Doing Good Things for the Wrong Reason

I go on a girls' weekend once a year.  I enjoy paying it off by myself.  This morning I was excited about using some money to put it toward the weekend.  By itself, it sounds like a great plan.  Yay me!  I am powerful and independent!!  Once I practiced awareness, I wondered why I was so excited about it.  "Things that make you go hmmm..."

When I "pride myself" on something, the opposite is I'm disappointed and/or ashamed of when I can't do the same thing.  It depends on if I feel compelled to do something versus just getting excited about it.  So if I needed to ask for help when I felt compelled to be independent, the disappointment or shame of that is like a little pebble in my shoe.  It's ok if I walk across the room with the pebble, but not so much if I have it in my shoe the rest of my life.  Those pebbles add up.  Don't you want to get the pebbles out of your shoes?  That is what energy work is about.  

Knowing I pride myself on doing good is about my ego.  Again, it's not illegal and it doesn't hurt me to be proud of a moment.  However if my obligations are attached to my self-esteem and I feel compelled to do some thing to prove I am "that person", it adds negative energy when I'm not "that person".  I no longer strive to be perfect.  That ship has sailed ;)

I heard an "energy guy" talk about people who get divorced and remarried without healing their old wounds.  He said it is like you are marrying the same person in a different set of clothes, sometimes over and over again.  In my analogy, it's like you are buying new shoes but dumping the pebbles into the new shoes before you wear them.  Why do we do that?

It becomes part of the fabric of our lives.  We do have the power to pull those negative threads.  Meditation, hypnosis, therapy and energy work all assist in this process, but awareness is always the first step.  So if you feel compelled to do something, if you almost can't help yourself, do yourself a favor and make note of it.  You will begin to see patterns and those patterns will help you heal.  

Have a great day!!

Xo

Conni