's normal to receive additional help from friends and family.

If we have a lot of trauma to deal with from our pasts, perhaps it makes sense to reach out to a professional, instead of using a friend to vent every time.  It's difficult to always be the giver or to always be the taker.  Now, I have a better awareness when a relationship is unbalanced.  It's worthwhile to have clarity and an understanding of why it happens.  We all need help.  It is about whether or not we are asking for help from the same person over and over again that matters.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

It's Not Really About the Cookie......

It's good to pay attention to deeper feelings....I had to pick up lunch on the run today.  I try to stay neutral with whether or not something is "good" or "bad" for me, barring illegal activities and substances.  Anyway, I decided to grab a cookie at the checkout counter.  A cookie is a "splurge" for me, so I asked if it had been baked today.  The checkout person said "yes" but when I got home I knew it wasn't true :(

Here's the thing.  It's not about the cookie, to me it was about the untruth told about the cookie.  I realized that I have a lot of negative energy surrounding lies.  I hate it when people lie to my face!

I am not perfect and I am sure I have lied before and will lie again.  But knowing this is an emotionally charged issue for me is a "red flag" to where I need to work through negative memories.  Whatever makes you more emotional than the "average Joe" is your stuff that you need to work through and process.

So I thought "aha", I do remember a situation where someone lied in my past and there was a great deal of emotional trauma involved.  I then worked through releasing that negative emotion attached to that memory.  Next time I know someone has lied to me I will be less "emotionally triggered" by it.  One down, 5,844 issues to go ;)

As I go through each day, I note what triggers me emotionally.  It really helps to see patterns.  So, I might not have bought the cookie if I had known it was a day old, but I might have bought it anyway.  Little things matter because if we don't work through them they turn into big things.

We all have issues as part of the fabric of our lives.  Releasing the "negative charge" to an issue helps us with overall peace.  Try to notice your patterns.  You will be positively impacting your life.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Let's Honor People We Know

I love honoring people I care about.  I make an effort to honor those who have positively affected my life.  Why do we make heroes out of people who are famous but not admirable?

What if we all had a "Meet Two of the Most Awesome People I Know Party" to honor and make heroes out of those who change lives for the better, every day?  Each person can bring his or her favorite people.  Why do we wait for someone's eulogy to honor him or her?  I am blessed because I know so many people that I would honor.  I would have to host 10 or 20 parties to get through my list ;)

It's always fun (and human) to admire people who are in the spotlight.  That's human nature.  No one is perfect and it's hard to live in the spotlight.  Sometimes people are admired for their actions (awesome) and sometimes people are admired solely for how much money they have in the bank...

Putting our attention on people we admire truly shifts our paradigm.  The world is a beautiful place with amazing opportunities.  When we take the time to see how many people are working toward making the world a better place to live, we can use those examples to motivate ourselves.  And some people who have a lot of money are the coolest, kindest people I have ever met.  Of course, we know money is a factor, but it isn't the most important factor for "awesomeness".  Remember to honor yourself!  If you don't think you are cool and awesome, it's difficult for others to believe it.  

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

Doing Good Things for the Wrong Reason

I go on a girls' weekend once a year.  I enjoy paying it off by myself.  This morning I was excited about using some money to put it toward the weekend.  By itself, it sounds like a great plan.  Yay me!  I am powerful and independent!!  Once I practiced awareness, I wondered why I was so excited about it.  "Things that make you go hmmm..."

When I "pride myself" on something, the opposite is I'm disappointed and/or ashamed of when I can't do the same thing.  It depends on if I feel compelled to do something versus just getting excited about it.  So if I needed to ask for help when I felt compelled to be independent, the disappointment or shame of that is like a little pebble in my shoe.  It's ok if I walk across the room with the pebble, but not so much if I have it in my shoe the rest of my life.  Those pebbles add up.  Don't you want to get the pebbles out of your shoes?  That is what energy work is about.  

Knowing I pride myself on doing good is about my ego.  Again, it's not illegal and it doesn't hurt me to be proud of a moment.  However if my obligations are attached to my self-esteem and I feel compelled to do some thing to prove I am "that person", it adds negative energy when I'm not "that person".  I no longer strive to be perfect.  That ship has sailed ;)

I heard an "energy guy" talk about people who get divorced and remarried without healing their old wounds.  He said it is like you are marrying the same person in a different set of clothes, sometimes over and over again.  In my analogy, it's like you are buying new shoes but dumping the pebbles into the new shoes before you wear them.  Why do we do that?

It becomes part of the fabric of our lives.  We do have the power to pull those negative threads.  Meditation, hypnosis, therapy and energy work all assist in this process, but awareness is always the first step.  So if you feel compelled to do something, if you almost can't help yourself, do yourself a favor and make note of it.  You will begin to see patterns and those patterns will help you heal.  

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

For Future Use.......

My first adult job was in corporate America.  We had shelves and shelves of manuals that we had to learn.  It would make me ponder and smile when a random chapter, i.e. "Tab 16", was labeled "for future use".  Obviously, something was being revised and no longer applied.  I wondered if "Tab 16" caused someone to resign or be fired.  If I was a cat, my curiosity would have killed me by now;)

From a personal growth standpoint, though, "for future use" gives us hope for a better tomorrow.  If you haven't bought an outfit to accept your Nobel Prize yet, maybe consider saving up for one.  Buying a dress that I could wear to accept my award gives me hope for the future.  If your mind is telling you it won't happen for you, begin to ask yourself "why" your dreams seem impossible.

Having dreams beyond where we currently are allows "space" for something good to happen.  If you are holding onto possessions you have outgrown mentally and physically, it's time to let them go!!  Why are you metaphorically and literally holding onto the past?  Just keep what you still love.

I paid my kids to clean the attic this summer.  We've lived in the same house for 20 years so the clothes I was keeping were definitely out-of-date.  I'm not even clear why I thought it was a good idea to keep them other than the fear of not having enough.  But if I lost everything, the clothes wouldn't have fit me anyway, nor would they have been in style.

It's nice to have the extra space in my closets, drawers and in my attic to keep "for future use" and it's fun to plan ahead for a brighter future.  Re-evaluating past choices give us a chance to see where we have changed.  We can change for the better with intention and by providing the mental "space" for it to happen.  It all happens one step at a time.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

"The Way We Do the Things We Do"

One of the most important questions we can ask ourselves as we choose to evolve and grow is "why".  The underlying answers, and they can be several levels deep, will give you the pathway to your own personalized map for healing.

When we say we "must do" something or we "have to" do something, that is a clue to when we have a strong belief system that is guiding us.  That can be good or that can be detrimental to our success.  It depends on the situation and the belief system behind it, but it needs further analysis to figure it out.

As I began my conscious journey of change, I paid closer attention to when I said "yes" to other people asking for my help.  I often heard them say, in response to my agreement, "thank you, you're a 'life-saver'", or "thanks again, I know I can always count on you".  That always made me feel so happy that I could help someone.  

Here's the catch, if I'm helping my closest friends and family out of a jam and I have the extra time, money or other resources to help them, that is all for the good of maintaining healthy relationships.  However, if I am helping every Tom, Dick and Harry who calls me to assist in their "time of need", it may be an unhealthy way to feel whatever I need to feel about myself.

I had a telemarketing job about 15 years ago.  I had to ask if people wanted to have an estimate done on their moving expenses.  I made the calls and hated doing it.  We called during dinner so the potential clients would be home.  I felt badly interrupting them and I had some success.  But often I heard people say "yes" to me because I sounded nice.  I had one lady tell me to keep calling back and she eventually told me she was on bed-rest and liked having someone call her.  They said "yes" to be nice.  I say "yes" to be nice.  

If you resent doing something, stop doing it.  Resentment leads to irritation which leads to anger.  There are definitely neutral situations.  It doesn't have to be overanalyzed.  If someone needs a quote and someone calls to ask if he or she needs a quote, perfect.  If not, one of you is getting the "short end of the stick".

If I have a few dollars, I love sharing it with anyone who asks for it, but if I'm running errands and there are five or 10 different charitable causes at the street-corners and outside of the stores, I need to find my boundary between wanting to help and resenting to help.

We can be "good" people while saying "no" to a girl scout.  We could have just murdered someone and say "yes" to a boy scout.  Our public actions do not define us.  It's about the "whys" behind the way we do the things we do that matters.  We have the answers within us.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Displaying An Authentic Me

Last night was supposed to be our "catch up on sleep night", but our dogs didn't get the memo.  It was a horrible, thunderstormy night and our dogs didn't enjoy the ambiance.  We are all lacking in our REM sleep cycles today.

What to do?  When I greet people, the people who know me on a "more than acquaintance but less than a BFF" level believe I am happy 24/7.  That is my default, out in public personality.  My closest friends and family know to keep their distance when I've been sleep deprived for a several nights in a row. I can smile and want to yell at somebody at the same time...

Our best intentions didn't help us last night.  That is where the "ommmm" mentality helps me get through the day.  Being authentic doesn't mean we have to cut ourselves open for the world to see our innermost thoughts.  We all have negative thoughts, we are human.  I don't have to tell the customer service rep I talked to this morning that I wanted to yell at the guy who designed their stupid website.

Being authentic means being true to ourselves while remembering we are part of this amazing global community.  Even though I was irritated at the people who made an inefficient website, I still told the customer service rep she was awesome, because she was.  We are all everything.  I can be happy while being irritated that my dogs kept me up.  We are layered and complicated.  Accepting all of those layers without beating myself up is helpful to personal growth.

My wish is that if someone reads a blog post and it makes them angry, they don't feel the need to take it out on me.  When we are at our worst, and we all are sometimes, it helps no one to berate strangers and/or friends and family.  That is when it's good to have healthy coping skills.  I used to tell my kids to punch a pillow or throw ice cubes at the cement.  Exercise helps, a warm bath helps, watching a movie can help.  With deeper, chronic issues, we need to reach out for assistance.

We can choose to find our "ommmm" instead of choosing to take our bad moods out on other people.  The world and everyone we meet will thank us.  It creates a cycle of goodness.  Because we all know the energy we give out affects the people we come into contact with each day.  Fingers crossed the dogs get the memo tonight ;)

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni

The Game of Life and Our Blocks

Making clear, conscious choices is creating intention.  Intention is the way to move toward where we want to be in this life.  The twists and turns in the game of life seem to be predetermined, but we can forge our own personal pathways if we choose to do so.

Setting intentions is great, but if you have had trauma in your past, the trauma has to be dealt with before you can reach your highest potential.  Forgiveness is the same as getting an extra turn in the game of life.  Forgiving ourselves and others releases some of the darkness of the past.

Healing negative emotional attachment to a memory is like using a bulldozer to create a new road in the forest.  It is AWESOME!!  If you get into a quiet state of mind and think of something in the past that bothers you, you know that is an area that can use some work.

We all have them, but the negative memories are put together differently for each of us.  If someone is crazy successful at something, it doesn't mean the rest of his or her life is perfect, it means they don't have as many powerful "blocks" in that area of his or her life.  There are also obstacles in our game of life including, but not limited to our DNA, conditioning and life events up to this point.

It can get really confusing if people only hear a soundbite about how it's supposed to work.  We can only "Just Do It" if we are ready for that opportunity at that point in our lives.  We are all so unique that it isn't fair to judge those who are not "just doing it".

No one knows everything we have gone through except for us.  Most don't walk around with our deepest secrets highlighted for all to see.  It's personalized work, that we have to do for ourselves (with the assistance of a professional, when needed).  If you aren't honest with anyone else, at least try to be honest with yourself.

Have a great day!!

xo
Conni

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

"If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry On
May your past be the sound
Of your feel upon the ground and
Carry On"
Nate Ruess, Andrew Dost, Jack Antonoff, Jeff Bhasker

Yup, it happens.  We get in a situation that feels hopeless and we feel helpless.  That is when we need to just hang on to what we know is real.  It's real that we are here.  It's real that we are breathing and our hearts are beating.  If that's all we've got in the moment, we just need to know that things will get better.

Sometimes it can feel like we are in the ocean without a life preserver.  I get that.  The secret is that you already have a life preserver.  You might have forgotten about it because you have had it so long that you don't think about it anymore.

Also, we don't always understand what our life preserver looks like until we acknowledge that it's there.  Then, it becomes visible and viable.  If you think I'm talking in code, let me rephrase.  "You've always had the power, my dear" said Glinda the Good Witch. "You've had it all along."  Our hope can come from a person, place or thing.  It can come from an animal, vegetable, mineral.  It can be a song, a poem, a book or a movie.  There is always inspiration in our world.  Our first step is awareness.

We can find hope when we are hopeless and find help when we are helpless.  We just have to realize we can do it.  It's always better to reach out sooner rather than later, too.  Our best is enough.  We are enough.  "Carry on."

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

We Can Choose Our Reactions (With Practice)

I was in stopped traffic on the highway on my way home a few days ago, getting irritated that it took longer than normal.  I looked around to see all of the vehicles filled with people going somewhere.  What if that moment was about releasing control?  If nothing else, it lowered my stress level to know my irritation wouldn't get me home faster.

What if we were in line for groceries and there was a person counting out change in front of us?  The situation gives us the choice to get angry with him or her for our inconvenience, have empathy for him or her, or give the person a few dollars to help a stranger out without the need for a reward or recognition...

Road rage and the inability to control one's temper is a whole other issue, of course.  And we can't help someone with a donation when we don't have enough for ourselves.  Regardless of our choices, knowing we are in a place where we have a dependable car to make it through the traffic jam is a blessing.  Knowing we have enough money not to panic about the total at the check out is a blessing.

I don't believe life is supposed to be filled with difficult lessons to make us better people or to build character.  However, I do believe we can look for a reason to bring tolerance and empathy to almost any situation.  Having tolerance for a stranger is one of the most positive gifts we can bring to the world.  Releasing the internal struggle for control in moments where we don't have control gives us a chance to find peace.

When I was a little girl, I believed adults were perfect humans who didn't make mistakes.  We all know that isn't true.  I am not perfect, he is not perfect, she is not perfect, and that's the way it is supposed to be in our Earth School.  We are all learning and growing, hopefully for the better.  We all react in ways we later regret, but hopefully learn from those events.  Learn, grow, make amends and move forward.

Being perfect isn't my goal, but doing my best, learning from my mistakes and having empathy for others doing their best is one of my goals.  We are all in this together.  If you have trouble keeping your cool in stressful situations, there are breathing techniques that can help with that.  Check out Dr. Andrew Weil's work for more info.....http://tinyurl.com/nj7genb

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

Let's Take a Day to Press "Pause" on Judgment......

We are all imperfect humans who make mistakes.  I can list my top 10, 20 or 30 lifetime mistakes in my head but I'm hoping no one else is keeping a list of my mistakes (and/or checking it twice).

Whether or not someone else does "this or that" or doesn't do "this or that" shouldn't make him or her a "good" or "bad" person.  If you are making choices and taking action mostly to avoid the judgment of others, that is not a pure intention.

Of course, we all want to fit into society so we sometimes attend meetings and events to feel like we are doing the right thing, to check that internal box of what we believe it means to be a "good" human being.  Having a sense of community, a sense of belonging, is a human need we share.

When it comes to us deciding if others made the correct choice, "I can't believe they weren't there", no good can come if it.  It's not my business.  Living for others' approval takes us down a meandering road, away from our personal truth.  A better goal is to have our own approval, regardless of what "they" think about us.  That means we have to accept our imperfect selves exactly as we are in this moment.

I've seen the leader of the Girl Scout troop screaming at her daughter in the parking lot on the way into the meeting to talk about kindness.  I've seen religious leaders in my community fall from grace.  Our egos need us to believe it is ok to "talk the talk" without "walking the walk" as long as no one finds out.  I think it's much easier to live in my body when I know I cannot "walk my walk" every moment of the day.  It's impossible to be perfect.

Yes, we all want to learn from mistakes, but beating ourselves up is detrimental to our self-esteem and personal growth.  If you are constantly in the mode of saying "I could have done better", that is not accepting yourself.  Instead, the belief that our best in the moment is enough will move us toward better confidence and self-worth.  

Taking away the pressure of being perfect allows us to relax into our authentic selves.  Who knows what it feels like to be in someone else's shoes?  I have judged before and I'm sure I will judge again.  Awareness always brings a choice, and the less I judge others, the less I judge myself.

Have a great day!

xo
Conni

A Recipe for Success

When a dish tastes better than the sum of its parts, that's a version of "alchemy".  Merriam-Webster defines alchemy as:  "2:  a power or process of transforming something common into something special".  We all wonder why food made for us by friends tastes better than if we made it ourselves.  It could be that special ingredient of "friendship" they add to the dish, maybe they are thinking of giving us the gift of food and fellowship as they are cooking.  

That "alchemy" we taste and feel in a great meal is a concept we can also apply to our lives.  Life is what we make of it, so some people can have the exact same circumstances in life and feel blessed while other people feel resentful and bitter.

Part of the secret is healing the "wounds" of our past.  Forgiving ourselves and others for mistakes gives us the possibility of moving past the hurt.  The other part of the secret is being grateful for what we do have in our lives.  Ironically, when it's the hardest to feel grateful, it's the most important time to shower ourselves in gratitude.

When we are in the crossroads of pain and grief, we sometimes turn to "comfort foods".  We do this because we remember times of joy in the past while breaking bread.  Eventually, we are supposed to get to a place where we can fill ourselves up with emotional goodness instead of baked goodness.  I'm doing better, but I'm still working on that one.  

I didn't get a good night's sleep last night.  When I woke up, I felt angry and resentful, because it was an old "pattern" of mine.  Often after lack of sleep, I turn to sugar to wake myself up.  Today, instead, I did a guided meditation.  It felt really great!  It was calming and beautiful.  Yes, life is what we make it, but we have to add positive emotions into our lives to make it better than the sum of its parts.  

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

The Power of Team Effort: Human Form Not Required to Play

Do you say "thank you" to Siri?  Do you talk back to robo-callers?  I was on hold the other day and the computer voice truly sounded like a friend, they are making those voices very realistic these days.  And they respond to a question and they "direct my call"......I like it!!  I don't want the world to be run by robots, but I am happy for all the help I can get in life.

In terms of thinking about things as real, I remember reading a passage where an author said to "bless your bills".  I have thought about that off and on and could never wrap my head around it.  "Thank you, Mr. Bill for landing in my mailbox today" just felt off to me; because I wasn't really thankful about it.  We check our credit cards online so we aren't surprised by the monthly total, but I still don't enjoy seeing the bill "in person" ;)

I had an epiphany today about it, though.  I looked at my bank balance online and I decided to "thank" it for serving me.  "Thank you, money that I have in this moment for serving me."  For whatever reason, that resonates with me.  Then, I decided to "thank" the air for serving me, to "thank" the road I traveled today for serving me and to "thank" the sun for serving me.  Creating that positive connection with non-human pieces of my life makes me smile.  

By the way, I didn't hear them say "you are welcome, Conni", they didn't talk back to me.....but it makes me feel like we are a team, instead of rivals.  When it rains, I can feel "authentic" thanking the rain for serving the earth even if I'm getting wet.  

I had done a gratitude journal when Oprah started that craze.  It is always great to be grateful, but it didn't create "something greater than its parts" for me.  My new idea, "thanking my gifts for serving me", does feel uplifting and expansive.  And that is when I know I'm on the right path :)

When I was driving yesterday, I have a traffic app that said "there is an object on the side of the road up ahead".  I said "thank you" to her (or it).  My friend and I decided to name her "Donna".  

I believe we all have equal access to the ability of our gifts and talents to serve us.  Of course, we all have access to the sun, the air and nature.  I think the key is acknowledging and embracing the gift of life in this moment.  I don't understand why bad things happen to good people and I don't understand evil.  But I do know that opening myself up to joy allows more joy into my life.

I still feel a tiny bit guilty when I hang up before I complete a customer service survey.  Yes, I know I'm not hurting anyone's feelings by hanging up on a robot.  I am even more grateful to humans who assist me in my journey!!  We are all in this together:  humans, androids and inanimate objects, too.

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni