Replace "Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda" With "Next Time"

I went to a speaker several years back and had forgotten to bring a pen.  At the end of the speech, I thanked the speaker and said, "you had so many great ideas, I wish I would have brought a pen!!"  He suggested not to say "would have" but replace it with "next time".

After that awareness, I have mostly learned to stop and rephrase when I use "shoulda, woulda, coulda" in my speech.  If only things could have been different, is a thought most of us have.  That thought process leads us to powerlessness because we have to first accept things as they are.  However, using "next time" adds hope to our future, and hope, as we have already discussed, is a key ingredient to positive and lasting changes.

For example, "I wish I would have called ahead to see if this was possible before I made the trip", replace with "next time I will call ahead to see if this is possible".  In addition to that, using the understanding previously discussed that everything in life is an opportunity to learn and grow, maybe, since I'm in this place anyway, I can use this moment for good.  

Can I give someone a heartfelt compliment or hold the door for someone while I'm here?  Can I stop somewhere on the way home or use this time to appreciate the beautiful sky, my dependable car or the luxury of making my own choices in life?  I personally believe that if we are strictly goal oriented, meaning if we make a misstep or something doesn't work out to plan that we have to be frustrated, then we are losing our opportunity to enjoy the unexpected moments in life.

When my daughter was young, I took her and a friend to the health club to swim.  The pool was closed at the last minute, I don't remember why.  I started the process of "I should have called, that would have been smart", then I paused and regrouped.  The kids already had their suits on so I told them they could play in the large showers as long as they wanted.  Splish, splash, they had a blast!!

So next time, I can choose to call first, or not.  The phone call doesn't matter as much as releasing the need to automatically be hard on myself.  Also, making more and more rules for myself is restrictive and not conducive to enjoying life.

Some things are in our control, some are not, we can choose to blame but I don't see the benefit in that every time.  I do see the need to state facts at work, though, because not everyone is enlightened and we have to work.  We can state the facts without adding judgment.

However, in the other parts of our lives, I don't see blame as productive.  I appreciate natural consequences. There is a difference.  Doing our best doesn't mean being perfect.  There is no perfect. We can look forward to our own "next times" with hope for a better future.

Have a wonderful day!!

Xo

Conni

Today's Mantra:  I choose to replace "shoulda woulda coulda" with "next time".

Mantra for Every Day: I choose to send love to all; receiving love back multiplied in infinite proportions, creating and nurturing pathways of love.