Just for the Record, Tolerance Can Be a Great Option

Just for the record, I am normally a law-abiding citizen.  When my kids were younger, on a sunny, summer day, I had to take my son to an unexpected trip to the doctor because he was really sick.  He had a fever higher than my comfort level and we took the only appointment available for the morning.

My young daughter was at a morning "kiddie camp" and was to be dropped off around noon.  My pediatrician was running about an hour late so after our appointment, I had to rush to make it home in time to meet my daughter.  

Alas, checking the speedometer was not on "my radar" but it was on the policeman's radar as he pulled me over.  Do you agree that there should be some leeway for extenuating circumstances?  If not, you may want to check your tolerance levels.  I obviously had a sick infant in the car and I showed him my doctor's receipt.  No tolerance today, my friend.........not cool, Mr. Policeman.

Of course, I don't want anarchy.  I love peace and promote it daily.  But I also love common sense decisions.  The ones where someone says, "yeah, I get it, don't make a habit of this, but you are off the hook this time."

So if you have the chance to cut someone a break, you may want to consider sharing the love by letting misdemeanors (and/or traffic tickets) go every once in a while.  Harsh, rigid punishments do not always fit the crime.

I accepted the consequences of my actions.  I paid the ticket, and I am happy to live in a country that is safe most of the time.  I (mostly) don't hold a grudge against him.  He was doing his job.  

I felt powerless wishing my doctor would hurry up, I felt powerless trying to get home on time for my daughter, and then it was compounded by feeling unheard when I tried to explain my situation.  Excuses sometimes do matter, because none of us can control the world.  We can only control our reactions to what happens.  

So, my best possible outcome is to work through my reactions and release.  Releasing negative emotions like guilt and shame help to move forward without building up resentment toward ourselves and others.   Working through our feelings of powerlessness is important to happiness.  If you believe you reap what you sow, perhaps tolerance is a good filter to have when you are in a position of power.

Have a great day!

xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I am willing to consider tolerance when I am in a position of power.

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.

Can You Think of a Major Event in Your Life For Which You Can't Fully Forgive?

I have a few situations where I thought I had completely forgiven myself, I had been consistently releasing the guilt and shame over and over again. Since I have been focusing on positive changes, most of it is gone, but there are still lingering strands of unworthiness. I test where I am in my beliefs every day.  

If you have been conditioned to believe that you must hold onto the past, please remember forgiving doesn't mean forgetting or allowing yourself to be vulnerable to abuse. We learn from the past but we can do this without holding grudges. If I knew someone was abusive, I wouldn't allow myself to be open to more abuse from that person. If I was the abuser, I would ask for forgiveness and make amends.

Here is the good news: we can choose to forgive!! Yay! We can move forward with our lives. Regarding our mistakes, make amends and move forward; that's a good way to live. I commit to doing my best today, and that is good enough. Even if I make mistakes, my best will always be good enough. Also, I can choose to forgive others when I am ready; a bit at a time, if that's what works for you.

Some believe holding onto the negative emotions helps to keep you safe. That is untrue. You can keep yourself safe with the wisdom of past experiences without holding onto the negative emotions surrounding the experiences. Releasing guilt, blame, judgment and shame can take multiple attempts when the emotions are deeply embedded. The more traumatic a situation was, the deeper the feelings are rooted. Imagine the negative emotions in layers; our goal is to move forward, removing layer after layer.

When you are hard on yourself, the feelings become more difficult to release, but it's extremely worthwhile to do this, and continue doing it. Joesph Murphy says "Life holds no grudges against you." If life isn't holding a grudge, what's stopping you from forgiving yourself?  

We are hurting ourselves by living a smaller life if we can't forgive ourselves for making mistakes. Shame lessens your authentic power. If your goal is to be perfect, you are missing out on the growth you could have from new experiences. Giving yourself permission to fail is a significant way to embrace all of life's possibilities. In the end, you are holding yourself back when you are unable to forgive.

Have a wonderful day!

Xo

Conni