"Boyhood" Is a Boy Reacting to Decisions of the Adults Around Him

When I think about my childhood, I'm kind of glad it wasn't being filmed.  Bad haircuts aside, what becomes obvious in retrospect takes longer in real time to understand and react to.  If we all could be the observer in our own lives, would it help or hinder our decisions, big and small?  And how long would it take us to learn from our mistakes?

Like watching a horror movie, I thought, "get those kids out of that house" several times when painting the picture of a perfect family seemed more important than the family members themselves.  Beautiful houses, beautiful vacations and advanced degrees don't add up to happiness.  What happened to the kids of the college professor?  I hope DCFS checked behind the laundry detergent!!

Defining ourselves always includes what happened to us in our formative years, it just does.  We have to process the trauma of our pasts to have our best futures become possible.  We have less control as children, but as adults, freedom is attainable.

In my mind, I played the "what if" game.  What if the biological dad just buckled down and "manned up"?  Would he have been angry and resentful that he had to compromise his hopes and dreams, even though he eventually did anyway?  Having the freedom of choice as to when he had to buy the minivan may have made the difference between whether or not he lived a life of bitterness.  The choice between being a rock star and insurance actuary is just painful and unfair!  (No offense.)

Feeling as if we have some control over our decisions makes life feel more gentle.  That's what empowerment is.  The act of forcing a buzz cut on a boy who isn't even related to you hurt my heart to watch.  Not cool, dude!!  

Who knows the definition of a good parent?  Wishing for a better future for our kids is part of it.  Getting out of bad situations is important.  What about feelings?  I think, with some brainstorming, the mom could have made some space (figuratively and literally) for her children in her future.  "Can I have a drawer, a box, a corner, please?"  We all just want to belong.  As kids move onto adulthood, hopefully they took with them the lessons they learned.  A pickup truck and a camera can be the beginning of a great life, or the first step in repeating the mistakes of the past.

Meditation, yoga and other mind-body work allows us to create the space to act as an observer in our lives as we live them.  It opens up a way to decide whether or not decisions are good for us in the moment.  It's a way to make better choices.   

Have a great day!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I intend to learn from my past mistakes.